WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR DECEMBER 2015

mollywhippet

Good morning. I woke up at 3AM when Spot was in the living room barking his fool head off because of another dog barking down the block. I never got back to sleep and finally got out of bed at 4:00. We have a broken doggie door which is gaping wide open and I was afraid a skunk or something would get inside. Besides, it was cold in the laundry room (where the doggie door is) and kitchen. So I closed the door and sat up in case any of the dogs needed to go outside. None did.

Besides that, I had a tense conversation with my son yesterday and couldn't stop thinking about it. He is convinced he is dying this week, and he has not made any firm arrangements for the kids. I was kind of nagging him about it. He said their mother and the other grandmother don't want them, so apparently I am elected.

Of course I have mixed emotions about the situation. I want them to be taken care of and have a good life, with love and stability, but I just don't know if I am up to their full-time care. We are getting old, and my health is not the best. And hubby would be saddled with the responsibility and expense of raising someone else's kids at a time when he should be thinking about retiring and having time (and money) to travel and stuff like that. The little guy is 7, so it would be at least 11 years till the nest is empty again, and probably more like 15 years. That would put hubby at 81 and me at 76. I'm not sure that is even possible or realistic.

Then there is the issue of the dogs. Bruno will be fine. He is such a loveable goof, and he loves the kids. Spot tends to nip at people (kids) when they move too quickly and he tries to boss them around, but I think he can be handled OK. (He's got a lot of herding dog in him and apparently they look like a flock of sheep to him.) Molly is totally insane and would certainly bite one of the kids if she got a chance. We can't lock her up all day every day. That's not fair to her either. She is about 9 years old, so she could last another 6 or 7 years. That's a long time. And don't even think about getting rid of her. She is our baby - and hubby's favorite. We might have to get a muzzle for her. Maybe if she got used to having them around every day she would adapt. But I couldn't really trust her.

And logistically, I don't know how we could arrange the house. We have three bedrooms but one is hubby's office and it's completely full of his desk and bookshelves and file drawers. We would have to somehow move all that out into the living room and put the bunk beds in there and put the little guy in the small bedroom. I think we need to add on two more bedrooms and another bath. We have space for that

All this stuff is clogging my brain. Hubby says not to worry about it. He says we will take it as it comes and deal with it. But I need to have plans. My mind is reeling with thoughts of making them breakfast and tucking them in at night, setting up chore lists and giving them an allowance, teaching them to sew and make pottery. Among other things. I'm pretty much totally panicked about the whole situation. I can't let myself think about losing my only child yet. That would push me over the edge, so I've blocked that out in some part of my brain.

The other two ladies with the Artist Coop are coming over this afternoon for another organizational meeting. Things are moving right along on that, and we are hoping to get something in place in January.

Well, I need to get busy. Have a great day!

Sylvia

pipcd34

morning peeps -

Happy Hanukkah to all that observe it!

today we have our 1st physical therapy appointments.! excited.

sherryl0512

I'm new to the group, but sounds like right up my alley! Over 50 and need/want to loose weight. Seems like I've been going backwards, but determined to do this! So my goal for the week is to up my water, exercise 3 days a week and on my breaks, get up and MOVE!

miriamwithcats

Sylvia, it isn't as hard as your mind is making it seem. The kids quickly get in to routines, and you have seven hours while they are at school to take care of yourself and hubby. You might want to confine Molly during the hectic morning hour, and when the kids first get home and are full of vim and vigor to share their day. But while they are sleeping or at school she won't have to be confined. And as old as Molly is, she will just use that time while confined to sleep. It really is a lot easier to be their parent than to be their grandparent. Routines and structure take a lot of the stress off. They have their space and their toys to keep them occupied, unlike when they are visiting grandma. Plan on getting them in to summer day camps to give you time to yourself during the summer, too. Trips are still possible, and sometimes a lot more fun with kids because their enthusiasm makes it so. They will have friends to visit, have sleepovers, etc. that also take the stress off. (The more kids around, the happier they are and the less you have to entertain them.) I am almost 58, and the girls I adopted are 8 and 11. And it is just me, no husband to help. I have bone on bone arthritis in all the major joints of my body, as well as painful arthritis in the other ones. All of them. The girls are very helpful and do not mind at all when we have to do things differently than the other kids because they are getting the love and security that they need. Your friends will most likely be more than willing to take the kids for a day, or help out in other ways. When I had to be in the hospital for two days with my foot, I had all sorts of people offer to keep the girls. I have found the entire community is supportive. One single friend with no kids offered to help me support them financially even! You will have to make changes in the way you use your house, and potentially add on. But that is minor compared to the joy the kids will bring to your life! Seriously, you are more than capable of taking care of the kids, and most importantly you love them. (I didn't even know the girls before they moved in with me!)

mollywhippet

Miriam,

Thank you so much for all your advice and support. It's nice to hear from somebody who knows!

Fingers crossed that mine goes as well as yours.

Sylvia

fanncy0626

Sylvia - (((hugs))) that is a lot for you to think about. It is good to have a plan. I'm going to say Foster care which a lot of people will disagree with. But, my brother and sister-in-law are adult foster care providers and my nephew and his wife do children foster care. They have two children that they absolutely love and treat like their own. They will be living with them forever. The children's biological Family gets visitation. The biological family got to choose who became their foster parents. This is something you might want to look into. There are foster parents that are looking for children to love as their own. My nephew and his wife could not have children of their own. They live on a lake here in northern Minnesota. They are devoting their life's to caring for other people's children.



Mary from Minnesota

DamitJanit

Call me crazy but I love to see other people happy and succeeding .

Good Morning Ladies,

Rori, one of the things on my bucket list is to go to NYC between Thanksgiving and Christmas. DH is not a NY fan so it won’t be with him. Enjoy your stroll down 5th Ave and ogle some for me. So happy the margins are clear and on to the next step!

Sylvia, what fun watching Spot play in the puddles. I can just see the other two saying, “what is that fool doing?”.

MicheleNC, I’ve noticed people out early lately trying to beat the rush. It is definitely beginning to look a lot like Christmas in the stores.

Joyce, the girls that wrote and performed in the Christmas play sound great. I hope you make the 8 am appointment. I used to get up at 5 am, hop in the shower and get ready for work in 30 minutes. Now that I am retired, I want an hour or two to wake up before I have to do anything. I guess it’s all in what we get used to.

Mary, it sounds like the “roll of shame” should be named the “roll of safety”. It would be nice to always have a spotter but that would certainly cut down on the available time for lifting. You are doing so great!!!! What an inspiration.

Katla, so sorry ya’ll are still ill. It won’t be fun standing in the line at the PO or UPS, as it’s getting down to crunch time for sending packages. I have to get one mailed to DD and don’t look forward to that.

Allison, so glad you slept well. I knew Florida has lots of critters but didn’t think about them having armadillos. Growing up in south Texas it was common to see them. You have a marvelous time while you are there.

Lisa, it’s so nice to hear that you have finally slowed down and aren’t under any pressure to get things done. Have you rented any spaces in the warehouse yet? Glad the roof is holding back most of the rain.

Penny, sorry you did all that walking and never found the ginger bread bake. How nice of you to get “grumpy’s” water bottle for her. I like the seasonal milk carton. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Sylvia, I’m like you in that I’d want to make some kinds of plans in the event that you end up with the kids. Yes, this is the time that you should be thinking about retirement and taking life easy and not about making breakfast, school lunches and tucking kids in at night. Unfortunately there are many people in their 70s that have been put in that position. I’m sure things will work out and I do hope your DS is just wrong about his condition. ((((Hugs))))

Sherry, welcome to a great group of ladies and the place for lots of support and information. Please tell us a bit about yourself to help us get to know you. We also ask that you sign each post with the name you want to be called and a location, either general or specific. Come often and join right in.

Today I have a board meeting for our HOA which is in the process of being turned over by the builder. Then tomorrow I have line dancing and go back to my friend’s house to stay with her for two more nights while her daughter takes a break. Her daughter said if she wasn’t able to stay alone after this week that she would take her to her aunt’s house. We think part of her need is that she is lonely. She’s been out of work and not driving since the first of August and just got her surgery Dec. 2. I don’t feel ready for Christmas but have done about all that is going to get done. We have really cut back on gifts and are having dinner at my friends on Christmas so not so much going on this year. I just really miss my DD as this will be the 2nd Christmas away from us since she moved to Oregon.

I’m sending the best wishes and warmest thoughts to all you lovely ladies. Please try not to let the stress of the season get to you. I really hope you all get well and stay that way through the end of the year. I hope all of you have a healthy and happy day.

Words I live by:
Savor. I have to slow down and savor every bite.
and
Opportunity. Each day offers new opportunities for good health and happiness if we just look for them and choose them.
I Love you,
DJ
Myrtle Beach, SC

Lagopus

Oh Sylvia, I feel for you. You have such heavy burdens to bear, and bear them with such grace. Bless you!

Miriam's and Mary's suggestions are in some ways at opposite ends of the scale but they're both well worth thinking about, when and if the situation arises. (Let's hope your son is just overdramatizing.) What you definitely want to avoid is the middle range of that scale, where nobody bothers to do anything for the kids. But you wouldn't let that happen.

terri_mom

Happy Monday ! ! !

Miriam – I can’t remember if I typed anything, but Huge Hugs and Congrats ! ! !

Allison – Enjoy your time away from The Troll ! I will keep praying that she find peace and compassion, because being so hurtful and angry must be exhausting for her.

I never cheated all weekend. In fact, out of necessity because of my schedule, I struggled to reach 1200 calories yesterday, so MFP yelled at me. My co-worker SnapChatted me a lot this weekend, so I think she behaved, too. Should be lots of stickers on that calendar soon. I am also starting to plan the food I will take to Winona over Christmas, so I’m prepared for eating at least (hotel breakfasts I usually mostly carbs, so I’ll take a few yogurt and some fruit, then have salad fixings for meals with MIL).

DS bowled well Saturday. 665 at league in the morning, then 75% fill during the High School matches. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough to give the team 2 wins, but they had fun together. The second team they competed against really struggled to keep the ball on the lane, so DH put each kid besides DS into the anchor spot, just so they can feel what it is like, and DS sat almost every game. He was obviously getting bored, because right before each new game he stood next to his Dad and started singing “put me in coach, I’m ready to play, look at me, I can be, a bowler”. It took all of DH’s power to not laugh or smirk.

DS and DH struggled at the Adult/Youth tournament, so we left pretty early. I have mostly been focusing on my crochet projects before Christmas. Whenever there are raffles at tournaments, I try to buy at least a few dollars’ worth (because the money goes back to the scholarship accounts for the kids). I asked DS what he wanted to win, and he said he nothing, so I put all my entries in to win Bucks Game tickets to give as a Secret Santa gift for one of the Personal Trainers, and won, so he gets to see a NBA game on Dec. 23 ! ! ! I gave him the voucher so he can get the tickets soon, and he’s pretty excited. Plus, he wants to know my secrets of winning (it’s about crumpling up the ticket so it doesn’t bunch up with all the other tickets).

Time for lunch, and I'm not quite 1/2 done with page 24.

Hugs for Everyone ! ! !

Terri in Milwaukee (54 degrees and rain, yesterday broke records with 60 degrees)

fanncy0626

DJ - I like your title better as well! The roll of safety is really what it is all about! I think it was probably a man that titled it because they probably feel embarrassed when they can't lift the weight. It is so nice of you to help out your friend.

Penny - you're so right about the two opposite ends of the spectrum opinions. I myself would probably take my grandchildren in but I know that my DH broke up with a woman he was dating prior to me, because she was thinking of taking in her grandchildren that had a drug addict for a mother. So I have actually lived both ends of the spectrum with my side of the family being the caretakers and my DH not wanting to. I think his reason was age related.



Mary from Minnesota

cityjaneLondon

Sylvia - been reading and just feel for you.

DH 's cold has gone to his chest and he is very under the weather. My tooth woke me up in the night, but so far today it has succumbed to pain killers. My cold has improved.
We went to Avignon on the train and visited the Pont (bridge) in the old song and then, after a lunch of SNAILS, :laugh: we went to the Palais des Papes. (Popes' Palace) Wow, what an edifice! A huge fortress, with stern walls and a vibe of power. It was the seat of Popes and rival Popes for around 70 years in the 1300s. It was almost deserted on a winter Monday, which added to the atmosphere.
Then we caught the train back and DH was very weary. Hope he will rally for our last day tomorrow.

I've managed to make an appointment with my dentist for the day after we get back. The wonders of email!

Fillet steak tonight with broccoli and green beans. I will prepare a bit of garlic butter, but try to restrain myself on the portion.

Posting a pic of me with the Pont d'Avignon behind me. It's only half a bridge with a chapel half way across. The river kept sweeping most of it away so it never was very successful as a crossing.



Love Heather

pipcd34

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Katla49

Alison: It sounds like you're having a good time in Florida. Good for you! :flowerforyou:

Lisa: I'm glad that you had a good time at your writer's group dinner, and that the roof work on the warehouse paid off & reduced the problems to only a few leaks rather than many. It sounds like you've made genuine progress toward your long term goals for the place. :bigsmile:

Penny: It was nice that you thought of your friend's nalgene bottle, were able to find it, and and dropped it off for her. She will remember your kindness fondly. The Christmassy milk carton is fun.

Sylvia: (((hugs)))

Pip: I hope the pt appointments go well. :flowerforyou:


Today I plan to ship Christmas packages to DD's MIL's house in IL and also to DS's MIL's house in KY. We were scheduled to have a fun weekend with DS and DDIL last weekend, but were too sick to go. We would have taken them their presents. Now we're shipping them to KY and also shipping their presents to my daughter's family along with our own. We can have it all done today. Yay! I hope it actually happens. Neither of us is over the flu. :ohwell:

Katla in Beautiful NW Oregon

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” Thomas A. Edison

December Goals :
1. Log every bite and swallow.
2. Cardio exercise at least 3 days a week. Work on flexibility and back strength.
3. Have fun every day.
4. Drink at least three glasses of water daily, preferably more!
5. Eliminate alcohol.
6. Monitor sleep. Try to average 7 or more hours of sleep nightly.

pipcd34

really quick -

I have a new found respect for people in wheel chairs and the people pushing them, especially in the city, it is crazy out there!! we able bodied people need to pay more attention!

janetr7476

Sylvia - I teared up reading your post. I know that the thot of losing your only child is heart wrenching. I also know that you are the best grandma in the world and that as hubby says things will work out when you have to cross that bridge. Men just take a lot less planning than we do. It's our job to plan. Miriam had so many wise words to offer, of which I know nothing, but she is wise and is there herself. Also Mary had some very encouraging words from a totally different perspective, there are options. This group is the best for support and strength when you need it. I am praying for you and your entire family through this tough time. Your son, on the other hand, may live for many years to come, God willing. (((Hugs))).

DJ - just wanted to point out that I send all of my packages from home. You can go online to USPS, determine postage by size and weight and pay for postage and print out shipping label and postage. Either just drop at Post Office without waiting in line, or request on line that your mailman to pick them up. Easy peasy

Heather - the picture just captures all of my imaginings from when I read books. Wow. Thanks so much for sharing with us. I truly enjoy seeing them all, and of of course you. Hope hubby gets better too and that the tooth behaves until you get to the dentist.

I lost one more pound this week for a total of four for December. Working hard and truly miss it if I don't get the exercise in for the day, who would have thot?

Love to you all,
Janetr OKC

GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS

Sylvia - you and your husband will be fine. Is this son you are talking about your only child? Not that it is any of my business; but, what does he have that makes him think he is going go die this week? Does he have a will that names you and/or your husband as his child(ren)'s guardians? Mom might change her mind about it if he dies. Does he have any insurance to help pay for expenses of raising his children? If so, he needs to double-check it and make sure that when he got divorced that it still does not name the 'ex-wife' as the beneficiary. If he names someone specifically on life insurance it does not go into the 'estate'. You don't want to put your 'estate' as a beneficiary because that would delay getting it (waiting on the Probate to be finished) and it would also go to pay off his funeral and/or last expenses or credit cards, etc. I worked in an attorney's office most all my life; and, one of the things we did was making Wills (especially for our divorce clients); and quite often for other clients as well. People sometimes name their parents to be the Guardians of their children rather than asking a brother or sister to do so; and, they don't take into consideration that the parents might die sooner than they do, or shortly thereafter. Hope this is not the case in your situation. If there is a sibling that could take on raising the children, that might be an alternative to think about.

Also, Sylvia, what prevents someone from crawling into your house through the doggie door (since your dogs are medium to large dogs)? Cracker will NOT go outside to potty when it is raining and so far we have not been able to get her to do so. If it is misting, she 'might' go outside; but, she doesn't like to get wet. I gave her a bath this morning; she smells good, I smell like a dog! LOL!

PEOPLE - if you do NOT have a Will that specifies things like where (to whom) your personal and real property goes; then, it will cost your children or beneficiary a small fortune to be able to 'sell' things you have such as car, house, jewelry (and a death generally brings out the worst in people). Normally, the non-custodial parent would get the child(ren);but, not if they are deemed unfit. Seems like you said earlier that y'all had gone to court for your son to get 'full custody' of the child(ren). For those who are younger, you need ,to ask someone close to your age and financially able to take care of your children and put that into your Will. Children are your most precious form of property; even though they are not 'property'. Life insurance should have that person named as the second beneficiary for the care of your children. Talk to an attorney about what to do on this matter. Sometimes leaving people money (meant to care for your children) does not get done unless they are accountable to the Probate Court to prove they are doing for YOUR children and not spending it to take vacations on. They can buy a car or something like that 'if' they are doing so for the benefit of those children. I believe strongly in having a will (and life insurance if you can buy it). When there are 'minor' children involved that stand a chance to inherit from a parent (usually) a Trustee is named to handle the money left to those children and the Trustee has to make an accounting (usually yearly) on how they have spent that money. It is up to the Probate Judge as to who is named - usually the other parent or someone totally unconnected to the will. None of us want to 'think' about death and a LOT of people refuse to make wills out of some sort of hesitation, thinking that it will cause them to die shortly after making it. BUT, they are important for a variety of reasons other than what is named before. They can be simple mirrored "I love you" wills, that leave everything to your spouse and then to your children (or their children). I am NOT giving 'legal advice' I am just saying that 'if' you do NOT have a will, you need to make an appointment with an attorney that draws them up and make one. IF you have more than a certain amount of money you can 'gift' money to others that will save all of you on 'inheritance taxes' and other expenses. Sometimes it is best to go to an 'estate attorney' to make sure what you can do; but, this is generally something that you can talk to them about beforehand. Most, but not all, attorneys will give you a Question and Answer appointment, to give you answers to your questions beforehand. They will ask questions about money and property and how you want it dispersed at your death. IF you have a 'lot' of money an 'estate attorney' can save you a lot of money and save your children/grandchildren a lot of expense. IMHO!

Miriam - if you (possibly) had a will prior to adopting those girls; you need to revisit it and make it to take into consideration that fact (especially if you have children of your own). A divorce, marriage, having a baby, or adopting children normally will 'null and void' a will (unless it is made in contemplation of those things). Having step-children can also be a tricky subject to take into consideration. When one parent/step-parent dies; the other one can remake their will and leave the other's children out of their will. You might not 'think' they'd do it; but, it happens a lot more than you think. Especially when there are 'adult' children involved and/or there isn't a good relationship between biological children and step-children. Each parent might make a will that leaves certain things to them; but, if they make a mirrored "I love you" will, what then happens to real property? You can set it out that it will be placed on the market and the proceeds be divided among all of the children. In that case, you would have to name each child (or exclude them). The terms 'per stirpes' or 'per capita' have totally different meanings and that is also something you need to talk to an attorney about. The first means that it continues going down generations. The later means that it stops at the next generation and then you have to decide who gets it, if the child(ren) die before you do Does it go to a surviving child or what? Do you wish to donate it to charity? So many questions, so little time. But, DO make a will and also sign papers that deal with what happens if you are incapacitated. Used to be called a "Living Will" now it is called some sort of 'directive' so that the medical team would know your wishes. It's about a 15-page long document that most attorneys that draw up will have.

margaretturk

On Friday I taught a third grade the history of Hanukkah and sang a beautiful song about the Menorah in the window. I learned the word Hanukkah means rededicate. The Jews were celebrating the oil that should have burned for one day burned for eight in their temple. That is why it is eight days long. The dates are different every year just like Easter is a different date too. Last night was the last night this year.

Today is my friend's Kindergarten class we celebrated Sante Lucia day. She was a saint in Italy who helped Christians who were being persecuted. The Swedes make it a festival of lights and have the oldest daughter dress in a white dress with a red sash with a crown of greens and candles. She serves breakfast to her parents. The boy where a hat and carry a star wand. The children made hats and crowns and then we walked around the school serving cookies.

I like it when schools try to teach about these customs of other cultures. They also include Ramadan (Muslim) and Diwali
(India).

DH doctor appointment is Tuesday now.
Margaret

GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS

janetr7476

Margaret - how beautiful that children are taught of all the different celebrations, unfortunately I don't believe that happens often enough. Thank you for being a dedicated and caring teacher.

Janetr OKC

pipcd34

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