Minor rant
Replies
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Welcome to the internet0
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This! She doesn't like that you have achieved something so remarkable. She darn near called you a liar by asking to see your before pics. IMO she wanted to diminish what you have accomplished. Don't play into her game.This is jealousy, pure and simple. She's trying to make you feel insecure and make herself feel better. She also might have some boundary issues. Asking to see a heavier pic of you after you said you didn't like to show people old pics is crossing the line.0 -
My first thought isn't jealousy- it's honesty. I know everyone has a different take on things, and everyone has a perfect potion for body fat/height/fitness level maybe she was trying to nicely mention that you look a little thin and maybe she is worried that you might not be in the best mind frame......... some people get obsessed about loss, and you do seem to post pics that show ribs, and teeny tiny legs..... don't be so skeptical about people. She probably did not anticipate you over thinking what she did either.
THIS!! I just saw a picture of your ribs and thought oh my...but the picture with the red colored shirt is really nice of you. Anywho, if you feel great, then so be it! Congrats on your success :drinker:0 -
The red colored shirt is the "before" picture.
I can let you take a guess on which pic I feel better about.
Again, I am not underweight, and have seen a doctor several times who verified this. The fact that the previous gentleman said I look pale, weak and frail cracks me up. The fact that he thinks I do too much cardio and eat too little makes me laugh too.0 -
some people just don't have any tact !!!!
In real life, and in this forum. Seriously, who the hell thinks they have the god given right to comment on somebody else's body?
Rude.
Apparently...you do:
"Hello - I was over 200 lbs in that picture. I did not feel beautiful, was not healthy, and was eating like crap. I personally don't think ANYBODY looks good with excess fat on them, and I am not an exception. "0 -
Maybe she was concerned and thought you were being underweight in a unhealthy kind of way so she hinted at weight can be healthy.I relocated out of state for a job about a year and a half ago. Nobody in this office has ever known me to be overweight, although I have shared with a few people my weight loss journey.
One woman who I normally get a long great with asked to see a picture of the overweight me. I really don't like showing those to people, and told her so, but pulled one out anyways off my phone.
She said, "Wow you look beautiful there. You actually look better with a little weight on you than you do now."
Ouch.
Hello - I was over 200 lbs in that picture. I did not feel beautiful, was not healthy, and was eating like crap. I personally don't think ANYBODY looks good with excess fat on them, and I am not an exception.
She then started asking others to see if they shared the same opinion - nobody would touch that one with a 10 foot pole, especially the men.
She herself is a very fit person, eats right and exercises, so I know this didn't stem from jealosy - I think she was just being honest. Maybe she was trying to make me feel better about showing her that picture, but in my head all it did was confuse the hell out of me.
I know other people's opinions shouldn't matter, but I would be lying if it didn't hurt my feelings. The message I got from that was that even though I'm now healthy, have more energy and can perform physical feats that I couldn't before, I look better when I'm pudgy, squishy, can't do a push up to save my life because I'm too heavy, and can't fit into normal sized clothes.
Thanks for listening to me vent.0 -
I find it hilarious that you see me as result off too much cardio and undereating.
I haven't done pure cardio in about 3 years. I lift heavy 3x a week, incorporating free weights and body weight training.
I eat about 2200 calories a day.
Go ahead and keep defending your choice to skinny/body shame somebody. Better yet, I would love to see you do it to somebody in real life. Let me know how that black eye works for you.
Wow. Hopefully someone who TOLD him a story wouldnt blacken his eye if he said "You know what, you do seem to have lost too much weight"
You say it is rude to comment, but YOU are the one who presented your "rant" in the first place.
I have to agree. I am concerned about your weight and that you do not look healthy... it isnt shaming to want to make sure someone takes care of themselves.0 -
If you were 200# in the red shirt picture... damn, girl, you wore it well. That is all.0
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I find it hilarious that you see me as result off too much cardio and undereating.
I haven't done pure cardio in about 3 years. I lift heavy 3x a week, incorporating free weights and body weight training.
I eat about 2200 calories a day.
Go ahead and keep defending your choice to skinny/body shame somebody. Better yet, I would love to see you do it to somebody in real life. Let me know how that black eye works for you.
In...
...to learn more about people who actually throw punches over being told that they may be a little underweight..
(I've always been told that I wouldn't say in person what I say on the forums...which I believe to be totally untrue and am actually more outspoken IRL...but if there are people out there who routinely throw punches over stuff like this, maybe I need to reconsider...for my own physical well-being.)0 -
Actually my good friend's mother was super thin (she WAS a bit thin..not like the OP, REALLY sickly thin-but had NO Ed, just lady troubles) and my other friend (who was not thin) would constantly tell her how "skinny" she was, and say things like "you make me sick, you can eat whatever you want and you're soo SKINNY", the mother finally told her that she didn't need to eat so much because she was fat..and the chick got offended...it's exactly the same thing. Telling someone they're too skinny is just as offensive as telling someone they're too fat to some people. I'm a tall person (5'11") and have been a healthy 135-140ish and if someone wants to tell me I'm too skinny I'm the type that will laugh and tell them they're too fat (because, lets be honest, it's either ppl with weight to lose or those with low self esteem who try to hurt others to make themselves feel better that say things like this). Everyone here would have a problem if the OP came on their rant and said they had flabby arms, cottage cheese thighs, etc..but you guys can't even see that saying something insulting to someone of normal weight is rude..shameI find it hilarious that you see me as result off too much cardio and undereating.
I haven't done pure cardio in about 3 years. I lift heavy 3x a week, incorporating free weights and body weight training.
I eat about 2200 calories a day.
Go ahead and keep defending your choice to skinny/body shame somebody. Better yet, I would love to see you do it to somebody in real life. Let me know how that black eye works for you.
In...
...to learn more about people who actually throw punches over being told that they may be a little underweight..
(I've always been told that I wouldn't say in person what I say on the forums...which I believe to be totally untrue and am actually more outspoken IRL...but if there are people out there who routinely throw punches over stuff like this, maybe I need to reconsider...for my own physical well-being.)0 -
^kinda got my comment out of order there...but you know what I mean :blushing:0
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jealous people always give digs, sucks to be them!0
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Maybe she doesn't like having attractive competition in the office? :P
This was my first thought too. Watch out if she starts bringing a lot of cookies by your desk.0 -
It's not different than achieving a six pack. A six pack is not an indicator of health either, and can only be achieved depending on your body type. However, it doesn't seem to induce the anorexia scare that the thigh gap does.
A thigh gap is about body type and not anorexia. I'm still 30 pounds overweight and I have a thigh gap. People need to chill out.0 -
OP: You are wonderful. You have accomplished so much and have gotten so far. Don't let anyone put you down for that. I am definitely not skinny right now and the way my body is my ribs almost always stick out a bit (I hate it, but whatever. That's what I was dealt).
You seem to be eating plenty.
You are strong and maintaining your strength. Your doctor has commented on your good health.
Are you happy with your body now? That's what matters
You are not starving yourself. 0 -
I agree with the lady. I would have NEVER said that. I have my own demons to fight. If you like it, I love it.0
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Thanks of all of you who have been supportive.
This unwanted critique on my own personal body is very demeaning and offensive. Not only did I experience this at work, but I got to experience it again here. So thank you for that.
I never asked for a critique, nor for anybody to creep my profile. I was highlighting a situation at work.
I am ecstatic with the body I have. If I was not eating enough or saying I wanted to lose more weight and having trouble, I might be able to see the concern. However, that is not the case.0 -
I think she might have just been expressing her honest opinion obviously that doesn't make it okay or tactful. I think a good friend/ family member should pull someone aside to discuss it, not really sure how close you are to her. And I also don't think that kind of behavior belongs in the work place.
However I know from experience when family or friends lose a lot of weight that if we think it looks unhealthy, we will bring it up out of nothing but pure concern. Please try not to feel like anyone is judging you or your body. It seems like the comments here are coming out of concern. Try not to be so defensive about it. I mean if you are truly happy and comfortable with your body, then there is nothing to be defensive about. Just be happy that you are part of community where people care and will speak up if they think something might be wrong.0 -
Maybe she doesn't like having attractive competition in the office? :P
bingo0 -
I think she might have just been expressing her honest opinion obviously that doesn't make it okay or tactful. I think a good friend/ family member should pull someone aside to discuss it, not really sure how close you are to her. And I also don't think that kind of behavior belongs in the work place.
However I know from experience when family or friends lose a lot of weight that if we think it looks unhealthy, we will bring it up out of nothing but pure concern. Please try not to feel like anyone is judging you or your body. It seems like the comments here are coming out of concern. Try not to be so defensive about it. I mean if you are truly happy and comfortable with your body, then there is nothing to be defensive about. Just be happy that you are part of community where people care and will speak up if they think something might be wrong.
I think this is a great way to look at the situation.0 -
Thanks of all of you who have been supportive.
This unwanted critique on my own personal body is very demeaning and offensive. Not only did I experience this at work, but I got to experience it again here. So thank you for that.
I never asked for a critique, nor for anybody to creep my profile. I was highlighting a situation at work.
I am ecstatic with the body I have. If I was not eating enough or saying I wanted to lose more weight and having trouble, I might be able to see the concern. However, that is not the case.
Maybe you should ask the mods to delete this thread since it is upsetting you so much and post a blog instead. This is a public forum and whether you wanted certain responses or not, you can't control what you get. So maybe blog or start your own group. That might be better for you.0 -
Thanks everybody for the reassurance. You all are the best. She doesn't strike me as the jealous or catty type at all, which is why it hurt my feelings as much as it did, and caught me by surprise.
A little experiment...next time youre talking to her talk about another female coworker maybe mention something about how beautiful this other coworker is and how you can see why she gets so much attention from guys. Watch her response. I bet you'll be surprised.0 -
This is jealousy, pure and simple. She's trying to make you feel insecure and make herself feel better. She also might have some boundary issues. Asking to see a heavier pic of you after you said you didn't like to show people old pics is crossing the line.
I actually read this the other way....
I read it like this:
Girl: Can I see an old picture of you?
OP: I hate old pictures of me, I look awful.
Girl: Oh wow, you look beautiful, maybe even more beautiful than now.
OP: Ouch that hurt...
I guess what I'm saying is, maybe she saw something in you that you don't see, maybe she saw something that to her didn't justify you being so hard on the old you....that being said she probably worded it badly to make it sound like you are prettier than...you are very pretty now.
I would just say "Thank you, I appreciate the compliment. I love how fit and attractive I am now. But I do appreciate you saying that."
that's all...compliments that we give always have a bit of us in them....maybe she wonders or feels that she looked better with a few more pounds on her....who knows..
good thought0 -
Thanks everybody for the reassurance. You all are the best. She doesn't strike me as the jealous or catty type at all, which is why it hurt my feelings as much as it did, and caught me by surprise.
A little experiment...next time youre talking to her talk about another female coworker maybe mention something about how beautiful this other coworker is and how you can see why she gets so much attention from guys. Watch her response. I bet you'll be surprised.
Hehe, thanks! I will do that!0 -
I hate it when people say crazy stuff like that. I don't understand it at all. So far, though... I haven't had one single person tell me I looked better when I was 70 pounds heavier. I do still have 80 to 90 more pounds to go, though. We'll see what they say when I'm finished....0
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So, my personal preference is that I don't find girls that are super skinny super attractive. It's my personal opinon, just like some people like big butts and some people like maxed out muscles.
For me, I think you're a little thin. I think it's scary when I'm able to see someone's ribcage (in general, it's a health concern). As a lot of people have mentioned, 5'9 and 125lb is considered underweight.
But here's the thing... you're still beautiful. And if you feel fabulous in your body, if you feel beautiful, then that's all that matters. I'm not you, therefore, my idea of a perfect body is going to be different. I'm sure that the lady at your work feels the same way. She could have even mentioned it because she cares and is concerned.
Why don't you ask her about it and find out?0 -
Put it behind you and never look back. People who have never been in our situation don't have a clue about how off-the-cuff statements can affect us. It's about you, not what others think. I'm sorry you couldn't have gotten a more positive reaction to your photos.
Unless they're a close friend, people don't want to hear anything about your troubles, your ailments, your financial woes, etc. Telling anything personal just doesn't cut it anymore. It's like you have the plague if you do.0 -
I dunno, we can all speculate about what she "really meant" but no one's a mind reader and the only way to know would be to ask her. If she's generally decent and kind to you, you might assume she had positive intent and just tell her honestly that what she said confused you and hurt your feelings a bit. Would give her a chance to clarify what she intended or at least to know how it affected you. Relationships are tough. Communication is tough. Assumptions and attempts to mind read are rarely terribly helpful. Congrats on your weight loss also.0
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I've seen forum posts before where people have discussed your weight. (This is coming from a 5'8 122 pound girl, so know that my opinion doesn't stem from jealousy or judgement.) It almost seems to me you're still a little insecure about your weight (but in the opposite way now) because you let people know what your BMI is and have picture up like the ribs one, etc. You should be PROUD of your progress, but really focused on balance now. Have you talked to your doctor about whether it's a healthy or low weight for you? You don't have a teenager metabolism either, so I will say I have NO IDEA if this is the case or not, but perhaps she thinks you're over exercising? That's a disorder as well, but not to do with food.
Either way it was rude of her to comment on your picture like that! it's only acceptable to say "good job" and make no opinions when people talk about weight loss, especially if you know them on a professional basis.0 -
I can tell you that I look younger when I weigh more, than when I weigh less. I also have bigger boobs. I know there are some people who think I looked better slightly chuckier for those reasons.
I wouldn't worry too much about why she said that and I wouldn't immediately write her off as a jealous meanie. She might be worried about you and going about expressing it wrong. I would definitely tell her it made you uncomfortable and see what she says. If she apologizes and has an explanation that kind of makes sense, let it go. If she doesn't, mention it to HR.0
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