The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

SunnyDays930

@wiigelec Please do not lecture @donimfp nor try to dicern her motives. We are here to support and encourage each other on this thread, not offer pointed advice. Refer to my mission message of this thread, on the first page. Thank you.

wiigelec

certainly, my apologies

i’m a tough love kinda person, and only wish someone had slapped me around a long time ago.

no harm intended

donimfp

I only have a few things to say.

1.The word "love" is ironic in this context.
2. Call me crazy, but being "slapped around" is not what most of us, certainly not me, need right now (or ever).
3. Explaining under what circumstances I caved and drank (and which I have clearly blamed myself for) is in no way "justifying" drinking. Just to explain that I wasn't walking in a lovely field and suddenly decided to drink. I was witnessing an attack on our country such as I have certainly never seen in my 65 years.
4. If you read my posts, my struggle is with NOT blaming myself too much. Hardly the opposite.
5. Decrying the thugs that devastated a whole country is not "shifting responsibility" for my relapse.
5. The "loving" reminder that the thugs did not pour alcohol down my throat was beyond insulting. I in no way, shape, or form deserved that rebuke.
6. I've learned that anything that begins "forgive me if this . . ." is usually followed by something that is pretty unforgivable, just like "I mean no offense but . . . [I'm about to say something offensive]"
7. I'm kind of mad at myself for even responding and not just walking away, but I value this community too much to leave. And I've been up the whole damn night.
8. Words (and certainly tone) matter. We've clearly seen that this week.
9. I don't know how old you are, but the explanation that this is a tough world almost made me laugh.
10. Finally, and most importantly, I'm on day 191/3 thanks to the loving, compassionate response to my honest owning up to my very painful relapse. I hope others will not be reluctant to use this forum as a safe place to come, especially when you are feeling angry at yourself and vulnerable.

wiigelec

again i apologize most humbly

i’m 44 years old, my name is jeremy, you can call me that if you like, amongst the other names i’m sure you have for me

i’m no stranger to being the voice of unpopular opinion, one would think i’d learn to keep my mouth shut, but alas

it was always a fun bar conversation to tell folks i don’t believe in government when they wanted to talk about politics, only to be labelled an anarchist, whatever that means, and all the impressions that go along with that label, no matter how inaccurate

ironically, i realized nearly too late, my propensity to wallow in my own “nobody understands me” self pity was a major catalyst for my drinking. i’m glad i’ve moved on. i have plenty of friends that never did move on, and some of them are dead. i wish myself or somebody else could have slapped them around before they ended up in a fatal addiction. i miss them, and imagine what it would be like to share sobriety.

we all face our individual journeys in our individual ways, perhaps what i’ve written here was more for myself than anyone else. your reaction to what i’ve said is your own, it was not what i intended but i have no control over that, only what i say, which in hindsight i clearly shouldn’t have, but now i’m rambling in a circle...

wiigelec

a few weeks ago, after i first started posting in this thread, i had a really rough weekend

it seems that outing myself to random strangers on the internet triggered some grievous desires

wiigelec

i had a friend in high school tell me he gets kittened up because he couldn’t handle reality.

he’s now in prison for slamming into a parked semi truck at full highway speed, killing his wife and two others. there were no skid marks.

https://kowb1290.com/three-killed-in-crash-near-evanston/

wiigelec

all this somber reminiscing is doing wonders for my mood this morning lol

but it is what it is, and helps remind me why i don’t drink

wiigelec

another friend of mine, jimmy pacheco, who i knew all through jr high and high school (yes, we were drinking buds, and coincidentally was the first person i got high on weed with) died in his early 20’s, though not directly from alcohol.

he was 300+ pounds—i’m sure the excessive day drinking didn’t help that—and had an adverse reaction to drugs administered during stomach band surgery.

wiigelec

sorry.

happy monday everybody!

donimfp

@wiigelec, a wise person once said that if two people agree on everything, one of them isn't necessary. Obviously both you and I are necessary. We agree that sobriety is important. As @JenT304 said, I don't think you should have presumed as much as you did regarding my motives or what I needed to be schooled on. However, no hard feelings. This is too valuable a forum to mess up. Peace.

wiigelec

However, no hard feelings.

Thanks, I appreciate that.

FeelinFooFoo

Really enjoyed this Ted talk

FeelinFooFoo

Another Ted talk....I will have to check out hello Sunday morning website

RubyRed427

@FeelinFooFoo amazing amazing videos - aha moments in each

FeelinFooFoo

RubyRed427 wrote: »

@FeelinFooFoo amazing amazing videos - aha moments in each

I'm struggling to sleep. I tried playing my headspace app 'sleep music' .....or 'sleep sounds' I was finding them annoying! Aaargh so opted for a few Ted talks instead.

Time for round 3 of sleep sounds.....think I'm now just so overtired, I can't sleep.

SunnyDays930

@FeelinFooFoo I've been up since 3 am. I thought when I stopped drinking, sleep would come easier. At least my heart isn't racing. I watched both of your Ted Talks and I really liked them. Thank you for posting.

FeelinFooFoo

JenT304 wrote: »

@FeelinFooFoo I've been up since 3 am. I thought when I stopped drinking, sleep would come easier. At least my heart isn't racing. I watched both of your Ted Talks and I really liked them. Thank you for posting.

Glad you liked them 😊

And yeah, sleep wise, iv been off my medication for 6 months now (wasn't specific for sleep but it knocked me out and I could sleep for hours and hours even after a full nights sleep, it made me groggy) so I have had to adjust to sleeping naturally.

I carried on drinking alcohol (binging) once off my meds even although I knew it wasn't good for my sleep (as we all know, booze doesn't do well for the snooze) and I experienced the worst nights / early mornings completely unable to switch off or sleep. Probs the anxiety due to alcohol.

So when I have issues switching off now, it's still a million miles away from the racing heart, palpitations & gut wrenching anxiety sleepless nights.

donimfp

I commiserate on the sleep issues. But the silver lining is that when I go to work after getting only a few hours of sleep, at least I'm not hungover. That makes SUCH a difference. I'm back at work today for the first time since mid-December since some of our kids had COVID over the break. For the first time, I got up early enough to do some meditation before leaving home. That seems to be making a difference in my day. After last week, I am SO glad not to be drinking. It feels incredibly better.

RubyRed427

Hi friends, just catching up on posts. @donimfp I cringe when someone is giving tough love to me. I think I revert back to the painful memories of my childhood. So, I do not respond well to it. I am happy you didn't let it keep you from posting.

@wiigelec I am sure you meant no harm and you probably do respond better to tough love; you wish someone would have said that to you.

RubyRed427

I think sleep is also hormonal and environmental. When I watch TikTok before bed, my dreams are fast paced and I think about all the things I watched before bed.

I really need to get into a better routine- calm music, limited bright screen before bed, bubble bath.... but still I do think for me my hormones screw with my sleep.