always friendzoned - advice?

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  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    Wingsandgills, The op was asking why he was often unsuccessful with women. The advice I shared was what I have been successful with.
  • DaFibble
    DaFibble Posts: 152 Member
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    BlackScorpio91 wrote: »
    Dude...don't waste time picking up girls with no interest in you...doesn't make any sense....look for signs like her checking you out, smiling at you, touching you playfully, complimenting you, always saying hi to you, seems happy...or shy around you. I stopped approaching women not giving me any interest....waste of time and it makes you seem thirsty to approach any woman everyday.

    Oh, yes! This is perfect. So simple. So effective.
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    And I'd like to add that being rejected can and does lead to a 'turning off' and the attraction quickly dissipates.
  • ScorpioJack_91
    ScorpioJack_91 Posts: 5,241 Member
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    DaFibble wrote: »
    BlackScorpio91 wrote: »
    Dude...don't waste time picking up girls with no interest in you...doesn't make any sense....look for signs like her checking you out, smiling at you, touching you playfully, complimenting you, always saying hi to you, seems happy...or shy around you. I stopped approaching women not giving me any interest....waste of time and it makes you seem thirsty to approach any woman everyday.

    Oh, yes! This is perfect. So simple. So effective.

    Is that sarcasm? lol If so...it's not my problem you can't spot the signs all the time. I admit it...I can't either but if it's obvious like her complimenting you all the time, touching you and smiling at you..you have to be a brain dead monkey to not notice.
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    BlackScorpio91 recognizes what I am saying about being genuine. Any intelligent woman will pick up on a ruse, con, or fakery. It's got to be genuine.
  • DaFibble
    DaFibble Posts: 152 Member
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    BlackScorpio91 wrote: »
    DaFibble wrote: »
    BlackScorpio91 wrote: »
    Dude...don't waste time picking up girls with no interest in you...doesn't make any sense....look for signs like her checking you out, smiling at you, touching you playfully, complimenting you, always saying hi to you, seems happy...or shy around you. I stopped approaching women not giving me any interest....waste of time and it makes you seem thirsty to approach any woman everyday.

    Oh, yes! This is perfect. So simple. So effective.

    Is that sarcasm? lol If so...it's not my problem you can't spot the signs all the time. I admit it...I can't either but if it's obvious like her complimenting you all the time, touching you and smiling at you..you have to be a brain dead monkey to not notice.

    No! It totally wasn't sarcasm! This has always worked for me and hugely increased my *real* potential dating pool and fun with dating whenever I've stuck to it.
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    Yeah, I didn't read that as sarcasm, either.
  • ScorpioJack_91
    ScorpioJack_91 Posts: 5,241 Member
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    DaFibble wrote: »
    BlackScorpio91 wrote: »
    DaFibble wrote: »
    BlackScorpio91 wrote: »
    Dude...don't waste time picking up girls with no interest in you...doesn't make any sense....look for signs like her checking you out, smiling at you, touching you playfully, complimenting you, always saying hi to you, seems happy...or shy around you. I stopped approaching women not giving me any interest....waste of time and it makes you seem thirsty to approach any woman everyday.

    Oh, yes! This is perfect. So simple. So effective.

    Is that sarcasm? lol If so...it's not my problem you can't spot the signs all the time. I admit it...I can't either but if it's obvious like her complimenting you all the time, touching you and smiling at you..you have to be a brain dead monkey to not notice.

    No! It totally wasn't sarcasm! This has always worked for me and hugely increased my *real* potential dating pool and fun with dating whenever I've stuck to it.

    Oh ok my bad lol...yes at least you recognized what I was saying....just look for women who are interested in you...and people should stop wasting time with girls on their phones or not even looking their way.
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    Exactly. The signals are there, move on.
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    What I've noticed with "Friend Zoned" guys is they are completely oblivious to these signals. Then they'll use something like confirmation bias to delude themselves into thinking a woman is interested in them. "Well, she did respond to my text, so that means something, right???"

    Usually, it's guys hoping against hope that this one will come around, but it's not gonna happen.
  • ScorpioJack_91
    ScorpioJack_91 Posts: 5,241 Member
    edited April 2015
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    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »
    What I've noticed with "Friend Zoned" guys is they are completely oblivious to these signals. Then they'll use something like confirmation bias to delude themselves into thinking a woman is interested in them. "Well, she did respond to my text, so that means something, right???"

    Usually, it's guys hoping against hope that this one will come around, but it's not gonna happen.

    Kinda sounds like my friend in real life....one time we were at the mall and he wanted to approach a woman talking on her phone walking in the opposite direction we were going and ask for her number...I was like wtf?...why would you bother some girl talking to maybe her bf on the phone??? He's rather inexperienced with women and has went to me and other people for advice....not like I'm a Stallion myself but I'm smarter than I was in hs with this type pf stuff. He's always talking about how hot a girl is but never does anything. I even gave him several chances to talk to a girl at a store but he failed.
  • DaFibble
    DaFibble Posts: 152 Member
    edited April 2015
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    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »
    BlackScorpio91 recognizes what I am saying about being genuine. Any intelligent woman will pick up on a ruse, con, or fakery. It's got to be genuine.

    Yes, they really will! Even with the not-so-intelligent women its always going to be best to be straight up genuine, because otherwise you'll never feel like someone really likes you, they just like the person you're trying to pretend to be. That sucks!
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    While we may wish things were different, some societal cliches exist for a reason. A woman wants a man. She may end up with a chump because she settles, as we probably all have done at some point or another, but she wants a man. Motivated, confident, thoughtful, caring, productive, fit, successful, decisive, skilled, independent, empowered, strong-willed...on and on with the cliches.

    But it's there for a reason.
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    Become those things and you'll only be single when you choose to be single.
  • lookin4gains
    lookin4gains Posts: 1,761 Member
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    I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out. :p
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    Well, in their defense, it's often difficult to reject someone outright. You're inflicting pain on someone you actually do like, and that can be tough. I've done it. "Well, maybe if I don't make sexual comments, or of I don't reciprocate these physical advances, she'll get the point..." Most of the time that doesn't work and you have to be very clear and direct, but I totally understand why a woman would friend zone a guy rather than be blunt.
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    So yes, I agree that being direct would mitigate these repercussions, it's often easier said than done!!!
  • Yogi_warrior
    Yogi_warrior Posts: 5,464 Member
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    lookin4gains wrote: »
    I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out. :p

    I agree with this, nice guys are taken for a ride. lol
  • Kalici
    Kalici Posts: 685 Member
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    lookin4gains wrote: »
    I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out. :p

    Certainly one of the things I hate about the 'friend zone' rubbish is the gross generalization that comes with it: this idea that "almost every girl" or "a lot of women" behave in a particular, manipulative way. Usually it's just a lamentation by the orator that the majority of women he meets don't want to sleep with him. There may be a subset of women who lead someone on - in fact I'm sure there are - but implying that it is the rule rather than the exception is very insulting, which is why you've got so many people hating on the phrase. There are plenty of women I know who have had absolutely no clue one of their platonic friends had a crush on them, for years in some cases. If you like someone it is your responsibility to do something about it; you can't simply act like a friend and then be shocked and outraged when they act like a friend back. Surely you must realize how ridiculous this is?

    Returning briefly to the main topic of the thread, OP seems to be claiming that his approximately 10% success rate with online dating is equivalent to "always-friendzoned". Now I freely admit I have zero experience with online dating, but that conversion rate sounds pretty good to me. Perhaps thinking about women as human beings instead of as some puzzle to be solved with sex as the prize might bring greater success in the future.
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
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    Read all of the replies, please.

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