Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Replies
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Confession: I have to go and decorate a cake and I don't really feel like it. I kind of got pushed into volunteering my services for a friend's daughter's 18th, and when she tried to talk money, I ended up saying it would be my gift.
When I was in business, this would have been a $150+ cake, so it's a pretty good gift, I think. Should have told her to go to Costco and given the girl a gift card like everyone else will.
Now I'm resentful. Totally my own fault. Ho Hum.0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »noaddedsugarx wrote: »It's been the most traumatic day. I've mentioned here before about being a full time carer for my Grandma who suffers with dementia.
Today she had a bad fall from the top to the very bottom of the stairs. She hit her head and has suffered bruising and bleeding to the brain and fractured her skull in two places along with breaking her elbow. The Doctors say there's nothing they can do but to wait it out and see if the bruising on her brain heals itself within the next 48-72 hours and her condition is going to get worse before/if it gets better. If it does heal itself they don't know what her level of function will be after.
I'm sick with worry and there's nothing I can do. It was 12 hours in hospital before she got seen by a specialist after lying there drowsy with a confirmed bleed on the brain!
I can't help thinking somehow that this is my fault and I should have been watching her (I was in my bedroom getting dressed) even though she is always steady on her feet and hasn't had a problem with stairs at least recently anyway. If she doesn't recover from this I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is not your fault. You couldn't have known or foreseen. and you do need to be able to get dressed/go to the bathroom.
Hugs to you, i hope she is recovering well
@noaddedsugarx I hope your grandma is ok. Accidents happen and as said before you simply couldn't have predicted this.0 -
5.5 hour staff meeting today, just how I wanted to start my weekend! Monday is gonna suck with all the action items I have to go through.
In brighter news, tomorrow is my first race of the season (OCR, Mud Hero). I am sososo excited! =D0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Ok folks! I wasn't going to look at this thread again until tonight but I had to jump on to share my excitement. After months of getting close and then jumping up I am officially at goal weight today! Actually .4 below. 210+ days later and 31 lbs. Yay!!!!!
woot woot! Well done!
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Confession: I have to go and decorate a cake and I don't really feel like it. I kind of got pushed into volunteering my services for a friend's daughter's 18th, and when she tried to talk money, I ended up saying it would be my gift.
When I was in business, this would have been a $150+ cake, so it's a pretty good gift, I think. Should have told her to go to Costco and given the girl a gift card like everyone else will.
Now I'm resentful. Totally my own fault. Ho Hum.
We have a word for that- "voluntold'...You were voluntold to decorate a cake for a friend's daughter's 18th birthday
LOVE cake...all cake, doesn't matter what kind. I could never bake or decorate one as I'd eat it all
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Confession: I have to go and decorate a cake and I don't really feel like it. I kind of got pushed into volunteering my services for a friend's daughter's 18th, and when she tried to talk money, I ended up saying it would be my gift.
When I was in business, this would have been a $150+ cake, so it's a pretty good gift, I think. Should have told her to go to Costco and given the girl a gift card like everyone else will.
Now I'm resentful. Totally my own fault. Ho Hum.
As someone who used to be in the business, I totally understand this. Now I try to fly under the radar as well. It's almost always more work than people appreciate.
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Before I start catching up I have a rant/confession. I hate hate HATE people who leave the queue and then expect to go back in the same place. I could just be a British thing, but I'm sorry, you left the queue, you go to the back! I was queuing up at reception to go the the gym at lunch and some lady came back and was like "Oh I just dropped my son off at the nursery I was here." Well Sh_t, the other day I realised whist in the queue that I left my hairband in the car, did that mean I could push back in when I got back? NO. I went to the back of the queue.
But of course I just smiled and moved back, because I prefer to bottle up my anger and spew it back up all over the internet.
Rant over. Happy Friday everyone!
that is definitely a british thing!
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MissLaaber wrote: »5.5 hour staff meeting today, just how I wanted to start my weekend! Monday is gonna suck with all the action items I have to go through.
In brighter news, tomorrow is my first race of the season (OCR, Mud Hero). I am sososo excited! =D
Good luck tomorrow!0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Apologies for the binge posting, but I am now caught up. I tried doing the multi-quote thing once before, so there was only one post from me, but then i lost all the posts i quoted and replied to before i could hit send.
Gonna ask you all for a little advice. I go to the gym daily and mostly i tend to do cardio (treadmill) stuff, because i really like the high calorie burns my HRM gives me. But i need to do some strength stuff. I don't really know where to start and i'm too shy to ask. I thought I'd buy the NROLFW and see if i could do that. What do you think? What do you guys do?
Hello! I'm so sorry I missed this post! I started on NROLFW and I did the first stage, which was fine, but when I got to the second stage, I kind of felt like I had taken a step back because I had to learn a whole new set of moves and I didn't know how heavy I could start the weights with, so I gave up. I'm now on Strong Lifts 5x5 which is SOOOO much simpler! Only 5 exercises and you feel like you are progressing every gym session! Depends how confident you are in the gym. I felt like a complete idiot because I was trying moves I had never done before with the New Rules. The book is good for general information about strength training though, so you could still get the book and then decide? I wouldn't say the book was a waste of money. I regret nothing.
I did download the stronglift app, but i don't really get it.....?
This may have already been answered, but...
You do bench, rows and squats on Day One.
Then deadlift, OHP and squats on Day Two.
Then go back to Day One, rinse and repeat.
Take two rest days a week, at least. I only do SL 5X5 three times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
ETA: If you don't know how to do one of the lifts correctly, Youtube it.Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Awwe, that's so sweet. Yours sounds like a great gift too.Today is my anniversary and I confess that I am sad that this means I won't be able to go on my weekly bike ride with my girls bike group.
My husband is the best about anniversaries, birthdays, etc. Last year, he had the high school art teacher help him make me a soup bowl. It says "Soup for my Soulmate". I love it! I tell myself every year I'm going to start shopping early and find him the perfect gift. It never happens. I ended up buying him a ceramic statue at the garden center. He deserves so much better!
My husband has got better at gifts over the years, but I have had some real doozies (set of home phones for my 40th, for example
). I've got much better at saying "For my birthday, if you'd like to get me a present, I'd really love X". Or I tell my daughter. She's very good at relaying 'hints' and he's relieved because he can get something he knows I'll like.
My husband is amazing at picking gifts for me. I, on the other hand, am the worst gift giver on the planet. Seriously. I always default to perfume because I just can't think of anything else... Even if I know the person really well! :-/ I'm just really, really bad at it.
confession: i am awesome at gift giving. i'm the crazy type that remembers six months ago you said you really wanted something, but could never justify getting it for whatever reason. i'd bust my *kitten* to make sure the gift i gave, meant something to the person, fit who they are, or allowed them to indulge when they themselves never would/could. i rock the giving of gifts.
actual confession: it took a really long time, and a lot of secret hidden internal disappointment, to realize no one ever puts in that type of effort for me. ever. (nobody cares, boo hoo, i know. yay personal pity party) but it actually really hurts, when you really dig deep and think about it.
so i quit. i quit making little notes to remember things about people, i quit spending hours on the net to find the out of print japan only release of an album that someone just would "die" to have but could never find it. no more care packages to people far away. i stopped picking up things here and there all year round because i knew it was just PERFECT for someone. i just quit.
and it's difficult sometimes. i'll see something and be like OH! PERFECT! but then i stop myself and just keep moving. and it's really lame that something like this is making me tear up while i'm at work, so i shall stop whining now before it really opens the floodgates.
Awww. I'm the same way... or at least I try to be. Some recipients are easier than others, and I could never achieve that standard with my mother for some reason. OTOH I've given my dad some really cool things that he absolutely loves.
I get very disappointed in myself when I draw a blank, though.
Currently debating getting my SO some tool he saw in a pawn shop but wouldn't buy because he couldn't get the guy to knock $25 off the price. Apparently it will sit in the store forever because it's so obscure no one will want it. The object of the gift is twofold -- one, he will be surprised when he goes back there again to try for a price reduction and it's sold; two -- finding out that he's the new owner, eventually. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I have to hang onto it until Christmas, as that is the next gift giving occasion for us.
Anyway. No one has ever put that much effort into buying gifts for me either. And I hear you on "actually really hurts". But I eventually realized that some people just don't see it the same way... for them, "gift giving effort" isn't necessarily an expression of love or a measure of caring, they have other ways of showing it.
It doesn't hurt to check out Love Languages (forget who the author is but there's stuff online). It talks about different categories of how we express love, and how someone may be expressing it toward us in their "language" but we don't get the message because we don't have the same language.
I'm another one who spends hours trying to find awesome gifts and i am always disappointed by gifts i receive.
Last year's gifts i bought:
My boyfriend's birthday : a weekend at our favourite remote cottage in the Brecon Beacons, on the weekend that my girlfriend had bought him birthday tickets to see Lee Evans in Cardiff.
My girlfriend's birthday: An infinity triangle necklace that she had admired, but refused to buy. 12 deep blue roses, that are almost impossible to get (took me a month to track down).
For christmas: The main gift was joint - a 4 day trip to amsterdam. I'd booked and paid for flights and hotel, back in August last year - the trip was in March this year.. I also bought an amsterdamn guide book, a board game we'd been eyeing up, their favourite chocolate and a bottle of scent each, as well as other small things like socks with their favourite characters.
For my birthday i got: A plastic book light for my kindle. Thats it. nothing else. I cried. I've had my kindle 6 years and never yet felt the need for a clip on light. I have no idea why that was thought to be an appropriate gift. I was totally gutted by this gift. (not relevant, but their gifts to each other on their birthdays were a) most expensive and b) something they wanted). I also know that said gift was bought on the day of my birthday. I felt not only was this a cheap shoddy gift, but it showed they really didn't put much thought into it, about me, what i would like/want. and buying it on the day....it was worse than petrol station flowers.
For christmas i got some nice gifts, only one thing that i said i actually wanted (A song of Fire and Ice set). But all of my gifts were bought when they went out shopping on boxing day. I couldn't help but feel such an after thought. The reasoning was it was really the only time they had to go shopping together, and i'm really hard to buy for.
I'm not going to put so much effort in this year. i know that sounds petty. I loved their reactions to my gifts and i really wanted them to have those things.....but when compared to what i got, the negative feelings far outweighed the positive.
oooohhhh I would be PISSED! And upset. I totally get that. I do big elaborate gifts like that too... and get less back. If they can't afford it no big deal, but a total lack of consideration is inexcusable. I can't even imagine how they thought that was appropriate. I would a) address it and b) take down the gifts or clearly establish a price each has to adhere to so its clear the expectations. You ALL THREE are supposed to be in an equal relationship, and gift giving should reflect that. I am just boiling now.0 -
Confession: I have to go and decorate a cake and I don't really feel like it. I kind of got pushed into volunteering my services for a friend's daughter's 18th, and when she tried to talk money, I ended up saying it would be my gift.
When I was in business, this would have been a $150+ cake, so it's a pretty good gift, I think. Should have told her to go to Costco and given the girl a gift card like everyone else will.
Now I'm resentful. Totally my own fault. Ho Hum.
There's a saying that having resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
I'm just trying to hit pg 800.....0 -
[/quote]
You got this! Thank you for taking the advice in the kind, yet strong, manner in which it was given. Yep, we ALL do stupid stuff. Umm, I had used one of those rubber/latex sport "waist trainers" after my last child was born--Oooh, horrible way to find out I am allergic to latex (and it didn't work, either, just gross blisters, despite wearing a cami under it).[/quote]
I can even tell you a worst way to find out one is allergic to 'latex' . . . having a gynecological exam . . . LOL! Now, before any MD puts on his gloves I tell him "I'm allergic to latex." Surprisingly they still are using them even though a lot of people are allergic to latex. I don't wear a bra very often because of the latex in them. Definitely, won't wear Spandex, for the same reason.
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orangesmartie wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
I'd be sad to leave this original thread behind, but count me in, too!
if you all leave and go somwhere else, please let me know, otherwise i'll get left behind. i never look in the forums, i just click on my favourites and click into this thread
As someone said to me yesterday, we won't leave you behind! And I know how to get in touch with you!
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Same in restaurants. We b*tch and complain about the food and then the waitress comes to ask if everything's ok, and we're all "Oh, yes, fine thank you".Before I start catching up I have a rant/confession. I hate hate HATE people who leave the queue and then expect to go back in the same place. I could just be a British thing, but I'm sorry, you left the queue, you go to the back! I was queuing up at reception to go the the gym at lunch and some lady came back and was like "Oh I just dropped my son off at the nursery I was here." Well Sh_t, the other day I realised whist in the queue that I left my hairband in the car, did that mean I could push back in when I got back? NO. I went to the back of the queue.
But of course I just smiled and moved back, because I prefer to bottle up my anger and spew it back up all over the internet.
Rant over. Happy Friday everyone!
That is so British. We moan about lack of queue etiquette, and then we go all polite when people misbehave. You're right though. Rude!
Not me, i will complain if the food/service is not up to standard, and i don't necessarily expect a discount. I expected improved food/service
On the other hand, i will always compliment good service and leave a tip.
One of my favourite eateries in Torquay is a little cafe, all the food is locally sourced/home made. I go there a lot (more than i should). i take a lot of people there. Early in the year i took my parents for lunch. The service was appalling. When paying the bill, i was asked if everything was ok. I said the food was wonderful as always, but the service left something to be desired. He asked me to elaborate and i did - i listed the bad points, and hoe they could've been better. He was very apologetic, gave me a discount and explained that thhis early in the holiday season, its new staff who are learning. Every time i've been back since, the service has been way better, and i have made a point of seeking the owner out each time, and telling him so.0 -
I tried...so close, but packing up now to head out. Want to stop at grocery store to pick up carrots before heading to the barn. Worked from home today so I get to rid tonight! Think of me on page 800!0
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kellienw335 wrote: »I have been behind for three days and have been unable to catch up but really want to comment on the group aspect. While I don't have a problem with the group, I feel like it might mess up or complicate this thread. We've dealt with a few crazies in here and they usually leave when they know they aren't welcome. So, my vote is to stay on the thread and have the group as a back up plan, but I can't keep up with both. Hell, I can hardly keep up with this thread since I've had actual work to do this week.
Nah, some of us stay!
*high five*
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I would really like to be more like you and the other awesome gift givers. I feel like I can never truly understand what makes a perfect gift, but reading this made me so upset! I'm sorry that you felt like such an after thought... the gifts you chose for them sound absolutely perfect. If I received a gift like that I feel like I would try to spend hours guiltily trying to find something to match it!orangesmartie wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Apologies for the binge posting, but I am now caught up. I tried doing the multi-quote thing once before, so there was only one post from me, but then i lost all the posts i quoted and replied to before i could hit send.
Gonna ask you all for a little advice. I go to the gym daily and mostly i tend to do cardio (treadmill) stuff, because i really like the high calorie burns my HRM gives me. But i need to do some strength stuff. I don't really know where to start and i'm too shy to ask. I thought I'd buy the NROLFW and see if i could do that. What do you think? What do you guys do?
Hello! I'm so sorry I missed this post! I started on NROLFW and I did the first stage, which was fine, but when I got to the second stage, I kind of felt like I had taken a step back because I had to learn a whole new set of moves and I didn't know how heavy I could start the weights with, so I gave up. I'm now on Strong Lifts 5x5 which is SOOOO much simpler! Only 5 exercises and you feel like you are progressing every gym session! Depends how confident you are in the gym. I felt like a complete idiot because I was trying moves I had never done before with the New Rules. The book is good for general information about strength training though, so you could still get the book and then decide? I wouldn't say the book was a waste of money. I regret nothing.
I did download the stronglift app, but i don't really get it.....?
This may have already been answered, but...
You do bench, rows and squats on Day One.
Then deadlift, OHP and squats on Day Two.
Then go back to Day One, rinse and repeat.
Take two rest days a week, at least. I only do SL 5X5 three times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
ETA: If you don't know how to do one of the lifts correctly, Youtube it.Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Awwe, that's so sweet. Yours sounds like a great gift too.Today is my anniversary and I confess that I am sad that this means I won't be able to go on my weekly bike ride with my girls bike group.
My husband is the best about anniversaries, birthdays, etc. Last year, he had the high school art teacher help him make me a soup bowl. It says "Soup for my Soulmate". I love it! I tell myself every year I'm going to start shopping early and find him the perfect gift. It never happens. I ended up buying him a ceramic statue at the garden center. He deserves so much better!
My husband has got better at gifts over the years, but I have had some real doozies (set of home phones for my 40th, for example ). I've got much better at saying "For my birthday, if you'd like to get me a present, I'd really love X". Or I tell my daughter. She's very good at relaying 'hints' and he's relieved because he can get something he knows I'll like.
My husband is amazing at picking gifts for me. I, on the other hand, am the worst gift giver on the planet. Seriously. I always default to perfume because I just can't think of anything else... Even if I know the person really well! :-/ I'm just really, really bad at it.
confession: i am awesome at gift giving. i'm the crazy type that remembers six months ago you said you really wanted something, but could never justify getting it for whatever reason. i'd bust my *kitten* to make sure the gift i gave, meant something to the person, fit who they are, or allowed them to indulge when they themselves never would/could. i rock the giving of gifts.
actual confession: it took a really long time, and a lot of secret hidden internal disappointment, to realize no one ever puts in that type of effort for me. ever. (nobody cares, boo hoo, i know. yay personal pity party) but it actually really hurts, when you really dig deep and think about it.
so i quit. i quit making little notes to remember things about people, i quit spending hours on the net to find the out of print japan only release of an album that someone just would "die" to have but could never find it. no more care packages to people far away. i stopped picking up things here and there all year round because i knew it was just PERFECT for someone. i just quit.
and it's difficult sometimes. i'll see something and be like OH! PERFECT! but then i stop myself and just keep moving. and it's really lame that something like this is making me tear up while i'm at work, so i shall stop whining now before it really opens the floodgates.
Awww. I'm the same way... or at least I try to be. Some recipients are easier than others, and I could never achieve that standard with my mother for some reason. OTOH I've given my dad some really cool things that he absolutely loves.
I get very disappointed in myself when I draw a blank, though.
Currently debating getting my SO some tool he saw in a pawn shop but wouldn't buy because he couldn't get the guy to knock $25 off the price. Apparently it will sit in the store forever because it's so obscure no one will want it. The object of the gift is twofold -- one, he will be surprised when he goes back there again to try for a price reduction and it's sold; two -- finding out that he's the new owner, eventually. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I have to hang onto it until Christmas, as that is the next gift giving occasion for us.
Anyway. No one has ever put that much effort into buying gifts for me either. And I hear you on "actually really hurts". But I eventually realized that some people just don't see it the same way... for them, "gift giving effort" isn't necessarily an expression of love or a measure of caring, they have other ways of showing it.
It doesn't hurt to check out Love Languages (forget who the author is but there's stuff online). It talks about different categories of how we express love, and how someone may be expressing it toward us in their "language" but we don't get the message because we don't have the same language.
I'm another one who spends hours trying to find awesome gifts and i am always disappointed by gifts i receive.
Last year's gifts i bought:
My boyfriend's birthday : a weekend at our favourite remote cottage in the Brecon Beacons, on the weekend that my girlfriend had bought him birthday tickets to see Lee Evans in Cardiff.
My girlfriend's birthday: An infinity triangle necklace that she had admired, but refused to buy. 12 deep blue roses, that are almost impossible to get (took me a month to track down).
For christmas: The main gift was joint - a 4 day trip to amsterdam. I'd booked and paid for flights and hotel, back in August last year - the trip was in March this year.. I also bought an amsterdamn guide book, a board game we'd been eyeing up, their favourite chocolate and a bottle of scent each, as well as other small things like socks with their favourite characters.
For my birthday i got: A plastic book light for my kindle. Thats it. nothing else. I cried. I've had my kindle 6 years and never yet felt the need for a clip on light. I have no idea why that was thought to be an appropriate gift. I was totally gutted by this gift. (not relevant, but their gifts to each other on their birthdays were a) most expensive and b) something they wanted). I also know that said gift was bought on the day of my birthday. I felt not only was this a cheap shoddy gift, but it showed they really didn't put much thought into it, about me, what i would like/want. and buying it on the day....it was worse than petrol station flowers.
For christmas i got some nice gifts, only one thing that i said i actually wanted (A song of Fire and Ice set). But all of my gifts were bought when they went out shopping on boxing day. I couldn't help but feel such an after thought. The reasoning was it was really the only time they had to go shopping together, and i'm really hard to buy for.
I'm not going to put so much effort in this year. i know that sounds petty. I loved their reactions to my gifts and i really wanted them to have those things.....but when compared to what i got, the negative feelings far outweighed the positive.
EDIT: I used to buy my friends presents and ask them to open them when I wasn't around... simply because I was scared they wouldn't like the gifts. Luckily I had one friend who was very similar to me: we both loved pampery, spa-y items and chocolate. Fuzzy socks, bubble bath, and huge bags of gummy bears galore.0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Apologies for the binge posting, but I am now caught up. I tried doing the multi-quote thing once before, so there was only one post from me, but then i lost all the posts i quoted and replied to before i could hit send.
Gonna ask you all for a little advice. I go to the gym daily and mostly i tend to do cardio (treadmill) stuff, because i really like the high calorie burns my HRM gives me. But i need to do some strength stuff. I don't really know where to start and i'm too shy to ask. I thought I'd buy the NROLFW and see if i could do that. What do you think? What do you guys do?
Hello! I'm so sorry I missed this post! I started on NROLFW and I did the first stage, which was fine, but when I got to the second stage, I kind of felt like I had taken a step back because I had to learn a whole new set of moves and I didn't know how heavy I could start the weights with, so I gave up. I'm now on Strong Lifts 5x5 which is SOOOO much simpler! Only 5 exercises and you feel like you are progressing every gym session! Depends how confident you are in the gym. I felt like a complete idiot because I was trying moves I had never done before with the New Rules. The book is good for general information about strength training though, so you could still get the book and then decide? I wouldn't say the book was a waste of money. I regret nothing.
I did download the stronglift app, but i don't really get it.....?
This may have already been answered, but...
You do bench, rows and squats on Day One.
Then deadlift, OHP and squats on Day Two.
Then go back to Day One, rinse and repeat.
Take two rest days a week, at least. I only do SL 5X5 three times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
ETA: If you don't know how to do one of the lifts correctly, Youtube it.Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Awwe, that's so sweet. Yours sounds like a great gift too.Today is my anniversary and I confess that I am sad that this means I won't be able to go on my weekly bike ride with my girls bike group.
My husband is the best about anniversaries, birthdays, etc. Last year, he had the high school art teacher help him make me a soup bowl. It says "Soup for my Soulmate". I love it! I tell myself every year I'm going to start shopping early and find him the perfect gift. It never happens. I ended up buying him a ceramic statue at the garden center. He deserves so much better!
My husband has got better at gifts over the years, but I have had some real doozies (set of home phones for my 40th, for example ). I've got much better at saying "For my birthday, if you'd like to get me a present, I'd really love X". Or I tell my daughter. She's very good at relaying 'hints' and he's relieved because he can get something he knows I'll like.
My husband is amazing at picking gifts for me. I, on the other hand, am the worst gift giver on the planet. Seriously. I always default to perfume because I just can't think of anything else... Even if I know the person really well! :-/ I'm just really, really bad at it.
confession: i am awesome at gift giving. i'm the crazy type that remembers six months ago you said you really wanted something, but could never justify getting it for whatever reason. i'd bust my *kitten* to make sure the gift i gave, meant something to the person, fit who they are, or allowed them to indulge when they themselves never would/could. i rock the giving of gifts.
actual confession: it took a really long time, and a lot of secret hidden internal disappointment, to realize no one ever puts in that type of effort for me. ever. (nobody cares, boo hoo, i know. yay personal pity party) but it actually really hurts, when you really dig deep and think about it.
so i quit. i quit making little notes to remember things about people, i quit spending hours on the net to find the out of print japan only release of an album that someone just would "die" to have but could never find it. no more care packages to people far away. i stopped picking up things here and there all year round because i knew it was just PERFECT for someone. i just quit.
and it's difficult sometimes. i'll see something and be like OH! PERFECT! but then i stop myself and just keep moving. and it's really lame that something like this is making me tear up while i'm at work, so i shall stop whining now before it really opens the floodgates.
Awww. I'm the same way... or at least I try to be. Some recipients are easier than others, and I could never achieve that standard with my mother for some reason. OTOH I've given my dad some really cool things that he absolutely loves.
I get very disappointed in myself when I draw a blank, though.
Currently debating getting my SO some tool he saw in a pawn shop but wouldn't buy because he couldn't get the guy to knock $25 off the price. Apparently it will sit in the store forever because it's so obscure no one will want it. The object of the gift is twofold -- one, he will be surprised when he goes back there again to try for a price reduction and it's sold; two -- finding out that he's the new owner, eventually. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I have to hang onto it until Christmas, as that is the next gift giving occasion for us.
Anyway. No one has ever put that much effort into buying gifts for me either. And I hear you on "actually really hurts". But I eventually realized that some people just don't see it the same way... for them, "gift giving effort" isn't necessarily an expression of love or a measure of caring, they have other ways of showing it.
It doesn't hurt to check out Love Languages (forget who the author is but there's stuff online). It talks about different categories of how we express love, and how someone may be expressing it toward us in their "language" but we don't get the message because we don't have the same language.
I'm another one who spends hours trying to find awesome gifts and i am always disappointed by gifts i receive.
Last year's gifts i bought:
My boyfriend's birthday : a weekend at our favourite remote cottage in the Brecon Beacons, on the weekend that my girlfriend had bought him birthday tickets to see Lee Evans in Cardiff.
My girlfriend's birthday: An infinity triangle necklace that she had admired, but refused to buy. 12 deep blue roses, that are almost impossible to get (took me a month to track down).
For christmas: The main gift was joint - a 4 day trip to amsterdam. I'd booked and paid for flights and hotel, back in August last year - the trip was in March this year.. I also bought an amsterdamn guide book, a board game we'd been eyeing up, their favourite chocolate and a bottle of scent each, as well as other small things like socks with their favourite characters.
For my birthday i got: A plastic book light for my kindle. Thats it. nothing else. I cried. I've had my kindle 6 years and never yet felt the need for a clip on light. I have no idea why that was thought to be an appropriate gift. I was totally gutted by this gift. (not relevant, but their gifts to each other on their birthdays were a) most expensive and b) something they wanted). I also know that said gift was bought on the day of my birthday. I felt not only was this a cheap shoddy gift, but it showed they really didn't put much thought into it, about me, what i would like/want. and buying it on the day....it was worse than petrol station flowers.
For christmas i got some nice gifts, only one thing that i said i actually wanted (A song of Fire and Ice set). But all of my gifts were bought when they went out shopping on boxing day. I couldn't help but feel such an after thought. The reasoning was it was really the only time they had to go shopping together, and i'm really hard to buy for.
I'm not going to put so much effort in this year. i know that sounds petty. I loved their reactions to my gifts and i really wanted them to have those things.....but when compared to what i got, the negative feelings far outweighed the positive.
i don't think it's petty.
i would have been absolutely devastated as well, and have been in similar situations in the past.
because really it's not about the gift, it's the thought and effort behind it and put into it.
i just want someone to care enough about me to think i'm worth the effort.
yes, this exactly.
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pofoster21 wrote: »Ok folks! I wasn't going to look at this thread again until tonight but I had to jump on to share my excitement. After months of getting close and then jumping up I am officially at goal weight today! Actually .4 below. 210+ days later and 31 lbs. Yay!!!!!
HAPPY DANCE!!! Congratulations, Po!
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pofoster21 wrote: »I tried...so close, but packing up now to head out. Want to stop at grocery store to pick up carrots before heading to the barn. Worked from home today so I get to rid tonight! Think of me on page 800!
I find it hilarious that this is the first post of page 800.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »I tried...so close, but packing up now to head out. Want to stop at grocery store to pick up carrots before heading to the barn. Worked from home today so I get to rid tonight! Think of me on page 800!
I find it hilarious that this is the first post of page 800.
@pofoster21 you did make it to 800! First post, FTW! 0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Apologies for the binge posting, but I am now caught up. I tried doing the multi-quote thing once before, so there was only one post from me, but then i lost all the posts i quoted and replied to before i could hit send.
Gonna ask you all for a little advice. I go to the gym daily and mostly i tend to do cardio (treadmill) stuff, because i really like the high calorie burns my HRM gives me. But i need to do some strength stuff. I don't really know where to start and i'm too shy to ask. I thought I'd buy the NROLFW and see if i could do that. What do you think? What do you guys do?
Hello! I'm so sorry I missed this post! I started on NROLFW and I did the first stage, which was fine, but when I got to the second stage, I kind of felt like I had taken a step back because I had to learn a whole new set of moves and I didn't know how heavy I could start the weights with, so I gave up. I'm now on Strong Lifts 5x5 which is SOOOO much simpler! Only 5 exercises and you feel like you are progressing every gym session! Depends how confident you are in the gym. I felt like a complete idiot because I was trying moves I had never done before with the New Rules. The book is good for general information about strength training though, so you could still get the book and then decide? I wouldn't say the book was a waste of money. I regret nothing.
I did download the stronglift app, but i don't really get it.....?
This may have already been answered, but...
You do bench, rows and squats on Day One.
Then deadlift, OHP and squats on Day Two.
Then go back to Day One, rinse and repeat.
Take two rest days a week, at least. I only do SL 5X5 three times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
ETA: If you don't know how to do one of the lifts correctly, Youtube it.Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Awwe, that's so sweet. Yours sounds like a great gift too.Today is my anniversary and I confess that I am sad that this means I won't be able to go on my weekly bike ride with my girls bike group.
My husband is the best about anniversaries, birthdays, etc. Last year, he had the high school art teacher help him make me a soup bowl. It says "Soup for my Soulmate". I love it! I tell myself every year I'm going to start shopping early and find him the perfect gift. It never happens. I ended up buying him a ceramic statue at the garden center. He deserves so much better!
My husband has got better at gifts over the years, but I have had some real doozies (set of home phones for my 40th, for example ). I've got much better at saying "For my birthday, if you'd like to get me a present, I'd really love X". Or I tell my daughter. She's very good at relaying 'hints' and he's relieved because he can get something he knows I'll like.
My husband is amazing at picking gifts for me. I, on the other hand, am the worst gift giver on the planet. Seriously. I always default to perfume because I just can't think of anything else... Even if I know the person really well! :-/ I'm just really, really bad at it.
confession: i am awesome at gift giving. i'm the crazy type that remembers six months ago you said you really wanted something, but could never justify getting it for whatever reason. i'd bust my *kitten* to make sure the gift i gave, meant something to the person, fit who they are, or allowed them to indulge when they themselves never would/could. i rock the giving of gifts.
actual confession: it took a really long time, and a lot of secret hidden internal disappointment, to realize no one ever puts in that type of effort for me. ever. (nobody cares, boo hoo, i know. yay personal pity party) but it actually really hurts, when you really dig deep and think about it.
so i quit. i quit making little notes to remember things about people, i quit spending hours on the net to find the out of print japan only release of an album that someone just would "die" to have but could never find it. no more care packages to people far away. i stopped picking up things here and there all year round because i knew it was just PERFECT for someone. i just quit.
and it's difficult sometimes. i'll see something and be like OH! PERFECT! but then i stop myself and just keep moving. and it's really lame that something like this is making me tear up while i'm at work, so i shall stop whining now before it really opens the floodgates.
Awww. I'm the same way... or at least I try to be. Some recipients are easier than others, and I could never achieve that standard with my mother for some reason. OTOH I've given my dad some really cool things that he absolutely loves.
I get very disappointed in myself when I draw a blank, though.
Currently debating getting my SO some tool he saw in a pawn shop but wouldn't buy because he couldn't get the guy to knock $25 off the price. Apparently it will sit in the store forever because it's so obscure no one will want it. The object of the gift is twofold -- one, he will be surprised when he goes back there again to try for a price reduction and it's sold; two -- finding out that he's the new owner, eventually. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I have to hang onto it until Christmas, as that is the next gift giving occasion for us.
Anyway. No one has ever put that much effort into buying gifts for me either. And I hear you on "actually really hurts". But I eventually realized that some people just don't see it the same way... for them, "gift giving effort" isn't necessarily an expression of love or a measure of caring, they have other ways of showing it.
It doesn't hurt to check out Love Languages (forget who the author is but there's stuff online). It talks about different categories of how we express love, and how someone may be expressing it toward us in their "language" but we don't get the message because we don't have the same language.
I'm another one who spends hours trying to find awesome gifts and i am always disappointed by gifts i receive.
Last year's gifts i bought:
My boyfriend's birthday : a weekend at our favourite remote cottage in the Brecon Beacons, on the weekend that my girlfriend had bought him birthday tickets to see Lee Evans in Cardiff.
My girlfriend's birthday: An infinity triangle necklace that she had admired, but refused to buy. 12 deep blue roses, that are almost impossible to get (took me a month to track down).
For christmas: The main gift was joint - a 4 day trip to amsterdam. I'd booked and paid for flights and hotel, back in August last year - the trip was in March this year.. I also bought an amsterdamn guide book, a board game we'd been eyeing up, their favourite chocolate and a bottle of scent each, as well as other small things like socks with their favourite characters.
For my birthday i got: A plastic book light for my kindle. Thats it. nothing else. I cried. I've had my kindle 6 years and never yet felt the need for a clip on light. I have no idea why that was thought to be an appropriate gift. I was totally gutted by this gift. (not relevant, but their gifts to each other on their birthdays were a) most expensive and b) something they wanted). I also know that said gift was bought on the day of my birthday. I felt not only was this a cheap shoddy gift, but it showed they really didn't put much thought into it, about me, what i would like/want. and buying it on the day....it was worse than petrol station flowers.
For christmas i got some nice gifts, only one thing that i said i actually wanted (A song of Fire and Ice set). But all of my gifts were bought when they went out shopping on boxing day. I couldn't help but feel such an after thought. The reasoning was it was really the only time they had to go shopping together, and i'm really hard to buy for.
I'm not going to put so much effort in this year. i know that sounds petty. I loved their reactions to my gifts and i really wanted them to have those things.....but when compared to what i got, the negative feelings far outweighed the positive.
oooohhhh I would be PISSED! And upset. I totally get that. I do big elaborate gifts like that too... and get less back. If they can't afford it no big deal, but a total lack of consideration is inexcusable. I can't even imagine how they thought that was appropriate. I would a) address it and b) take down the gifts or clearly establish a price each has to adhere to so its clear the expectations. You ALL THREE are supposed to be in an equal relationship, and gift giving should reflect that. I am just boiling now.
It wasn't really about the money, it was about the lack of thought, and almost like they didn't know me. admittedly i am horrible to buy for, because of the time if i want something, i get it myself, i don't rely on anyone to provide my wants but i do have an amazon wishlist they could've looked at, they could've asked my parents for suggestions.
I never really did address the whole gift thing, . We were going through a very rocky few months at the back of last year, and it was just another thing to add to the rockiness and my general feelings of insecurity. I'm more than happy to reflect that we got through the rockiness and that is more important tha any gift. However, it has been noted that said gift is still sitting in the gift bag (not even wrapped!!!!) it was given in, and has never been touched since that night.
But yes, i think you might be right in that it should be addressed specifically, and perhaps establish a guide gift price. I should stop being passive aggressive about it and tell them how it made me feel.0 -
No, she asked if I could, and I said yes - I really could have said no and it would have been fine. My fault, not hers.Confession: I have to go and decorate a cake and I don't really feel like it. I kind of got pushed into volunteering my services for a friend's daughter's 18th, and when she tried to talk money, I ended up saying it would be my gift.
When I was in business, this would have been a $150+ cake, so it's a pretty good gift, I think. Should have told her to go to Costco and given the girl a gift card like everyone else will.
Now I'm resentful. Totally my own fault. Ho Hum.
We have a word for that- "voluntold'...You were voluntold to decorate a cake for a friend's daughter's 18th birthday
LOVE cake...all cake, doesn't matter what kind. I could never bake or decorate one as I'd eat it all
And, yes, there is a little cake made of leftover batter on the kitchen counter which I may or may not be taking tiny slices of every half hour. There's a reason I was much heavier when I was baking - quality control.
Anyway, first pass done, cakes chilling, me too - all ok.
SO true! (Especially when they say it can be 'simple')52cardpickup wrote: »Confession: I have to go and decorate a cake and I don't really feel like it. I kind of got pushed into volunteering my services for a friend's daughter's 18th, and when she tried to talk money, I ended up saying it would be my gift.
When I was in business, this would have been a $150+ cake, so it's a pretty good gift, I think. Should have told her to go to Costco and given the girl a gift card like everyone else will.
Now I'm resentful. Totally my own fault. Ho Hum.
As someone who used to be in the business, I totally understand this. Now I try to fly under the radar as well. It's almost always more work than people appreciate.
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pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
I'd be sad to leave this original thread behind, but count me in, too!
if you all leave and go somwhere else, please let me know, otherwise i'll get left behind. i never look in the forums, i just click on my favourites and click into this thread
As someone said to me yesterday, we won't leave you behind! And I know how to get in touch with you!
Yay! Thank you x
*feeling all warm and fuzzy*
I really love this thread
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pofoster21 wrote: »I tried...so close, but packing up now to head out. Want to stop at grocery store to pick up carrots before heading to the barn. Worked from home today so I get to rid tonight! Think of me on page 800!
You made it! You were the first post on page 800!0 -
I'm with the other horrible gift givers. I feel like nothing I get is good enough, or even wanted. But I try to be like you and I pay attention to what people like, what they talk about. For example, the first Christmas my boyfriend and I were together I was very diligent, I paid attention to the little things he liked on Facebook, and I bought them. He kept liking these paracord bracelet things, they had customizable dog tags on them. So I ordered him one...and had the dog tag customized to match his dog tags from the Marine Corp. He also kept talking about those activity trackers; he was a runner...so I went and bought him one, a good one, which he could sync up with his phone, and blah blah blah. It's been a year and a half since then. He used the activity tracker for a day and now it and the bracelet are both sitting in a junk box. This past Christmas I was so terrified to buy him anything at all. 0
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FluffySandwich wrote: »
I would really like to be more like you and the other awesome gift givers. I feel like I can never truly understand what makes a perfect gift, but reading this made me so upset! I'm sorry that you felt like such an after thought... the gifts you chose for them sound absolutely perfect. If I received a gift like that I feel like I would try to spend hours guiltily trying to find something to match it!orangesmartie wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Apologies for the binge posting, but I am now caught up. I tried doing the multi-quote thing once before, so there was only one post from me, but then i lost all the posts i quoted and replied to before i could hit send.
Gonna ask you all for a little advice. I go to the gym daily and mostly i tend to do cardio (treadmill) stuff, because i really like the high calorie burns my HRM gives me. But i need to do some strength stuff. I don't really know where to start and i'm too shy to ask. I thought I'd buy the NROLFW and see if i could do that. What do you think? What do you guys do?
Hello! I'm so sorry I missed this post! I started on NROLFW and I did the first stage, which was fine, but when I got to the second stage, I kind of felt like I had taken a step back because I had to learn a whole new set of moves and I didn't know how heavy I could start the weights with, so I gave up. I'm now on Strong Lifts 5x5 which is SOOOO much simpler! Only 5 exercises and you feel like you are progressing every gym session! Depends how confident you are in the gym. I felt like a complete idiot because I was trying moves I had never done before with the New Rules. The book is good for general information about strength training though, so you could still get the book and then decide? I wouldn't say the book was a waste of money. I regret nothing.
I did download the stronglift app, but i don't really get it.....?
This may have already been answered, but...
You do bench, rows and squats on Day One.
Then deadlift, OHP and squats on Day Two.
Then go back to Day One, rinse and repeat.
Take two rest days a week, at least. I only do SL 5X5 three times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
ETA: If you don't know how to do one of the lifts correctly, Youtube it.Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Awwe, that's so sweet. Yours sounds like a great gift too.Today is my anniversary and I confess that I am sad that this means I won't be able to go on my weekly bike ride with my girls bike group.
My husband is the best about anniversaries, birthdays, etc. Last year, he had the high school art teacher help him make me a soup bowl. It says "Soup for my Soulmate". I love it! I tell myself every year I'm going to start shopping early and find him the perfect gift. It never happens. I ended up buying him a ceramic statue at the garden center. He deserves so much better!
My husband has got better at gifts over the years, but I have had some real doozies (set of home phones for my 40th, for example ). I've got much better at saying "For my birthday, if you'd like to get me a present, I'd really love X". Or I tell my daughter. She's very good at relaying 'hints' and he's relieved because he can get something he knows I'll like.
My husband is amazing at picking gifts for me. I, on the other hand, am the worst gift giver on the planet. Seriously. I always default to perfume because I just can't think of anything else... Even if I know the person really well! :-/ I'm just really, really bad at it.
confession: i am awesome at gift giving. i'm the crazy type that remembers six months ago you said you really wanted something, but could never justify getting it for whatever reason. i'd bust my *kitten* to make sure the gift i gave, meant something to the person, fit who they are, or allowed them to indulge when they themselves never would/could. i rock the giving of gifts.
actual confession: it took a really long time, and a lot of secret hidden internal disappointment, to realize no one ever puts in that type of effort for me. ever. (nobody cares, boo hoo, i know. yay personal pity party) but it actually really hurts, when you really dig deep and think about it.
so i quit. i quit making little notes to remember things about people, i quit spending hours on the net to find the out of print japan only release of an album that someone just would "die" to have but could never find it. no more care packages to people far away. i stopped picking up things here and there all year round because i knew it was just PERFECT for someone. i just quit.
and it's difficult sometimes. i'll see something and be like OH! PERFECT! but then i stop myself and just keep moving. and it's really lame that something like this is making me tear up while i'm at work, so i shall stop whining now before it really opens the floodgates.
Awww. I'm the same way... or at least I try to be. Some recipients are easier than others, and I could never achieve that standard with my mother for some reason. OTOH I've given my dad some really cool things that he absolutely loves.
I get very disappointed in myself when I draw a blank, though.
Currently debating getting my SO some tool he saw in a pawn shop but wouldn't buy because he couldn't get the guy to knock $25 off the price. Apparently it will sit in the store forever because it's so obscure no one will want it. The object of the gift is twofold -- one, he will be surprised when he goes back there again to try for a price reduction and it's sold; two -- finding out that he's the new owner, eventually. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I have to hang onto it until Christmas, as that is the next gift giving occasion for us.
Anyway. No one has ever put that much effort into buying gifts for me either. And I hear you on "actually really hurts". But I eventually realized that some people just don't see it the same way... for them, "gift giving effort" isn't necessarily an expression of love or a measure of caring, they have other ways of showing it.
It doesn't hurt to check out Love Languages (forget who the author is but there's stuff online). It talks about different categories of how we express love, and how someone may be expressing it toward us in their "language" but we don't get the message because we don't have the same language.
I'm another one who spends hours trying to find awesome gifts and i am always disappointed by gifts i receive.
Last year's gifts i bought:
My boyfriend's birthday : a weekend at our favourite remote cottage in the Brecon Beacons, on the weekend that my girlfriend had bought him birthday tickets to see Lee Evans in Cardiff.
My girlfriend's birthday: An infinity triangle necklace that she had admired, but refused to buy. 12 deep blue roses, that are almost impossible to get (took me a month to track down).
For christmas: The main gift was joint - a 4 day trip to amsterdam. I'd booked and paid for flights and hotel, back in August last year - the trip was in March this year.. I also bought an amsterdamn guide book, a board game we'd been eyeing up, their favourite chocolate and a bottle of scent each, as well as other small things like socks with their favourite characters.
For my birthday i got: A plastic book light for my kindle. Thats it. nothing else. I cried. I've had my kindle 6 years and never yet felt the need for a clip on light. I have no idea why that was thought to be an appropriate gift. I was totally gutted by this gift. (not relevant, but their gifts to each other on their birthdays were a) most expensive and b) something they wanted). I also know that said gift was bought on the day of my birthday. I felt not only was this a cheap shoddy gift, but it showed they really didn't put much thought into it, about me, what i would like/want. and buying it on the day....it was worse than petrol station flowers.
For christmas i got some nice gifts, only one thing that i said i actually wanted (A song of Fire and Ice set). But all of my gifts were bought when they went out shopping on boxing day. I couldn't help but feel such an after thought. The reasoning was it was really the only time they had to go shopping together, and i'm really hard to buy for.
I'm not going to put so much effort in this year. i know that sounds petty. I loved their reactions to my gifts and i really wanted them to have those things.....but when compared to what i got, the negative feelings far outweighed the positive.
EDIT: I used to buy my friends presents and ask them to open them when I wasn't around... simply because I was scared they wouldn't like the gifts. Luckily I had one friend who was very similar to me: we both loved pampery, spa-y items and chocolate. Fuzzy socks, bubble bath, and huge bags of gummy bears galore.
I think this is the problem. I wasn't expecting something to match. my birthday is first of the three, but each of them knew well in advance what i had done for the other. But its more about the thought.
Anyway, i shall stop snivelling now, and suck it up womanfully! 0 -
Sorry this happened to you. It's hurtful.orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Apologies for the binge posting, but I am now caught up. I tried doing the multi-quote thing once before, so there was only one post from me, but then i lost all the posts i quoted and replied to before i could hit send.
Gonna ask you all for a little advice. I go to the gym daily and mostly i tend to do cardio (treadmill) stuff, because i really like the high calorie burns my HRM gives me. But i need to do some strength stuff. I don't really know where to start and i'm too shy to ask. I thought I'd buy the NROLFW and see if i could do that. What do you think? What do you guys do?
Hello! I'm so sorry I missed this post! I started on NROLFW and I did the first stage, which was fine, but when I got to the second stage, I kind of felt like I had taken a step back because I had to learn a whole new set of moves and I didn't know how heavy I could start the weights with, so I gave up. I'm now on Strong Lifts 5x5 which is SOOOO much simpler! Only 5 exercises and you feel like you are progressing every gym session! Depends how confident you are in the gym. I felt like a complete idiot because I was trying moves I had never done before with the New Rules. The book is good for general information about strength training though, so you could still get the book and then decide? I wouldn't say the book was a waste of money. I regret nothing.
I did download the stronglift app, but i don't really get it.....?
This may have already been answered, but...
You do bench, rows and squats on Day One.
Then deadlift, OHP and squats on Day Two.
Then go back to Day One, rinse and repeat.
Take two rest days a week, at least. I only do SL 5X5 three times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
ETA: If you don't know how to do one of the lifts correctly, Youtube it.Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Awwe, that's so sweet. Yours sounds like a great gift too.Today is my anniversary and I confess that I am sad that this means I won't be able to go on my weekly bike ride with my girls bike group.
My husband is the best about anniversaries, birthdays, etc. Last year, he had the high school art teacher help him make me a soup bowl. It says "Soup for my Soulmate". I love it! I tell myself every year I'm going to start shopping early and find him the perfect gift. It never happens. I ended up buying him a ceramic statue at the garden center. He deserves so much better!
My husband has got better at gifts over the years, but I have had some real doozies (set of home phones for my 40th, for example ). I've got much better at saying "For my birthday, if you'd like to get me a present, I'd really love X". Or I tell my daughter. She's very good at relaying 'hints' and he's relieved because he can get something he knows I'll like.
My husband is amazing at picking gifts for me. I, on the other hand, am the worst gift giver on the planet. Seriously. I always default to perfume because I just can't think of anything else... Even if I know the person really well! :-/ I'm just really, really bad at it.
confession: i am awesome at gift giving. i'm the crazy type that remembers six months ago you said you really wanted something, but could never justify getting it for whatever reason. i'd bust my *kitten* to make sure the gift i gave, meant something to the person, fit who they are, or allowed them to indulge when they themselves never would/could. i rock the giving of gifts.
actual confession: it took a really long time, and a lot of secret hidden internal disappointment, to realize no one ever puts in that type of effort for me. ever. (nobody cares, boo hoo, i know. yay personal pity party) but it actually really hurts, when you really dig deep and think about it.
so i quit. i quit making little notes to remember things about people, i quit spending hours on the net to find the out of print japan only release of an album that someone just would "die" to have but could never find it. no more care packages to people far away. i stopped picking up things here and there all year round because i knew it was just PERFECT for someone. i just quit.
and it's difficult sometimes. i'll see something and be like OH! PERFECT! but then i stop myself and just keep moving. and it's really lame that something like this is making me tear up while i'm at work, so i shall stop whining now before it really opens the floodgates.
Awww. I'm the same way... or at least I try to be. Some recipients are easier than others, and I could never achieve that standard with my mother for some reason. OTOH I've given my dad some really cool things that he absolutely loves.
I get very disappointed in myself when I draw a blank, though.
Currently debating getting my SO some tool he saw in a pawn shop but wouldn't buy because he couldn't get the guy to knock $25 off the price. Apparently it will sit in the store forever because it's so obscure no one will want it. The object of the gift is twofold -- one, he will be surprised when he goes back there again to try for a price reduction and it's sold; two -- finding out that he's the new owner, eventually. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I have to hang onto it until Christmas, as that is the next gift giving occasion for us.
Anyway. No one has ever put that much effort into buying gifts for me either. And I hear you on "actually really hurts". But I eventually realized that some people just don't see it the same way... for them, "gift giving effort" isn't necessarily an expression of love or a measure of caring, they have other ways of showing it.
It doesn't hurt to check out Love Languages (forget who the author is but there's stuff online). It talks about different categories of how we express love, and how someone may be expressing it toward us in their "language" but we don't get the message because we don't have the same language.
I'm another one who spends hours trying to find awesome gifts and i am always disappointed by gifts i receive.
Last year's gifts i bought:
My boyfriend's birthday : a weekend at our favourite remote cottage in the Brecon Beacons, on the weekend that my girlfriend had bought him birthday tickets to see Lee Evans in Cardiff.
My girlfriend's birthday: An infinity triangle necklace that she had admired, but refused to buy. 12 deep blue roses, that are almost impossible to get (took me a month to track down).
For christmas: The main gift was joint - a 4 day trip to amsterdam. I'd booked and paid for flights and hotel, back in August last year - the trip was in March this year.. I also bought an amsterdamn guide book, a board game we'd been eyeing up, their favourite chocolate and a bottle of scent each, as well as other small things like socks with their favourite characters.
For my birthday i got: A plastic book light for my kindle. Thats it. nothing else. I cried. I've had my kindle 6 years and never yet felt the need for a clip on light. I have no idea why that was thought to be an appropriate gift. I was totally gutted by this gift. (not relevant, but their gifts to each other on their birthdays were a) most expensive and b) something they wanted). I also know that said gift was bought on the day of my birthday. I felt not only was this a cheap shoddy gift, but it showed they really didn't put much thought into it, about me, what i would like/want. and buying it on the day....it was worse than petrol station flowers.
For christmas i got some nice gifts, only one thing that i said i actually wanted (A song of Fire and Ice set). But all of my gifts were bought when they went out shopping on boxing day. I couldn't help but feel such an after thought. The reasoning was it was really the only time they had to go shopping together, and i'm really hard to buy for.
I'm not going to put so much effort in this year. i know that sounds petty. I loved their reactions to my gifts and i really wanted them to have those things.....but when compared to what i got, the negative feelings far outweighed the positive.
oooohhhh I would be PISSED! And upset. I totally get that. I do big elaborate gifts like that too... and get less back. If they can't afford it no big deal, but a total lack of consideration is inexcusable. I can't even imagine how they thought that was appropriate. I would a) address it and b) take down the gifts or clearly establish a price each has to adhere to so its clear the expectations. You ALL THREE are supposed to be in an equal relationship, and gift giving should reflect that. I am just boiling now.
It wasn't really about the money, it was about the lack of thought, and almost like they didn't know me. admittedly i am horrible to buy for, because of the time if i want something, i get it myself, i don't rely on anyone to provide my wants but i do have an amazon wishlist they could've looked at, they could've asked my parents for suggestions.
I never really did address the whole gift thing, . We were going through a very rocky few months at the back of last year, and it was just another thing to add to the rockiness and my general feelings of insecurity. I'm more than happy to reflect that we got through the rockiness and that is more important tha any gift. However, it has been noted that said gift is still sitting in the gift bag (not even wrapped!!!!) it was given in, and has never been touched since that night.
But yes, i think you might be right in that it should be addressed specifically, and perhaps establish a guide gift price. I should stop being passive aggressive about it and tell them how it made me feel.
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xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »
Oh please, please can I hang with the cool kids in the group too?!
Ooooh, I've never been a cool kid before.
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brandi9172 wrote: »I'm with the other horrible gift givers. I feel like nothing I get is good enough, or even wanted. But I try to be like you and I pay attention to what people like, what they talk about. For example, the first Christmas my boyfriend and I were together I was very diligent, I paid attention to the little things he liked on Facebook, and I bought them. He kept liking these paracord bracelet things, they had customizable dog tags on them. So I ordered him one...and had the dog tag customized to match his dog tags from the Marine Corp. He also kept talking about those activity trackers; he was a runner...so I went and bought him one, a good one, which he could sync up with his phone, and blah blah blah. It's been a year and a half since then. He used the activity tracker for a day and now it and the bracelet are both sitting in a junk box. This past Christmas I was so terrified to buy him anything at all.
I'm so sorry it is just as hurtful to see your presents rejected/forgotten/unused when you have spent many hours and (and ££/$$) on them.
Clearing out a box of crap this week, i found the socks i gave my boyfriend for christmas at the bottom. I threw them in the bin. He won't miss them, right?
** my boyfriend sounds like a dick, but he's not...most of the time
ETA: He also has to put up with two women's hormonal rages. That probably deserves a medal right there. It ain't all kinky sex and cheesecake
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