I DO NOT WANT my cake and I DO NOT WANT to eat it too...
Replies
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I get what you're referring to, but other posters on this thread have indeed also said that if the OP did not eat cake it would be gossiped about and they would be laughed at for years. And I was maintaining that it would be weird to bring up year after year that dear old Aunt Mildred didn't eat any mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. That's all.The comment wasn't about what the OP ate. The comment was about the person's reaction if watermelon was disguised as cake and served at a party.
There's a difference between choosing not to enjoy the cranberry sauce and flat refusing to eat two bites of a cake somebody went to the effort of getting you. Especially when you haven't given them the opportunity to get you something else and even more when you've apparently enjoyed it every other year.0 -
I want cake. That is all.
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Maybe in the future, if you find temptation to be too much, ask her to do something healthy like a yogurt bar (pick your own toppings, healthy yogurt w/fruit and granola, etc).
I'd say (personally) eat a slice of cake...it's your birthday.0 -
I think what the sane/reasonable people are talking about is eating cake once in a while and making it fit your budget, not eating a bunch of cake every single day. There's a difference between "a piece doesn't fit into my budget at this time" and "I can never ever eat cake again as long as I live." One of those is healthy and reasonable, the other is every bit as messed up and disordered as eating bunches of cake every day. It's just going from one extreme way of eating to yet another extreme and ridiculous way of eating without having actually learned anything.When we have cake in the office, it IS what we talk about. Every single time. You're really not going to have any? You never eat cake? Why? Aren't you depressed? I'd kill myself before I said no to cake! Just have a piece. (Not exaggerating either with these quotes - and they think I'm the weird one...) They have a party with cake every few weeks and people bring in homemade cakes and pies and whatnot all the time. It would never end.
If I gave in every time I was around someone who said "just have a small piece" of cake, just one cookie, just one piece of bread at the restaurant, just one of whatever, I'd be eating piles and piles of crap. You know how I lost weight? I started saying no thank you and meaning it.0 -
there IS the theory that one should never be rude. I was at a very small dinner party once and watched a dear friend clean her plate, including dreaded PEAS. It was so hard not to laugh as she ate becase I KNOW how much she despises them.... but it was a beautiful evening, a good time was had by all, the peas did not hurt her and the hostess was thrilled we had such a good time. Cake should be easy-"I'll have just a small piece please. You knoW I'm dieting.." I'd treat it like a toast of fine wine to your health.. with smiles... and thanks.. AND I'd make sure I gave a LOT of it away so I didn't hoover leftovers...0
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Pass it over here. I'll eat it.Is it rude to refuse a piece of my own birthday cake?
My sister-in-law always purchases a store bought cake
for my birthday. I do not eat dessert/packaged or, in my view,
'unhealthy'(sugar, fat and other 'questionable' food-like products)items.
Will it be rude to refuse a piece? What can I say to her when I'm offered a
piece?
Thanks!!0 -
It's your birthday so request what you want. To sit there and say nothing will end with her going out of her way to get you the cake and then yes, you seeming rude NOT to eat it. There are plenty of OTHER things that you can suggest that other people wont mind. Fruit cake, fruit pizza, etc. Do you just refuse to eat sugar? Becaues there are plenty of cakes out that that have avacado and apple sauce in them over the normal crap filled cakes. I love the crap filled cakes, but that's me... I would never want someone on their bd to have something that they don't want.0
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I think what the sane/reasonable people are talking about is eating cake once in a while and making it fit your budget, not eating a bunch of cake every single day. There's a difference between "a piece doesn't fit into my budget at this time" and "I can never ever eat cake again as long as I live." One of those is healthy and reasonable, the other is every bit as messed up and disordered as eating bunches of cake every day. It's just going from one extreme way of eating to yet another extreme and ridiculous way of eating without having actually learned anything.When we have cake in the office, it IS what we talk about. Every single time. You're really not going to have any? You never eat cake? Why? Aren't you depressed? I'd kill myself before I said no to cake! Just have a piece. (Not exaggerating either with these quotes - and they think I'm the weird one...) They have a party with cake every few weeks and people bring in homemade cakes and pies and whatnot all the time. It would never end.
If I gave in every time I was around someone who said "just have a small piece" of cake, just one cookie, just one piece of bread at the restaurant, just one of whatever, I'd be eating piles and piles of crap. You know how I lost weight? I started saying no thank you and meaning it.
Well put. We didn't end up here because we have a great healthy personality about eating. Trading one crazy for another is not an improvement.0 -
I think what the sane/reasonable people are talking about is eating cake once in a while and making it fit your budget....
Okay, and so what if I just don't want to make cake fit in to my budget? What if I'd rather have another helping of nachos or a martini? Why do other's care?...There's a difference between "a piece doesn't fit into my budget at this time" and "I can never ever eat cake again as long as I live." One of those is healthy and reasonable, the other is every bit as messed up and disordered as eating bunches of cake every day. It's just going from one extreme way of eating to yet another extreme and ridiculous way of eating without having actually learned anything.
Why is it *insane, unhealthy, unreasonable, messed up, disordered* if someone truly does not want cake and would be perfectly happy to never have another slice as long as they live? I mean surely there's got to be some people who feel about cake as I do about lima beans or coconut, no?0 -
Tell her in advance that you apprecite the gesture but do not want cake. Suggest an alternative. The Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches are delicious, and you can put a birthday candle in it!0
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Hmmm, interesting. More so the fact that our society has evolved a culture so centred around eating that people consider that it would be rude for the birthday girl to refuse a piece of cake even if she REALLY didn't want to eat it or didn't like it. Sort of says something about why we as a society are getting bigger and bigger.
How about either telling the sister you'd like a healthy alternative (you could have cake too for the other people who want it). It's your birthday after all
On the other hand if you like the cake and are just worrying about your diet than have a small piece and enjoy it.0 -
It seems rather simple to me.
You had no problem telling all of US that you do not want to eat birthday cake. Just tell your sister-in-law ahead of time that this year you would prefer not to have any cake.
If you feel that strongly about it, say something! If you do NOT say anything to her ahead of time, then it would behoove you to be as gracious as possible in accepting a piece when it is offered to you.
Plan ahead and tell her no: if you laze out and don't say anything ahead of time, then you're sort of obligated to deal with the situation that you would have created.
Just my two cents.0 -
Like many others have said, I would simply ask her to make or buy something that you do like and will eat -it's your birthday, after all. I always ask for pie myself, or cheesecake. If the other guests would enjoy it, all the better. Or maybe get a cake also for the people who would enjoy cake - that something maybe the two of you can figure out together.
I don't get all the people saying some variation on the theme "just eat the cake". Why should anyone have to eat something they don't like or don't want to eat whether you agree with their reasoning or not?0 -
You don't get addicted to sugar...
People who say that just don't have enough will power and are making excuses....
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2235907/
Read the conclusion.
Did you even read it?This review summarizes evidence of sugar dependence in an animal model.
Could you tell me what a 12H fast in rats would translate to human time?
12H. The rat model is so commonly used in research because in many respects it is actually quite similar to a human system.0 -
Can you find a happy medium between flat-out cake refusal and bitter, resentful, reluctant cake consumption? Maybe request an angel food cake - they're just about the healthiest cake you can eat - topped with lots of fruit. Then just have a tiny slice of the cake and a great big pile of fruit. You'll be able to celebrate your birthday in a way that you won't feel is compromising your health or your manners.0
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I think what the sane/reasonable people are talking about is eating cake once in a while and making it fit your budget....
Okay, and so what if I just don't want to make cake fit in to my budget? What if I'd rather have another helping of nachos or a martini? Why do other's care?...There's a difference between "a piece doesn't fit into my budget at this time" and "I can never ever eat cake again as long as I live." One of those is healthy and reasonable, the other is every bit as messed up and disordered as eating bunches of cake every day. It's just going from one extreme way of eating to yet another extreme and ridiculous way of eating without having actually learned anything.
Why is it *insane, unhealthy, unreasonable, messed up, disordered* if someone truly does not want cake and would be perfectly happy to never have another slice as long as they live? I mean surely there's got to be some people who feel about cake as I do about lima beans or coconut, no?
Because avoiding sugar for the rest of your life for no apparent reason related to health or fitness interferes with your social life.
It's allowing an irrational fear affect other parts of your life.0 -
Personally, all this talk about cake is making me hanker for a nice slice of coconut layer cake with a cup of really good coffee.
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Did you not read the OP? She didn't say she doesn't like cake. She made it very clear she is afraid of cake because of its ingredients. Again, there is a huge difference between "I don't like cake" and "I have convinced myself I'm gonna die if I eat cake." One of those is accurately described by words like unhealthy, unreasonable, messed up and disordered.I think what the sane/reasonable people are talking about is eating cake once in a while and making it fit your budget....
Okay, and so what if I just don't want to make cake fit in to my budget? What if I'd rather have another helping of nachos or a martini? Why do other's care?...There's a difference between "a piece doesn't fit into my budget at this time" and "I can never ever eat cake again as long as I live." One of those is healthy and reasonable, the other is every bit as messed up and disordered as eating bunches of cake every day. It's just going from one extreme way of eating to yet another extreme and ridiculous way of eating without having actually learned anything.
Why is it *insane, unhealthy, unreasonable, messed up, disordered* if someone truly does not want cake and would be perfectly happy to never have another slice as long as they live? I mean surely there's got to be some people who feel about cake as I do about lima beans or coconut, no?
Stop trying to compare it to lima beans too, that is also absurd. This is about a well-known thing that's pretty much universal in our culture. It's someone's birthday so you have cake, unless there is some reason to not do so. "I'm afraid of evil nasty wicked foods" is not really a reason people will find acceptable or sane.0 -
Our culture is the reason a lot of us got fat. And the inability to say "no". Why can't someone can't not eat cake for whatever reason they don't want to eat cake any day of the year but, especially, on their birthday. Traditionally, birthdays are also days when the birthday girl/boy gets what they want. Who cares what everyone else wants you to eat. What's absurd is all the people thinking they know better what someone else should eat and why.
Did you not read the OP? She didn't say she doesn't like cake. She made it very clear she is afraid of cake because of its ingredients. Again, there is a huge difference between "I don't like cake" and "I have convinced myself I'm gonna die if I eat cake." One of those is accurately described by words like unhealthy, unreasonable, messed up and disordered.I think what the sane/reasonable people are talking about is eating cake once in a while and making it fit your budget....
Okay, and so what if I just don't want to make cake fit in to my budget? What if I'd rather have another helping of nachos or a martini? Why do other's care?...There's a difference between "a piece doesn't fit into my budget at this time" and "I can never ever eat cake again as long as I live." One of those is healthy and reasonable, the other is every bit as messed up and disordered as eating bunches of cake every day. It's just going from one extreme way of eating to yet another extreme and ridiculous way of eating without having actually learned anything.
Why is it *insane, unhealthy, unreasonable, messed up, disordered* if someone truly does not want cake and would be perfectly happy to never have another slice as long as they live? I mean surely there's got to be some people who feel about cake as I do about lima beans or coconut, no?
Stop trying to compare it to lima beans too, that is also absurd. This is about a well-known thing that's pretty much universal in our culture. It's someone's birthday so you have cake, unless there is some reason to not do so. "I'm afraid of evil nasty wicked foods" is not really a reason people will find acceptable or sane.0 -
I can think of two logical responses when offered cake.
1. Yes, please.
2. No thank you.
The end.0 -
I think what the sane/reasonable people are talking about is eating cake once in a while and making it fit your budget....
Okay, and so what if I just don't want to make cake fit in to my budget? What if I'd rather have another helping of nachos or a martini? Why do other's care?...There's a difference between "a piece doesn't fit into my budget at this time" and "I can never ever eat cake again as long as I live." One of those is healthy and reasonable, the other is every bit as messed up and disordered as eating bunches of cake every day. It's just going from one extreme way of eating to yet another extreme and ridiculous way of eating without having actually learned anything.
Why is it *insane, unhealthy, unreasonable, messed up, disordered* if someone truly does not want cake and would be perfectly happy to never have another slice as long as they live? I mean surely there's got to be some people who feel about cake as I do about lima beans or coconut, no?
Because avoiding sugar for the rest of your life for no apparent reason related to health or fitness interferes with your social life.
It's allowing an irrational fear affect other parts of your life.
Okay but nothing above ^^ says anything about "avoiding sugar", it speaks only of a choice to decline "cake". My response was to the above quotes only which doesn't mention the OP in particular. I ask why should anyone feel they have to "make cake fit in your budget"? What's the deal with some making it out that someone who just doesn't like/want cake is insane, unhealthy, unreasonable, messed up, and disordered?
My adult daughter is an example ~ she honest to goodness simply does not like cake of any kind, she hasn't since she was 4 y/o ~ nothing at all to do with calories or sugar. We still always have a cake on her birthday, tradition to blow out the candles, and the rest of the family enjoys a slice. My daughter always just opts not to have a slice. She's not avoiding sugar, she eats other sugary stuff. No big deal, who cares?0 -
Just wanted to update: My cake is now in the oven. I'm doing a butter yellow cake with cream cheese frosting.
Thanks OP, wouldn't have done it without you.0 -
Did you not read the OP? She didn't say she doesn't like cake. She made it very clear she is afraid of cake because of its ingredients. Again, there is a huge difference between "I don't like cake" and "I have convinced myself I'm gonna die if I eat cake." One of those is accurately described by words like unhealthy, unreasonable, messed up and disordered.I think what the sane/reasonable people are talking about is eating cake once in a while and making it fit your budget....
Okay, and so what if I just don't want to make cake fit in to my budget? What if I'd rather have another helping of nachos or a martini? Why do other's care?...There's a difference between "a piece doesn't fit into my budget at this time" and "I can never ever eat cake again as long as I live." One of those is healthy and reasonable, the other is every bit as messed up and disordered as eating bunches of cake every day. It's just going from one extreme way of eating to yet another extreme and ridiculous way of eating without having actually learned anything.
Why is it *insane, unhealthy, unreasonable, messed up, disordered* if someone truly does not want cake and would be perfectly happy to never have another slice as long as they live? I mean surely there's got to be some people who feel about cake as I do about lima beans or coconut, no?
Stop trying to compare it to lima beans too, that is also absurd. This is about a well-known thing that's pretty much universal in our culture. It's someone's birthday so you have cake, unless there is some reason to not do so. "I'm afraid of evil nasty wicked foods" is not really a reason people will find acceptable or sane.
Did you not read the quotes I specifically replied to above? Please note this was a thread tangent separate from the OP's sitch and speaking in-general about declining a piece of cake. I replied to those points.This is about a well-known thing that's pretty much universal in our culture. It's someone's birthday so you have cake, unless there is some reason to not do so.
And how about if the "reason" is they just don't happen to want/like cake? It is very much NOT my experience that everyone must eat cake on their birthday ~ as I said, just as one example my daughter who hasn't eaten cake in a quarter century ~ so what?0 -
My adult daughter is an example ~ she honest to goodness simply does not like cake of any kind, she hasn't since she was 4 y/o ~ nothing at all to do with calories or sugar. We still always have a cake on her birthday, tradition to blow out the candles, and the rest of the family enjoys a slice. My daughter always just opts not to have a slice. She's not avoiding sugar, she eats other sugary stuff. No big deal, who cares?
This is exactly what I was thinking in general about the topic at hand. I personally don't care for cake that much and have refused it many a time, even at birthdays, including my own. I also know people who have sworn off refined sugar, but are nowhere near having an eating disorder or are disordered eaters of any kind.
So from where I stand there are essentially 2 topics, the OP's personal issues and the topic in general.0 -
Just wanted to update: My cake is now in the oven. I'm doing a butter yellow cake with cream cheese frosting.
Thanks OP, wouldn't have done it without you.
Oh I love cream cheese frosting, enjoy!0 -
Screwed up attempting to quote :laugh:0
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This review states that the rats at a certain point are "given 12-h access to a sugar solution and chow".You don't get addicted to sugar...
People who say that just don't have enough will power and are making excuses....
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2235907/
Read the conclusion.
Did you even read it?This review summarizes evidence of sugar dependence in an animal model.
Could you tell me what a 12H fast in rats would translate to human time?
12H. The rat model is so commonly used in research because in many respects it is actually quite similar to a human system.
Is "chow" a legitimate scientific word or just an attempt to lighten up the language in the midst of discussing the similarity between the effects of sugar on rats and the neurochemical changes in the brain that also occur with addictive drugs?0 -
Others care because they took time out of their schedule to buy a present and to show up and spend time at a party. And since birthday parties have certain universal elements in our culture like gift giving and cake, then it's only reasonable to expect those things unless it's otherwise specified.Okay, and so what if I just don't want to make cake fit in to my budget? What if I'd rather have another helping of nachos or a martini? Why do other's care?
If you want to have a nachos party, great. Invite everyone to your awesome nachos birthday party and I'm sure they'll all enjoy it.
But to let people bring cake and then turn it down is no less ridiculous than letting people bring gifts and then telling your guests as they arrive, "I didn't want gifts, go put it back in your car."
If someone did either to me I'd just not bother to show up or buy gifts for any more of their birthdays because fool me twice, shame on me.0 -
I was the same with my Bday and i told them in advance. They bought a black forest cake enough to feed 15-20 people yet there's only 4 of us... i just said "It looks amazing, but i ate soo much tasty dinner, i'll save it for tomorrow.". I didn't eat it the next day. >.<0
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Others care because they took time out of their schedule to buy a present and to show up and spend time at a party. And since birthday parties have certain universal elements in our culture like gift giving and cake, then it's only reasonable to expect those things unless it's otherwise specified.Okay, and so what if I just don't want to make cake fit in to my budget? What if I'd rather have another helping of nachos or a martini? Why do other's care?
If you want to have a nachos party, great. Invite everyone to your awesome nachos birthday party and I'm sure they'll all enjoy it.
But to let people bring cake and then turn it down is no less ridiculous than letting people bring gifts and then telling your guests as they arrive, "I didn't want gifts, go put it back in your car."
If someone did either to me I'd just not bother to show up or buy gifts for any more of their birthdays because fool me twice, shame on me.
Oh I agree, I too believe cake is a part of having a birthday party. I always serve cake when I host birthday parties. And yup, me too I expect it when I go to a b'day party. Though I don't always feel I must EAT the birthday cake (my own or others).
I personally would probably either A. tell my SIL prior that I won't be eating the cake but I trust most everyone else will enjoy and of course I'll still blow out the candles, or I'd B. take a slice, have a taste, say how delicious, and thank her.
What I won't feel pressured to do is to "make cake fit in my budget" because someone else says otherwise I'm insane, unreasonable, blah blah, just because I might not want cake.0
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