Dear Dr. MFP: Are you in a conundrum? Do you need bad advice? Ask away!

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Replies

  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    abetterme9366 wrote: »
    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    abetterme9366 wrote: »
    Dear dr mfp,

    I identify as a Wookiee and would like to begin the transition. How do I come out to my family?

    Bake them a cake and write on top "I have something to tell you". As they read the cake start a chorus line you can start off with something like "Wookies get more nookie. I want to be a wookie. No, I am not kooky. Don't give me that looky."

    I know how I'm going to wake you up tomorrow morning

    I can't wait! Are Boston cremes involved?
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  • CaptainFantastic00
    CaptainFantastic00 Posts: 4,619 Member
    hellvee wrote: »
    I'm a virgin, how do I stop playing world of warcraft long enough to lay horizontal and get that good good?

    You don't, keep playing, sooner or later we will need to sacrifice you for rain
  • nolan44219
    nolan44219 Posts: 1,221 Member
    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    abetterme9366 wrote: »
    Dear dr mfp,

    I identify as a Wookiee and would like to begin the transition. How do I come out to my family?

    Bake them a cake and write on top "I have something to tell you". As they read the cake start a chorus line you can start off with something like "Wookies get more nookie. I want to be a wookie. No, I am not kooky. Don't give me that looky."

    that response did not disappoint
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    hellvee wrote: »
    I'm a virgin, how do I stop playing world of warcraft long enough to lay horizontal and get that good good?

    See, you just need to find you a hot nerdy little WOW girl then you can seduce her with your skillz while you play. By the time the game is over she said won't be able to resist you.
  • CaptainFantastic00
    CaptainFantastic00 Posts: 4,619 Member
    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    hellvee wrote: »
    I'm a virgin, how do I stop playing world of warcraft long enough to lay horizontal and get that good good?

    See, you just need to find you a hot nerdy little WOW girl then you can seduce her with your skillz while you play. By the time the game is over she said won't be able to resist you.
    You are unfamiliar with WOW aren't you
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  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    CaptainFantastic00 wrote: »
    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    hellvee wrote: »
    I'm a virgin, how do I stop playing world of warcraft long enough to lay horizontal and get that good good?

    See, you just need to find you a hot nerdy little WOW girl then you can seduce her with your skillz while you play. By the time the game is over she said won't be able to resist you.
    You are unfamiliar with WOW aren't you

    Bwahaha, maybe. I figured I used the wrong term and messed it up. Damn it. Google is my friend.
  • nolan44219
    nolan44219 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Dr Mfp,
    Is it a good or a bad thing when a woman calls you a dork while laughing?
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    nolan44219 wrote: »
    Dr Mfp,
    Is it a good or a bad thing when a woman calls you a dork while laughing?

    :D:D:D

    It is a good thing unless you're doing something gross like making snot rockets and she is not really laughing with you but at you as she throws up in her mouth.
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  • CaptainFantastic00
    CaptainFantastic00 Posts: 4,619 Member
    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    CaptainFantastic00 wrote: »
    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    hellvee wrote: »
    I'm a virgin, how do I stop playing world of warcraft long enough to lay horizontal and get that good good?

    See, you just need to find you a hot nerdy little WOW girl then you can seduce her with your skillz while you play. By the time the game is over she said won't be able to resist you.
    You are unfamiliar with WOW aren't you

    Bwahaha, maybe. I figured I used the wrong term and messed it up. Damn it. Google is my friend.

    No it doesn't end, forever and ever the blizzard game company charges a monthly fee so suckers like @hellvee will play their lives away
  • CaptainFantastic00
    CaptainFantastic00 Posts: 4,619 Member
    beingmore1 wrote: »
    How does one go about being "crushed on"? Is there a form to fill out? A ritualistic dance perhaps?

    Just always be where someone is trying to sit, someone will crush you eventually
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    beingmore1 wrote: »
    How does one go about being "crushed on"? Is there a form to fill out? A ritualistic dance perhaps?

    Honestly I don't get crushed on but I think you just need to be yourself, be kind and have a bangin' personality.

    But in reality you need to show your boobs a lot, beg for attention and make a lot of vague statements while embellishing your attributes and personality on the application form.
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  • CaptainFantastic00
    CaptainFantastic00 Posts: 4,619 Member
    hellvee wrote: »
    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    beingmore1 wrote: »
    How does one go about being "crushed on"? Is there a form to fill out? A ritualistic dance perhaps?

    Honestly I don't get crushed on but I think you just need to be yourself, be kind and have a bangin' personality.

    But in reality you need to show your boobs a lot, beg for attention and make a lot of vague statements while embellishing your attributes and personality on the application form.

    The #selfie threaed was born for being crushable

    I dunno i post there a lot and nobody crushes on me
  • nolan44219
    nolan44219 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Dr. Mfp,

    Does size really matter? Or is that only if it's really big or really small?
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  • nolan44219
    nolan44219 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Remember
    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    beingmore1 wrote: »
    How does one go about being "crushed on"? Is there a form to fill out? A ritualistic dance perhaps?

    Honestly I don't get crushed on but I think you just need to be yourself, be kind and have a bangin' personality.

    But in reality you need to show your boobs a lot, beg for attention and make a lot of vague statements while embellishing your attributes and personality on the application form.

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  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    edited September 2017
    nolan44219 wrote: »
    Dr. Mfp,

    Does size really matter? Or is that only if it's really big or really small?

    What really matters is if he is respectful, knows what he is doing, opens doors for her and slaps her *kitten* as she walks by.

    The nitty gritty: there is such a thing as too big and too small. So in between is perfect.
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    beingmore1 wrote: »
    CaptainFantastic00 wrote: »
    beingmore1 wrote: »
    How does one go about being "crushed on"? Is there a form to fill out? A ritualistic dance perhaps?

    Just always be where someone is trying to sit, someone will crush you eventually

    Hmm. This sounds more like squishing. Maybe I should consider this.

    I thought about taking you down that rabbit hole. Some guys are into this and will even pay for it.
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  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    beingmore1 wrote: »
    abetterme9366 wrote: »
    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    beingmore1 wrote: »
    CaptainFantastic00 wrote: »
    beingmore1 wrote: »
    How does one go about being "crushed on"? Is there a form to fill out? A ritualistic dance perhaps?

    Just always be where someone is trying to sit, someone will crush you eventually

    Hmm. This sounds more like squishing. Maybe I should consider this.

    I thought about taking you down that rabbit hole. Some guys are into this and will even pay for it.

    You wouldn't believe how much they will pay for it. My shoe habit doesn't pay for itself, you know.

    So I should quit my current job and become a squishee? Sounds like a plan.

    Perfect. You can get paid to lay around all day.
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  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    pekovic_m wrote: »
    Dear Dr. MFP,

    I stalk my ex. Yesterday, he had dinner leftovers for breakfast and the day before, he didn't shower. For weeks he's been sleeping on my side of the bed...Is he still in love with me?!

    P.S. He regularly walks around the house in the same pair of boxers I bought him and takes 39 minutes to get ready for gym. Should I send him another pair?

    You watch him sleep through his window and this is how you know he sleeps on your side? I think he probably wanted that side all along but was too nice to say so and now that he can pick.

    39 minutes to get ready for the gym? Who is he trying to impress? It takes me 10 minutes because I am just going to look like *kitten* after anyway.

    And yes, send him another pair with a note saying you've been watching him. He will either freak out or beg you to come back then you will have your answer on whether he still loves you or not.
  • zcb94
    zcb94 Posts: 3,678 Member
    edited September 2017
    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    abetterme9366 wrote: »
    I need to lose 75lbs before my wedding next month. What cleanse works best?

    Just send me $300 and I will send you absolutely nothing in return because you can't eat or drink anything at all. Nothing by mouth for the next month. You may as well just sew your mouth shut.
    FIFY, according to what I've learned about swift weight control. :)

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