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Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

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  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,369 Member
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    annette_15 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    m1xm0d3 wrote: »
    Confession: I don’t know what my goal weight should be. I’m 5’9 and currently weigh 221. (That’s a big step since I’ve never admitted that to anyone!) I had the goal set at 200, but didn’t feel like that was low enough. It’s now set at 190, but now I don’t feel like that is low enough either. I weighed 180 the year before my son was born and felt awesome. I weighed 160 when I graduated from high school (and thought I was fat). I know I’ll probably find a weight where I feel comfortable and don’t have to kill myself in the gym every day. I understand all the numbers. Just not sure if I can get back to the 160s mainly because I don’t know if I have the dedication. Looking for some advice from some of you. That seems like a lot of numbers and rambling.

    I'm 5'9" and currently 134. I was originally looking to get down to 135, but I'm now looking to pack on some weight again in the form of muscle. Not sure if I want to do that in the form of a bulk or a recomp. I'd be happy to send you some progress photos, if that would help you.

    My biggest regret is not weight training more consistently in my weight loss, if I'm being honest.

    Eventually, once goals are close to being met or have already passed, this is what it will come down to. If you want to be skinny as a rail, fine. Diet and cardio all day, every day. But unless you are naturally blessed, if you want a fitness magazine cover body, you HAVE to do some strength training.
    Serious question here: What if you don't want that? I'm 47 - the only people who see me naked is my husband and my dog (she judges me - she recently lost 15% of her bodyweight and is smug about it). I live in a climate where I'm covered up a lot of the time. All I really want is to look ok in my clothes. I feel like MFP is often all about lifting weights, and I'm just not interested in doing that.

    I agree with all of this. I feel like there's a lot of pressure from a lot of people to jump on the weight lifting bandwagon for aesthetic reasons, and a lot of people throw out "LIFT HEAVY" as the be all and end all of exercise without considering other people's interest/disinterest/goals/physical limitations/aspirations/time/what have you.

    This morning there was a thread started by a person who was depressed because they weighed in at 501 pounds, and one of the first suggestions was that they start squatting and deadlifting. Seriously? SMDH. I get the feeling that people don't read the original post, they just respond with an automatic blurb.

    On the other hand, weight lifting (OR resistance training, and THAT IS THE KEY!) is great for reasons aside from aesthetics... it strengthens bones and bone density, aids in living independently into old age, etc. It doesn't mean that you have to squat 300 lbs and bench press 1000, or look like Arnold, or stand in front of the mirror kissing your muscles and taking selfies. I just believe that an exercise routine should be balanced like an "eating routine" (don'twanttosaydiet) should be balanced.

    sorry if this came across as judge-y *hangs head in shame and slinks off*

    THIS (bold) is why I took up lifting.

    And because it's easy. "Easy" in that it doesn't require grace or coordination or skill or athletic ability, all of which I lack. Just a basic awareness of your own body mechanics and the willingness to press on, even on those days when it feels like you've been run over by a truck (lorry for you Brits) and then thrown down a flight of stairs. At least that was my experience anyway... yoga bores me to tears, I can't do aerobics or zumba to save my life, never played sports, but I can pick up a barbell repeatedly. Hey, whaddya know, I'm good at something.

    This weekend I walked around a garden center with a big spirea, two rhododendrons and a rose bush in my arms (it was a feat of balance as much as strength). Carried them to my car and put them in the trunk. I want to be able to do that 20 years from now, not be the frail little old lady waiting for the nice young man to help with the carryout.

    Aesthetically, I've discovered that I like seeing muscles. Visible proof of all the work I've done. It keeps me motivated. I'm one of the ones who looked pretty good in clothes, but I wasn't too happy with the naked body that menopause has given me. I'm also learning my limitations -- there are some saggy bits that no amount of weightlifting is going to change.

    I've seen it posted around these parts before but the key to "fitness" is to find an activity that you love and are going to stick with -- which isn't necessarily going to be the activity that someone else loves.

    You, I like. You can stay in this thread ;)

    I try Yoga. I love the stretching part but I can't get my Downward Dog to bend at all and I end up doing what I like to call the Flopping Fish instead. I like Zumba but I kina look like a deranged zebra. Walking fast and lifting weights is what I like more. I can do it, I don't need to be coordinated, it feels good to make my body move.

    Lol. Good thing, I'm addicted to this thread and you wouldn't get rid of me anyway >:) Even having to catch up on 230 new posts at the end of the day yesterday didn't deter me.

    I walk too. :) But if I look at the scenery too much or don't pay attention to where I'm putting my feet, I've been known to lurch and stumble. I'm THAT uncoordinated.

    I think I've read all the posts but haven't been able to reply... welcome back @ShibaEars... congrats to all who have lost weight or reached goal... @Italian_Buju loving the pics of Little Rodent Boy's sweet little furry face (I've had to backtrack to see them, they don't show at work).

    Not having kids, I've never seen Frozen or Finding Nemo or SpongeBob or any of those. I can probably identify the characters, however, solely from seeing the merchandise prominently displayed in stores.

    I highly suggest you watch this! If no other "kid's" movie ever, watch Finding Nemo.

    I would add Ice Age to that as well.... funniest movies ever :D.

    Oops, I forgot about the recommendation to see Finding Nemo.

    Hey, at least I've seen Ice Age! (I won the DVD in a gift basket at a charity raffle) And Up.
    Lip balm addicts - I possess CAKE BATTER Chapstick. That is all.

    I'm a sucker for cake-type flavoured things, including non-edibles like body lotions. May have to find this.
  • DeannaCoersCarter
    DeannaCoersCarter Posts: 62 Member
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    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    I confess that I've been lurking on this thread since it was in the 300's. :)
    Yay! Welcome!
    Thank you! I've commented before but it was just something small. I always love reading through this in my downtime at work.
  • Alma102724
    Alma102724 Posts: 9 Member
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    Alma102724 wrote: »
    Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:

    My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.

    My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.

    I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.

    I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.

    My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.

    I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.

    We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
    Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!

    I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.

    For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.

    Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.

    Yes that is exactly how I felt! Especially how you mentioned not crying at all, some days I'm so nonchalant about everything. Then there's days like this, where I think I should be sad.

    For him it was always too hot or cold, too much light coming in it had to always be dark and I'd get so frustrated and tell him he needed to be in the sunlight and he'd say his eyes hurt with the bright light. I didn't realize to what extent that's why I feel bad.

    I can't say my dad is dead out loud or anything mentioning the word death, dying, etc. I just can't. Honestly (confession) I feel worse watching my mom cry than knowing my dad is gone. At least I know he's not suffering but her, she loved that man. She was with him 40+ years I can't imagine what she must be feeling.
  • annette_15
    annette_15 Posts: 1,657 Member
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    pofoster21 wrote: »
    sngqfx8x5p1k.jpg

    Sharing a picture of Phoebe and me from Sunday. We moved up to 3' (tried a few years ago and we had a few issues, so backed down and have been working on it every since -- my issues not hers) and tried again this past Sunday. She was amazing and we ROCKED it. :)

    Plus, this is my first time trying to post a photo in here from my computer. I made it work on tablet, have never been able to figure out phone, so let's see if desktop works!

    This is pure awesomeness!
  • DeannaCoersCarter
    DeannaCoersCarter Posts: 62 Member
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    Alma102724 wrote: »
    Alma102724 wrote: »
    Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:

    My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.

    My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.

    I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.

    I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.

    My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.

    I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.

    We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
    Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!

    I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.

    For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.

    Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.

    Yes that is exactly how I felt! Especially how you mentioned not crying at all, some days I'm so nonchalant about everything. Then there's days like this, where I think I should be sad.

    For him it was always too hot or cold, too much light coming in it had to always be dark and I'd get so frustrated and tell him he needed to be in the sunlight and he'd say his eyes hurt with the bright light. I didn't realize to what extent that's why I feel bad.

    I can't say my dad is dead out loud or anything mentioning the word death, dying, etc. I just can't. Honestly (confession) I feel worse watching my mom cry than knowing my dad is gone. At least I know he's not suffering but her, she loved that man. She was with him 40+ years I can't imagine what she must be feeling.

    Death has a way of making everyone react differently. Some people can let it out while others sit back and feel guilt or complete disbelief. You grieve differently than everyone else and you'll see yourself heal in different ways. It does get better though. Just remember that no one is perfect and it sounds like you took care of him. That's a great thing to do, honestly. You sound like a great person. Take a deep breath and realize that it's just the process of grieving.
  • kellienw335
    kellienw335 Posts: 1,745 Member
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    m1xm0d3 wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..

    Please come to my house. I would rather restart the dryer 100 times than fold what's in there.

    Uh-huh. I love when I open the dryer and the clothes are still damp because it means I can just restart it!

    I don't mind laundry. I am actually very proficient with an iron and can of spray starch but I've pushed back the timer a few times when the clothes were dry but I didn't want to deal with them yet, nor did I want wrinkles by the time I actually did.

    I'm sure the laundry discussion is already over, but I'm commenting anyway. My dryer has a really cool setting called wrinkle care, and it will spin the clothes every so often for a couple hours after the load is finished so the clothes don't get wrinkly! My husband is the Craigslist King! He got the front loading washer and dryer with the pedestals in red (my favorite color) for $400.

    And I'm on team No Ironing! I don't buy things that need to be ironed. I don't think I've used an iron in five years! This is from page 838...so far behind. Sad face!
  • DeannaCoersCarter
    DeannaCoersCarter Posts: 62 Member
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    m1xm0d3 wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »


    And I'm on team No Ironing! I don't buy things that need to be ironed. I don't think I've used an iron in five years!

    This.
  • DeannaCoersCarter
    DeannaCoersCarter Posts: 62 Member
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    Whoops. How did that even happen?
  • DeannaCoersCarter
    DeannaCoersCarter Posts: 62 Member
    Options
    m1xm0d3 wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..

    Please come to my house. I would rather restart the dryer 100 times than fold what's in there.

    Uh-huh. I love when I open the dryer and the clothes are still damp because it means I can just restart it!

    I don't mind laundry. I am actually very proficient with an iron and can of spray starch but I've pushed back the timer a few times when the clothes were dry but I didn't want to deal with them yet, nor did I want wrinkles by the time I actually did.

    I'm sure the laundry discussion is already over, but I'm commenting anyway. My dryer has a really cool setting called wrinkle care, and it will spin the clothes every so often for a couple hours after the load is finished so the clothes don't get wrinkly! My husband is the Craigslist King! He got the front loading washer and dryer with the pedestals in red (my favorite color) for $400.

    And I'm on team No Ironing! I don't buy things that need to be ironed. I don't think I've used an iron in five years! This is from page 838...so far behind. Sad face!

    Anyway, I agree. I definitely do not buy things that need ironed. I could not possibly rake myself out of bed in the mornings to iron things. It's a no go.
  • blittle123
    blittle123 Posts: 1 Member
    Options
    I was craving something sweet the other night but had absolutely nothing in the house that would satisfy me except some hot chocolate. So I ate two spoonfuls of the powder. Two spoonfuls. Of the powder.

    Lol! I'm dying laughing because this is totally something I would do! You've made my night! Thanks for sharing.
  • JPW1990
    JPW1990 Posts: 2,424 Member
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    I guess this is my entertainment for the night - someone sending me harassing pm's yelling at me about a thread I didn't even post in LOL
  • FluffySandwich
    FluffySandwich Posts: 1,293 Member
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    ythannah wrote: »
    And about names- mine is Savannah. My mom was going to name me Isabella if I had dark hair, but I was born blonde.... so Savannah it was. It's a pretty popular name in the Southern United States, but in Montreal it has gotten butchered so many times. I haven't met a single person with my name up here! :tongue:

    I named one of my former dogs Savannah, for Savannah Georgia actually, because I always wanted to go there. All of my dogs since then have had geographic names.

    When one of my young coworkers was pregnant, knew she was having a girl, and couldn't think of a girl's name... I suggested Savannah. My rationale was that her son had the same name as one of my earlier dogs so her second child should be named after my dog too. Turns out her husband went to school with a Savannah and didn't like the girl so Savannah was tainted for him as a name. However, ever since then I have referred to her daughter as Savannah instead of her real name.
    The funny thing is that my sister's name is Georgia. People always get a good laugh over that when we introduce ourselves at the same time :tongue:
    Alma102724 wrote: »
    Alma102724 wrote: »
    Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:

    My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.

    My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.

    I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.

    I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.

    My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.

    I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.

    We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
    Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!

    I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.

    For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.

    Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.

    Yes that is exactly how I felt! Especially how you mentioned not crying at all, some days I'm so nonchalant about everything. Then there's days like this, where I think I should be sad.

    For him it was always too hot or cold, too much light coming in it had to always be dark and I'd get so frustrated and tell him he needed to be in the sunlight and he'd say his eyes hurt with the bright light. I didn't realize to what extent that's why I feel bad.

    I can't say my dad is dead out loud or anything mentioning the word death, dying, etc. I just can't. Honestly (confession) I feel worse watching my mom cry than knowing my dad is gone. At least I know he's not suffering but her, she loved that man. She was with him 40+ years I can't imagine what she must be feeling.
    I agree, it's really difficult watching the (still living) loved ones around you suffer. I cried a lot during the funeral. And you're right about our dads not suffering anymore, at least there is that :)
  • greatghastlygreeneyes
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    I sometimes weigh myself before and after I go to the bathroom, just to get some idea of how much waste the body produces. It's reassuring to think that I am actually not as heavy as I think, merely full of the stuff. I only do this once a day, and only in the morning.

    I don't weigh myself every day because weight can fluctuate up to two pounds in one day and it depresses me greatly to see myself bounce up and down in numbers.
  • JPW1990
    JPW1990 Posts: 2,424 Member
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    I sometimes weigh myself before and after I go to the bathroom, just to get some idea of how much waste the body produces. It's reassuring to think that I am actually not as heavy as I think, merely full of the stuff. I only do this once a day, and only in the morning.

    I don't weigh myself every day because weight can fluctuate up to two pounds in one day and it depresses me greatly to see myself bounce up and down in numbers.

    Have you tried weighing every day for a month or two and tracking all the fluctuations? There's a good chance there's a pattern to them, and it will let you see when you have a "real" drop coming.
  • kellienw335
    kellienw335 Posts: 1,745 Member
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    MoHousdon wrote: »
    I have really enjoyed getting to know you all through this thread.

    In case you're keeping track, T-18 days until my anniversary/ vacation trip.

    Yay for the vacation!

    I've refrained from commenting on the step-daughter thing because I'm so far behind, but seems like you have a good path of action at this point. I remember being that age and my mom said I could live with her and the step-dad...It was uncomfortable. Hugs!
  • 52cardpickup
    52cardpickup Posts: 379 Member
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    I sometimes weigh myself before and after I go to the bathroom, just to get some idea of how much waste the body produces. It's reassuring to think that I am actually not as heavy as I think, merely full of the stuff. I only do this once a day, and only in the morning.

    I don't weigh myself every day because weight can fluctuate up to two pounds in one day and it depresses me greatly to see myself bounce up and down in numbers.

    There's a really great app called Libra (it's free) that averages out your weight so you can still see the downward trend! It's a great way to keep your sanity!
  • Dnarules
    Dnarules Posts: 2,081 Member
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    JPW1990 wrote: »
    I guess this is my entertainment for the night - someone sending me harassing pm's yelling at me about a thread I didn't even post in LOL

    Wow. The main forums have been downright brutal lately. I hope they leave you alone. Do you just ignore them?

  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
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    nonoelmo wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    I really love this thread. You guys have helped me through a pretty hard time, and I have seen you help so many other people through hard times as well. People on the internet can be awful, but they can also be great. Best thread ever.

    Same here. This thread has affected my life in many ways. All good ways, which is why I struggle so much to keep up. But I have to accept that I cannot. I have to balance it out with real life, but I'll be here for as long as this thread exists!

    Same for me too. I feel like I've really gotten to know some of you really well, especially when we did the real name thing. Several hundred pages back. I've learned a lot and am very grateful for all of you. Thanks for being so accepting and friendly. Never go away, okay?!
    I was late to that party. I'm Laura

    Why are we talking about names again?? JK....I don't think I said mine the last time around because my first name gives me identity crisis issues :P
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
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    I confess I got panicky when I couldn't get into this thread .I kept getting an error message every time I clicked on it

    This has happened to me before, I panicked too!!
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
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    bkhamill wrote: »
    I have to go get a cervical biopsy in a few minutes. I'm not looking forward to this.

    Hope everything went well!!