The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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And the crap begins... Husband decides at 1:00 something that he needs beer from the local brewery/bar, mentions it one second and walks out of the door the next but not before he grabs his beer jug and mom. Idiot leaves the Brewer's game on the TV with no decency to turn the game off. I have no clue how to turn it off to watch something I want to. Idiot's been gone over an hour. Can't reach him, he probably left his phone in the car and he's sitting at the bar getting drunk. Yes, I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, perturbed, upset...5
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And the crap begins... Husband decides at 1:00 something that he needs beer from the local brewery/bar, mentions it one second and walks out of the door the next but not before he grabs his beer jug and mom. Idiot leaves the Brewer's game on the TV with no decency to turn the game off. I have no clue how to turn it off to watch something I want to. Idiot's been gone over an hour. Can't reach him, he probably left his phone in the car and he's sitting at the bar getting drunk. Yes, I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, perturbed, upset...
It's really not fair:(
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And the crap begins... Husband decides at 1:00 something that he needs beer from the local brewery/bar, mentions it one second and walks out of the door the next but not before he grabs his beer jug and mom. Idiot leaves the Brewer's game on the TV with no decency to turn the game off. I have no clue how to turn it off to watch something I want to. Idiot's been gone over an hour. Can't reach him, he probably left his phone in the car and he's sitting at the bar getting drunk. Yes, I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, perturbed, upset...
It also sounds like they have quite the enabling relationship - him and mom. They must justify drinking to each other.3 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »And the crap begins... Husband decides at 1:00 something that he needs beer from the local brewery/bar, mentions it one second and walks out of the door the next but not before he grabs his beer jug and mom. Idiot leaves the Brewer's game on the TV with no decency to turn the game off. I have no clue how to turn it off to watch something I want to. Idiot's been gone over an hour. Can't reach him, he probably left his phone in the car and he's sitting at the bar getting drunk. Yes, I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, perturbed, upset...
It also sounds like they have quite the enabling relationship - him and mom. They must justify drinking to each other.
I don't know if I'm being impulsive, compulsive, obsessive... His mom is such a sweet lady. It's him that drives me up a freaking wall.4 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »Update on my cousin: it's getting worse by the day. On their birthday and anniversary, he was fine because she begged him not to drink too much. He did have wine but not too much.
I wondered how long that would last until he went off and binged. Three days. Tuesday, Wed. Thursday binging til 8:00 pm and wondering why his wife is so mad. Comes home drunk, drinks some more, tries to drive off at 11 p.m. and they have a big fight.
All I can say is this is another reminder how some people cannot drink. It has gone too far and they cannot go back to being normal. That is not a life- that is a lie. He is lying to himself that this is fun and the bar flies are his friends. His wife is broken and is taking it personally.
Rob Lowe said in a TikTok, you cannot quit for your family, wife, husband, kids, friends-- you can only quit for yourself.
p.s. The wife saw a counselor who said quite simply she is enabling him. I told her that. Her family told her that. If you do not follow through with your words, he will not change. She keeps letting him back in after all of this- even after he sleeps somewhere else.
It is really draining on me. I want to stay healthy and strong but being her counselor in a way is awful.
@RubyRed427 I feel for you. It's heart-wrenching to see those you love in such turmoil. I'm glad that your cousin's wife has seen a counsellor. I'm wondering if the therapist suggested that she may be codependent. There are a couple of FB Codependent groups that are very supportive and informative. A person can join the group and just read the posts. They can be totally anonymous and there is no obligation to share. One is called Codependents in Recovery and the other Narcissistic Abuse and Codependent Recovery with Lisa A Romano...Lisa is a jewel. She is a YouTube guru on Narcissistic abuse & Codependency who has been through her own battles, so speaks from experience. Education is power and is the first step to change. I'm thinking that Alanon has been suggested to your cousin's wife also. Online groups aren't optimal, but it does provide a bit of a safety net in the form of anonymity.
A word of caution for you with the big & compassionate soul that you are, "drained" is a stepping stone from burn out. Please take care of yourself. Your cousin's wife needs some ongoing therapy and I hope that is her plan. Melody Beattie has also written several books on codependency...If I remember correctly you have a copy of The Language of Letting Go. She also wrote Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency.
Healing has to begin somewhere & just the simple act of reading can be a start. I've been where your cousin's wife is and remember the crazing-making insanity of trying to keep a sinking ship afloat. It is a constant heartbreak!!!
I'm Sorry you are all going through this.
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Hello there! I am currently 128 days AF and sugar has completely replaced wine in my life. I've gained 8 pounds and I'm no skinny minny to start with. Tracking and busting sugar starting today. Nice to see everyone here.9
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Tonight, I took my cousin's wife to Al-anon. She needed the support of a friend to go with her. It was very peaceful and just the right, small mix of people. They were kind. One lady spoke and told us a story that was so personal and relatable to my cousin's wife's experience. I told my cousin's wife i will go with her again next week. I really want to help them both but right now she is the only one willing to get help.
@lorrainequiche59 Yes I do have that book you mentioned. Thank you for your feedback; it is very helpful!! I will tell her about what you said and the lady you recommend. (Lisa)
@Up_n_Running Happy the urge passed. They say "always think the drink through." and you did!
@dkginger Congrats on 128! Awesome! Keep it up!6 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »And the crap begins... Husband decides at 1:00 something that he needs beer from the local brewery/bar, mentions it one second and walks out of the door the next but not before he grabs his beer jug and mom. Idiot leaves the Brewer's game on the TV with no decency to turn the game off. I have no clue how to turn it off to watch something I want to. Idiot's been gone over an hour. Can't reach him, he probably left his phone in the car and he's sitting at the bar getting drunk. Yes, I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, perturbed, upset...
It also sounds like they have quite the enabling relationship - him and mom. They must justify drinking to each other.
I don't know if I'm being impulsive, compulsive, obsessive... His mom is such a sweet lady. It's him that drives me up a freaking wall.
You're very understanding and loving.6 -
@RubyRed427 Yes, our hands have nurtured lots of children. And yes, we do need to quit for ourselves. I'm really surprised Rob Lowe had an alcohol problem, Atkin's guy seems so perfect.
I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. She must be a very strong woman to stay and she must see good in him. It's nice that you're helping her because even if her decision to stay with him is wrong, at least you're helping her figure that out.2 -
I thought I wouldn't have triggers, but was surprised that little thoughts popped up this week. I'm stressed and anxious right now, not tremendously but enough to look for an easy outlet, and I thought about having drinks (because it's never just one) but I'm not going down that route. One, it's not worth it. I know how to deal with my stressors without alcohol. And two, when I drink I want peace, tranquility, and quiet and right now it's only ridiculous chaos here right now.
First stressor, I'm running a Marathon in less than 3 weeks. I did not train properly, my fault 100%. I'm still running it. I know I can but it's going to hurt. Right now I'm just focusing on how I'll feel after it's over. I'll feel relieved. Plus I'm the one who signed up for this. There are benefits but right now I feel dread. I did this. I know after this, I'm just focusing on the smaller, fun races until February 2023.
Two, husband is obnoxious. Drinking starts everyday around 3:00. His stories annoy me, so overinflated. Take any average, even good story and embellishs/exaggerates it one hundred percent. It's one after the other, over and over again. I'm so tired of hearing, in essence, lies. So today I'm going to organize my closet while he's in his own little world. His mom will be privvy to it.
Third, I'm really just ready to have peace. Mother-in-law brings out the ultra drunk in my husband, unfortunately for me. But also, she takes liberties upon herself. She's put dirty dishes in the dishwasher with remaining, unloaded clean dishes. The cups she put in the top were dripping down all over the clean on the bottom. Then she threw dirty silverware in with the clean. Obviously she was oblivious. I'll try to chalk it up to "she was helping me" but it only created more work for me and I had to rerun the dishwasher. My parents ask "can I help you." Ask if I want your help. This is my house! I wouldn't walk into anyone else's home and do that without asking. Yesterday she made a full pot of coffee, then goes out with hubby for breakfast. I was running and came home two hours later to a brewed pot, full and still on. Stuff like that irritates me. It's all wasteful in all ways. Coffee, I don't waste but I won't drink old coffee either.
I vent here, alot. Thank you. It is therapeutic for me because I'm getting this mess out and it helps. I'm thankful that I, that we, can do that. I don't want to hold on to the negative emotions. This helps, thank you.
I've just been informed that were going to the zoo today, 40 minutes away. I'm not missing my son seeing the animals and husband is 100% focused on himself and entertaining his mother. So there goes a much needed, long training run.
I need to stay sober because my son deserves at least one sober parent with a fully functioning brain.7 -
@LoveyChar This is the place to vent! I do it often. It is therapeutic to type all that you're feeling, etc.
I'm happy you're going to run the marathon. You will feel elated afterwards.
Yes, good point, a benefit of sobriety is being a positive role model for our kids.
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I am so proud of each one of you! You are making a decision that will not only change your life for the better overall, but you have also taken the first step towards making a HUGE positive change in the lives of those who love you-family, friends-and co-workers/boss! Step by step, y'all:-).4
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We had a nice time at the zoo. I squeezed 7 miles in tonight. I'm exhausted but I had a good day. Thank you for the listening ears.6
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After reading that article I feel total dread about what I have done to my brain. My Dad and 2 grandmothers had dementia. I already have that strike against me. Absolutely more reason to stay 100% sober.5
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I'm happy to have my house back. It's been a a long 6 day booze fest at our house, starting every day around 3 pm. I am grateful for the peace. Husband doesn't think he expects a lot but I do. I'm tired of hearing over-inflated, embellished, highly exaggerated stories by my husband and I'm tired of hearing about people I don't know. I'm tired of Schitt's Creek playing over and over in the background, because why watch anything else. I am seriously grateful to just be in a room with someone, that person knows that I love him or her and I know that I'm loved by that person and there's no uncomfortable silence. I'm glad and grateful for some peace this morning.
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I see things in my husband's lack of memory, mother-in-law's too, that almost shock me. My daughter's stepmom is trying to rid herself of a friend that she's had for years. I'll call her Susan. Susan is negative. For example, she made a comment that my younger daughter made a dance team because her older sister was on the dance team. It's stuff like that that did not get her invited to a birthday party that even me, the ex-wife, was invited to. Anyway, there have been many ridiculous stories about Susan over the years from both of my girls. Anyway my youngest was talking about Susan and my husband asked "Who's Susan?"
I couldn't believe he had no clue, no memory of Susan the shenanigan maker. Then again, it's just a name to him I thought, even though he's heard it a hundred times before throughout the years. I still struggle to understand... That's just one example, most recent.
Last night, we were talking about an outdoor hotel pool that we all swam in several years ago. Mother-in-law insisted that there was also an indoor pool there as well. She was adamant. Husband and I both told her it didn't have one. She was merging two hotels that she'd stayed in into one hotel in her mind. Other hotel had an indoor pool, no outdoor. Husband explained it to her. My thought was wow, she's drunk, because she'd been sipping on the wine for hours. Or two, alcohol has done this to her mind over the years. She's only in her sixties. That's where my mind went...
It definitely does not ever help brain function, at least not from what I have observed.5 -
I'm planning two sober, alcohol free celebrations. First one is just togetherness of family the day after I run the Marathon. Originally I was going to have chocolate wine for breakfast the next morning after the crazy run but I've since changed my mind on that to have all the doughnuts and coffee.
The second celebration will be my daughter's high school graduation and there will be no alcohol, just cookies and cake.
I don't even want it. I'll have a clear mind and a happy heart.6 -
I was watching The Minimalists (Netflix) documentary on well, minimalism. Reducing what we own which has a trickle down effect in all areas of life. I subscribed to their blog. Something in the blog resonated with me. The guys say to make an "I must " list not a to do list or an "I want" lists.
They say by phrasing it this way you will be apt to reach your goals.
I must stay sober.
I must stay sober.
I must stay sober.
By the way, one of the minimalists (they are two best friends) had an alcoholic father and mother growing up. So that was relevant- addiction in their lives.
For the times, i am tempted to throw in the towel, I think about the lessons I learned from this thread. When you give in to drinking, it is a long haul out of that abyss. IT is too much work. Stringing together sober days and then faltering. I actually think it is much easier to stay sober. Period. No exceptions.
In 10 days, i will be 9 months sober, the time it takes to make a baby. I did make a "baby". I have been designing t-shirts and sweatshirts and learning how to create an online store. I made a brand and business. I know this would not have happened if I was still drinking and going to happy hours.5
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