I DO NOT WANT my cake and I DO NOT WANT to eat it too...
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I think what the sane/reasonable people are talking about is eating cake once in a while and making it fit your budget, not eating a bunch of cake every single day. There's a difference between "a piece doesn't fit into my budget at this time" and "I can never ever eat cake again as long as I live." One of those is healthy and reasonable, the other is every bit as messed up and disordered as eating bunches of cake every day. It's just going from one extreme way of eating to yet another extreme and ridiculous way of eating without having actually learned anything.When we have cake in the office, it IS what we talk about. Every single time. You're really not going to have any? You never eat cake? Why? Aren't you depressed? I'd kill myself before I said no to cake! Just have a piece. (Not exaggerating either with these quotes - and they think I'm the weird one...) They have a party with cake every few weeks and people bring in homemade cakes and pies and whatnot all the time. It would never end.
If I gave in every time I was around someone who said "just have a small piece" of cake, just one cookie, just one piece of bread at the restaurant, just one of whatever, I'd be eating piles and piles of crap. You know how I lost weight? I started saying no thank you and meaning it.
The thing is I DON'T WANT CAKE. I don't like it anymore. It makes me feel like crap when I eat it - even a little slice.
I should eat "reasonable amounts" of stuff that I don't want so I can prove to you that I'm engaging in healthy moderate behaviour? That makes no sense.
Edited to add - one of the main things I've learned in my life is to listen to my body. Sugary processed crap like cake makes me feel like I have a mild hangover. This isn't what I want to feel like and I've learned I don't have to. If it's disordered eating to eat 1600-1800 calories a day of fruits, veggies, meat and nuts and turn down foods that make me feel like crap, then so be it. That's what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. And FWIW, my doctor approves of my dietary choices.0 -
Others care because they took time out of their schedule to buy a present and to show up and spend time at a party. And since birthday parties have certain universal elements in our culture like gift giving and cake, then it's only reasonable to expect those things unless it's otherwise specified.Okay, and so what if I just don't want to make cake fit in to my budget? What if I'd rather have another helping of nachos or a martini? Why do other's care?
If you want to have a nachos party, great. Invite everyone to your awesome nachos birthday party and I'm sure they'll all enjoy it.
But to let people bring cake and then turn it down is no less ridiculous than letting people bring gifts and then telling your guests as they arrive, "I didn't want gifts, go put it back in your car."
If someone did either to me I'd just not bother to show up or buy gifts for any more of their birthdays because fool me twice, shame on me.
Oh I agree, I too believe cake is a part of having a birthday party. I personally always serve cake when I host birthday parties. And yup, me too I expect it when I go to a b'day party.
I personally would probably either A. tell my SIL prior that I won't be eating the cake but I trust everyone else will enjoy and of course I'll still blow out the candles, or I'd B. take a slice, have a taste, say how delicious, and thank her.
What I won't feel pressured to do is to "make cake fit in my budget" because someone else says otherwise I'm insane, unreasonable, blah blah, just because I don't want cake.
This makes total sense to me.0 -
It makes me feel like crap when I eat it - even a little slice.
That's because you've convinced yourself that cake is evil and bad. It's purely mental.
This isn't a sign of a healthy relationship with food.0 -
I heard thru a credible source that the cake is a lie.0
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Not true, sugar can stimulate the same pleasure seeking nerves in the brain, anything that does that can become addictive. The same processes in the brain with drugs can happen with fatty sugary foods. It is hard wired in our dna so we want to seek calorie rich food. Not our body's fault we have such an abundance available at all times. It is what gave hunter and gathers ancestors the will to find the best juicest fruit. Any one who is prone to alcoholism is just as much in danger to food addiction. To say otherwise is a lack of knowledge of brain chemistry.One piece of cake is not going to kill you, nor cause you to crash off what every crazy rail you are on into a hopless addiction where you end up behind baskin robins suckin some guys d!ck to get your next ice cream cone. you can have one small piece - take a regular pice cut it in half and eat it, saves you from hurting anyones feelings.
There is no such thing as a sugar addiction, there is lack of willpower towards sugar, there is a fondness toward sugar but no addiction.
Not according to my therapist. I went in and said I had a food addiction and was told straight out that it is not an addiction. I was an alcoholic. I have been sober just over 1 year, I was positive I was addicted to food as well - I love food. My love of food is not an addiction. It has never been an addiction, it was a complete excuse. I did not go into the DT's when I cut my food back, I still enjoy my sugar and all the food I always did - I cannot however and probably will not ever enjoy my favorite drinks ever again or I will continue the downward spiral that was my life with alcohol.
I can have 1 piece of cake and not end up spiraling out of control, and trust me I love cake and pie.
I have never and I doubt I will ever meet someone who has sucked a d!ck in a dirty alley so they can get their next piece of cake/pie/ blah blah blah.
To say food is an addiction is an excuse, does it give you a good feeling perhaps but that is not due to the hard wiring of your brain that is due to you allowing yourself to suppress your actual feelings with food. Food is not meant to replace emotional connections. My therapist has seen many people who say "I am a food addict" when in reality they like to use that as an excuse.
Can you abstain from eating sugars? if you want i don't care but to say you are addicted to it is completely 100% absurd and I will stand by my food additction is a lack of willpower.
I actually agree with you that food addiction is not really comparable to alcoholism in that it doesn't have the physical withdrawal symptoms. However, you are drastically oversimplifying the issue and it's pretty insulting to a lot of people who have worked very hard to control their eating habits and found themselves failing in spite of it. Current research is showing more and more all the time that controlling eating habits is much harder than just having willpower. There are a lot of biochemical signals that are involved in weight control, blood sugar, etc, that can make self control harder than it would be than if you were just trying to control yourself from watching too much TV. The above poster has described one of those issues in how the brain responds to sugar. And there are a whole host of psychological issues attached to weight control -- everything from childhood trauma and habits to development of food as a comfort mechanism for when a person is upset or stressed. There are also long term issues that can occur from bad eating habits that are extremely hard for a person to overcome -- current evidence suggests that chronic overeating can deaden a person's sensitivity to hunger signalling, just to name one.
Anyway, the point of all of this is that I get what you are saying about alcoholism being a true physical addiction. However you are not being fair to people who have tried incredibly hard to change their lives and failed. It may not be a true physical addition in the sense that alcohol or drugs are, but people do have very real physiological and psychological reasons for why trying to gain control of their eating habits feels like trying to kick an addiction. I would argue that the myriad issues at play make it just as hard to getting eating under control as it is to kick cigarettes or alcohol. It might be even harder. Something else that might be of interest -- researchers have found that the same drugs that are used to help treat other types of addictions may also be useful in helping people stop overeating.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23726509
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23680433
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23637085
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23541000
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23237885
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23553164
I could go on listing articles forever, but I figure that if you are interested in reading the actual scientific evidence, you will look it up yourself.0 -
It makes me feel like crap when I eat it - even a little slice.
That's because you've convinced yourself that cake is evil and bad. It's purely mental.
This isn't a sign of a healthy relationship with food.
What exactly are you suggesting that I'm at risk of by continuing this so-called "unhealthy relationship with food"?
I eat plenty and love a variety of fresh foods. I am happier and healthier than I've ever been before. My current diet is very easy for me to maintain...
AND my friends and family (if not my coworkers) support me 100% and threw me a birthday party where they made me flourless cupcakes with dark chocolate/avocado frosting. Because they understand what I eat and don't and cared enough to ask and come up with a treat that I'd eat. And a more conventional cake for those who wanted it.0 -
I have never and I doubt I will ever meet someone who has sucked a d!ck in a dirty alley so they can get their next piece of cake/pie/ blah blah blah.
Ummmm....I think this wins the prize for being the hands-down winner of the funniest single sentence I have ever seen in a thread on this site. :laugh:0 -
My current diet is very easy for me to maintain...
Until someone wants to give you a slice of your own birthday cake.0 -
Tell her in advance that you prefer a different dessert. How about angel food cake with fresh fruit? You can eat the fruit and ignore the cake or just try one bite. Her intentions are good, she appears to want to make you happy which means she cares about you. Rejoice in her friendship. If you can't convince her to change her ways be gracious and thank her for the thoughtfulness. Then don't eat the cake if you don't want it.0
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My current diet is very easy for me to maintain...
Until someone wants to give you a slice of your own birthday cake.
??
I just said this happens at work. I just say no thank you, drink a glass of water and socialize while others eat cake. I get to explain my diet for the millionth time, but that's not making me question what I'm doing or want to eat cake.
Easy. Maybe it's not easy for some people who are afraid of oversensitive people around them, but this isn't an issue for me.0 -
My current diet is very easy for me to maintain...
Until someone wants to give you a slice of your own birthday cake.
??
I just said this happens at work. I just say no thank you, drink a glass of water and socialize while others eat cake.
Easy. Maybe it's not easy for some people who are afraid of oversensitive people around them, but this isn't an issue for me.
This thread isn't about people bringing cake into work. It's about someone who doesn't want to eat her own birthday cake bought for her by her relative because she's irrationally afraid of sugar.0 -
Hey guys, I got this. It's total piece of cake.
Haha.
No but seriously, never seen so much controversy over birthday cake.0 -
It makes me feel like crap when I eat it - even a little slice.
That's because you've convinced yourself that cake is evil and bad. It's purely mental.
This isn't a sign of a healthy relationship with food.
Well, actually, sugar has inflammatory properties and it can make arthritis symptoms worse.
I have a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, and I *definitely* feel worse when I eat sugar -- I tried the experiment over and over and over and over before I was convinced LOL.0 -
Okay I feel like it isn't the end of the world if OP doesn't eat a stupid piece of cake on their birthday. OP if you don't want cake then don't eat it. Other people can have the cake and you can eat something else. It's your birthday and it's your choice and if people think it's rude that you aren't eating a slice of cake then they're the wrong kind of people to hang out with because it's just cake okay it isn't someone offering you a friggen' golden chalice that they spent their life savings to get and you smacking it from their overworked little peasant hands. I am at least 3% sure that everyone is going to live if you don't eat this cake.0
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My current diet is very easy for me to maintain...
Until someone wants to give you a slice of your own birthday cake.
??
I just said this happens at work. I just say no thank you, drink a glass of water and socialize while others eat cake.
Easy. Maybe it's not easy for some people who are afraid of oversensitive people around them, but this isn't an issue for me.
This thread isn't about people bringing cake into work. It's about someone who doesn't want to eat her own birthday cake bought for her by her relative because she's irrationally afraid of sugar.
NO! Everything is about them and nothing is about the OP (Who has other posts about having an ED and doesn't want cake solely based on sugar and processedness) and that's why instead of talking about the OP and their obvious issues with food we're talking about cake at work and other people's supposedly great relationship with food.
I will say for being so happy with how they eat, a lot of people seem to project the advice given on the forums onto themselves.0 -
OP posts elsewhere that she is in treatment for an ED.
OP may not want to reveal this fact to her SIL I guess. I suggest OP speak to her therapist about how to deal with birthday cake, because she certainly does not have a healthy relationship with food and may lack the control necessary to deal with something like a slice of cake.
However, OP is receiving treatment and should speak about the issue to that person instead of the internet.0 -
eat it.
p.s. google orthorexia nervosa
On my bday, I made my own cake. Not because of macros or anything but because I know what I like. It was a chocolate peanut butter cheesecake. And I think I ate half of it :happy:0 -
Well I don't eat store cake,you don't no whats in it.You can tell your sister in law instead of cake maybe a fuit dish with light coo whip or do what I do,I make my own desserts,everything is with low fat or skim milk at least you know whats in it.I'm not a cake eater,I rather eat healthy foods then junk0
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ask for a substitute, like Selena Gomez had jack in the Box Tacos, you could do anything. Fruit, or even I watermelon cake, I saw it on Pintrest just cut it in to a cake shape and put whip cream or whatever on the outside as frosting. Lots of alternatives. or just tell her no thank you. Good Luck!0
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This review states that the rats at a certain point are "given 12-h access to a sugar solution and chow".
Could you tell me what a 12H fast in rats would translate to human time?
12H. The rat model is so commonly used in research because in many respects it is actually quite similar to a human system.
Is "chow" a legitimate scientific word or just an attempt to lighten up the language in the midst of discussing the similarity between the effects of sugar on rats and the neurochemical changes in the brain that also occur with addictive drugs?
"Chow" is a legitimate word. Regular animal feed in research facilities is generally referred to as different types of chow. It may be one of those things that started out as part of a brand name and just started getting used to refer to any type of animal feed, like kleenex being used for facial tissue (I'm not sure). In this case, they are saying that the animals were given free access to their regular food and also to sugar solution and allowed to eat at will for a period of 12 hours.0 -
I think you need to obtain a healthier relationship with food.
If you think one piece of a birthday cake on your birthday is going turn you fat or make you 'feel' fat and disgusting than your delusional.0 -
If you don't want to eat it, don't. It's your birthday and your body.
Having said that, it's my birthday today and I went to the gym, then met up with a friend who bought me a coffee and cake. It was delicious
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Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoyed your day, including delicious cake and coffee :flowerforyou:If you don't want to eat it, don't. It's your birthday and your body.
Having said that, it's my birthday today and I went to the gym, then met up with a friend who bought me a coffee and cake. It was delicious0 -
FFS this is still going on?
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Seems to me like the easiest thing to do would be to ask your sister for something else, like a fruit salad. It's your birthday, and she should understand if you aren't that into cake.
If that doesn't work, I'd just eat the cake. I promise you that one piece is not going to hurt your body. I get into this kind of situation when I visit my grandma. She often will make something that is very high in calories that doesn't taste particularly good. I'll have a small piece anyway, because I realize that she spend time on something that she believed would make me happy.0 -
What if she was recently diagnosed as diabetic? Does she need to scrape off the frosting and eat the cake then too or be considered rude?
Anyway, the OP sounded to me like her mind was already made up that she was not going to eat cake, and wasn't looking to us to decide for her whether or not she was going to eat cake. She sounded to me like she wanted brainstorming for what to say to prevent hurting anyone's feelings. Personally, I'm working hard to let other people's hurt feelings be their problem if I am not doing anything to hurt them, but I think it's reasonable that the OP would be looking for that kind of information from us rather than questioning her decision.
I suppose I should have just reassured her with a story about a close family member of mine. For a long while, he didn't like cake at his birthday, so we did a pie for him instead. Now he doesn't eat sugar/desserts at all, so there's been no pie for many a year now. Nobody gets on their ear about it. We just take him out for a steak, which he does enjoy immensely. And I order a very decadent dessert for myself because I want it, and I enjoy it. Nobody gets butt-hurt about that either.
Personally, I'm sitting here thinking that if somebody wanted to make me a birthday treat and sweets did not exist, I'm thinking birthday nachos are in order...
If I were diabetic, and my brother were handing me a slice of birthday cake, I'd kick him in the nuts. That seems.... unlikely.
^^^erm, actually it is not all that unlikely. I have several family members that became diabetic later in life. Sometimes people forget and offer them dessert. they politely decline.....
and I am allergic to shellfish. occasionally my own family will forget and offer me things with crab or shrimp in them. I do not respond by kicking them in the nuts. I either say "no thank you" or gently remind them that it will cause Anaphylaxis and i could die. They are usually great about remembering, but inevitably someone will offer it to me. I don't get upset over it because I know that they aren't trying to kill me. They simply aren't stopping to run through a mental list of everyone's food allergies & medical conditions every time they try to be polite and offer up some food, and i do not expect them to.0 -
FFS this is still going on?
yup
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Is there something else you would want in place of a standard birthday cake, that you could request?
As long as there are other people there to eat the cake, then I guess it's no big deal if you don't have any, but to keep it from being awkward, you could accept a small piece and then kind of play with it on your plate. No one is going to be watching you to make sure you actually eat it.
However, if you are only avoiding the cake because you have developed orthorexia, then that's very, very sad.
This. All of this.
I also really think it would be awesome to request something specific that you DO like, even if it seems "weird" and if your family is not willing to get that for you instead of cake then I would not feel bad at all for refusing the cake. I bought my fiance protein bars for Valentine's Day. I know you probably don't eat those either - who knows - but why not request a birthday treat that suits you better?0 -
Kinda like grandma buying you clothes you don't want. Be gracious. Accept.
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Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I would like some of OP's cake please. And thank you.0
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