We broke up because...

lx1x

She didn't want to go to fantasy island

Callousedthoughts

I had to hear "Zee plane, zee plane" at least 8 times every.damn.day

Strawberry892020

They were too vanilla

FabulousFantasticFifty

I Lived a Vanilla bean lifestyle, simple yet versatile with that kick of spice that emerges every few licks. 🍦

Callousedthoughts

She licked my cone.

slimgirljo15

He wouldn't let me lick his cone

PlentyofProtein00

Said I licked too much.

Callousedthoughts

I got tongue rash, but was otherwise pretty happy

PlentyofProtein00

Was pretty happy. So. I had to break up with him. Misery loves company.

Callousedthoughts

I broke up with her for the makeups. I broke up with her every other day just for those

PlentyofProtein00

Wait...are we broke up today ? I need to know for purposes

Callousedthoughts

PlentyofProtein00 wrote: »

Wait...are we broke up today ? I need to know for purposes

We were, but its makeup time

PlentyofProtein00

Callousedthoughts wrote: »

PlentyofProtein00 wrote: »

Wait...are we broke up today ? I need to know for purposes

We were, but its makeup time

thought so

Cat0703a

She was too busy making up with others.

Callousedthoughts

She had candy deep within in her crawlspace. I was preparing to go in after it, but she went all Lord of the Rings on me with a "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" and slammed her sucker stick into the ground

Cat0703a

He compared me to an old grey haired bearded dude often. I only have 37 grey hairs...most of which were caused by him.

Callousedthoughts

I WAS PROMISED CANDY! And swimming, fishing, and eating delicious foodstuffs, and hammock.

Cat0703a

Take back the old dude comment and we can try again...

Callousedthoughts

She was so young and youthful looking, not a gray hair in sight.

slimgirljo15

He was addicted to his ex's "Candy

FabulousFantasticFifty

She was always talking about her Ex's "Candy”

Cyberbartender

I am NOT her "candy"

FabulousFantasticFifty

I found out about the crime ring she takes part in just one night a year... Halloween. 🍬🍭🍫

PlentyofProtein00

She didnt appreciate my exclusive parties on Halloween best time of the year

slimgirljo15

Such a party animal .. she never stopped

Callousedthoughts

Such a party pooper. She never started

FabulousFantasticFifty

Her dog pooped all over my party decorations 🥴

PaperDoll_

I wouldn’t attend her party because of social distancing. And the horrible smell from her decorations. 😖

Cat0703a

Her idea of a social distancing party was me staying in Canada...that’s way more than the recommended 6’ or 2m

PaperDoll_

I was trying to keep her safe. I didn’t want her around anyone, including myself. But did she appreciate my concern for her wellbeing? No 😒