The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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Cravings, true and crazy but honest blessing is that I don't get cravings when I have a goal because I'm too focused. I have my event in 4 weeks and 2 days from now. I'm addicted to the rush I get from it and alcohol doesn't even usually pop into my head until after and then the cravings may hit. I may have to work on setting more goals, even different ones. If I pay $95 to run a Marathon, $75 for a half, $25 for a small race then I'm still saving money in all the training months by not buying alcohol. No alcohol = more working toward goals, more races to set goals or I should try something new. It works for me. Afterwards is the rough patch of boredom where thoughts of alcohol will creep in but it's my fault for letting it happen and I own it. Maybe I'll just keep registering for races and running, less expensive than alcohol and rewarding.5
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65 days!10
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My dad group has been getting together for drinks/dinner monthly for nearly 20 years. Last night was our first in-person (all fully vaxxed) outing in fifteen months. All but one of the group drinks, and the one close friend is fifteen years sober. I had about 20 seconds of craving watching the beers land at the table and I was over it. Every day, every month, makes that feeling just a little bit easier but I also accept it may never disappear entirely.
The talking was amazing to sit back and watch. It was like a bunch of giddy teenagers all trying to get a word in edgewise. Everyone had two pints and then it was time for home. In my beforetimes, that would have been just a warmup for hitting the bottle hard at home. So nice to wake up without the fuzzy hangover that was my life for so decades.
Congrats to the milestones. You are awesome!9 -
Sobriety is the gift I'm giving to myself.
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I think of the word "serene" to be interchangeable with the word "peace." I wanted to clarify for myself what it actually means, to make sure I'm correct in my thought and with my usage of the word. First definition according to Merriam-Webster is:
1) : marked by or suggestive of utter calm and unruffled repose or quietude
// a serene smile
Utter calm...5 -
@LoveyChar, thank you for posting that. It's a saying I've heard since I was a little kid, but it's worth coming back to. What I can't change is the passage of time and the advancing of age (with any luck!). But what I can change is how I navigate and spend the passing time and how I age (to a great extent). As with all of us here, the big variable is drinking. Whether or not I have the courage to change that--something I can definitely change--will determine how successfully and serenely I deal with those things I can't change. And yes, it takes a bit of wisdom to remember what I can and cannot control. Sometimes it feels like alcohol is uncontrollable. But it isn't. This is a good reminder.6
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@LoveyChar, thank you for posting that. It's a saying I've heard since I was a little kid, but it's worth coming back to. What I can't change is the passage of time and the advancing of age (with any luck!). But what I can change is how I navigate and spend the passing time and how I age (to a great extent). As with all of us here, the big variable is drinking. Whether or not I have the courage to change that--something I can definitely change--will determine how successfully and serenely I deal with those things I can't change. And yes, it takes a bit of wisdom to remember what I can and cannot control. Sometimes it feels like alcohol is uncontrollable. But it isn't. This is a good reminder.
I love this and it's so true. Being alive and present in the remaining time, sober and clear-headed that's how I want to be. I agree with you 100% that we can circumnavigate so many age related things. Other things we have to accept. I have a few age spots on my right hand. These last few days I've been obsessing over them. They're so pale and hardly noticeable, but they bother me so much, just really upset over someone that's a natural part of aging. I'm working on accepting these changes I can't control while focusing on making changes where I can. It's hard sometimes. I'm still finding over and over that life is full of changes, good and bad, like it or not.5 -
Just checking in: Nothing new here. Still sober. Still pretty content.
Mother's Day at my mom's house was sober too. No wine at all on the table. We are all teetotalers at this stage of our lives for different reasons.6 -
@LoveyChar after reading your comment and looking at my own hands, I went online to see what to use for age spots. There are quite a few potions out there and some are very expensive. One thing I saw was, "mix equal parts apple cider vinegar and water and pat on with cotton ball, paper towel" etc. I had that on hand so mixed 1 tablespoon of each together. I will do this consistently for a while and see how it goes.3
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@LoveyChar after reading your comment and looking at my own hands, I went online to see what to use for age spots. There are quite a few potions out there and some are very expensive. One thing I saw was, "mix equal parts apple cider vinegar and water and pat on with cotton ball, paper towel" etc. I had that on hand so mixed 1 tablespoon of each together. I will do this consistently for a while and see how it goes.
Awww thank you, so sweet of you to do that. I have that here, and I will do it too. This put a smile on my face, hope you have a wonderful day and over time these "beauty spots" will disappear.4 -
I love my new sober life more than I miss booze! I suppose that is what keeps me sober. I don't really crave anymore unless I count the few random thoughts I have about booze providing the ability to "check out" of reality temporarily. They are brief, few and far between, like a fleeting thought leaving me questioning, "Where did THAT come from?" Just observing the random thought and then moving on to another thought. When stressful things happen I seem to focus on a plan to get through whatever it is including ways I can soothe myself with a bath, walk, writing, venting to myself in my voice recorder lol. I DO that and it is SO therapeutic for me and it's interesting when I listen back to not only what I am saying, but the tone, anger level etc. it really reveals stuff that writing alone doesn't. Venting to myself spares the few remaining friends I have left after changing my lifestyle.
Not that all my friends abandoned me because I decided to go on the 'sober train' but being sober has a way of revealing true blue friends from drinking buddies. I still have some of my drinking buddy "friends" but I hear from them rarely & the relationship is more surface like acquaintances. I suppose it always was but now I see those relationships for what they really were. The glue that held us together was our common bond of alcohol, pure & simple. Once the alcohol was removed, the invitations ceased and I became more honest and my honesty wasn't wanted.
I'm thankful that living alone provides the ability for me to control my environment to a greater degree and that has been one of the biggest helps for me personally even though I did much of my heavier drinking solo anyway, but it isn't in my face so the temptation & opportunity is controlled more than if I lived with a drinker.
Keep up the good fight!! Thank you for missing me
I'm still peeking in on y'all. I WILL be Back! 10 -
In two days my mother-in-law will be here. She's a nice lady, never had any issues with her. However she's a drinker, although, she doesn't annoy me one bit but my husband likes to get drunk with his mom and he's the one who annoys me. He's absolutely obnoxious. Whole situation actually annoys me when they're up late drinking, disturbs me. I'm never "triggered" by annoying drunks to drink, not the issue. Issue is just that I need to learn how to not let his obnoxiousness get to me or it will be a long, miserable six days for me while it's one gigantic party for him.
My family is coming in a couple of weeks. I haven't seen them in 2-3 years, depending on which family members. Husband is open and welcome and kind to them and always has been so that's why I need to respect his little six day party with his mom plus he's so looking forward to it and sees her only once a year, maybe twice if he's lucky. Calm...meditation, journaling, prayer, running...lots and lots of running.
This little thing shall pass...5 -
Up_n_Running wrote: »
I love this thanks.3 -
I too am starting my journal again I started it in January but I re-read it and found it's so negative it really made me feel so low so I am starting the new one writing only positive things. Let's hope this works better to lift my mood!6
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On the topic of journaling: I had a positivity journal and I journal negatively, as well, and I shred and recycle those pages. But I saw this person on my friend's list and she asks herself questions and answers them and I really like the idea. For example: Why do I always sabotage myself and you can really gut it, get out the real why. I'm going to start journaling this way as well. I've never asked myself questions before.4
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Started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel after scheduling my covid shots. Got into some bad habits of drinking too much everyday during these stay-at-home days and decided enough was enough. After my second covid shot, 8-1/2 weeks ago, I went AF, began eating low carb and rejoined myfitnesspal. I also started stretching every morning and doing yoga most mornings to try to improve lower back pain from hovering over my computer all year. In a nutshell, I feel so much better. On the week ends I still have a big dinner with my family and there is plenty of alcohol flowing, but everyone respects my decision and doesn’t make a big deal of it and that helps. I drink a lot of seltzer and do not feel bad about it since it is much cheaper than alcohol and obviously much better for me. A great, motivating perk is that I lost 10 lbs mostly from not drinking and my back almost never hurts now. I feel really lucky that I was able to turn myself around and hope I can keep this up.
This week end I see a friend I haven’t seen in a long time. She really drinks. While I am not worried about wanting to drink with her since I am currently very motivated to stay on this path (I really feel just so remarkably better and don’t want to go back to being out of control) I do worry a little that our friendship is going to change.
Journaling seems like a lovely idea. Appreciating the little things. Pondering behavior and triggers and what to do.7 -
Update on my cousin: it's getting worse by the day. On their birthday and anniversary, he was fine because she begged him not to drink too much. He did have wine but not too much.
I wondered how long that would last until he went off and binged. Three days. Tuesday, Wed. Thursday binging til 8:00 pm and wondering why his wife is so mad. Comes home drunk, drinks some more, tries to drive off at 11 p.m. and they have a big fight.
All I can say is this is another reminder how some people cannot drink. It has gone too far and they cannot go back to being normal. That is not a life- that is a lie. He is lying to himself that this is fun and the bar flies are his friends. His wife is broken and is taking it personally.
Rob Lowe said in a TikTok, you cannot quit for your family, wife, husband, kids, friends-- you can only quit for yourself.
p.s. The wife saw a counselor who said quite simply she is enabling him. I told her that. Her family told her that. If you do not follow through with your words, he will not change. She keeps letting him back in after all of this- even after he sleeps somewhere else.
It is really draining on me. I want to stay healthy and strong but being her counselor in a way is awful.
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On a positive note, sounds like we are all doing well ! Vivian- sounds like you are doing great! Reaching your goals
Foo Foo- you are working out and staying strong
@annliz23 Yes, journal positive thoughts, goals, dreams... it's all about gratitude.
@LoveyChar and @JenT304 I hear you about your hands. I use a document camera at school and when my hands are magnified on the big screen, I can't help but think how they look. However, let's keep in mind these hands of ours nurtured several kids and do so much work.
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lorrainequiche59 wrote: »I love my new sober life more than I miss booze! I suppose that is what keeps me sober. I don't really crave anymore unless I count the few random thoughts I have about booze providing the ability to "check out" of reality temporarily. They are brief, few and far between, like a fleeting thought leaving me questioning, "Where did THAT come from?" Just observing the random thought and then moving on to another thought. When stressful things happen I seem to focus on a plan to get through whatever it is including ways I can soothe myself with a bath, walk, writing, venting to myself in my voice recorder lol. I DO that and it is SO therapeutic for me and it's interesting when I listen back to not only what I am saying, but the tone, anger level etc. it really reveals stuff that writing alone doesn't. Venting to myself spares the few remaining friends I have left after changing my lifestyle.
Not that all my friends abandoned me because I decided to go on the 'sober train' but being sober has a way of revealing true blue friends from drinking buddies. I still have some of my drinking buddy "friends" but I hear from them rarely & the relationship is more surface like acquaintances. I suppose it always was but now I see those relationships for what they really were. The glue that held us together was our common bond of alcohol, pure & simple. Once the alcohol was removed, the invitations ceased and I became more honest and my honesty wasn't wanted.
I'm thankful that living alone provides the ability for me to control my environment to a greater degree and that has been one of the biggest helps for me personally even though I did much of my heavier drinking solo anyway, but it isn't in my face so the temptation & opportunity is controlled more than if I lived with a drinker.
Keep up the good fight!! Thank you for missing me I'm still peeking in on y'all. I WILL be Back!
You said it perfectly : you love your new life more than you love booze. I am feeling that way too.
As for friends, i have not heard from my drinking buddy since Christmas; she and I would go out almost every weekend, get drunk, and she'd have no hangover and I would. I have two other true friends who are very supportive. They always seem to order tea or Coke; even though I tell them please order a glass of wine. love them.7 -
This morning, I woke at 4 am and drove my son to the airport. Got home at 6 am. and fell asleep til 10 am. Felt exactly like the days I was drinking. Sleeping in late is no fun - i much prefer to get up around 7:30 on the weekend and enjoy the morning. So happy to be sober.6
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Mother-in-law will arrive early this evening. One of the first stops for them after husband picks her up from airport is Total Wine. I hope when I'm her age my son never sees me as a drinking buddy, how sad and no he won't. Unfortunately she's been drinking with her son for many, many years and it's do danged weird. I guess if it's what you have in common most of all, you hang on to it. I don't know...6
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And the crap begins... Husband decides at 1:00 something that he needs beer from the local brewery/bar, mentions it one second and walks out of the door the next but not before he grabs his beer jug and mom. Idiot leaves the Brewer's game on the TV with no decency to turn the game off. I have no clue how to turn it off to watch something I want to. Idiot's been gone over an hour. Can't reach him, he probably left his phone in the car and he's sitting at the bar getting drunk. Yes, I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, perturbed, upset...5
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And the crap begins... Husband decides at 1:00 something that he needs beer from the local brewery/bar, mentions it one second and walks out of the door the next but not before he grabs his beer jug and mom. Idiot leaves the Brewer's game on the TV with no decency to turn the game off. I have no clue how to turn it off to watch something I want to. Idiot's been gone over an hour. Can't reach him, he probably left his phone in the car and he's sitting at the bar getting drunk. Yes, I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, perturbed, upset...
It's really not fair:(
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And the crap begins... Husband decides at 1:00 something that he needs beer from the local brewery/bar, mentions it one second and walks out of the door the next but not before he grabs his beer jug and mom. Idiot leaves the Brewer's game on the TV with no decency to turn the game off. I have no clue how to turn it off to watch something I want to. Idiot's been gone over an hour. Can't reach him, he probably left his phone in the car and he's sitting at the bar getting drunk. Yes, I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, perturbed, upset...
It also sounds like they have quite the enabling relationship - him and mom. They must justify drinking to each other.3 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »And the crap begins... Husband decides at 1:00 something that he needs beer from the local brewery/bar, mentions it one second and walks out of the door the next but not before he grabs his beer jug and mom. Idiot leaves the Brewer's game on the TV with no decency to turn the game off. I have no clue how to turn it off to watch something I want to. Idiot's been gone over an hour. Can't reach him, he probably left his phone in the car and he's sitting at the bar getting drunk. Yes, I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, perturbed, upset...
It also sounds like they have quite the enabling relationship - him and mom. They must justify drinking to each other.
I don't know if I'm being impulsive, compulsive, obsessive... His mom is such a sweet lady. It's him that drives me up a freaking wall.4 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »Update on my cousin: it's getting worse by the day. On their birthday and anniversary, he was fine because she begged him not to drink too much. He did have wine but not too much.
I wondered how long that would last until he went off and binged. Three days. Tuesday, Wed. Thursday binging til 8:00 pm and wondering why his wife is so mad. Comes home drunk, drinks some more, tries to drive off at 11 p.m. and they have a big fight.
All I can say is this is another reminder how some people cannot drink. It has gone too far and they cannot go back to being normal. That is not a life- that is a lie. He is lying to himself that this is fun and the bar flies are his friends. His wife is broken and is taking it personally.
Rob Lowe said in a TikTok, you cannot quit for your family, wife, husband, kids, friends-- you can only quit for yourself.
p.s. The wife saw a counselor who said quite simply she is enabling him. I told her that. Her family told her that. If you do not follow through with your words, he will not change. She keeps letting him back in after all of this- even after he sleeps somewhere else.
It is really draining on me. I want to stay healthy and strong but being her counselor in a way is awful.
@RubyRed427 I feel for you. It's heart-wrenching to see those you love in such turmoil. I'm glad that your cousin's wife has seen a counsellor. I'm wondering if the therapist suggested that she may be codependent. There are a couple of FB Codependent groups that are very supportive and informative. A person can join the group and just read the posts. They can be totally anonymous and there is no obligation to share. One is called Codependents in Recovery and the other Narcissistic Abuse and Codependent Recovery with Lisa A Romano...Lisa is a jewel. She is a YouTube guru on Narcissistic abuse & Codependency who has been through her own battles, so speaks from experience. Education is power and is the first step to change. I'm thinking that Alanon has been suggested to your cousin's wife also. Online groups aren't optimal, but it does provide a bit of a safety net in the form of anonymity.
A word of caution for you with the big & compassionate soul that you are, "drained" is a stepping stone from burn out. Please take care of yourself. Your cousin's wife needs some ongoing therapy and I hope that is her plan. Melody Beattie has also written several books on codependency...If I remember correctly you have a copy of The Language of Letting Go. She also wrote Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency.
Healing has to begin somewhere & just the simple act of reading can be a start. I've been where your cousin's wife is and remember the crazing-making insanity of trying to keep a sinking ship afloat. It is a constant heartbreak!!!
I'm Sorry you are all going through this.
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Hello there! I am currently 128 days AF and sugar has completely replaced wine in my life. I've gained 8 pounds and I'm no skinny minny to start with. Tracking and busting sugar starting today. Nice to see everyone here.9
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Tonight, I took my cousin's wife to Al-anon. She needed the support of a friend to go with her. It was very peaceful and just the right, small mix of people. They were kind. One lady spoke and told us a story that was so personal and relatable to my cousin's wife's experience. I told my cousin's wife i will go with her again next week. I really want to help them both but right now she is the only one willing to get help.
@lorrainequiche59 Yes I do have that book you mentioned. Thank you for your feedback; it is very helpful!! I will tell her about what you said and the lady you recommend. (Lisa)
@Up_n_Running Happy the urge passed. They say "always think the drink through." and you did!
@dkginger Congrats on 128! Awesome! Keep it up!6 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »And the crap begins... Husband decides at 1:00 something that he needs beer from the local brewery/bar, mentions it one second and walks out of the door the next but not before he grabs his beer jug and mom. Idiot leaves the Brewer's game on the TV with no decency to turn the game off. I have no clue how to turn it off to watch something I want to. Idiot's been gone over an hour. Can't reach him, he probably left his phone in the car and he's sitting at the bar getting drunk. Yes, I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, perturbed, upset...
It also sounds like they have quite the enabling relationship - him and mom. They must justify drinking to each other.
I don't know if I'm being impulsive, compulsive, obsessive... His mom is such a sweet lady. It's him that drives me up a freaking wall.
You're very understanding and loving. 6 -
@RubyRed427 Yes, our hands have nurtured lots of children. And yes, we do need to quit for ourselves. I'm really surprised Rob Lowe had an alcohol problem, Atkin's guy seems so perfect.
I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. She must be a very strong woman to stay and she must see good in him. It's nice that you're helping her because even if her decision to stay with him is wrong, at least you're helping her figure that out.2 -
I thought I wouldn't have triggers, but was surprised that little thoughts popped up this week. I'm stressed and anxious right now, not tremendously but enough to look for an easy outlet, and I thought about having drinks (because it's never just one) but I'm not going down that route. One, it's not worth it. I know how to deal with my stressors without alcohol. And two, when I drink I want peace, tranquility, and quiet and right now it's only ridiculous chaos here right now.
First stressor, I'm running a Marathon in less than 3 weeks. I did not train properly, my fault 100%. I'm still running it. I know I can but it's going to hurt. Right now I'm just focusing on how I'll feel after it's over. I'll feel relieved. Plus I'm the one who signed up for this. There are benefits but right now I feel dread. I did this. I know after this, I'm just focusing on the smaller, fun races until February 2023.
Two, husband is obnoxious. Drinking starts everyday around 3:00. His stories annoy me, so overinflated. Take any average, even good story and embellishs/exaggerates it one hundred percent. It's one after the other, over and over again. I'm so tired of hearing, in essence, lies. So today I'm going to organize my closet while he's in his own little world. His mom will be privvy to it.
Third, I'm really just ready to have peace. Mother-in-law brings out the ultra drunk in my husband, unfortunately for me. But also, she takes liberties upon herself. She's put dirty dishes in the dishwasher with remaining, unloaded clean dishes. The cups she put in the top were dripping down all over the clean on the bottom. Then she threw dirty silverware in with the clean. Obviously she was oblivious. I'll try to chalk it up to "she was helping me" but it only created more work for me and I had to rerun the dishwasher. My parents ask "can I help you." Ask if I want your help. This is my house! I wouldn't walk into anyone else's home and do that without asking. Yesterday she made a full pot of coffee, then goes out with hubby for breakfast. I was running and came home two hours later to a brewed pot, full and still on. Stuff like that irritates me. It's all wasteful in all ways. Coffee, I don't waste but I won't drink old coffee either.
I vent here, alot. Thank you. It is therapeutic for me because I'm getting this mess out and it helps. I'm thankful that I, that we, can do that. I don't want to hold on to the negative emotions. This helps, thank you.
I've just been informed that were going to the zoo today, 40 minutes away. I'm not missing my son seeing the animals and husband is 100% focused on himself and entertaining his mother. So there goes a much needed, long training run.
I need to stay sober because my son deserves at least one sober parent with a fully functioning brain.7
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