always friendzoned - advice?
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asflatasapancake wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »I wish I could edit my post but since I cannot. HOLY JESUS, am I ever proud to read the responses on this particular thread from the men and the women. What a breath of fresh air, especially since where I am from, people are constantly telling me that I am putting them in the friend zone, or that I am a prude or I'm crazy for yelling at people who harass me on the street.
I actually found this a really stressful part of my 1 trip to the US. In the UK, guys tend to be a bit more reserved. This has its own issues, in that the nice guys you actually want to be chatted up by are not usually the ones that chat you up. However, when I was in the US, every day, at least 5 guys tried to chat me up. Most were nice, but I just wanted to get on and do my tourist thing, unhassled. One guy who I was simply in the hotel lift (elevator) with, had not spoken to prior to getting in the lift, tried to invite himself back to my room. I had to go two floors up and walk along the hotel and down to my floor to be sure he had not followed me. This gave me a much greater appreciation for British reservedness.
I know this feeling intimately. I've been followed home by groups of men. I've had to zip into police stations and ask for rides home because they would yell and shout, and threaten to rape me if I didn't respond to them. I've had to stay in a bakery for two hours while a man I didn't know licked and humped a window, until he left.
Unfortunately, this happens daily and are not the worst examples of what has happened.
Where in the heck are you visiting in the U.S.? That is certainly not typical. I'm guessing a bigger city?
I've had things like that happen in no where Virginia. Where are you existing as a woman that nothing like that ever happens to you?
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asflatasapancake wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »I wish I could edit my post but since I cannot. HOLY JESUS, am I ever proud to read the responses on this particular thread from the men and the women. What a breath of fresh air, especially since where I am from, people are constantly telling me that I am putting them in the friend zone, or that I am a prude or I'm crazy for yelling at people who harass me on the street.
I actually found this a really stressful part of my 1 trip to the US. In the UK, guys tend to be a bit more reserved. This has its own issues, in that the nice guys you actually want to be chatted up by are not usually the ones that chat you up. However, when I was in the US, every day, at least 5 guys tried to chat me up. Most were nice, but I just wanted to get on and do my tourist thing, unhassled. One guy who I was simply in the hotel lift (elevator) with, had not spoken to prior to getting in the lift, tried to invite himself back to my room. I had to go two floors up and walk along the hotel and down to my floor to be sure he had not followed me. This gave me a much greater appreciation for British reservedness.
I know this feeling intimately. I've been followed home by groups of men. I've had to zip into police stations and ask for rides home because they would yell and shout, and threaten to rape me if I didn't respond to them. I've had to stay in a bakery for two hours while a man I didn't know licked and humped a window, until he left.
Unfortunately, this happens daily and are not the worst examples of what has happened.
Where in the heck are you visiting in the U.S.? That is certainly not typical. I'm guessing a bigger city?
I live in Canada, and have visited the states. I live in a fairly small city actually. But this has happened to me while traveling in the states. Through Texas, in Georgia, both big and small places. The only place I have never been harassed on the street was Greece actually. And it's probably more prevalent than you would think even in your city/town. Street harassment can be pretty subtle, but it happens every where, to men and women alike. Though I can say with certainty that it happens more to women.
Don't even get me started on going out with friends at the bar.0 -
asflatasapancake wrote: »Sorry. People aren't threatened by rape all the time here. Could be a strange bizarro place I live in.
I would like to move there immediately.
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ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »asflatasapancake wrote: »Sorry. People aren't threatened by rape all the time here. Could be a strange bizarro place I live in.
I would like to move there immediately.
Me too.
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ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »I wish I could edit my post but since I cannot. HOLY JESUS, am I ever proud to read the responses on this particular thread from the men and the women. What a breath of fresh air, especially since where I am from, people are constantly telling me that I am putting them in the friend zone, or that I am a prude or I'm crazy for yelling at people who harass me on the street.
I actually found this a really stressful part of my 1 trip to the US. In the UK, guys tend to be a bit more reserved. This has its own issues, in that the nice guys you actually want to be chatted up by are not usually the ones that chat you up. However, when I was in the US, every day, at least 5 guys tried to chat me up. Most were nice, but I just wanted to get on and do my tourist thing, unhassled. One guy who I was simply in the hotel lift (elevator) with, had not spoken to prior to getting in the lift, tried to invite himself back to my room. I had to go two floors up and walk along the hotel and down to my floor to be sure he had not followed me. This gave me a much greater appreciation for British reservedness.
I know this feeling intimately. I've been followed home by groups of men. I've had to zip into police stations and ask for rides home because they would yell and shout, and threaten to rape me if I didn't respond to them. I've had to stay in a bakery for two hours while a man I didn't know licked and humped a window, until he left.
Unfortunately, this happens daily and are not the worst examples of what has happened.
Maybe the man was just excited about all the cakes in the bakery window that he could not control himself. We've all been there.
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enoughisenough9 wrote: »http://www.girlonthenet.com/2013/01/05/friend-zone-nice-guys-of-ok/
This article is a little mean and blunt and might not apply to your situation exactly, but might make you chuckle and give you a different viewpoint on the "Friend Zone". FYI, it is on a sex blog so the adverts are NSFW!
Your friends are completely right when they say to just be yourself, that's all you can be and someone will love you for it. I'd also add that if you generalise 50% of the worlds population as "girls" and assume they all think the same, you're going to get slapped a few times.
In similar taste to this response - whenever I hear someone say "friendzone" my mind always jumps to this: http://i.imgur.com/FLkTlUl.jpg.
There is no such thing as the friendzone.
Pretty much just keep all of that in mind...0 -
slideaway1 wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »I wish I could edit my post but since I cannot. HOLY JESUS, am I ever proud to read the responses on this particular thread from the men and the women. What a breath of fresh air, especially since where I am from, people are constantly telling me that I am putting them in the friend zone, or that I am a prude or I'm crazy for yelling at people who harass me on the street.
I actually found this a really stressful part of my 1 trip to the US. In the UK, guys tend to be a bit more reserved. This has its own issues, in that the nice guys you actually want to be chatted up by are not usually the ones that chat you up. However, when I was in the US, every day, at least 5 guys tried to chat me up. Most were nice, but I just wanted to get on and do my tourist thing, unhassled. One guy who I was simply in the hotel lift (elevator) with, had not spoken to prior to getting in the lift, tried to invite himself back to my room. I had to go two floors up and walk along the hotel and down to my floor to be sure he had not followed me. This gave me a much greater appreciation for British reservedness.
I know this feeling intimately. I've been followed home by groups of men. I've had to zip into police stations and ask for rides home because they would yell and shout, and threaten to rape me if I didn't respond to them. I've had to stay in a bakery for two hours while a man I didn't know licked and humped a window, until he left.
Unfortunately, this happens daily and are not the worst examples of what has happened.
Maybe the man was just excited about all the cakes in the bakery window that he could not control himself. We've all been there.
I really enjoy how you try to spin this mans disgusting behavior and my obvious fear and revulsion in this harassment into a joke.
Thanks dude. /sarcasm
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Are you coming on to me?ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »I wish I could edit my post but since I cannot. HOLY JESUS, am I ever proud to read the responses on this particular thread from the men and the women. What a breath of fresh air, especially since where I am from, people are constantly telling me that I am putting them in the friend zone, or that I am a prude or I'm crazy for yelling at people who harass me on the street.
I actually found this a really stressful part of my 1 trip to the US. In the UK, guys tend to be a bit more reserved. This has its own issues, in that the nice guys you actually want to be chatted up by are not usually the ones that chat you up. However, when I was in the US, every day, at least 5 guys tried to chat me up. Most were nice, but I just wanted to get on and do my tourist thing, unhassled. One guy who I was simply in the hotel lift (elevator) with, had not spoken to prior to getting in the lift, tried to invite himself back to my room. I had to go two floors up and walk along the hotel and down to my floor to be sure he had not followed me. This gave me a much greater appreciation for British reservedness.
I know this feeling intimately. I've been followed home by groups of men. I've had to zip into police stations and ask for rides home because they would yell and shout, and threaten to rape me if I didn't respond to them. I've had to stay in a bakery for two hours while a man I didn't know licked and humped a window, until he left.
Unfortunately, this happens daily and are not the worst examples of what has happened.
Maybe the man was just excited about all the cakes in the bakery window that he could not control himself. We've all been there.
I really enjoy how you try to spin this mans disgusting behavior and my onbipus fear and revulsion in this harassment into a joke.
Thanks dude. /sarcasm
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Double post. My phone is annoying. Apologies all0
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slideaway1 wrote: »God knows mate. I have no idea how girls minds work. Try acting a bit more like a dickhead. Single girls in todays dating game seem to respond to that
Worst advice ever. There is a BIG difference between being confident and being a cocky dickhead. My advice would be ... stop reading books about flirting, etc. You're trying too hard and that probably shows. Relax. Work on being confident and comfortable in your own skin, women will start noticing. It is hard for people to get to know shy people because all they're seeing is that awkward insecurity. I understand it is easier said than done, but once you get that shyness under control, they'll see you for you. Your personality will really start to shine.
You madam...ARE RIGHT!
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slideaway1 wrote: »
Are you coming on to me?ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »I wish I could edit my post but since I cannot. HOLY JESUS, am I ever proud to read the responses on this particular thread from the men and the women. What a breath of fresh air, especially since where I am from, people are constantly telling me that I am putting them in the friend zone, or that I am a prude or I'm crazy for yelling at people who harass me on the street.
I actually found this a really stressful part of my 1 trip to the US. In the UK, guys tend to be a bit more reserved. This has its own issues, in that the nice guys you actually want to be chatted up by are not usually the ones that chat you up. However, when I was in the US, every day, at least 5 guys tried to chat me up. Most were nice, but I just wanted to get on and do my tourist thing, unhassled. One guy who I was simply in the hotel lift (elevator) with, had not spoken to prior to getting in the lift, tried to invite himself back to my room. I had to go two floors up and walk along the hotel and down to my floor to be sure he had not followed me. This gave me a much greater appreciation for British reservedness.
I know this feeling intimately. I've been followed home by groups of men. I've had to zip into police stations and ask for rides home because they would yell and shout, and threaten to rape me if I didn't respond to them. I've had to stay in a bakery for two hours while a man I didn't know licked and humped a window, until he left.
Unfortunately, this happens daily and are not the worst examples of what has happened.
Maybe the man was just excited about all the cakes in the bakery window that he could not control himself. We've all been there.
I really enjoy how you try to spin this mans disgusting behavior and my onbipus fear and revulsion in this harassment into a joke.
Thanks dude. /sarcasm
Go fall down a hole.0 -
mumblemagic wrote:However, I notice that you do not refute feeling 'more entitled to knowing what women think and feel than the women themselves'. Am I to assume that you do feel entitled to know more about what women think and feel? Or that you actually mean you don't feel more entitled to know more about what women think and feel than women, but you do feel your advice on how to be a guy dating women is valid?
I think you missed a comment of mine:
"...I don't know what anyone else thinks. I do, however, go by the response I get and have to extrapolate thoughts or feelings from there."
We are talking about dating. So, I don't know what is going on in her mind, but I can tell if she is reciprocating, just being nice, or being cold. There are a lot of verbal and physical cues to use as an indication of whether she is digging it, hoping I'll hurry up and leave, or totally not hip to the idea of spending any more time with me. Also, I am terrified of making someone uncomfortable. I don't know if that's part of being from the South or how my mother raised me or if it's something else, but it scares the crap out of me. So I am far more likely to interpret certain phrases and motions in a conversation with a woman as disinterest. Of course, that's just me.
I never used the word 'entitled.' What I do think I have to offer, having dated quite a few women, over what a woman would be able to offer is just experience being a man dating women.
I've said this from the beginning. I keep trying metaphors and I don't want to get anything throw at me---If you are learning to cut hair, do you learn from your customers or do you learn from other barbers/hairstylists? If you are learning to deliver babies, do you learn from your patients or do you learn from others who have delivered babies? All I am saying is that while you know how one woman thinks, and I know what characteristics and qualities and behaviors are the most likely to lead me into having a relationship with a woman.
And I think that is the information the original post was asking for.0 -
ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »
Are you coming on to me?ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »I wish I could edit my post but since I cannot. HOLY JESUS, am I ever proud to read the responses on this particular thread from the men and the women. What a breath of fresh air, especially since where I am from, people are constantly telling me that I am putting them in the friend zone, or that I am a prude or I'm crazy for yelling at people who harass me on the street.
I actually found this a really stressful part of my 1 trip to the US. In the UK, guys tend to be a bit more reserved. This has its own issues, in that the nice guys you actually want to be chatted up by are not usually the ones that chat you up. However, when I was in the US, every day, at least 5 guys tried to chat me up. Most were nice, but I just wanted to get on and do my tourist thing, unhassled. One guy who I was simply in the hotel lift (elevator) with, had not spoken to prior to getting in the lift, tried to invite himself back to my room. I had to go two floors up and walk along the hotel and down to my floor to be sure he had not followed me. This gave me a much greater appreciation for British reservedness.
I know this feeling intimately. I've been followed home by groups of men. I've had to zip into police stations and ask for rides home because they would yell and shout, and threaten to rape me if I didn't respond to them. I've had to stay in a bakery for two hours while a man I didn't know licked and humped a window, until he left.
Unfortunately, this happens daily and are not the worst examples of what has happened.
Maybe the man was just excited about all the cakes in the bakery window that he could not control himself. We've all been there.
I really enjoy how you try to spin this mans disgusting behavior and my onbipus fear and revulsion in this harassment into a joke.
Thanks dude. /sarcasm
Go fall down a hole.
I have not read every post in this thread, but over the last few pages you have basically hinted towards pretty much all men being potential rapists that are somehow preying on you and making you feel unsafe where ever you go. I just don't think this kind of language does either men or woman in favours.
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slideaway1 wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »
Are you coming on to me?ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »I wish I could edit my post but since I cannot. HOLY JESUS, am I ever proud to read the responses on this particular thread from the men and the women. What a breath of fresh air, especially since where I am from, people are constantly telling me that I am putting them in the friend zone, or that I am a prude or I'm crazy for yelling at people who harass me on the street.
I actually found this a really stressful part of my 1 trip to the US. In the UK, guys tend to be a bit more reserved. This has its own issues, in that the nice guys you actually want to be chatted up by are not usually the ones that chat you up. However, when I was in the US, every day, at least 5 guys tried to chat me up. Most were nice, but I just wanted to get on and do my tourist thing, unhassled. One guy who I was simply in the hotel lift (elevator) with, had not spoken to prior to getting in the lift, tried to invite himself back to my room. I had to go two floors up and walk along the hotel and down to my floor to be sure he had not followed me. This gave me a much greater appreciation for British reservedness.
I know this feeling intimately. I've been followed home by groups of men. I've had to zip into police stations and ask for rides home because they would yell and shout, and threaten to rape me if I didn't respond to them. I've had to stay in a bakery for two hours while a man I didn't know licked and humped a window, until he left.
Unfortunately, this happens daily and are not the worst examples of what has happened.
Maybe the man was just excited about all the cakes in the bakery window that he could not control himself. We've all been there.
I really enjoy how you try to spin this mans disgusting behavior and my onbipus fear and revulsion in this harassment into a joke.
Thanks dude. /sarcasm
Go fall down a hole.
I have not read every post in this thread, but over the last few pages you have basically hinted towards pretty much all men being potential rapists that are somehow preying on you and making you feel unsafe where ever you go. I just don't think this kind of language does either men or woman in favours.
Actually, I very clearly said it happens to both men and women. I also stated that both men and women have different preferences and have never once said that men are monsters, and everyone harasses women. In my experience I have only been harassed by men, but I have deep respect for men in general, as well as women. In fact, the only time I was even a little bit rude was when you decided to make light of an issue that I have had.
It was me complimenting men and women on their responses to this thread that sparked this segue.0 -
I'm not reading the last 6 pages so I'm sure someone might have said this. But for me (married now for 6 years) the fastest way to get to the friendzone was if I felt sorry for you. So have confidence in your game. Seriously.0
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ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »
Are you coming on to me?ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »I wish I could edit my post but since I cannot. HOLY JESUS, am I ever proud to read the responses on this particular thread from the men and the women. What a breath of fresh air, especially since where I am from, people are constantly telling me that I am putting them in the friend zone, or that I am a prude or I'm crazy for yelling at people who harass me on the street.
I actually found this a really stressful part of my 1 trip to the US. In the UK, guys tend to be a bit more reserved. This has its own issues, in that the nice guys you actually want to be chatted up by are not usually the ones that chat you up. However, when I was in the US, every day, at least 5 guys tried to chat me up. Most were nice, but I just wanted to get on and do my tourist thing, unhassled. One guy who I was simply in the hotel lift (elevator) with, had not spoken to prior to getting in the lift, tried to invite himself back to my room. I had to go two floors up and walk along the hotel and down to my floor to be sure he had not followed me. This gave me a much greater appreciation for British reservedness.
I know this feeling intimately. I've been followed home by groups of men. I've had to zip into police stations and ask for rides home because they would yell and shout, and threaten to rape me if I didn't respond to them. I've had to stay in a bakery for two hours while a man I didn't know licked and humped a window, until he left.
Unfortunately, this happens daily and are not the worst examples of what has happened.
Maybe the man was just excited about all the cakes in the bakery window that he could not control himself. We've all been there.
I really enjoy how you try to spin this mans disgusting behavior and my onbipus fear and revulsion in this harassment into a joke.
Thanks dude. /sarcasm
Go fall down a hole.
I have not read every post in this thread, but over the last few pages you have basically hinted towards pretty much all men being potential rapists that are somehow preying on you and making you feel unsafe where ever you go. I just don't think this kind of language does either men or woman in favours.
Actually, I very clearly said it happens to both men and women. I also stated that both men and women have different preferences and have never once said that men are monsters, and everyone harasses women. In my experience I have only been harassed by men, but I have deep respect for men in general, as well as women. In fact, the only time I was even a little bit rude was when you decided to make light of an issue that I have had.
It was me complimenting men and women on their responses to this thread that sparked this segue.
By harrassed I'm assuming you mean approached by a guy you didn't find attractive.
By harassed I don't mean a man approaching me to speak to me. There is a difference in being harassed and approached.
I mean a man, or a woman, not taking no for an answer, pressing the issue, trying to touch me, follow me, shout lewd or abusive statements at me.0 -
ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »
Are you coming on to me?ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »I wish I could edit my post but since I cannot. HOLY JESUS, am I ever proud to read the responses on this particular thread from the men and the women. What a breath of fresh air, especially since where I am from, people are constantly telling me that I am putting them in the friend zone, or that I am a prude or I'm crazy for yelling at people who harass me on the street.
I actually found this a really stressful part of my 1 trip to the US. In the UK, guys tend to be a bit more reserved. This has its own issues, in that the nice guys you actually want to be chatted up by are not usually the ones that chat you up. However, when I was in the US, every day, at least 5 guys tried to chat me up. Most were nice, but I just wanted to get on and do my tourist thing, unhassled. One guy who I was simply in the hotel lift (elevator) with, had not spoken to prior to getting in the lift, tried to invite himself back to my room. I had to go two floors up and walk along the hotel and down to my floor to be sure he had not followed me. This gave me a much greater appreciation for British reservedness.
I know this feeling intimately. I've been followed home by groups of men. I've had to zip into police stations and ask for rides home because they would yell and shout, and threaten to rape me if I didn't respond to them. I've had to stay in a bakery for two hours while a man I didn't know licked and humped a window, until he left.
Unfortunately, this happens daily and are not the worst examples of what has happened.
Maybe the man was just excited about all the cakes in the bakery window that he could not control himself. We've all been there.
I really enjoy how you try to spin this mans disgusting behavior and my onbipus fear and revulsion in this harassment into a joke.
Thanks dude. /sarcasm
Go fall down a hole.
I have not read every post in this thread, but over the last few pages you have basically hinted towards pretty much all men being potential rapists that are somehow preying on you and making you feel unsafe where ever you go. I just don't think this kind of language does either men or woman in favours.
Actually, I very clearly said it happens to both men and women. I also stated that both men and women have different preferences and have never once said that men are monsters, and everyone harasses women. In my experience I have only been harassed by men, but I have deep respect for men in general, as well as women. In fact, the only time I was even a little bit rude was when you decided to make light of an issue that I have had.
It was me complimenting men and women on their responses to this thread that sparked this segue.
Fair enough, but I just noticed that you have just started another thread about street harassment from guys trying to rally everyone around in portraying all men in a bad light. I'm sorry if these incidents seem to follow you around to the point that you mentioned having to get police escorts on the way home and not liking going to bars/clubs because men are harassing you etc. Everybody has the right to feel safe. This constant negative attention from males must be very difficult for you, but most men simply do not behave that way. The guy in the Bakery sounds more like a mental health problem than a male specific one.
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