The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
Replies
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@RubyRed427 I'm so glad you had a wonderful and sober vacation! I have been in that woman's shoes as well. It is mortifying.4
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https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2021/03/30/jerry-parr-secret-service-reagan-assassination/
Im outing myself now as his daughter. He was a great man and an even better dad.
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My sister who is a much better writer than I , wrote this.
https://inthesecretservice.com/2021/03/28/the-spider-who-saved-a-president/4 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »I am really enjoying "Quit like a woman" book. Nothing earth shattering but she focus on mind body connection. Nurturing ourselves and not always everyone else. Women mother everyone but forget to give themselves love, compassion, encouragement....
I like her perspective that some sober programs are geared towards men. She says it's time woman start taking care of ourselves! Let's be little selfish when it comes to figuring out why we drink so we can get passed those triggers.
I know I liked drinking to reward myself for a job well done. She says find substitutions for alcohol - she even says if you have to take a few bubble baths in a day, then do it!! Find alternatives and it will help with cravings.
This weekend I have been on vacation in FLA. I have had to sit at bars to eat because I'm traveling alone and sitting at a table in the middle of a restaurant is so uncomfortable for me. Anyway, I was telling Jen T. that I overheard a bartender say to a lady who sat down. "Hey, you left last night and forgot to pay your bill!!" The lady who sat down was flabbergasted, shocked, looked genuinely surprised. She said "I dont remember that." The bartender said well you did! We ate your food so you dont have to pay for that but you do owe us for the wine you drank.
I watched the lady's face; she was so embarrassed. She said I have no memory of that.
I sat drinking my Coke with a little smile- yes I felt a bit smug that I wasn't in her shoes. ** But I used to be!
Then, she ordered one chardonnay and paid the bill and left.
I LOVE that book @RubyRed427 and how we are taking back our power by being sober. Update: 29 days AF, tomorrow will be the big 3-0. A friend told me my face is so much clearer dark circles are less, anxiety is always there due to my PTSD and current life situation but it is definitely less than when drinking. hope everyone is doing good in their journeys.6 -
My sister who is a much better writer than I , wrote this.
https://inthesecretservice.com/2021/03/28/the-spider-who-saved-a-president/
Jen , I just read your sister's essay and had goosebumps throughout the read. What a tragic childhood in a way but it prepared him to save a President. I know he was such a good man and father to you. I know you loved him so much; he must have adored you too. Thank you for sharing!4 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »I am really enjoying "Quit like a woman" book. Nothing earth shattering but she focus on mind body connection. Nurturing ourselves and not always everyone else. Women mother everyone but forget to give themselves love, compassion, encouragement....
I like her perspective that some sober programs are geared towards men. She says it's time woman start taking care of ourselves! Let's be little selfish when it comes to figuring out why we drink so we can get passed those triggers.
I know I liked drinking to reward myself for a job well done. She says find substitutions for alcohol - she even says if you have to take a few bubble baths in a day, then do it!! Find alternatives and it will help with cravings.
This weekend I have been on vacation in FLA. I have had to sit at bars to eat because I'm traveling alone and sitting at a table in the middle of a restaurant is so uncomfortable for me. Anyway, I was telling Jen T. that I overheard a bartender say to a lady who sat down. "Hey, you left last night and forgot to pay your bill!!" The lady who sat down was flabbergasted, shocked, looked genuinely surprised. She said "I dont remember that." The bartender said well you did! We ate your food so you dont have to pay for that but you do owe us for the wine you drank.
I watched the lady's face; she was so embarrassed. She said I have no memory of that.
I sat drinking my Coke with a little smile- yes I felt a bit smug that I wasn't in her shoes. ** But I used to be!
Then, she ordered one chardonnay and paid the bill and left.
I LOVE that book @RubyRed427 and how we are taking back our power by being sober. Update: 29 days AF, tomorrow will be the big 3-0. A friend told me my face is so much clearer dark circles are less, anxiety is always there due to my PTSD and current life situation but it is definitely less than when drinking. hope everyone is doing good in their journeys.
30 days! hooray and so happy for you!! With each passing day, you will build some positive "muscle memory" and tools to stay sober. You are doing so well!!! Many of us know just how hard 30 days is!! Hope you reward yourself!5 -
Up_n_Running wrote: »@mtngrl3 Woo Hoo ! So happy for you, that's a major milestone coming up. 🙌
My face is noticeably better looking when I am AF. My eyes look so different too, bright & alive. So being sober has lots of benefits! I also noticed my anxiety reduce. Didn't disappear, but definitely reduced.
Doing my food shop this evening, I found myself experiencing a small craving to buy 'something' from the alcohol Isle. Probably as Easter is coming up, there is a buzz everywhere and something to celebrate is coming up. So I bought some 0% beer.
It is good there is the option of 0% for those kind of scenarios.
24 days AF 🙂
25 days by now! You have great resilience and determination!!!4 -
Every Easter I post this same memory. One Easter Sunday, I drank so much wine throughout the day that when nearly all the guests left (Thank God most left), I had my head in the toilet and spent the night on the bathroom floor! What a shame that day turned out. But it at least gives me yet another reminder of how I cannot moderate no matter my good intentions. I think this will be my third sober Easter. Thank heavens.
For any one who is trying to become sober for a period of time, keep trying and never ever give up. Even a few days of sobriety helps and is a step in the right direction. It has taken many of us on this thread a few years to really come to the realization that alcohol does not help our problems but makes them worse.
It has taken me about four years to string together many months of sobriety. Currently I am nearing 7 months in a row. But I won't take it for granted for one second. I am so grateful.
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I know I shared my family tragedy with you last week; it is an ongoing nightmare for my relatives. A nightmare that will never end. Anyway, the whole origin of this child's death involves addiction (mostly to meth). Addiction can destroy lives, change families forever, and even take innocent lives. I am not even trying to be extreme here, but let's face it, drugs and alcohol if used to excess is utterly dangerous. There is so much more the the story than most know. But still the end result is a child is dead.
There has been such hateful posts online and death threats on the relatives of the child who was killed that a police man is stationed at the grandmother's house and sister's house; they didn't dream that this child would be killed; they loved that little boy with all their hearts.
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Today I was with my brother and he stopped by the store for a drink. Normally, I would join him but I didn't. I tried not to guilt trip him for drinking but honestly I did a little. Only because yesterday I decided that I would make a change and haven't drank for two days. Even though I had no motivation three days ago, I started over anyway. I told myself that I didn't need motivation or desire. I just needed to do it and I did. Unfortunately, I still have this date in my mind when I will allow myself to drink again. I still don't see myself as someone who doesn't drink. I am not there yet. I want to be, but I am not.5
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Today I was with my brother and he stopped by the store for a drink. Normally, I would join him but I didn't. I tried not to guilt trip him for drinking but honestly I did a little. Only because yesterday I decided that I would make a change and haven't drank for two days. Even though I had no motivation three days ago, I started over anyway. I told myself that I didn't need motivation or desire. I just needed to do it and I did. Unfortunately, I still have this date in my mind when I will allow myself to drink again. I still don't see myself as someone who doesn't drink. I am not there yet. I want to be, but I am not.
It's a work in progress. I understand how you are feeling; it will take time. Don't forget one day at a time concept does work. If I thought I will never drink again, that is so overwhelming and depressing, but if I think that just for today I won't drink, it's easier to handle. You are on the right track if you want to quit. Little by little you'll get to a place you want to be.
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@Up_n_Running I understand what you went through. I can see it in my mind. So not worth it. So not worth the few hours of perceived fun for many hours of hell and self-loathing as well (at least for me).
I think we are getting messages from the universe and our inner wisdom that says "been there, done that. " Drinking is not working for me anymore; time for a change.
Thanks for sharing your memory!4 -
On a friend's facebook, I once saw a message about her brother; her brother, I remember him from high school, was gorgeous and nice. In his 20s, he killed someone drunk driving and is now spending decades in jail.
She posted a link to a news article about him and a few other inmates who are trying to help others and prevent more senseless deaths from drunk drivers.
One more reminder: my sister sometimes says "We should be grateful because our "illness" is treatable by something simple as not drinking. " We do have a choice; no one is forcing me to put the wine glass to my mouth or buy a bottle. Sometimes, it's actually a relief I don't have to struggle anymore. I just am not going to drink today.
All the years I tried to control my drinking and wondering why I was a failure. I see it is how my brain is wired. I truly dont mind anyone else drinking (even around me) but I have accepted I cannot.4 -
@Fivepts I feel you and can relate so hard. Each person is different. I've finally come to the realization (it took a bloody long time) that I cannot drink again and will never be one of those people who can just 'slow' down. If I ever do pick up a bottle again it will be my last time and it will be the reason/why I die. Stay strong! You're doing good, 1 day at a time.Today I was with my brother and he stopped by the store for a drink. Normally, I would join him but I didn't. I tried not to guilt trip him for drinking but honestly I did a little. Only because yesterday I decided that I would make a change and haven't drank for two days. Even though I had no motivation three days ago, I started over anyway. I told myself that I didn't need motivation or desire. I just needed to do it and I did. Unfortunately, I still have this date in my mind when I will allow myself to drink again. I still don't see myself as someone who doesn't drink. I am not there yet. I want to be, but I am not.
@RubyRed427 Thank you! I wish I could treat myself to something, I just had to do mediation with my ex-husband, I lost custody of my kids temporarily due to my DUI and he was a complete jacka## in the meeting. Not exactly what I had in mind for my sobriety milestone/sober bday BUT I kept my cool, realized I'm doing everything I need to be doing to get my babies back and had an odd sense of peace. I still want to punch something though but I handled it! Anyways, I NEVER thought I would be 30 days AF in a million years
Here I am 
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@Up_n_Running Surely there must be some ground rules they can live by. It is not fair to keep you awake all night with their shenanigans. I'd have a talk about this when they are sober.5
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Up_n_Running wrote: »@Up_n_Running Surely there must be some ground rules they can live by. It is not fair to keep you awake all night with their shenanigans. I'd have a talk about this when they are sober.
Well, yeah. I am being as fair about things as possible. I haven't said that there is to be NO drinking at home.
So a compromise on their part (if you can call it that) would be to call it a night at a reasonable hour. But my concern is, they seem unable to do that. Its like they bounce off each other once they get started and take it to crazy town. I will speak to them tomorrow when they are coherent.
Crazy behavior but I can relate of course. I never was a binge drinker at home; I always kept drinking and drinking while out at bars. But some people feel safer at home to binge. I agree with Jen, they need some ground rules when they are sober you guys can discuss. Late into the night is definitely unacceptable.
I smiled when you said you'll go for a walk and I know you'll feel so good!! At least it's not you with a severe hangover that will ruin their whole day.4 -
@Fivepts I feel you and can relate so hard. Each person is different. I've finally come to the realization (it took a bloody long time) that I cannot drink again and will never be one of those people who can just 'slow' down. If I ever do pick up a bottle again it will be my last time and it will be the reason/why I die. Stay strong! You're doing good, 1 day at a time.Today I was with my brother and he stopped by the store for a drink. Normally, I would join him but I didn't. I tried not to guilt trip him for drinking but honestly I did a little. Only because yesterday I decided that I would make a change and haven't drank for two days. Even though I had no motivation three days ago, I started over anyway. I told myself that I didn't need motivation or desire. I just needed to do it and I did. Unfortunately, I still have this date in my mind when I will allow myself to drink again. I still don't see myself as someone who doesn't drink. I am not there yet. I want to be, but I am not.
@RubyRed427 Thank you! I wish I could treat myself to something, I just had to do mediation with my ex-husband, I lost custody of my kids temporarily due to my DUI and he was a complete jacka## in the meeting. Not exactly what I had in mind for my sobriety milestone/sober bday BUT I kept my cool, realized I'm doing everything I need to be doing to get my babies back and had an odd sense of peace. I still want to punch something though but I handled it! Anyways, I NEVER thought I would be 30 days AF in a million years Here I am
I see you have great motivation to quit. And it would be lovely to have your kids see their mom sober during their childhood. I am not judging at all. I just know I cringe at the times I tried to hide my drunkeness in front of my children- I'm sure they knew.
30 days and counting! Keep it going. I think your sense of peace is from a clear head- no alcoholic fog and determination to get your kids back. 5 -
Very interesting - thanks for sharing! I think I must be missing this enzyme. Because I could have the same amount of alcohol as my friend (similar in size) and be affected so differently including the most wicked hangovers. Good article.
Yes, it was interesting your partner noticed that as well!!4 -
Spoke to a therapist today. Cried to her and told her everything that is making me so sad, upset, happy, etc. After 50 minutes, I felt so much better. If you haven't tried therapy, it can make a big difference. The therapist doesn't tell you what to do or guide you, but you just can ramble and work things out on your own while you talk. Just sayin'
I call it a tune up- last time I talked to her was in September.5 -
An article I read says it's best to stay away from the term "relapse" and replace it with "recovery maintenance". I like that idea. Here's a quote from the article in psychologytoday:
"Last but not least, cognitive therapy is still one of the most fundamental and effective tools in relapse prevention when paired with mindfulness and other behavior-oriented approaches. One of the biggest barriers to someone feeling motivated in recovery is that sobriety is “boring” and there is no room for “fun,” creating a dreadful environment in their recovery journey before it even begins. This misconception needs to be changed to the idea that recovery can be, and is, fun. This cognitive change would then be carried out through different recovery-oriented activities, while using mindfulness and relaxation-oriented practices to manage day-to-day stress and build the resilience and discipline required in recovery.
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Happy Easter to those who celebrate it! I look forward to a family lunch with my daughter and grand kids, father in law, and various nieces and nephews. I'll be bringing a fruit salad, a dip, and some Perrier. We are almost all vaccinated now and I am extremely grateful to celebrate normally.5
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Happy Easter to those who celebrate it! I look forward to a family lunch with my daughter and grand kids, father in law, and various nieces and nephews. I'll be bringing a fruit salad, a dip, and some Perrier. We are almost all vaccinated now and I am extremely grateful to celebrate normally.
Happy Easter, Jen! Enjoy your day with the family!4 -
@Up_n_Running Totally not fair. I would be a little upset with your partner, because he doesn't seem to be gravitating towards your goals, he seems to be gravitating to excessive drinking with your brother. Is there a local pub they can go to? It would be so much easier on you.
I am worried about your brother; even though he is young and drinking can be normal for that age, I just don't want his body to be harmed so early at his age.
p.s. I love the picture of the three of you!4 -
Up_n_Running wrote: »Thanks for your response @RubyRed427 I will have to talk to my partner about it.
Sorry for ranting / venting on here. I was so frustrated this morning.
This is the perfect place to rant. Sorry for too much advice, I think, I give.
I just feel like you're one of my dear friends, so I would say the same thing to them.
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One week post hiccup check in:
I am happy to report that last week's hiccup did not toss me into a downward spiral. I have not had a repeat or even the desire to drink. I realize now how much I love the self control I have sober. I love remembering conversations. I love not waking up with a hangover....
I love the support of this group. I know I'm not a daily poster or even daily reader, but it helps knowing that yall are here and we are struggling thru this together. Struggling in our own, different ways.
I love you all!!!!7 -
@Beka3695 We love you too!!! Hiccups can happen; I'm sure I'll have a hiccup one day.
Remember my sister always says if you're 99 percent sober, then that is awesome!
Sometimes there is too much pressure for 100 percent perfection.
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RubyRed427 wrote: »@Beka3695 We love you too!!! Hiccups can happen; I'm sure I'll have a hiccup one day.
Remember my sister always says if you're 99 percent sober, then that is awesome!
Sometimes there is too much pressure for 100 percent perfection.
I like that!!! 99% sober is officially my new thing!!!!
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Seven months sober today! I was reading some comments on Quora. I see that around this time, the brain is still trying to get back to the normal -before drinking altered the brain chemistry.
Makes sense to me. 30 years of drinking alcohol (not always to excess) has rewired my brain.
Also, I am finding that being sober means having to face reasons you drank in the first place. I'm working on myself- trying to stay positive and find happiness in small life events.
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Thanks @Up_n_Running !! Love the gif!
I agree. I feel so much happier when I'm sober. I wake up happy to be sober and can't wait to plan my day and it doesn't involve alcohol. That obsessions is fading....
The best part is I've had no hangovers!! hooray! No vomiting, wasted days and hours on the couch, no self loathing, no sneaking and lying to myself about how much I drank, no wasted money on alcohol, so many benefits.
Have a great day!
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