always friendzoned - advice?
Replies
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TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »What I've noticed with "Friend Zoned" guys is they are completely oblivious to these signals. Then they'll use something like confirmation bias to delude themselves into thinking a woman is interested in them. "Well, she did respond to my text, so that means something, right???"
Usually, it's guys hoping against hope that this one will come around, but it's not gonna happen.
Kinda sounds like my friend in real life....one time we were at the mall and he wanted to approach a woman talking on her phone walking in the opposite direction we were going and ask for her number...I was like wtf?...why would you bother some girl talking to maybe her bf on the phone??? He's rather inexperienced with women and has went to me and other people for advice....not like I'm a Stallion myself but I'm smarter than I was in hs with this type pf stuff. He's always talking about how hot a girl is but never does anything. I even gave him several chances to talk to a girl at a store but he failed.0 -
TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »BlackScorpio91 recognizes what I am saying about being genuine. Any intelligent woman will pick up on a ruse, con, or fakery. It's got to be genuine.
Yes, they really will! Even with the not-so-intelligent women its always going to be best to be straight up genuine, because otherwise you'll never feel like someone really likes you, they just like the person you're trying to pretend to be. That sucks!0 -
While we may wish things were different, some societal cliches exist for a reason. A woman wants a man. She may end up with a chump because she settles, as we probably all have done at some point or another, but she wants a man. Motivated, confident, thoughtful, caring, productive, fit, successful, decisive, skilled, independent, empowered, strong-willed...on and on with the cliches.
But it's there for a reason.0 -
Become those things and you'll only be single when you choose to be single.0
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I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
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Well, in their defense, it's often difficult to reject someone outright. You're inflicting pain on someone you actually do like, and that can be tough. I've done it. "Well, maybe if I don't make sexual comments, or of I don't reciprocate these physical advances, she'll get the point..." Most of the time that doesn't work and you have to be very clear and direct, but I totally understand why a woman would friend zone a guy rather than be blunt.0
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So yes, I agree that being direct would mitigate these repercussions, it's often easier said than done!!!0
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lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
I agree with this, nice guys are taken for a ride. lol0 -
lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
Certainly one of the things I hate about the 'friend zone' rubbish is the gross generalization that comes with it: this idea that "almost every girl" or "a lot of women" behave in a particular, manipulative way. Usually it's just a lamentation by the orator that the majority of women he meets don't want to sleep with him. There may be a subset of women who lead someone on - in fact I'm sure there are - but implying that it is the rule rather than the exception is very insulting, which is why you've got so many people hating on the phrase. There are plenty of women I know who have had absolutely no clue one of their platonic friends had a crush on them, for years in some cases. If you like someone it is your responsibility to do something about it; you can't simply act like a friend and then be shocked and outraged when they act like a friend back. Surely you must realize how ridiculous this is?
Returning briefly to the main topic of the thread, OP seems to be claiming that his approximately 10% success rate with online dating is equivalent to "always-friendzoned". Now I freely admit I have zero experience with online dating, but that conversion rate sounds pretty good to me. Perhaps thinking about women as human beings instead of as some puzzle to be solved with sex as the prize might bring greater success in the future.0 -
Read all of the replies, please.0
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leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
I agree with this, nice guys are taken for a ride. lol
Or, "nice guys" should stop thinking they are being taken for a ride, because their feelings aren't reciprocated?
If a man treats me nicely, I am going to be nice right back. I treat others how they treat me. I don't take advantage of people, I don't give "false hope", and I don't lead people on. Now, that's just me, and I can only speak for myself.
The original comment that says "almost every girl has lead someone on" is far fetched and an assumption, not a fact. This "nice guy" complex is what generally harms guys in the long run. In my personal opinion/experience, and based on what I've heard from friends, some girls do not want to deal with a "nice guy", because the niceness may have undertones of expectations that the pair will date. And if a girl does not reciprocate, she's in the wrong because they are a "nice guy".
(Edited the post before it was quoted below to clean it up and reword some stuff. Here's a key point I want to add back in: "If your niceness to me has undertones of expectations that we will date and I do not feel the same, I will cut contact. Period.")0 -
I agree. If you are being decent because you want the panties to drop, you're gonna have a bad time. They can figure you out pretty fast. It MIGHT work a time or two, but ultimately you'll be found out as a chump. It's got to be genuine.0
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TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »Read all of the replies, please.
Is this a general plea or is it directed at someone specifically?
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missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
I agree with this, nice guys are taken for a ride. lol
Or, "nice guys" should stop thinking they are being taken for a ride, because their feelings aren't reciprocated?
If a man treats me nicely, I am going to be nice right back. I treat others how they treat me. I don't take advantage of people, I don't give "false hope", and I don't lead people on. Now, that's just me, and I can only speak for myself.
The original comment that says "almost every girl has lead someone on" is far fetched and an assumption, not a fact.
This "nice guy" complex is what generally harms guys in the long run. In my personal opinion, and based on what I've heard from friends, some girls do not want to deal with a self proclaimed "nice guy", because they feel entitled to their feelings being reciprocated. Myself included.
If your niceness to me has undertones of expectations that we will date and I do not feel the same, I will cut contact. Period.
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leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
I agree with this, nice guys are taken for a ride. lol
Or, "nice guys" should stop thinking they are being taken for a ride, because their feelings aren't reciprocated?
If a man treats me nicely, I am going to be nice right back. I treat others how they treat me. I don't take advantage of people, I don't give "false hope", and I don't lead people on. Now, that's just me, and I can only speak for myself.
The original comment that says "almost every girl has lead someone on" is far fetched and an assumption, not a fact.
This "nice guy" complex is what generally harms guys in the long run. In my personal opinion, and based on what I've heard from friends, some girls do not want to deal with a self proclaimed "nice guy", because they feel entitled to their feelings being reciprocated. Myself included.
If your niceness to me has undertones of expectations that we will date and I do not feel the same, I will cut contact. Period.
I can tell I've hit a note with you, if that's all you have to respond with.0 -
Kalici, my comment was directed at you. I'm still doing poorly with using names.
The comment was asking you to make an effort to recognize that there is not a male consensus on this thread.0 -
TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »Kalici, my comment was directed at you. I'm still doing poorly with using names.
The comment was asking you to make an effort to recognize that there is not a male consensus on this thread.
I quoted the person I was talking to in my comment. I assure you I have read every post in this thread.
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missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
I agree with this, nice guys are taken for a ride. lol
Or, "nice guys" should stop thinking they are being taken for a ride, because their feelings aren't reciprocated?
If a man treats me nicely, I am going to be nice right back. I treat others how they treat me. I don't take advantage of people, I don't give "false hope", and I don't lead people on. Now, that's just me, and I can only speak for myself.
The original comment that says "almost every girl has lead someone on" is far fetched and an assumption, not a fact.
This "nice guy" complex is what generally harms guys in the long run. In my personal opinion, and based on what I've heard from friends, some girls do not want to deal with a self proclaimed "nice guy", because they feel entitled to their feelings being reciprocated. Myself included.
If your niceness to me has undertones of expectations that we will date and I do not feel the same, I will cut contact. Period.
I can tell I've hit a note with you, if that's all you have to respond with.
Or just not worth responding to. You are talking something different then what I commented.0 -
TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »I agree. If you are being decent because you want the panties to drop, you're gonna have a bad time. They can figure you out pretty fast. It MIGHT work a time or two, but ultimately you'll be found out as a chump. It's got to be genuine.
Agreed, especially with your point about being genuine. If the other party figures out it was a ruse to start a relationship, and the "nice guy" act drops soon after, it's just a royal waste of everyone's time.
It's really hard to figure out that balance between "being nice" and "I want to have a relationship", but it's really important to respect the other person's feelings in all of this. It's easy to figure out if someone respects you by how they react after a rejection; if they're sad but understand, and want to continue a friendship after, that's someone you want to work through that rejection with and keep around. If they're upset and saying "what a nice guy they are", run. Get those steps in for the day.0 -
leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
I agree with this, nice guys are taken for a ride. lol
Or, "nice guys" should stop thinking they are being taken for a ride, because their feelings aren't reciprocated?
If a man treats me nicely, I am going to be nice right back. I treat others how they treat me. I don't take advantage of people, I don't give "false hope", and I don't lead people on. Now, that's just me, and I can only speak for myself.
The original comment that says "almost every girl has lead someone on" is far fetched and an assumption, not a fact.
This "nice guy" complex is what generally harms guys in the long run. In my personal opinion, and based on what I've heard from friends, some girls do not want to deal with a self proclaimed "nice guy", because they feel entitled to their feelings being reciprocated. Myself included.
If your niceness to me has undertones of expectations that we will date and I do not feel the same, I will cut contact. Period.
I can tell I've hit a note with you, if that's all you have to respond with.
Or just not worth responding to. You are talking something different then what I commented.
What you commented on was quite clear. Have fun responding with gifs!
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I'm so lazy I generally let my feelings be known up front. Games? Ain't nobody got time fo dat.
"I think you are wonderful. I really do hope you like me...I'm excited about you!"
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slideaway1 wrote: »God knows mate. I have no idea how girls minds work. Try acting a bit more like a dickhead. Single girls in todays dating game seem to respond to that
Worst advice ever. There is a BIG difference between being confident and being a cocky dickhead. My advice would be ... stop reading books about flirting, etc. You're trying too hard and that probably shows. Relax. Work on being confident and comfortable in your own skin, women will start noticing. It is hard for people to get to know shy people because all they're seeing is that awkward insecurity. I understand it is easier said than done, but once you get that shyness under control, they'll see you for you. Your personality will really start to shine.0 -
Your first sentence was way off base. Should I continue?missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
I agree with this, nice guys are taken for a ride. lol
Or, "nice guys" should stop thinking they are being taken for a ride, because their feelings aren't reciprocated?
If a man treats me nicely, I am going to be nice right back. I treat others how they treat me. I don't take advantage of people, I don't give "false hope", and I don't lead people on. Now, that's just me, and I can only speak for myself.
The original comment that says "almost every girl has lead someone on" is far fetched and an assumption, not a fact.
This "nice guy" complex is what generally harms guys in the long run. In my personal opinion, and based on what I've heard from friends, some girls do not want to deal with a self proclaimed "nice guy", because they feel entitled to their feelings being reciprocated. Myself included.
If your niceness to me has undertones of expectations that we will date and I do not feel the same, I will cut contact. Period.
I can tell I've hit a note with you, if that's all you have to respond with.
Or just not worth responding to. You are talking something different then what I commented.
What you commented on was quite clear. Have fun responding with gifs!0 -
leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »
Your first sentence was way off base. Should I continue?missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
I agree with this, nice guys are taken for a ride. lol
Or, "nice guys" should stop thinking they are being taken for a ride, because their feelings aren't reciprocated?
If a man treats me nicely, I am going to be nice right back. I treat others how they treat me. I don't take advantage of people, I don't give "false hope", and I don't lead people on. Now, that's just me, and I can only speak for myself.
The original comment that says "almost every girl has lead someone on" is far fetched and an assumption, not a fact.
This "nice guy" complex is what generally harms guys in the long run. In my personal opinion, and based on what I've heard from friends, some girls do not want to deal with a self proclaimed "nice guy", because they feel entitled to their feelings being reciprocated. Myself included.
If your niceness to me has undertones of expectations that we will date and I do not feel the same, I will cut contact. Period.
I can tell I've hit a note with you, if that's all you have to respond with.
Or just not worth responding to. You are talking something different then what I commented.
What you commented on was quite clear. Have fun responding with gifs!
It's not worth responding to, as you stated above. So let's save ourselves some time.
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Perhaps I should clarify. My comment is strictly from my experience. I've met women who outwardly admit they do this. My opinion Is based on what I've seen and heard. Reguardless if you agree or not, it happens. Was my comment a blanket statement accusing all women of doing this? Of course not. It was simply my observation of what I've seen. I've talked to women who do this on purpose to make them feel better about their self esteem. Even though I don't agree with their choice I still respect the honesty. If your not a woman that does this than kudos to you.
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missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »
Your first sentence was way off base. Should I continue?missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »missiontofitness wrote: »leonidas_and_spartacus wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
I agree with this, nice guys are taken for a ride. lol
Or, "nice guys" should stop thinking they are being taken for a ride, because their feelings aren't reciprocated?
If a man treats me nicely, I am going to be nice right back. I treat others how they treat me. I don't take advantage of people, I don't give "false hope", and I don't lead people on. Now, that's just me, and I can only speak for myself.
The original comment that says "almost every girl has lead someone on" is far fetched and an assumption, not a fact.
This "nice guy" complex is what generally harms guys in the long run. In my personal opinion, and based on what I've heard from friends, some girls do not want to deal with a self proclaimed "nice guy", because they feel entitled to their feelings being reciprocated. Myself included.
If your niceness to me has undertones of expectations that we will date and I do not feel the same, I will cut contact. Period.
I can tell I've hit a note with you, if that's all you have to respond with.
Or just not worth responding to. You are talking something different then what I commented.
What you commented on was quite clear. Have fun responding with gifs!
It's not worth responding to, as you stated above. So let's save ourselves some time.
I agree with this.0 -
slideaway1 wrote: »God knows mate. I have no idea how girls minds work. Try acting a bit more like a dickhead. Single girls in todays dating game seem to respond to that
Worst advice ever. There is a BIG difference between being confident and being a cocky dickhead. My advice would be ... stop reading books about flirting, etc. You're trying too hard and that probably shows. Relax. Work on being confident and comfortable in your own skin, women will start noticing. It is hard for people to get to know shy people because all they're seeing is that awkward insecurity. I understand it is easier said than done, but once you get that shyness under control, they'll see you for you. Your personality will really start to shine.
Thissss.
While every person will be different, generally people are going to be more receptive to what this user posted. Best to get to know you first, accepting that it's okay to be single while you do it, and then let yourself shine once you've mastered the first two. There's no rush trying to make something happen. You have to know what you want, and who you are, so you can put your best foot forward.
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lookin4gains wrote: »Perhaps I should clarify. My comment is strictly from my experience. I've met women who outwardly admit they do this. My opinion Is based on what I've seen and heard. Reguardless if you agree or not, it happens. Was my comment a blanket statement accusing all women of doing this? Of course not. It was simply my observation of what I've seen. I've talked to women who do this on purpose to make them feel better about their self esteem. Even though I don't agree with their choice I still respect the honesty. If your not a woman that does this than kudos to you.
Thanks for the clarification!
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In this entire thread, it's been women saying "we don't actually "friendzone" people, this doesn't exist, we just try to be nice to people who are nice to us, stop trying to emotionally guilt-trip us into dating someone" and "we are attracted to who we are attracted to, you know, we all have our own criteria", and then men responding with "no, let me, a man who does not have the experience of having been a woman, tell you what you think and what you want and how you function, because all of you girls are some kind of hivemind that follows specific patterns that I have unlocked".
Why does every single man feel more entitled to knowing what women think and feel than the women themselves? Trust us when we tell you things, we are not all that dumb and emotional that we have no clue as to how we function.
As for leading people on... when most men react to rejection by being derisive, violent, vitriolic, sending texts like "you were a **** anyway I was doing you a favour" and generally lashing out, sometimes surprisingly hurtfully, a lot of girls are genuinely unwilling to be openly dismissing and writhe internally, not knowing how to handle the situation. Trust me, you have no idea how often the topic of "I want him to stop pursuing me but I don't know how to make him without being rude to him and making him angry and having him lash out, and frankly I don't even know how to be rude to begin with" comes up in girl-girl discussion.
The girls who lead men on intentionally, to boost their ego, are far between.0 -
I would really like to see how do the people who flip when they hear the term friendzone react when a woman friend complains about being friendzoned by a guy whom she's set on orbiting around, unrequited. The friendzone is toxic and one should take their leave asap, and that's what I say to those women. No "it doesn't exist" or "blah blah genders". I generally agree that it's a narrative frequently used in sexist speech and should be fought against, but maybe not on top of someone's problems.
But it's also good to suggest to stop girlfriend-zoning women, OP. Make more women friends. And male friends, you mention asking women for advice but seem to be lacking your peers' input. Take some time off dating, try to lose the desperation, reassess later.0
This discussion has been closed.
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