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Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

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  • annette_15
    annette_15 Posts: 1,657 Member
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    Well, I have a not-so-confessiony confession (that sounded weird.). I've mentioned here before that I was writing a book on an amateur writing website (Wattpad). Today, I finally finished the book! I just posted the final chapter like... Fifteen minutes ago.

    My husband refused to read it until it was fully complete (he hates incomplete things, whether they're books or series) but he wanted to read it when it was done. So, he read it today, and I was really nervous because he's usually reeeeally picky about the books he reads. He said that he enjoyed it and the plot was really unique! (very rare praise from him) I'm SO GIDDY RIGHT NOW. :D

    I also got tons of feedback on how unique and original the storyline is from almost every single commenter, so now I feel all warm and fuzzy and special. ;) Yay me!

    Yay, thats so awesome, grats on finishing it!
  • annette_15
    annette_15 Posts: 1,657 Member
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    nonoelmo wrote: »
    I confess that I have been putting off telling you all this good news but...

    My son was awarded a scholarship from our state due to his disability that covers the cost of his private school (tried a few public schools but our state is scraping bottom in public schools and it was a horrible experience) and tutoring and therapies. The fact that as a single mom just starting a career (2 years now) I am able to see him get all the support he needs to be his best person - this is awesome! This can only be used for very specifically approved things but saves me so much money that I would have found somehow but now can use for other necessities as well. This is such a relief and completely unexpected.

    Then I just got an email from a club I belong to (because my son loves this particular hobby) where all the guys in the club are making him a project of this hobby to have ready for him when he gets home (awwwwwwwww). He has about 70 grandpa's who have taken him in to their hearts in this club that has to do with model trains. :smile:

    My daughter is doing very well with her food and mood and I've actually seen her laugh a few times today (she's interning with me so we have lots of together time.) One of my favorite bands (Cake) is going to be in town when I'm out of town and she is planning to go to the concert with her friends (she looked so smug about it I had to laugh).

    MY (can you tell I"m smitten) SO booked us our haunted hotel room in a ghost town for our Halloween plans and he has already ordered his Dread Pirate Roberts costume. I guess I'd best get working on that Princess Buttercup wedding dress...

    Today is a good day.

    Happy to hear :smile:
  • annette_15
    annette_15 Posts: 1,657 Member
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    pofoster21 wrote: »
    @BZAH10 love your new pic too and what a great color! And your bicep still looks fantastic!

    This. So. Much.
  • annette_15
    annette_15 Posts: 1,657 Member
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    Alma102724 wrote: »
    Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:

    My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.

    My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.

    I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.

    I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.

    My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.

    I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.

    We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.

    I'm sorry.. wish I could give you a hug :heart: :kissing_heart:
  • annette_15
    annette_15 Posts: 1,657 Member
    edited June 2015
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    Whew, finally caught up... only took all day lol.

    Some confessions

    Theres a lot of posts, especially the very personal, heartbreaking, sad ones I wanna respond to, but I dont know what to say because I cant really relate to most of it. I havent had people close to me die, I dont have kids and I guess I've just had a pretty 'easy' life thus far. Im always scared I'll say something that comes off wrong, so I tend to ignore it. I read it all tho <3

    Im going to EDC in two weeks time, and I ordered some pretty out of my comfort zone rave type clothing. I will probably be doing a lot of cardio leading up to it as my outfit will be WAY more revealing than I'm used to (nowhere near what other girls wear to these things tho lol) Here's the bra I got to go with my black high wasted skirt

    kWvY9Xp.jpg

    I'll post pictures of the whole outfit after we go :wink:


    I had plans earlier today but I cancelled them cause I woke up this morning with a bug bite on my eyelid and it looks really funny cause I cant open my right eye all the way lol :unamused:



  • xMrBunglex
    xMrBunglex Posts: 1,121 Member
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    I'm in a 3 day seminar, just logged on to check the thread.

    603 new posts.

    In one day.


    I'll do my best to catch up!
  • Dnarules
    Dnarules Posts: 2,081 Member
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    xMrBunglex wrote: »
    I'm in a 3 day seminar, just logged on to check the thread.

    603 new posts.

    In one day.


    I'll do my best to catch up!

    Yeah, today was very busy ;). Enjoy your seminar.

  • nonoelmo
    nonoelmo Posts: 3,941 Member
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    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    My whole firm is doing a 5k at the end of the month and I HATE CARDIO. But I might do it for the "team building opportunity". I'm weighing my options here. Pros: team building exercise, opportunity to whup co-workers' butts at running. Cons: I HATE CARDIO, $65 sign up fee, I HATE CARDIO.

    Also, I'm Erin. I don't like my name because there are no nicknames for it. :disappointed:

    I like your name a lot! No nicknames for Laura either booooo

    I find this kind of funny. I was adopted at 12 and one of the names I was considering changing my first name to was Erin...my parents and I decided to keep my original name...Laura. no nicknames for me.
    Confession time. I purposely chose my daughter's name to fall within certain criteria. It can't be in the top 100 names for the last several years. It has to start with a C. Mostly though it had to be 5 letters or less because I am a wimp with needles and I know how much that crap hurt when I had my son's name tattooed on me.

    Yayy for Laura :)!! Personally I think Laura is a beautiful name, but I'm a little biased haha!

    What's your daughters name? Did I miss that somewhere?

    I have a common enough first name that I shared it here. I won't share other peoples names. My SO is the only one of his name when the name is googled. My daughter's name is very uncommon in this country but common in Ireland. Her first name is an old Irish name that I have just started to hear completely misprounounced and given to some girls in the USA. It makes me cringe but it is not my business if someone names their child something that they don't have a clue how to pronounce because they saw it somewhere. Her middle name is a nickname for an old Irish goddess, I wanted to stay far away from family names and her name is very beautiful. My son's name has become very common (both first and middle) but was almost unheard in this country when he was born. He shares his first name with an actor who has become more and more popular and Irish names seem to be fairly popular right now anyway.
  • nonoelmo
    nonoelmo Posts: 3,941 Member
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    I am not going to scroll through to find the names but I read and thank each of you who commented on my confession of a good day. Thank you so very much. I also thank those who just thought good thoughts. Often I don't have time to reply to all those who I think I would like to offer a comment. I treasure the good days. I am especially glad that most of the good was that my children are doing well, and getting what they need to grow into good adults.
  • SoulOfRusalka
    SoulOfRusalka Posts: 1,201 Member
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    ShibaEars wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    (Kind-of) related to all the first-name-sharing: when I was like 13 I had a "girlfriend" on one of those sites like gaia online. But I was really paranoid so I made up a false name and mentioned all these details about my fake life so that she would never be able to find me in person. And then I was paranoid that she would anyway, so I faked my death. It was... weird.
    Ok, sorry, but I laughed.
    ETA: I laughed with you, not at you!

    I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh, but I did!

    I'm laughing at myself too.

    (Confession #2: More so because this is *still* my impulse. A guy was just flirting with me over facebook and I had to sit down and tell myself "no Absynthe. No deactivating your facebook and creating a fake account for a fake friend to notify him that you were in a car crash. Just drop hints that you're gay like a civilized human being.")

  • nonoelmo
    nonoelmo Posts: 3,941 Member
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    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    nonoelmo wrote: »
    I confess that I have been putting off telling you all this good news but...

    My son was awarded a scholarship from our state due to his disability that covers the cost of his private school (tried a few public schools but our state is scraping bottom in public schools and it was a horrible experience) and tutoring and therapies. The fact that as a single mom just starting a career (2 years now) I am able to see him get all the support he needs to be his best person - this is awesome! This can only be used for very specifically approved things but saves me so much money that I would have found somehow but now can use for other necessities as well. This is such a relief and completely unexpected.

    Then I just got an email from a club I belong to (because my son loves this particular hobby) where all the guys in the club are making him a project of this hobby to have ready for him when he gets home (awwwwwwwww). He has about 70 grandpa's who have taken him in to their hearts in this club that has to do with model trains. :smile:

    My daughter is doing very well with her food and mood and I've actually seen her laugh a few times today (she's interning with me so we have lots of together time.) One of my favorite bands (Cake) is going to be in town when I'm out of town and she is planning to go to the concert with her friends (she looked so smug about it I had to laugh).

    MY (can you tell I"m smitten) SO booked us our haunted hotel room in a ghost town for our Halloween plans and he has already ordered his Dread Pirate Roberts costume. I guess I'd best get working on that Princess Buttercup wedding dress...

    Today is a good day.
    Hooray for good days!
    b2z09sj2dvj5.gif


    The coloring is wrong, but this looks like Bruno, my son's "lab mix" that we got at the pound. He is a squishy, cuddly love bug and this dog looks like it too, what a cutie, thank you.
  • Kalici
    Kalici Posts: 685 Member
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    I don't like people talking to me, even saying hello, when I'm working out and by the end of the season I have about 6 neighbors bugging me per workout.. I look forward to cold weather so I have it as an excuse not to workout anymore. I had one guy last year every day show me how large his dog was getting it made me so mad as I was timing myself and didn't want to be bothered. My husband says I have "hang ups".

    I feel like this is perfectly reasonable! I love my husband, but he can drive me nuts when I'm working out. He doesn't work out so he doesn't get it at all. He thinks nothing of asking me a question in the middle of a set or when I'm in the middle of a Zumba session. :|

  • nonoelmo
    nonoelmo Posts: 3,941 Member
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    About 6 years ago I used to have an eating disorder.
    Due to severe malnutrition, my heart, kidneys and liver were failing.
    I was estimated to live for roughly 6 more weeks.

    Today that's long past me. I'm healthy, exercising, eating clean, varied and enough.
    I'm no longer having self-destructive thoughts about body or food.

    However, my girlfriend recently brought up she wanted to lose weight.
    She's healthy, and quite skinny already, and I'm scared to death.
    We've talked and fought a lot about it.

    I decided her feeling-good would go before my fears.
    So now I'm supporting her in her weight loss and we started exercising together. (As to where she never did any exercise..)

    I'm supporting her but it feels so wrong. It's so much against my nature.
    It's bringing back traumatic experiences I've gone through being admitted to an institution for EDs.

    I feel guilty because I told her about all of this, and she got mad.
    She got mad because she knew about my past already, but decided to be straightforward with me about it and now regrets it. She's mad because she's blaming herself for me feeling bad due to her own choices.
    At least that's what she believes, because ofcourse I'm scared mostly due to how in my head it links to past experiences.

    I know it might be irrational to think she's going to go the same route.
    But I know she too has seen both sides of the "weight" coin. (Having been both very skinny/chubby)

    As I said I'm supporting her, pushing my own thoughts and fears aside, but when I do that she just gets angry.
    Now she completely is reluctant to losing weight, I believe she's afraid to hurt me.
    I myself feel bad since I know she feels bad in her own body, but no longer dares to change it out of fear of my reaction to that.

    No matter how many times I tell her the 'problem' of my bad mood about the topic is my own personal experiences, she seems to always take it personally anyway.
    I'm being confronted with my past, yes, but then it's my responsibility to deal with it.
    It's almost as if she feels responsible, doesn't want me to have to deal with it, thus puts her own desires aside in the hope it would make me more happy.

    In truth it doesn't make either of us happy. I'm still trying to support her (though not pushing) in making healthier choices, subtly and not too often, cause I know I am ready to do so, and -I- just have to deal with my own mind.
    She told me that she needs 100% of support of everyone around her to be able to lose weight.
    I'm doing my best but she just ignores my efforts, she doesn't even accept my support.

    I'm not quite sure what to do.

    I don't know what you should do. What I would suggest and what I hope I would do in a similar situation is to make sure I am taking care of my own needs, emotionally, physically, with food, and if needed with some jounalling or counseling. I would likely need to put some specific boundaries in place, limit the exposure to triggers. I will get a little judgy and say that she does not "need 100% of support of everyone around her to be able to lose weight." That is not reality and please don't let her push her success or failure to reach her goals on the amount of perceived support she thinks she is getting from you. It is clear you care about her. I guess I would tell her I cared for her and also for myself and need to find a balance where she clearly understands that while you support things that make her happy that you must also maintain your balance and health and avoid the triggers. Not an easy path to walk. Hugs and good thoughts to you,
  • megslegs1928
    megslegs1928 Posts: 9 Member
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    I stopped tracking back in April because I had to move... I gained most of what I lost back :'( needing to find my inspiration again, before I get a hate on for myself for not sticking to it
  • nonoelmo
    nonoelmo Posts: 3,941 Member
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    It's taken me a couple weeks to work up the courage to post this. I didn't want anyone to think I'm just being stupid...

    From senior year in high school on I was morbidly obese. My highest weight hit at 400 lbs. Now that I've lost over 170 lbs I'm trying to be more self conscious about the way I walk. Like walking with my back straight, improving my posture, etc. Including trying to walk 'sexy' and make sure my butt doesn't jiggle.

    I obviously can't tell if I'm actually walking sexy or walking like I have a stick up my butt, but hey I know my butts not jiggling. :blush:

    Congrats on all the hard work on your weight loss. I bet you walk awesome! I try to have good posture too.

  • nonoelmo
    nonoelmo Posts: 3,941 Member
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    ShibaEars wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    (Kind-of) related to all the first-name-sharing: when I was like 13 I had a "girlfriend" on one of those sites like gaia online. But I was really paranoid so I made up a false name and mentioned all these details about my fake life so that she would never be able to find me in person. And then I was paranoid that she would anyway, so I faked my death. It was... weird.
    Ok, sorry, but I laughed.
    ETA: I laughed with you, not at you!

    I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh, but I did!

    I'm laughing at myself too.

    (Confession #2: More so because this is *still* my impulse. A guy was just flirting with me over facebook and I had to sit down and tell myself "no Absynthe. No deactivating your facebook and creating a fake account for a fake friend to notify him that you were in a car crash. Just drop hints that you're gay like a civilized human being.")
    I had to laugh at this! A lot of guys don't get hints if you hit them on the head with it. Find a nice way to say something like - in your own way and own words of course "You are so much fun to chat with, if I were straight we might have to get to know each other better." or If I dated men you would be just my type.
  • nonoelmo
    nonoelmo Posts: 3,941 Member
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    annette_15 wrote: »
    Whew, finally caught up... only took all day lol.

    Some confessions

    Theres a lot of posts, especially the very personal, heartbreaking, sad ones I wanna respond to, but I dont know what to say because I cant really relate to most of it. I havent had people close to me die, I dont have kids and I guess I've just had a pretty 'easy' life thus far. Im always scared I'll say something that comes off wrong, so I tend to ignore it. I read it all tho <3

    Im going to EDC in two weeks time, and I ordered some pretty out of my comfort zone rave type clothing. I will probably be doing a lot of cardio leading up to it as my outfit will be WAY more revealing than I'm used to (nowhere near what other girls wear to these things tho lol) Here's the bra I got to go with my black high wasted skirt

    kWvY9Xp.jpg

    I'll post pictures of the whole outfit after we go :wink:


    I had plans earlier today but I cancelled them cause I woke up this morning with a bug bite on my eyelid and it looks really funny cause I cant open my right eye all the way lol :unamused:



    Very sassy top! I bet you have a lot of fun stepping out of your comfort zone!
  • nonoelmo
    nonoelmo Posts: 3,941 Member
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    Alma102724 wrote: »
    Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:

    My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.

    My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.

    I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.

    I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.

    My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.

    I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.

    We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.

    That was quite a long sad day. My most sincerely sympathies to you. Grief is so unpredictable and individual. Whatever you are feeling is going to ebb and flow and change and it is all ok and part of the process. I'm sorry you had and have to go through this.
  • nonoelmo
    nonoelmo Posts: 3,941 Member
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    m1xm0d3 wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..

    Please come to my house. I would rather restart the dryer 100 times than fold what's in there.

    Uh-huh. I love when I open the dryer and the clothes are still damp because it means I can just restart it!

    I don't mind laundry. I am actually very proficient with an iron and can of spray starch but I've pushed back the timer a few times when the clothes were dry but I didn't want to deal with them yet, nor did I want wrinkles by the time I actually did.

    I'm sure the laundry discussion is already over, but I'm commenting anyway. My dryer has a really cool setting called wrinkle care, and it will spin the clothes every so often for a couple hours after the load is finished so the clothes don't get wrinkly! My husband is the Craigslist King! He got the front loading washer and dryer with the pedestals in red (my favorite color) for $400.

    And I'm on team No Ironing! I don't buy things that need to be ironed. I don't think I've used an iron in five years! This is from page 838...so far behind. Sad face!

    Anyway, I agree. I definitely do not buy things that need ironed. I could not possibly rake myself out of bed in the mornings to iron things. It's a no go.
    I wash on tap water temperature (can be warm where I live) and hang 99% of loads up to dry. I have an old fashioned clothes line (came with the house) that can hold a ton of laundry. I have a smaller one inside for the more delicate items. I don't mind laundry but I make the kids do their own laundry and putting it away.
  • nonoelmo
    nonoelmo Posts: 3,941 Member
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    There are posts that I want to comment on but I need some sleep. This is a special group of people. Thank you!