Is Partying Worth It?
Replies
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laurasuzie3 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Hey y'all. I'm just asking a question to the peanut gallery, trying to get a variety of opinions.
I'm nearly 20 and a college student. I have a lot of friends that like to party on the weekends (dorm parties, since there's no greek life at my school), and they always invite me. I've never gone, but I'm very curious. However, there are a few reasons that I've held back. I've never had a sip of alcohol in my life, so I don't know how I'd react to it. I don't know what to wear. I have a boyfriend that's very against alcohol and partying, and I'd either have to go behind his back or go knowing he'd be worried about me and my safety. Also, most girls go to parties to flirt with guys, which would dismay my boyfriend. I'm not attractive, so no one would hit on me, but still.
Is it worth going to a college party at least once? My friends really want me to go and experience it, and I am curious. What do you think?
I use to be very much like you. Be safe and cautious but don't let it stop you from having fun. College is suppose to be a time for fun and exploration so don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. If you want to try alcohol, it's YOUR decision. Not your parents', your friends', or your boyfriend's. If you decide to drink, PLEASE be safe. Things can get out of hand very quick.
it's funny how everyone keeps saying that college is about having fun. when did it change from being about actually learning something to be about having fun? college is such a joke to me.-2 -
I love partying. Why does your boyfriend think he can tell you what to do? You are your own person. I would get a boyfriend who doesn't think he's your boss and then I would go out and party with him!0
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And I really don't understand this notion that just because you are dating someone you have to dress in like potato sacks and hide your body. Listen, no one owns you. It's your body. Not his. This is 2014. Women are people too, we're not belongings/toys/trophies for males. Looking attractive is not implied consent for random people to do things to you. I go places with or without my husband and I wear whatever I damn well please. He knows I'm not having sex with other men. He also knows he doesn't own me. I can't believe I'm having to even say this stuff.0
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malavika413 wrote: »MartyAlencar wrote: »You may not hate this line 10 or 15 years from now....
The point is, I'm really not all that young. I'm an adult and I already hate it. In 10 years I'm going to be even more jaded.
already hate what?0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »MartyAlencar wrote: »You may not hate this line 10 or 15 years from now....
The point is, I'm really not all that young. I'm an adult and I already hate it. In 10 years I'm going to be even more jaded.
already hate what?
Never mind that comment, I was speaking out of exam stress. It's difficult being at a college where you're academically, emotionally, socially, and physically behind all your peers.0 -
And I really don't understand this notion that just because you are dating someone you have to dress in like potato sacks and hide your body. Listen, no one owns you. It's your body. Not his. This is 2014. Women are people too, we're not belongings/toys/trophies for males. Looking attractive is not implied consent for random people to do things to you. I go places with or without my husband and I wear whatever I damn well please. He knows I'm not having sex with other men. He also knows he doesn't own me. I can't believe I'm having to even say this stuff.
My boyfriend doesn't make me dress or act a certain way. I simply dress conservatively and avoid acting flirtatious or sexy out of respect for him. It's just one way I show my love. I also feel wearing baggy clothes will distract any male attention I might get (not very much in the first place).0 -
Interesting question - if you are curious and you really want to go, then GO. You don't have to drink simply because there is alcohol at a party - n where most girls (as you stated) go to parties to flirt, that doesn't have to be you. As far as dressing - dress as you feel comfortable and you feel sexy for yourself, not to fill the eye for others. Then there is the boyfriend issue - that is a sour subject for me - boyfriends, husbands, even dad's at some point have to know you are your own person and have to trust you enough to make good choices.
- This is exactly what I would say to my 18 yr old daughter if she came to me with that question.0 -
I think partying is completely pointless. I can think of too many more constructive things to do with my time.0
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malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »MartyAlencar wrote: »You may not hate this line 10 or 15 years from now....
The point is, I'm really not all that young. I'm an adult and I already hate it. In 10 years I'm going to be even more jaded.
already hate what?
Never mind that comment, I was speaking out of exam stress. It's difficult being at a college where you're academically, emotionally, socially, and physically behind all your peers.
and yet you believe you have already finished your 'youth' aged 12?0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »MartyAlencar wrote: »You may not hate this line 10 or 15 years from now....
The point is, I'm really not all that young. I'm an adult and I already hate it. In 10 years I'm going to be even more jaded.
already hate what?
Never mind that comment, I was speaking out of exam stress. It's difficult being at a college where you're academically, emotionally, socially, and physically behind all your peers.
and yet you believe you have already finished your 'youth' aged 12?
Youth in the sense that life was fun till then. Now it's just sort of dragging on. Well, at least I don't have a mortgage to pay or kids to feed--yet.0 -
Um, go to a party just to be social. If you like it, stay. If you don't leave. You don't have to drink to have a good time either and if you've never had a drink before, don't do it at a party.0
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malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »MartyAlencar wrote: »You may not hate this line 10 or 15 years from now....
The point is, I'm really not all that young. I'm an adult and I already hate it. In 10 years I'm going to be even more jaded.
already hate what?
Never mind that comment, I was speaking out of exam stress. It's difficult being at a college where you're academically, emotionally, socially, and physically behind all your peers.
and yet you believe you have already finished your 'youth' aged 12?
Youth in the sense that life was fun till then. Now it's just sort of dragging on. Well, at least I don't have a mortgage to pay or kids to feed--yet.
you're doing something seriously wrong if you have no fun in your life...
yes, life is not all flowers and rainbows, but jeez, you should have a little fun to make up for all the *kitten* you have to go though!0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »MartyAlencar wrote: »You may not hate this line 10 or 15 years from now....
The point is, I'm really not all that young. I'm an adult and I already hate it. In 10 years I'm going to be even more jaded.
already hate what?
Never mind that comment, I was speaking out of exam stress. It's difficult being at a college where you're academically, emotionally, socially, and physically behind all your peers.
and yet you believe you have already finished your 'youth' aged 12?
Youth in the sense that life was fun till then. Now it's just sort of dragging on. Well, at least I don't have a mortgage to pay or kids to feed--yet.
you're doing something seriously wrong if you have no fun in your life...
yes, life is not all flowers and rainbows, but jeez, you should have a little fun to make up for all the *kitten* you have to go though!
It's just that people say college is the best time of your life. For me, if that's the case, the rest of my life is going to be utter hell. Eh, maybe I'm just whining.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »MartyAlencar wrote: »You may not hate this line 10 or 15 years from now....
The point is, I'm really not all that young. I'm an adult and I already hate it. In 10 years I'm going to be even more jaded.
already hate what?
Never mind that comment, I was speaking out of exam stress. It's difficult being at a college where you're academically, emotionally, socially, and physically behind all your peers.
and yet you believe you have already finished your 'youth' aged 12?
Youth in the sense that life was fun till then. Now it's just sort of dragging on. Well, at least I don't have a mortgage to pay or kids to feed--yet.
you're doing something seriously wrong if you have no fun in your life...
yes, life is not all flowers and rainbows, but jeez, you should have a little fun to make up for all the *kitten* you have to go though!
It's just that people say college is the best time of your life. For me, if that's the case, the rest of my life is going to be utter hell. Eh, maybe I'm just whining.
you think!? :noway:0 -
malavika413 wrote: »And I really don't understand this notion that just because you are dating someone you have to dress in like potato sacks and hide your body. Listen, no one owns you. It's your body. Not his. This is 2014. Women are people too, we're not belongings/toys/trophies for males. Looking attractive is not implied consent for random people to do things to you. I go places with or without my husband and I wear whatever I damn well please. He knows I'm not having sex with other men. He also knows he doesn't own me. I can't believe I'm having to even say this stuff.
My boyfriend doesn't make me dress or act a certain way. I simply dress conservatively and avoid acting flirtatious or sexy out of respect for him. It's just one way I show my love. I also feel wearing baggy clothes will distract any male attention I might get (not very much in the first place).
What's wrong with getting attention from other men? Also, being sexy doesn't mean being flirtatious. It can mean a lot of things. I hope for damn sure other men besides my boyfriend find me sexy. Being sexy is about more than your clothes and flirtatious ways.0 -
Live your life, your path should be determined by the combination of your head and your heart, neither exclusively. You are only young once. Do what YOU want to do, don't worry about other people's opinions, it's your life.
Parties are just another social opportunity. What you make of them is up to you.0 -
Partying every once in a while is worth it, in my opinion. I feel like it's just part of being a college kid. During my first year of college, I partied 3-4 nights per week (yeah it's a lot..don't judge. I don't recommend doing that to anyone starting college!!). Not only was the alcohol bad for my body, the drunchies & the desire to eat unhealthy food after drinking was even worse. Now I limit myself to goin out & drinking a few times a month & havin a beer every now & then. In other words, I think there is a good happy medium of having fun & going totally overboard. Just do whatever makes you feel healthy & happy:) Good luck:)0
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Sssooo... have you gone yet? If not, what are you waiting for?
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malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »MartyAlencar wrote: »You may not hate this line 10 or 15 years from now....
The point is, I'm really not all that young. I'm an adult and I already hate it. In 10 years I'm going to be even more jaded.
already hate what?
Never mind that comment, I was speaking out of exam stress. It's difficult being at a college where you're academically, emotionally, socially, and physically behind all your peers.
and yet you believe you have already finished your 'youth' aged 12?
Youth in the sense that life was fun till then. Now it's just sort of dragging on. Well, at least I don't have a mortgage to pay or kids to feed--yet.
you're doing something seriously wrong if you have no fun in your life...
yes, life is not all flowers and rainbows, but jeez, you should have a little fun to make up for all the *kitten* you have to go though!
It's just that people say college is the best time of your life. For me, if that's the case, the rest of my life is going to be utter hell. Eh, maybe I'm just whining.
meh. i think that statement is false. i had fun in college, partied, graduated with decent grades, made some memories and lost some memories. But, I'm now 30 y/o and i am loving life even more now. i care so much less than i ever have what other people think of me. i feel more sure of myself, i feel more competent - so, i mean go to the party to experience it, but please don't fret if your college years aren't all the movies hype them up to be. the best of life is far in your future yet.
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malavika413 wrote: »What's wrong in seeking approval from those you care about?
Nothing.
And this whole I'll-do-exactly-as-I-please-to-gratify-my-personal-wishes-and-if-you-object-to-any-of-it-you're-controlling-insecure-potentially violent-and-so-now-we're-going-to-break-up routine is the reason why the US has such a successful rate of long term happy marriages and unbroken homes. That was sarcasm.malavika413 wrote: »I don't see myself as being 'unhappy' as a result, but rather, I see myself as agreeable and the kind of girl someone would want to commit to long-term.
You see clearly. But considering how men are as brainwashed as women by the narcissistic examples typed in my reply above, make sure you find a guy who's in line with how you feel and agrees with it. And make sure he understands he'll be expected (by you) to return the same courtesy, understanding and compromise you afford him within a marriage when disagreements arise.
Your current marital prospect, by the way you describe him, sounds like he's cut from a better cloth than most. He doesn't drink, doesn't want his girlfriend or future wife to drink, is studying at the college level in a discipline that will enable him to be a provider for you and your future children and he is clearly concerned for your overall wellbeing.
That used to be called what was once known as husband material. Now such a guy gets pegged as controlling insecure stalker who should let me do whatever I want because I want to.
Since you asked for input from the peanut gallery you'll have to decide for yourself what makes the most sense for you
omg. are you for real? seriously? and you're allowed access to the internet and the general public?
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A few things.
What you wear and how you comport yourself is not going to change other people's actions. Baggy clothes and a demure attitude may detract some, but not all male attention. While I understand this is a mechanism that works for you now (mostly) - it won't work always.
Learning how to deal with attention - good, bad, negative, indifferent - NOW, rather than when you're older is part of the growing up experience.
You can be friendly, you can smile, you can be interested in what other people (including males) have to say without it being leading them on. If you're unsure if someone is just talking to you or if they're flirting - you can bring up your boyfriend in the first few minutes of conversation, as in, 'That's entertaining - my boyfriend said something similar the other day'. If they're flirting, they will get the hint. If they're just being friendly, you can continue your friendly conversation.
Learning how to graciously accept attention and respectfully dissuade attention - takes practice. Learn now - while everyone around you is still learning too. They need to learn how to graciously withdraw as well.
Secondly. Clothes are fun. People may compliment you on your clothes, but that does not mean you are inviting them to do anything. Finding your own style takes time. If you have a good friend, maybe you can go to a few vintage shops, some thrift stores and around the mall and just...try on clothes. What makes you feel pretty and what makes you smile - try to incorporate that into your wardrobe. Your style will change over time. But if you feel pretty in your clothes, it changes - SO MUCH. You feel pretty, so you stand taller, people recognize your confidence and treat you with respect. I don't want to say you're missing out - but clothes make a difference.
Third. I was the girl who didn't always drink. I was(am) a preacher's kid. I had my own values that did not always jive with those around me. But here's the thing. Do what feels right to you, and with those who you feel comfortable around. If you have friends who care about you, they care about YOU - they don't want you to be uncomfortable and will watch out for you. If that means drinking/dancing/eating/goofing off - they'll keep an eye on you, and you'll keep an eye on them. If you seem uncomfortable, they'll bail you out. That's what friends do.
Oh. And I'm going to try to post the rainy day outfit I wore to work today - perfect for a 20 year old at a party, modest, and my t-shirt makes me smile - so all in all, a good outfit.
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I don't really like alcohol unless I'm with people I'm completely comfortable with and trust.. I don't see the point in getting "wasted" because all you do is become disgusting and annoying and not even remember what happened the next day. I don't think that's worth it at all.0
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Partying & drinking being worth the while all depends on the people at the party, in my opinion. If you are with a bunch of good friends, you are more than likely going to have at LEAST a little bit a fun, so why not? On the other hand, if it is full of strangers, you might feel a bit awkward and therefore regret going, since your BF did not like the idea in the first place. He sounds like he really cares about you, btw. That's sweet.
This reminds me of a story.. haha
I started "partying" in 8th grade. In 10th grade I went to a party that I was forced to go to by my ex, which was in the woods/forest in the back of a friends house. Back then I was pretty much the shyest person you'd know. I arrived- BEFORE the party- pretty darn drunk, to calm my nerves. Proceeded to consume even more massive amounts of alcohol during the party. Why? Because I knew it was full of strangers, and I HATED socializing. Long story short, I ended up in the ER with alcohol poisoning. I was only 16. Oh. and apparently I did some pretty f'd up stuff that night (at one point I made out with some random girl?) LOL.
Anyways, I don't know what the point of that story was, but take it for what it is I guess lol.
Oh and btw, you are VERY pretty. And if that is your BF in those pictures (stalker :P) you make such a cute couple!0 -
arditarose wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »And I really don't understand this notion that just because you are dating someone you have to dress in like potato sacks and hide your body. Listen, no one owns you. It's your body. Not his. This is 2014. Women are people too, we're not belongings/toys/trophies for males. Looking attractive is not implied consent for random people to do things to you. I go places with or without my husband and I wear whatever I damn well please. He knows I'm not having sex with other men. He also knows he doesn't own me. I can't believe I'm having to even say this stuff.
My boyfriend doesn't make me dress or act a certain way. I simply dress conservatively and avoid acting flirtatious or sexy out of respect for him. It's just one way I show my love. I also feel wearing baggy clothes will distract any male attention I might get (not very much in the first place).
What's wrong with getting attention from other men? Also, being sexy doesn't mean being flirtatious. It can mean a lot of things. I hope for damn sure other men besides my boyfriend find me sexy. Being sexy is about more than your clothes and flirtatious ways.
The last thing I want is attention from other men. I'm not sexy, and I really don't want to be sexy to anyone. It's hard enough accepting mild compliments from BF.0 -
Joannah700 wrote: »A few things.
What you wear and how you comport yourself is not going to change other people's actions. Baggy clothes and a demure attitude may detract some, but not all male attention. While I understand this is a mechanism that works for you now (mostly) - it won't work always.
Learning how to deal with attention - good, bad, negative, indifferent - NOW, rather than when you're older is part of the growing up experience.
You can be friendly, you can smile, you can be interested in what other people (including males) have to say without it being leading them on. If you're unsure if someone is just talking to you or if they're flirting - you can bring up your boyfriend in the first few minutes of conversation, as in, 'That's entertaining - my boyfriend said something similar the other day'. If they're flirting, they will get the hint. If they're just being friendly, you can continue your friendly conversation.
Learning how to graciously accept attention and respectfully dissuade attention - takes practice. Learn now - while everyone around you is still learning too. They need to learn how to graciously withdraw as well.
Secondly. Clothes are fun. People may compliment you on your clothes, but that does not mean you are inviting them to do anything. Finding your own style takes time. If you have a good friend, maybe you can go to a few vintage shops, some thrift stores and around the mall and just...try on clothes. What makes you feel pretty and what makes you smile - try to incorporate that into your wardrobe. Your style will change over time. But if you feel pretty in your clothes, it changes - SO MUCH. You feel pretty, so you stand taller, people recognize your confidence and treat you with respect. I don't want to say you're missing out - but clothes make a difference.
Third. I was the girl who didn't always drink. I was(am) a preacher's kid. I had my own values that did not always jive with those around me. But here's the thing. Do what feels right to you, and with those who you feel comfortable around. If you have friends who care about you, they care about YOU - they don't want you to be uncomfortable and will watch out for you. If that means drinking/dancing/eating/goofing off - they'll keep an eye on you, and you'll keep an eye on them. If you seem uncomfortable, they'll bail you out. That's what friends do.
Oh. And I'm going to try to post the rainy day outfit I wore to work today - perfect for a 20 year old at a party, modest, and my t-shirt makes me smile - so all in all, a good outfit.
Thank you for all the advice! You look great in that outfit, by the way. It wouldn't work for me, tucked-in shirts make me look wide. But it looks great on you!0 -
MarissaPalm wrote: »Partying & drinking being worth the while all depends on the people at the party, in my opinion. If you are with a bunch of good friends, you are more than likely going to have at LEAST a little bit a fun, so why not? On the other hand, if it is full of strangers, you might feel a bit awkward and therefore regret going, since your BF did not like the idea in the first place. He sounds like he really cares about you, btw. That's sweet.
This reminds me of a story.. haha
I started "partying" in 8th grade. In 10th grade I went to a party that I was forced to go to by my ex, which was in the woods/forest in the back of a friends house. Back then I was pretty much the shyest person you'd know. I arrived- BEFORE the party- pretty darn drunk, to calm my nerves. Proceeded to consume even more massive amounts of alcohol during the party. Why? Because I knew it was full of strangers, and I HATED socializing. Long story short, I ended up in the ER with alcohol poisoning. I was only 16. Oh. and apparently I did some pretty f'd up stuff that night (at one point I made out with some random girl?) LOL.
Anyways, I don't know what the point of that story was, but take it for what it is I guess lol.
Oh and btw, you are VERY pretty. And if that is your BF in those pictures (stalker :P) you make such a cute couple!
Thanks for the anecdote, definitely an interesting perspective. And yes, that's him--he's adorable. 0 -
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billieljaime wrote: »umm you are cute?
as for the party, if you WANT to go then go, if you dont want to than dont.
Honestly I think you would have more fun at a dance club. No real pressure to drink if you dont want to and you can dance your booty off instead of standing around gossiping and watching other people get drunk.
People go to college parties to get drunk, not buy tupperware so be aware that is a factor and be prepared to leave if you think it may not be your cup of tea.
Tell your boyfriend to calm down, it doesnt matter if you go to a party or to the mailbox, anyone is liable to be flirted with at any time. It is only with in your control to reciprocate or not. You cant control others, only your own behaviour. Does he trust you?
did she say she likes dancing? i haven't seen that. i hate dance clubs.-1
This discussion has been closed.
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