Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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rungirl1973 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »I'm having a hard time getting back to sticking within my calories since I got back from vacation. I took the rest of last week off from logging and the only day I have not gone over is Monday. I had a snack at like 10 PM last night and was going to be fine but then I decided to eat a chocolate chip muffin, chips, pretzels, and candy. Totally self-sabotaged my workout and day of healthy-ish eating. I did not really try to stop myself or muster up some willpower. Sigh. Today's a new day. I think I'm gonna do my workouts and "start fresh" with the eating on Monday since I know I'm going to pig out on Saturday.
Non-MFP/eating confession:
My most embarrassing moment is so embarrassing that I've only told three people in the eight years since it happened. I'm mostly taking it to the grave. All I'll say is that it happened in high school.
Oh, now we are dying to know!
I know it's evil of me to mention it without telling, but I just can't! It's too embarrassing! I've had quite a few of those moments, but at least I never accidentally called a teacher "mom." I have that going for me.
Haha, I've called a teacher "mom" once...maybe twice. Pretty embarrassing!
I've never done that but several years ago, I was working on several projects very closely with the Maintenance manager of our facility. Hours of spreadsheets and tracking his department's man-hours. Three times, he called me Kathy (his wife's name).
Yikes! I hope she never found out!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Anyone that knows me, knows I am a hoarder. However, not the kind you see on TV, my place is relatively clean and I do not have garbage. I have to have a certain level of things in my house to feel comfortable. I stock pile all kinds of things, mostly groceries and personal cleaning products such as shampoo and body wash etc…..I also have MASS amounts of medication in the house, in fact, it was not too long ago, that I kept a large storage box of insulin in the fridge, I mean, like a years supply. I have an irrational fear of running out of something important.
My SO has this... it seems to revolve mostly around grocery items like breakfast cereals and canned goods, toilet paper and OTC medications.
I do that as well. I have tons of extra canned goods, jars of food, shampoo, cereal, hygiene products... I currently have over 6 kilos (14-ish pounds?) of oats in my storage room when I'm the only one who eats them.
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kelly_c_77 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Since I got so much love on my "SUPER GREAT" sticky note, I figured I'd take a picture and show it to everyone. My husband actually liked it and kept it by taking it off the middle of his screen and sticking it to the edges:
That's awesome lol!
I agree!! So cute!
Also @Susieq_1994, I have the Fitbit One and I love it! So, just in case you still haven't made up your mind...don't rule out the One!
I'm sure I'd love both! I just can't decide if I want to buy the one with the heart rate monitor included or not. 0 -
I have the flex and love it as well!0
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Eeek!rungirl1973 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »I'm having a hard time getting back to sticking within my calories since I got back from vacation. I took the rest of last week off from logging and the only day I have not gone over is Monday. I had a snack at like 10 PM last night and was going to be fine but then I decided to eat a chocolate chip muffin, chips, pretzels, and candy. Totally self-sabotaged my workout and day of healthy-ish eating. I did not really try to stop myself or muster up some willpower. Sigh. Today's a new day. I think I'm gonna do my workouts and "start fresh" with the eating on Monday since I know I'm going to pig out on Saturday.
Non-MFP/eating confession:
My most embarrassing moment is so embarrassing that I've only told three people in the eight years since it happened. I'm mostly taking it to the grave. All I'll say is that it happened in high school.
Oh, now we are dying to know!
I know it's evil of me to mention it without telling, but I just can't! It's too embarrassing! I've had quite a few of those moments, but at least I never accidentally called a teacher "mom." I have that going for me.
Haha, I've called a teacher "mom" once...maybe twice. Pretty embarrassing!
I've never done that but several years ago, I was working on several projects very closely with the Maintenance manager of our facility. Hours of spreadsheets and tracking his department's man-hours. Three times, he called me Kathy (his wife's name).
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Wow, indeed. I can't even imagine getting that many steps in!Glinda1971 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Sorry for all the posting right now, I should have combined them..
Anyhow, so I ran my 13.1 miles this morning on the treadmill....but after going for my two walks with my son and being outside walking around most of the day for our neighborhood block party, I'm now up to 23.78 miles for the day! I've beaten my previous highest step count which was last year on May 31st by 6000ish...giving me a total as of right now of 45,675 steps. I've had a pretty good day. And I ate tons of "junk" food and don't even care! Happy 4th!
Wow!!
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Another vote for the One. I like that it's hidden! (I wear it on my bra)kelly_c_77 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Since I got so much love on my "SUPER GREAT" sticky note, I figured I'd take a picture and show it to everyone. My husband actually liked it and kept it by taking it off the middle of his screen and sticking it to the edges:
That's awesome lol!
I agree!! So cute!
Also @Susieq_1994, I have the Fitbit One and I love it! So, just in case you still haven't made up your mind...don't rule out the One!
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So my goals today:
10K steps - currently over 12 so good
Calories in - I'm pretty close now and still am going to have a snack or two
Housework - lots of it done.
So successful day for me.0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »So, I posted this as my status, but I thought I'd share it here too...
Well, I turned a negative into a positive and took advantage of my extra awake time. I hopped on the treadmill with plans to just do my regular speed walk/trot/run. But after the first few minutes, I felt pretty good(even with almost 4 extra pounds of water weight from yesterday's horrible eating) so I decided to set a goal and go for it. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! I ran my first ever half marathon! I had to stop once for a bathroom break...but otherwise, never stopped. The longest I've ever run without stopping previously was 11ish miles. So, YAY!!
And my other goal that I had posted in the Batcave the other day was to beat my highest step count which was 37,659. I should be able to crush it today because as of 6:48am, I am at 25,843.
Your step counts are awesome!0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »I'm having a hard time getting back to sticking within my calories since I got back from vacation. I took the rest of last week off from logging and the only day I have not gone over is Monday. I had a snack at like 10 PM last night and was going to be fine but then I decided to eat a chocolate chip muffin, chips, pretzels, and candy. Totally self-sabotaged my workout and day of healthy-ish eating. I did not really try to stop myself or muster up some willpower. Sigh. Today's a new day. I think I'm gonna do my workouts and "start fresh" with the eating on Monday since I know I'm going to pig out on Saturday.
Non-MFP/eating confession:
My most embarrassing moment is so embarrassing that I've only told three people in the eight years since it happened. I'm mostly taking it to the grave. All I'll say is that it happened in high school.
Oh, now we are dying to know!
I know it's evil of me to mention it without telling, but I just can't! It's too embarrassing! I've had quite a few of those moments, but at least I never accidentally called a teacher "mom." I have that going for me.
Haha, I've called a teacher "mom" once...maybe twice. Pretty embarrassing!
LOL! One time I was fighting with my mom on the phone & then an interviewer called to let me know when my interview was & I accidentally said love you bye to them. I bet they thought what a weirdo!0 -
I once had a text from my son saying "Love you too", followed up quickly by "Sorry, that was meant for someone else"
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Glinda1971 wrote: »
Thanks
I find OCD is very misunderstood by a lot of people, so I like to share when I am comfortable and can. A lot of people, like someone else said, think it is just about liking things clean or organized, when in fact, some people with OCD are quite the opposite because they have some many other things going on in their head they do not have time to organize anything!
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Oh wow, that could not have been easy to deal with!!quiksylver296 wrote: »@Italian_Buju Thanks for laying all that out there. It is very interesting to learn about. Some of the Obsessional stuff sounds like what I went through during Post-partum depression. I wanted to wreck my car on purpose when I was driving. I wonder if the two are somehow related?0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »Confession: I made out with my high school crush in the weight room during PE class. We never dated or anything. Just the one epic make-out session.
Thinking about it makes me smile.
Haha! That made me smile too!0 -
girldownsouth wrote: »@Italian_Buju thank you for sharing that. I'm pretty sure I have some tendencies, I do the repeated checking of my bag, I always used to eat all of one thing on my plate, although I have mostly managed now to stop doing that. I actually have a lot of weird things with food, which watching tv discovered a lot were things people with anorexia do, so I'm not sure how come I'm the size I am! I think a lot of mine are checking and ordering things, that I don't really realise I do. My mum knows if I've been round while she's out because if there's a pile of coins on the side it'll have been stacked in height order.
I think most people have some tendencies that can be considered OCD like.....the main difference is the focus and obsession in doing the task. It is odd though that so many people can have tendencies like that.
That worries me about the anorexia tendencies, have you talked to someone about that??0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Confession: I've been trying SO HARD lately to smother this depression that's been at my throat for quite a while now, and it's been so impossible no matter what I do. Exercise, keeping busy, housework, reading, prayer... Nothing seems to help for more than an hour or so. I'm so frustrated about it right now, and I just want to cry and give up--dealing with depression is a horrible, horrible thing.
I had a great day today after getting up. I kept the house tidy, made dinner, had a nice outing and dinner with my husband, did my stairs and even got in a walk. Each time, it's a bit like my happiness meter would bounce up a little, then slowly just drain back down to nothing again. Trying to pull myself out of this funk and attempting to "fake it till I make it" is sucking me dry of energy, and I just... Don't know what to do anymore.
I only got out of bed a few hours ago, but I want to go and curl up into a ball under the covers and just stay there forever...
Sorry to be such a downer, but I just felt like I needed to get it out. I'm so sick and tired of feeling this way.
Hey I know previously you said you didn't want to take any medication for this but maybe it's time for anti depressants. I know several people who are on them or there kids are. Yes there are side effects and you need to look out for those especially the one where thoughts of suicide can happen but for those who got on them successfully they have been a life saver. Think about it.
XOXOXO
ETA messing this up again on phone!
Darn, switched to computer and realized I did the They're vs there mistake. But can't edit as its from my (now dead) phone that needs to charge. Oh, well.
I HATE when I catch mistakes WAY after the fact and cannot fix them! It drives me nuts!! I do that all the time....I even have found one today! UGH!0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Confession: I made out with my high school crush in the weight room during PE class. We never dated or anything. Just the one epic make-out session.
Thinking about it makes me smile.
Wow. Why didn't it go beyond that if you were attracted enough to do that? It made me smile too.
He had a current girlfriend. Oops.
Ha!!0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Here's another one, when I was around... 4-ish?
Awww you are adorable! I know we can't see you now, but I'll bet you are beautiful. You have beautiful features.@susieqshusband is a lucky man.
Agreed!0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Well wishes for our little kitten Skye are welcomed today. She doesn't seem to be feeling well. Yesterday, she only ate a few bites of her dinner and definitely is wayyy more calm than her usual crazy self. This morning, she ate a teeny bit of food and then just slowly walked away...uninterested. I offered her some wet food and she ate a decent amount of it (at two separate points) a little later. She's just laying around though...so out of character. I'll watch her the rest of the day and make sure she continues eating (even if just a little) but will definitely make a vet appointment if she doesn't improve. It's so weird seeing her like this.
I hope she is feeling better. I agree with other folks...if she is not take her to a vet. It takes a lot of a cat to exhibit illness symptoms, if she is showing them she probably needs medical attention.
Thank you and @Italian_Buju (for asking earlier)...she is continuing to eat small amounts of the wet food when offered....but not interested in her regular dry food. She is drinking normally..and her trips to the litter box are normal. She has done a few things that are more her regular behavior...but she is still "off" and quite relaxed/lazy. Our vet is closed today for the holiday...but a trip to the emergency vet would never be ruled out if need be. If all stays ok for the today, we will get through today and then set up a check up at the regular vet for tomorrow to have her looked at.
How is she feeling tonight? Any changes??0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »So, I posted this as my status, but I thought I'd share it here too...
Well, I turned a negative into a positive and took advantage of my extra awake time. I hopped on the treadmill with plans to just do my regular speed walk/trot/run. But after the first few minutes, I felt pretty good(even with almost 4 extra pounds of water weight from yesterday's horrible eating) so I decided to set a goal and go for it. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! I ran my first ever half marathon! I had to stop once for a bathroom break...but otherwise, never stopped. The longest I've ever run without stopping previously was 11ish miles. So, YAY!!
And my other goal that I had posted in the Batcave the other day was to beat my highest step count which was 37,659. I should be able to crush it today because as of 6:48am, I am at 25,843.
WOW, impressive!0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »All just swamped so just wanted to provide my update...
Yesterdays goals were basically all failures. My new fitbit made 10K but my regular tracker only had me at 9,087 (I trust that one more).
I didn't get the run in
I didn't get to studying
I ate late and had 2 glasses of wine
So.... ticked at myself for poor performance.
Today is a shorter list as I had to get up early to clean for the cleaning people so no time to exercise so...- Clean house for cleaning people (this is kind of a cheat since I did it already)
- Pay bills (check)
- Focus on catching up on some things at work (so not paying attention to MFP and accepting I will have to catch up tomorrow!). I am not paying enough attention to all the little stuff I have to do for work! So need to get back to being on top of my game.
- 10K steps on old pedometer/25,000 on the Fitbit (the Fitbit seems to be 2 1/2 the number of steps that my Gear tracks so I am going with this plan as I have been trying to get 10K on the old one all during my weight loss)
So that is my update for today, and my goals. I may catch up tonight.
Have a great day everyone!
Patricia
Sooo today:
Drive to- my mom's (I need to get going!)
- Run 4-6 miles
- Bike to Montauk (as long as rain holds)
- Spend 1 hour on dissertation
- Try to not drink TOO much with sister at my Mom's (heavy drinker... and no way am I saying I am not drinking knowing she is there... I will need wine... family is a serious source of stress)
- 10K steps on
Have a great day all!
Ok, quoting myself (tried to delete some stuff so we'll see if I messed it up...
I managed to make it to my mom's with only a little traffic at the end and only because I made myself late leaving because I was checking in with you guys.
Ran 6 miles, tripped in the final mile on a dirt road and bashed up my knee. Will post the lovely pictures when I get back to my own computer and can sync my phone.
I was really good on alcohol yesterday. My sister and her friends/husband started about 11:30 am... I went running. I didn't have any wine until dinner, and I walked 4 miles (there and back) to the liquor store to buy the kind I like (to 'earn' my empty calories). Sooo. I am going to consider this a success.
I did not bike to Montauk, by the time I was done running, with the banged up knee, and sat down I just read and took 2 walks after that (one to the liquor store). So that bike ride is on today's 'to do'
I did not spend 1 hour on my dissertation
Achieved 13,436 (+ probably an add'l 10K for the run that it didn't track) and 26,248 on fitbit.
So maybe 50/50?
Today:- Run 4-6 miles (I was going to skip another run but I enjoy running out here so will head out again)
- Bike to Montauk
- One glass of wine maximum (I need to get up super early to get home to a horse show tomorrow to school the horse I am leasing so don't want to feel like garbage).
- 1 hour on dissertation
- 10K steps on Gear/20K on fitbit
I will be glad tomorrow to get back to no drinking. I have the race I haven't trained for next week so I don't like to drink at all before a race so will be good this week. I confess, my wanting to stop drinking has made me obsessed with my alcohol intake!
I hope your knee is ok!!0 -
I love it!Susieq_1994 wrote: »Since I got so much love on my "SUPER GREAT" sticky note, I figured I'd take a picture and show it to everyone. My husband actually liked it and kept it by taking it off the middle of his screen and sticking it to the edges:
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Glinda1971 wrote: »I should have put having a nap as one of my goals today. Totally nailed that one!
But it was a good nap.
I did this too
I went to bed well after 1am and woke up at 5:30am all bright eyed and bushy tailed.....I just slept for like well over two hours, I am gonna be messed tonight....0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Anyone that knows me, knows I am a hoarder. However, not the kind you see on TV, my place is relatively clean and I do not have garbage. I have to have a certain level of things in my house to feel comfortable. I stock pile all kinds of things, mostly groceries and personal cleaning products such as shampoo and body wash etc…..I also have MASS amounts of medication in the house, in fact, it was not too long ago, that I kept a large storage box of insulin in the fridge, I mean, like a years supply. I have an irrational fear of running out of something important.
My SO has this... it seems to revolve mostly around grocery items like breakfast cereals and canned goods, toilet paper and OTC medications.
It can suck up a good amount of time (and money!). But I bet it makes him feel more comfortable at home, cuz that is what it does for me.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Its so funny when I see myself reply after reply.
Update on fitbit. I went to the site and looked up 'issues with ChargeHR' in the forum. One woman had an issue (not quite mine) and it advised rebooting it (and explained how to do that). Now the 2 are tracking together...so we are good...
Oh good!!0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »
I believe it is. Is it in your family?kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Thanks to everyone for the kind words.
This is why when people that were not around when my mother was alive (as in people I met afterwards), are sometimes shocked when I tell them the years she has been dead have been the most peaceful years of my life. When I tell them a few stories they kind of understand, those that knew her, have always understood.
I am glad she was never able to poison my son the way she did me. Because believe me when I say that is not the only terrible thing she did to me, it was just the last, as she died several months after that.
Sometimes I tell my DR that I get frustrated with myself because of how much my OCD tends to limit me, and she always tells me to be thankful I am as good as I am, because I could just be a drug addict or something, given what I have been through. She always says she is amazed I actually do not suffer from some sort of depression.
My sister and I get on well, and I am excited to see her. She truly understands how I feel. She is a very big business woman, a strong leader etc, and my BIL told me once years ago, that even a phone call from my mother would disturb her sleep for several nights.
I made sure that I did not follow in my mother's footsteps, and when I had children of my own, I could not understand how she behaved the way she did. I would kill someone if they did to my children some of the things my own mother did to me, like literally murder them.
Ok, enough of this downer crap.
@Susieq_1994 - you are rocking it today! Good Stuff!!
@rungirl1973 - yeah I do not understand why parents want to divide their children. My daughter is adopted (as I have mentioned), and because I could not have more than one bio child, I have explained to her how important it is to me that they continue to be close,, even after I am gone. Also, glad your test went good!
@crosbylee - hope you have a great sunny weekend! I can't wait to go swimming! Pools opened last week but I have not had time yet!
@ythannah - I remember you saying you had a crappy home life too, I totally understand.....thankfully you were able to get out when you did!
@xLoveLikeWinterx - I ask myself that question all the time....I told my sister our mother could have just eaten us when we were young like an animal and saved us a lot of grief!
@quiksylver296 - I was wondering where you were...glad to see you on today! Good Stuff on the lifting!
I am feeling much better today than yesterday and the last few days.....I did not make it to the gym because I slept like crap and had a few too many things to do today before my sister gets here tomorrow, but I am gonna make it a bigger priority. I got a call this morning that my kitchen floor is finally being replaced on Monday, and while it causes me stress in the moment, it really needs replacing so I am thrilled.
I reworked my budget for this month so that I am able to give my son a good chunk of money towards another bike. While the whole situation just burns my *kitten* and I could use the money for other things, I really want to help him out so I am glad I was able to do that. Hopefully going to pick one up this weekend so he doesn't have to walk much longer......he is walking to work right now and it is so hot outside and it makes me feel sad for him, esp having just bought that bike last week.
Next week my boss is off work, so I am gonna be working extra again, but told her yesterday to be careful not to over load me because I am on edge.
Hopefully I do not get too far behind in the next week or so.....cuz I do not think I could skip and jump back in....I am WAY too bother by things like that.....I will not watch a TV series if I miss a single episode, or even a movie if I miss the first few minutes.....everything I do has to be in order....call it OCD
But even if I get behind and it takes me a few days to catch up I will just read along as I go, as long as you guys don't mind me adding my two cents on situations well after they are posted about!
I will be back on and off today, and tomorrow before my sister comes, but if that puts me behind, after the busy weekend and work week I have coming up, it might take me until this time next week to be back on track here, esp if I am gonna make sure I get my gym time in!!
I love you guys! A lot of you have truly touch my heart!
P.S. - Shrimp is delicious!!!!
I am so glad for you for many of the items in this post and for how well you've emerged on the other end. And trust me I get the OCD I couldn't skip either no matter how long it took me to catch up.
I'll confess that I have OCD. I wonder if OCD is hereditary?
In some form or another.
My mom told me my Grandfather every time he would go down this particular hallway he would have to rub his foot on a certain spot.
My one uncle & my mom are very particular about their stuff & have said they'll know if anything is out of place. My uncle's cooler for Christmas the one year was so organized that he had everything in neat piles. Usually coolers are so disorganized you have to dig for whatever you want.
Mine is mostly in my head for the most part & revolves around counting stuff.
That is an easy way to suck up hours of your time without realizing it! OCD comes in a lot of different forms, and it is really hard to treat. The five types are: (in order from most to least common)
Washers & Cleaners
Checkers
Orderers
Hoarders
Obsessionals
I suffer from the last one mostly, but also have hoarder and checker tendencies.
Anyone that knows me, knows I am a hoarder. However, not the kind you see on TV, my place is relatively clean and I do not have garbage. I have to have a certain level of things in my house to feel comfortable. I stock pile all kinds of things, mostly groceries and personal cleaning products such as shampoo and body wash etc…..I also have MASS amounts of medication in the house, in fact, it was not too long ago, that I kept a large storage box of insulin in the fridge, I mean, like a years supply. I have an irrational fear of running out of something important.
Now, as I sit here and type this, I can tell you that if I do run out of say, insulin, or shampoo, or crackers, I can go to the store and get some. But when I am shopping, or looking in my cupboards, I always think, I need more. And if I don’t get more, that is the only thing I can focus on. Along with that, I also have a hard time throwing things away, and don’t really care for new things. In fact, I remember when I had my baby shower, Sarah and Kim (I think I am remembering who correctly)two of my friends, came upstairs after it was over, and opened all the packages of everything I got. Because they knew if they did not, then most of the things would go unused.
I will buy something, say a new package of socks…..they might sit in my closet, unused, for years even, until every single pair I have now is full of holes and have no choice but to use the new ones. Even though I have two dressers and a closet full of clothes, I prefer to wear the same few pieces over and over again, and when I HAVE to wear something different, I am aware of it, all day…..
As genetics would have it, I believe both of my parents had forms of OCD, I think they were both hoarders as well. Anyone that knew me when I was young can attest to all the things my mother hoarded. There was an entire room in the basement full of things she bought and never used. There were things in boxes, never used, that literally, were older than me when she died. But she would never get rid of any of it, cuz she ‘might need it’.
And my father, that was a totally different case……like I said in a previous post. At the time of the finding, I had no idea why he would do that, or what it meant….I doubt I had ever even heard of OCD before.
I have some checking tendencies too, but thankfully with a low count, like three or four. Some checkers can spend hours checking the same thing literally hundreds of times a day. For example, when I am out, and say have to pay for something, of course, like everyone else, when I am done, I put my wallet back in my bag and close it. Before I walk away, I open my bag and make sure my wallet is there. Before I leave the building, I will open my bag again and make sure my wallet is still there, and once more once I get outside, and finally when I am home.
People with OCD are remarkably successful in concealing their obsessive-compulsive symptoms from friends, family and co-workers. An unfortunate consequence of this secrecy is that people with OCD generally do not receive professional help until years after the onset of their disease. By that time, the obsessive-compulsive rituals may be deeply ingrained and very difficult to change. OCD usually starts at an early age, often before adolescence.
OCD tends to worsen as the person grows older. 20% of sufferers don’t respond to treatment of any kind. Mine started around 16 with the hoarding, but there were signs before that I am sure…..it got worse as time went on, and during my pregnancy really started showing…and that is when the Obsessional part started…just slow, but again grew over time. ..Until I was pregnant with my son, I hide it very well, I am not even sure if people I lived with knew about it, let alone anyone else.
This part is really hard to talk about, for the most part. Obsessionals have distressing intrusive thoughts and constantly worry that something they do will harm someone or even themselves, either directly or not. One thing that I think falls under this category is my fear of personal paperwork. I even know how odd that sounds as I type it. I have an irrational fear that I am going to make a mistake while filling out something, causing my entire life to fall apart. I don’t do any kind of paperwork (filling out forms, banking, writing checks, signing things etc….) until absolutely that last minute and then it can take me hours to do the simplest of tasks. I will be ultra focused on this task for hours at a time, and will sometimes sweat or even feel ill to my stomach. Just typing about it now, as silly as it sounds, has my heart rate speeding up. And as ridiculous as I feel admitting that, I can not get it to stop. Ironically, paperwork that is not related to my personal life, paperwork at work, for example, causes me no stress at all, and is done quickly without problems. Doing someone else’s paperwork is fine as well.
I don’t know exactly how to explain it so someone without it could understand, but here is my best attempt. I fear that a mistake such as writing in a wrong amount or spelling a name wrong, could cause everything to come crashing down as it reeks havoc on my life. So writing that wrong amount on my check for a book sale would cause my bank account to be overdrawn, my rent would bounce, thus having me lose my apartment, in turn, then lose my kids, and forever ruining their lives. So, I am trying to write that check for the book sale but over and over in my head, I hear, “Don’t mess up the check, or your kids will suffer.” As I write that, I can see how crazy it sounds. But when it is happening I have no control to stop those thoughts. Banking takes me FOREVER for the same reason....I have everything I can just taken directly out so I do not have to deal with it, because paying a single bill can take hours out of my life.
The intrusive thoughts of an Obsessional person can be very disturbing…..they are always unwanted and never an actual threat. This consumes quite a bit of my day. It does not affect me as much when I am at home, mostly when I am out. It mostly (although not exclusively) occurs with strangers. And its worse when I am in a place where only few people are, like walking down the street, as opposed to being in a crowded area with lots of strangers…… albeit, sometimes, especially if I am under a lot of stress, it can happen almost anywhere. Sometimes, if I am walking down the sidewalk, and someone is about to pass me, I get VERY disturbed in my head worried that I might suddenly attack them. I have never actually attacked anyone randomly, and my DR tells me all the time that it is only an OCD thought and I am NEVER going to actually attack someone, but at the time it is happening I have no control over the thoughts, and I become very stressed out. When I am highly stressed is when this is most likely to occur.
This is also why I cannot drive anymore. As soon as I get behind the wheel of a car I start freaking out inside, that I might lose control of myself and just hit someone, and not by accident. While I have no reason to think I might do that, and of course, no desire to actually do it, I cannot stop the thoughts when I am trying to drive. And I also fear that either I am going to rear end someone, or someone is going to rear end me, constantly.
There is a great book called: Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals: The Hidden Epidemic of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:
by Ian Osborn
I read that book years and years ago and still there were many things I remember in that book (and others), about people having horrible, painful thoughts. I read about a woman who felt she could not be alone with her baby, cuz she had a constant fear that she was going to put her into the microwave or hold her head up to the ceiling fan. I read about a man that could not allow his teenaged daughter to have friends over because he was scared that he would lose control of himself and sexually assault one of them (even though he never did, thought it was appalling, and never would in reality).
Some people with these thoughts, feel the need to confess. They will tell a priest, or a cop, or maybe a friend……the thing is though, they are never sure if anything actually happened or not, OCD is literally a disease about doubt. Sometimes the symptoms of OCD can mimic those of Schizophrenia with the main difference being that a schizophrenic is SURE something has happened, someone with OCD is never sure about anything. And, of course, there is that constant thought that you did something wrong, even though in your rational mind you know that you did it right. Also many people with OCD have trouble making decisions, even small ones.
Sorry for the novel, this seems to be my norm lately
Wow, I never actually thought about this, but I do hoard groceries as well. I'll have enough groceries to last me for awhile yet I'll still buy more. I'm the worst at buying snacks/cereals. I have around 13 ice creams, 8 boxes of cereal, a lot of snack bars, & around 5-6 bottles of conditioner. I also remember what you posted about watching TV, movies, playing games & not wanting to watch if you miss something. I swear it takes me forever to watch a movie on Netflix since I always rewind it in case I missed something important.
I know I've had the obsessional thoughts/intrusive thoughts & felt if I didn't do something perfectly or count in my head when doing something that something bad would happen. It used to be really bad when I was younger/teenager.
My mom with her OCD used to always ask us if her purse was in the car & sometimes she wouldn't trust us & she would stop the car & get out to make sure. I think one time she had it on the roof of her car & she drove off & it flew on the road & with her OCD tendencies it made it worse.
Yeah, that all sounds like OCD to me! Sometimes you do not realize why you are doing what you are doing until it is pointed out or you watch it on something.
I know what you are saying about the movies too, because I am like that with books! It can take me about 6 months to read a book, because I am always re-reading pages because I think I missed something.....and also sometimes will 'read' several pages on autopilot while my mind is elsewhere and then I realize I have no idea what I just read and have to go back and read it again!
I don't even wanna say how bad my cereal/snacks or shampoo/personal hygiene products are, lol.
Let's just say my family could go a year or more with only buying fridge stuff and meat and be fine, fed, and clean. My friends always joke that if the zombies come they are all coming up here! I have a walk in pantry......0 -
Glinda1971 wrote: »I have the flex and love it as well!
That is what I have.....I would love an HR though.....0 -
Thanks! I was more trying to inform than talk about me directly, but I guess it was a combo post lol0 -
Well, I guess I own the last page! Nothing like looking like a crazy person
I had a good visit with my sister and her family today as well, and my son even made it for breakfast (he had a staff meeting so I was not sure).
After that I was able to get my weekend errands done and even a few of my chores. So tomorrow I can focus on just a few normal chores around here and then cleaning out my kitchen for the floor replacement on Monday.
Now that life is back to normal, starting tomorrow I am gonna try and post some daily goals like a few of you....and try and get back on the ball and drop a bit of this weight before my DR clues in, lol. I am hoping posting here with you guys will keep me on the ball a bit better than on my own.
Monday night we are eating at this local greasy spoon my daughter has been dying to go to since she has been home, so I know there are gonna be lots of apps and poutine, lol, but I am gonna eat light all day and try and make sure I have a good week otherwise so I am feeling like I am getting somewhere. She has been bugging me weekly for two months to go there, lol, since we were told to not expect to be able to use the kitchen on Monday that would be a good time.
I am gonna get out my scale tomorrow and try and weigh what I am eating too, and no more eating out of a large package, that is one of my bad habits too!
Alright folks, hope everyone is having a great Saturday night! I am gonna make a sandwich and watch a movie, wait for my kids to come home and hopefully sleep, despite that long nap!0
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