Minor rant

PikaKnight

Thanks of all of you who have been supportive.

This unwanted critique on my own personal body is very demeaning and offensive. Not only did I experience this at work, but I got to experience it again here. So thank you for that.

I never asked for a critique, nor for anybody to creep my profile. I was highlighting a situation at work.

I am ecstatic with the body I have. If I was not eating enough or saying I wanted to lose more weight and having trouble, I might be able to see the concern. However, that is not the case.

Maybe you should ask the mods to delete this thread since it is upsetting you so much and post a blog instead. This is a public forum and whether you wanted certain responses or not, you can't control what you get. So maybe blog or start your own group. That might be better for you.

ldrosophila

Thanks everybody for the reassurance. You all are the best. She doesn't strike me as the jealous or catty type at all, which is why it hurt my feelings as much as it did, and caught me by surprise.

A little experiment...next time youre talking to her talk about another female coworker maybe mention something about how beautiful this other coworker is and how you can see why she gets so much attention from guys. Watch her response. I bet you'll be surprised.

ldrosophila

This is jealousy, pure and simple. She's trying to make you feel insecure and make herself feel better. She also might have some boundary issues. Asking to see a heavier pic of you after you said you didn't like to show people old pics is crossing the line.

I actually read this the other way....

I read it like this:

Girl: Can I see an old picture of you?

OP: I hate old pictures of me, I look awful.

Girl: Oh wow, you look beautiful, maybe even more beautiful than now.

OP: Ouch that hurt...

I guess what I'm saying is, maybe she saw something in you that you don't see, maybe she saw something that to her didn't justify you being so hard on the old you....that being said she probably worded it badly to make it sound like you are prettier than...you are very pretty now.

I would just say "Thank you, I appreciate the compliment. I love how fit and attractive I am now. But I do appreciate you saying that."

that's all...compliments that we give always have a bit of us in them....maybe she wonders or feels that she looked better with a few more pounds on her....who knows..

good thought

RoadsterGirlie

Thanks everybody for the reassurance. You all are the best. She doesn't strike me as the jealous or catty type at all, which is why it hurt my feelings as much as it did, and caught me by surprise.

A little experiment...next time youre talking to her talk about another female coworker maybe mention something about how beautiful this other coworker is and how you can see why she gets so much attention from guys. Watch her response. I bet you'll be surprised.

Hehe, thanks! I will do that!

aNewCreation84

I hate it when people say crazy stuff like that. I don't understand it at all. So far, though... I haven't had one single person tell me I looked better when I was 70 pounds heavier. I do still have 80 to 90 more pounds to go, though. We'll see what they say when I'm finished....

greentart

So, my personal preference is that I don't find girls that are super skinny super attractive. It's my personal opinon, just like some people like big butts and some people like maxed out muscles.
For me, I think you're a little thin. I think it's scary when I'm able to see someone's ribcage (in general, it's a health concern). As a lot of people have mentioned, 5'9 and 125lb is considered underweight.

But here's the thing... you're still beautiful. And if you feel fabulous in your body, if you feel beautiful, then that's all that matters. I'm not you, therefore, my idea of a perfect body is going to be different. I'm sure that the lady at your work feels the same way. She could have even mentioned it because she cares and is concerned.

Why don't you ask her about it and find out?

organic0gf

Put it behind you and never look back. People who have never been in our situation don't have a clue about how off-the-cuff statements can affect us. It's about you, not what others think. I'm sorry you couldn't have gotten a more positive reaction to your photos.

Unless they're a close friend, people don't want to hear anything about your troubles, your ailments, your financial woes, etc. Telling anything personal just doesn't cut it anymore. It's like you have the plague if you do.

hzliiz

I dunno, we can all speculate about what she "really meant" but no one's a mind reader and the only way to know would be to ask her. If she's generally decent and kind to you, you might assume she had positive intent and just tell her honestly that what she said confused you and hurt your feelings a bit. Would give her a chance to clarify what she intended or at least to know how it affected you. Relationships are tough. Communication is tough. Assumptions and attempts to mind read are rarely terribly helpful. Congrats on your weight loss also.

EngineerPrincess

I've seen forum posts before where people have discussed your weight. (This is coming from a 5'8 122 pound girl, so know that my opinion doesn't stem from jealousy or judgement.) It almost seems to me you're still a little insecure about your weight (but in the opposite way now) because you let people know what your BMI is and have picture up like the ribs one, etc. You should be PROUD of your progress, but really focused on balance now. Have you talked to your doctor about whether it's a healthy or low weight for you? You don't have a teenager metabolism either, so I will say I have NO IDEA if this is the case or not, but perhaps she thinks you're over exercising? That's a disorder as well, but not to do with food.
Either way it was rude of her to comment on your picture like that! it's only acceptable to say "good job" and make no opinions when people talk about weight loss, especially if you know them on a professional basis.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I can tell you that I look younger when I weigh more, than when I weigh less. I also have bigger boobs. I know there are some people who think I looked better slightly chuckier for those reasons.

I wouldn't worry too much about why she said that and I wouldn't immediately write her off as a jealous meanie. She might be worried about you and going about expressing it wrong. I would definitely tell her it made you uncomfortable and see what she says. If she apologizes and has an explanation that kind of makes sense, let it go. If she doesn't, mention it to HR.

Mcgrawhaha

i think you were / are being overly sensitive. if this lady is generally kind to you, and not a punk, then obviously her words may have come out wrong, or you may have misinterpreted what she meant. i notice the same thing alot of times... huge weight loss, body looks better, face looks worse. its not that big of a deal to get yourself all worked up about. if she was a lady that was a witch to begin with, sure, maybe she was being rude, but you say this is a friendly nice lady... i think you just need to get over it. who cares what other people think of you.

sunshine1082

I dunno, we can all speculate about what she "really meant" but no one's a mind reader and the only way to know would be to ask her. If she's generally decent and kind to you, you might assume she had positive intent and just tell her honestly that what she said confused you and hurt your feelings a bit. Would give her a chance to clarify what she intended or at least to know how it affected you. Relationships are tough. Communication is tough. Assumptions and attempts to mind read are rarely terribly helpful. Congrats on your weight loss also.

Well said, and I agree completely.

RoadsterGirlie

I've seen forum posts before where people have discussed your weight. (This is coming from a 5'8 122 pound girl, so know that my opinion doesn't stem from jealousy or judgement.) It almost seems to me you're still a little insecure about your weight (but in the opposite way now) because you let people know what your BMI is and have picture up like the ribs one, etc. You should be PROUD of your progress, but really focused on balance now. Have you talked to your doctor about whether it's a healthy or low weight for you? You don't have a teenager metabolism either, so I will say I have NO IDEA if this is the case or not, but perhaps she thinks you're over exercising? That's a disorder as well, but not to do with food.
Either way it was rude of her to comment on your picture like that! it's only acceptable to say "good job" and make no opinions when people talk about weight loss, especially if you know them on a professional basis.

Hardly. I am very proud of my accomplishments.

As stated numerous times in this post, my doctor says I'm healthy as can be, and am in tip top shape.

As to the "ribs" photo (it has a name now?) I am proud of the definition in my abs. Plenty of people have photos like that in their profile.

I work out for an hour 3 to 4x a week. Hardly what I would call excessive, but I do use the time well, and make what I do count.

As to what a "teenager metabolism" is, I have no idea what that means. I don't subscribe to the theory that you automatically put weight on as you get older. I eat 2200 calories a day, as previously stated quite a few times before, so my metabolism is quite healthy.

RoadsterGirlie

Repost (MFP doesn't allow me to delete)

goldfinger88

Congratulations on the terrific weight loss. I've seen people who I honestly thought looked better when they were heavy. I'm not sure why that is. I know they're were not as healthy nor as fit. I just liked their looks better. But what other people see is not what's important. And the extra weight was dangerous to you.

Overlook what she said. She was coming from an honest place. Or I'm hoping she was. She meant no harm in all likelihood. In the future, you might want to avoid showing the "before" photos.

PunkinSpice79

Maybe she doesn't like having attractive competition in the office? :P

^ ^ This.

CoderGal

I am confused. You seem to be getting defensive towards people by denying things you have done (like exercising more and doing cardio). How long have you been doing what you are doing? Because I'm sure I've heard you say things that are not what you are saying now. So the people making those comments may be talking about what they have seen you do...You say you lift heavy 3x a week without cardio?...which usually means heavy for 5-8reps. but in other posts you don't say that, you say you do jillian michaels (I guess that counts as not straight cardio?)...and then you say you exercise 5x a week in other places...and mention cardio allot...

Here are the ones I own that are in rotation 4 to 5x a week

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1000313-jillian-michaels-and-the-popularity-of-the-30-day-shred

I haven't done pure cardio in about 3 years. I lift heavy 3x a week, incorporating free weights and body weight training.

Banish Fat Boost Metabolism (More cardio based with lots of plyometrics, but it does have some strength moves thrown in)

I LIFT HEAVY. I do cardio. I have a six pack. I eat at maintenance, which is roughly 2200 to 2300 calories a day. Wtf would I eat at a surplus? It's called maintenance for a reason.

I exercise 5x a week for an hour with cardio and weight training, and my TDEE is around 2300. I'm 5'9" and 126ish.

I work out for an hour 3 to 4x a week. Hardly what I would call excessive,

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/821191-is-tdee-my-maintenance-calories

I do Jillian MIchaels DVDs 5 days a week for an hour by combining the workouts. For example, on my 30DS day, I will combine workout 2 and 1 or workout 3 and 1.

I still exercise 4 to 5x a week just because it feels good.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/809359-society-s-view-on-food?page=4

I have had AMAZING results with Jillian MIchael's workouts. I have been doing them religiously for an hour 4-5x a week

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/808821-weight-loss-y-u-no-easy-to-understand

5'9"
125 lbs
2200 a day - some days less while some days more.
Have been maintaining for about 18 months.

Right now I'm working out 5 days a week for an hour

I too think Week 2 is the hardest. The cardio portion in the first circuit (mountain climbers followed by the squat jacks) kill me.

I find it hilarious that you see me as result off too much cardio and undereating.

It's fun being skinny, isn't it?

Edit to add: I'm also tall and at the low end of the bmi scale with a thigh gap and do not think everyone is out to get me to eat mcdonalds.

RoadsterGirlie

I'm done arguing about my own body.

This is so silly it's ridiculous.

Back to your off topic response, I don't consider Jillian Michaels to be pure cardio. It's closest to HIIT training with a combination of cardio and strength.

I consider pure cardio to be on a treadmill or elliptical for a half hour.
That's boring, and I won't go back to that.


Maybe I'm wrong, but the vibe I'm getting is that it would make a few folks happier if I quit exercising completely and went back to getting McDonalds every day for lunch. It would obviously make them feel more comfortable with themselves.

To answer your otherquestion, I was doing 5x a week as of about six months ago, but recently cut it back to 4, and now I'm at 3.8x if you want to get really granular (which by your last post, you obviously do).

I was also perusing the success threads, and saw another girl who got down a BMI similar to mine get ripped to shreds. I guess that's par for the course here, so it's to be expected.

And yes, to answer your last question, it is fun being skinny.

Shred away.

jofjltncb6

And out...

prattiger65

I am confused. You seem to be getting defensive towards people by denying things you have done (like exercising more and doing cardio). How long have you been doing what you are doing? Because I'm sure I've heard you say things that are not what you are saying now. So the people making those comments may be talking about what they have seen you do...You say you lift heavy 3x a week without cardio?...which usually means heavy for 5-8reps. but in other posts you don't say that, you say you do jillian michaels (I guess that counts as not straight cardio?)...and then you say you exercise 5x a week in other places...and mention cardio allot...

Here are the ones I own that are in rotation 4 to 5x a week

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1000313-jillian-michaels-and-the-popularity-of-the-30-day-shred

I haven't done pure cardio in about 3 years. I lift heavy 3x a week, incorporating free weights and body weight training.

Banish Fat Boost Metabolism (More cardio based with lots of plyometrics, but it does have some strength moves thrown in)

I LIFT HEAVY. I do cardio. I have a six pack. I eat at maintenance, which is roughly 2200 to 2300 calories a day. Wtf would I eat at a surplus? It's called maintenance for a reason.

I exercise 5x a week for an hour with cardio and weight training, and my TDEE is around 2300. I'm 5'9" and 126ish.

I work out for an hour 3 to 4x a week. Hardly what I would call excessive,

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/821191-is-tdee-my-maintenance-calories

I do Jillian MIchaels DVDs 5 days a week for an hour by combining the workouts. For example, on my 30DS day, I will combine workout 2 and 1 or workout 3 and 1.

I still exercise 4 to 5x a week just because it feels good.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/809359-society-s-view-on-food?page=4

I have had AMAZING results with Jillian MIchael's workouts. I have been doing them religiously for an hour 4-5x a week

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/808821-weight-loss-y-u-no-easy-to-understand

5'9"
125 lbs
2200 a day - some days less while some days more.
Have been maintaining for about 18 months.

Right now I'm working out 5 days a week for an hour

I too think Week 2 is the hardest. The cardio portion in the first circuit (mountain climbers followed by the squat jacks) kill me.

I find it hilarious that you see me as result off too much cardio and undereating.

It's fun being skinny, isn't it?

Edit to add: I'm also tall and at the low end of the bmi scale and do not think everyone is out to get me to eat mcdonalds.

Well well......