Minor rant

RoadsterGirlie

Yeah I agree - it wasn't jealousy; she was just being honest which is why it cut a little. She is a decent person otherwise and I get along with her well.

As for my ribs sticking out, that is how I'm built. That's what happened to me on 1500 calories a day in WL mode, and 2200 in maintenance. I didn't starve myself to get that way, but I'm sorry if that's offensive to some and makes them uncomfortable.

cdjs77

Checked your profitle and you are underweight for 5'9". Maybe she has a point.

Actually, her profile says she is 5'9" and 125 lbs. That's a BMI of 18.5, within the healthy range. It may be at the very bottom of that range, but it's still a healthy BMI.

TR0berts

I'll be honest, I do like my face better with a little more weight,

So, you agree with her.

RoadsterGirlie

I have been to the doctor a few times now, and all they comment on is how great my blood work is, and how healthy I am. I have shared my diet and she has agreed - I am definitely not underweight for my build. This is just what a healthy body looks like.

Just want to make sure the anorexia police are up to date.

RoadsterGirlie

I'll be honest, I do like my face better with a little more weight,

So, you agree with her.

What is your point?

TR0berts

I'll be honest, I do like my face better with a little more weight,

So, you agree with her.

What is your point?

That was my point. That was exactly my point.

eta: Think about it for a moment.

RoadsterGirlie

Well okay then.

Velum_cado

Weight loss is a funny thing. A few people have said, either to me or talking about me to my husband, that they aren't sure how to compliment my weight loss because they're worried it will sound like they're saying I looked horrible before.

So although your colleague *asked* to see the picture, she might not have known how to react to it.

I dunno, I'm someone who feels women look better a bit on the chubby side, but I can't imagine ever telling someone who had lost a load of weight that they looked better fat. My opinion is irrelevant, especially compared to how much better they feel about themselves.

Naywifey07

So many ppl with so many different opinions. Well to tell you the truth (in my opinion) some ppl does actually look better with weight on them then being skinny. Everyone is not meant to be the same size and be the same way. So I dont think she is jealous or that matter. But on the other hand I would have kept that comment to myself but thats life and thats people who would say whats on their minds no matter what!!

Akimajuktuq

Checked your profitle and you are underweight for 5'9". Maybe she has a point.

^this, a bit. I know that you are insulted by the mere suggestion that you might be under-weight, but, oh well. You go so far as to brag about "thigh gap" in your profile. Red flag there. Also, that WW has been so effective at teaching you about healthy nutrition. I would argue that, big time. WW has changed a bit in the last few years, but their recommendations killed my health when I was young and didn't know any better. They make big money on helping people lose and gain, lose and gain, lose and gain. I have 3 generations of family members harmed by WW, so I am allowed to have an opinion about them.

Anyway, you are on your own journey and a BIG congratulations for your success. You should be proud and nothing anyone says should change how your feel about yourself. It would be useful to differentiate between honest advice/concern (which isn't always what you want to hear) and people being jealous/unsupportive. The fact that she had to show your picture around and get other advice about how you looked better heavier tells me that she is jealous or threatened by you. I'd keep a polite professional relationship with her, but don't trust her with personal stuff.

magerum

Take this for what it's worth. It's not intended to come off as anything other than an opinion on the matter. Based solely on the pictures you have in your profile, I can see what she's talking about. You seem to look drawn, emaciated, weak & frail. Versus the last picture next to the telescope. In that picture you're obviously a bit over weight, but don't appear drawn and weak or frail.

In the end it only matter what you think and how you feel about yourself.


Good luck.

RoadsterGirlie

I just posted this to vent. I did not post it as an invitation for others to nitpick my body.

There are quite a few people on here who have had tremendous success but still have a ways to go. I would never think of telling them "Oh you still have a bit of pudge on your thighs/belly - even if you're not worried about it, I am."

RoadsterGirlie

Checked your profitle and you are underweight for 5'9". Maybe she has a point.

^this, a bit. I know that you are insulted by the mere suggestion that you might be under-weight, but, oh well. You go so far as to brag about "thigh gap" in your profile. Red flag there. Also, that WW has been so effective at teaching you about healthy nutrition. I would argue that, big time. WW has changed a bit in the last few years, but their recommendations killed my health when I was young and didn't know any better. They make big money on helping people lose and gain, lose and gain, lose and gain. I have 3 generations of family members harmed by WW, so I am allowed to have an opinion about them.

Anyway, you are on your own journey and a BIG congratulations for your success. You should be proud and nothing anyone says should change how your feel about yourself. It would be useful to differentiate between honest advice/concern (which isn't always what you want to hear) and people being jealous/unsupportive. The fact that she had to show your picture around and get other advice about how you looked better heavier tells me that she is jealous or threatened by you. I'd keep a polite professional relationship with her, but don't trust her with personal stuff.

Well WW works well for some and others not so much. I think it's all about what you put into it. My husband is also on WW, and is down 45 lbs with 10 more to go. I find it easy and sustainable. I eat cleaner, avoid processed stuff and am sure to get in my nutrients. The Goodhealth Guidelines they have highlighted is essentially the same as getting in your macros.

I don't understand why thigh gap is such a dirty word. Some woman get it at a higher weight, while others will never get it even at a low weight. Sure it's not an indication of poor or good health, but I simply like it because my thighs no longer chaffe and it's way more comfortable when wearing a skirt or shorts.

It's not different than achieving a six pack. A six pack is not an indicator of health either, and can only be achieved depending on your body type. However, it doesn't seem to induce the anorexia scare that the thigh gap does.

BattleTaxi

Thanks everybody for the reassurance. You all are the best. She doesn't strike me as the jealous or catty type at all, which is why it hurt my feelings as much as it did, and caught me by surprise.

Sounds more like she is an incognito manipulator - don't listen to her! People like that are just jealous because they aren't satisfied with THEMSELVES! Next time someone gets nosy just fib and say you don't carry old photos around!

-BT

magerum

I just posted this to vent. I did not post it as an invitation for others to nitpick my body.

There are quite a few people on here who have had tremendous success but still have a ways to go. I would never think of telling them "Oh you still have a bit of pudge on your thighs/belly - even if you're not worried about it, I am."

Did you honestly post a topic in a public forum and not expect a response? Clearly you were unprepared for people to agree with the woman in your story and were just looking for affirmation that clearly she was wrong. This can be seen by how you graciously accepted comments to that affect and are getting upset over comments that are contrary to that.

No on was nitpicking your body, myself and a couple others merely stated that we can see where they were coming from. If this is such a sensitive topic for you, perhaps a public forum topic isn't the best location for it.

ETA: Posting a topic on body composition/weight in a health and fitness forum is an invitation to discuss the subject.

ernielaurie

Maybe she doesn't like having attractive competition in the office? :P

YUP This!

NonnyMary

I relocated out of state for a job about a year and a half ago. Nobody in this office has ever known me to be overweight, although I have shared with a few people my weight loss journey.

One woman who I normally get a long great with asked to see a picture of the overweight me. I really don't like showing those to people, and told her so, but pulled one out anyways off my phone.

She said, "Wow you look beautiful there. You actually look better with a little weight on you than you do now."

Ouch.

Hello - I was over 200 lbs in that picture. I did not feel beautiful, was not healthy, and was eating like crap. I personally don't think ANYBODY looks good with excess fat on them, and I am not an exception.

She then started asking others to see if they shared the same opinion - nobody would touch that one with a 10 foot pole, especially the men.


She herself is a very fit person, eats right and exercises, so I know this didn't stem from jealosy - I think she was just being honest. Maybe she was trying to make me feel better about showing her that picture, but in my head all it did was confuse the hell out of me.

I know other people's opinions shouldn't matter, but I would be lying if it didn't hurt my feelings. The message I got from that was that even though I'm now healthy, have more energy and can perform physical feats that I couldn't before, I look better when I'm pudgy, squishy, can't do a push up to save my life because I'm too heavy, and can't fit into normal sized clothes.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

Well, thats not really appropriate for the office, and for her to survey the rest of the office, that is not appropriate, and actually she could get in trouble if you have rules about workplace harassment. That said, (I know i sound like a curmudgeon haha) but, sounds like she made an offhand comment (what she was thinking without a filter). So since it made you feel bad, I would say to her "I'd prefer not to discuss that", or "no thanks I prefer not to show pictures of my personal life" or something like that.. I mean dont even go there next time she comes up with any more questions that she doens't mean harm but she was not thinking appropriately.

dmpizza

If that profile pic is accurate, you look fantastic. Good for you.

Obviously it wasn't just a flub she made since she pressed the issue with others.

Just ignore her.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

Thanks everybody for the reassurance. You all are the best. She doesn't strike me as the jealous or catty type at all, which is why it hurt my feelings as much as it did, and caught me by surprise.

did you express your feelings to her?

rml_16

Being fit doesn't mean a person isn't insecure.

JJordon

Haters gonna hate.

dsjohndrow

You are healthier now. You are more fit now. You like you better now. Who cares what anyone else thinks!

Lightbulb1088

I agree with many of the comments. but How you feel about you is most important. I can understand you being upset also because it takes a lot of work to for some of us to get and stay fit. Enjoy the you that you have now. Put the bad comments a side.
Have a great day!

PikaKnight

I just posted this to vent. I did not post it as an invitation for others to nitpick my body.

There are quite a few people on here who have had tremendous success but still have a ways to go. I would never think of telling them "Oh you still have a bit of pudge on your thighs/belly - even if you're not worried about it, I am."

Did you honestly post a topic in a public forum and not expect a response? Clearly you were unprepared for people to agree with the woman in your story and were just looking for affirmation that clearly she was wrong. This can be seen by how you graciously accepted comments to that affect and are getting upset over comments that are contrary to that.

No on was nitpicking your body, myself and a couple others merely stated that we can see where they were coming from. If this is such a sensitive topic for you, perhaps a public forum topic isn't the best location for it.

ETA: Posting a topic on body composition/weight in a health and fitness forum is an invitation to discuss the subject.

^This

And this might have gone better as a blog post if all you really wanted to do was vent.

JustAnotherGirlSuzanne

Maybe she doesn't like having attractive competition in the office? :P

^^^this

magerum

Here is an example of something that would never happen on MFP, or any other fitness forum:

Poster is in weight loss mode, and she is feeling good about herself. She's about half way to her goal with 60 lbs lost, and 40 to 50 lbs left to lose. She can see the difference and she is feeling great - on cloud 9.

Then her mother in law /co-worker/husband makes a comment that she still looks fat, and asks when she plans on making her goal.

This takes the wind of the posters sails, and posts on MFP to vent her frustration.

People go into her profile and look a her pictures. They make the following statements:

"Well, you definetely do have some pudge you need to work on."

"Yeah it definitely looks like you are still eating too much."

"Wow, look at your gut - it's poking out."

The poster then advises she never asked for a critique about her body, and doesn't care for the nitpicking.

She then gets told that this is a fitness forum, so she never should have posted the rant on a public forum in the place.

Sound familiar?

Not at all actually. You're just upset that people agreed with the woman in your story and presented their opinion on why they agreed, that perhaps you're underweight and why they felt as such. Your news feed would probably have been a better venue for this topic. Clearly you're having a very emotional response to it.

No one said you shouldn't have posted in the forum. What was suggested was you shouldn't have posted in the forum if you didn't want responses. You state that you don't want critique about your body, but you expressed gratitude about the critiques you wanted to hear.

There are many, many readers of the forums that do not reply or post at all. It is not out of place to share ones opinion on the matter that is posted. That was/is my opinion on the matter, which I see as a result of under eating and excessive cardio only exercise. I can state this with a clear conscious because I went too far myself and was very unhappy with the results. I then spent the next year putting back on 20 pounds through eating, lifting, & reduced cardio. I still have my own issues I'm working on, I still do hard cardio 3 times a week, instead of 7, but I deffinately eat enough for it now. I just can't give it up entirely because it was how I lost my weight.

If one reader sees this and decides "Hey, maybe I should be careful and not go too far." or "Hey, maybe I should consider some sort of resistance training so I dont appear so thin". Then it's all worth it, but since so many readers don't post the world may never know.

RoadsterGirlie

I find it hilarious that you see me as result off too much cardio and undereating.

I haven't done pure cardio in about 3 years. I lift heavy 3x a week, incorporating free weights and body weight training.

I eat about 2200 calories a day.

Go ahead and keep defending your choice to skinny/body shame somebody. Better yet, I would love to see you do it to somebody in real life. Let me know how that black eye works for you.

bdeezy3396

some people just don't have any tact !!!!

magerum

I find it hilarious that you see me as result off too much cardio and undereating.

I haven't done pure cardio in about 3 years. I lift heavy 3x a week, incorporating free weights and body weight training.

I eat about 2200 calories a day.

Go ahead and keep defending your choice to skinny/body shame somebody. Better yet, I would love to see you do it to somebody in real life. Let me know how that black eye works for you.

You are obviously feeling defensive and have a very obtuse stabce on the subject. There was no body shaming, merely agreement with the woman in your story. This doesn't allow for a constructive conversation. I'm going to withdraw now with one last thought on the matter. A difference in opinion, view point, or statements you do not want to hear does not constitute an attack or shaming. Best of luck.

RoadsterGirlie

some people just don't have any tact !!!!

In real life, and in this forum. Seriously, who the hell thinks they have the god given right to comment on somebody else's body?

Rude.