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The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

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  • Beka3695Beka3695 Member Posts: 3,336 Member Member Posts: 3,336 Member
    donimfp wrote: »
    I'm wondering about that quote. I'm not sure what it means. Sometimes I miss what alcohol gave me, like a buzz, oblivion, an escape. I guess I could characterize that as "grieving" for what I can't have any more. But as far as grieving my old "self" . . . I'm not sure I understand that. My non-drinking self is better in every way from my drinking self. I can't grieve the loss of the old insecure, anxious, nauseated, depressed me. I understand more grieving the loss of that old lying, false "friend," alcohol.

    I hope I don't sound like I'm trying to be argumentative. I'm not. I just so do not miss the old "me" that it's hard for me to understand the idea of grieving for that old "self." She was in every way inferior to who I am now. (I think! I could be wrong . . . maybe someone will enlighten me).

    I agree that my non drinking self is much better than my shoshed self.

    I took it to mean it is ok to miss the social things you did, the friends you lost, and the changes that you made to become this better version of you.

    Kind of like my ex husband... we had 5 great years (married 15 😜) It is ok to miss those 5, even though he was ultimately toxic.
  • JenT304JenT304 Member Posts: 621 Member Member Posts: 621 Member
    I understand what it means. It's like missing a bad boyfriend. You know he is a jerk and terrible for you, but sometimes you miss him anyway.
  • RubyRed427RubyRed427 Member Posts: 2,694 Member Member Posts: 2,694 Member
    I am nostalgic when I see a fav bar where I used to sit and have a few drinks after work. I miss that routine and unwinding time. But it would always make me want to get a bottle on the way home and drink some more.

    I miss the good times I had with drinking like dancing with friends, watching playoff games, playing euchre with friends, sitting around a campfire with a drink. But I have to keep on reminding myself all of those good times were fleeting; and many ended up with me on the bathroom floor or with a hangover.

    I think that quote means what you want it to mean to you. I actually didn't mind the drinking Julie in the early days. But as I became a drunk, I was a crying, emotional mess. Ohhh those are bad memories.

    I am starting to get into a groove with working out after work. I think I can form some positive habits little by little; I have to just give myself some time and be patient.

  • RubyRed427RubyRed427 Member Posts: 2,694 Member Member Posts: 2,694 Member
    @FeelinFooFoo It takes time to work our way through our AF struggles. I have been on this journey for about 3 years now, and finally it is clicking. I have been having longer AF periods than ever. I think our brains are so used to relying on alcohol that we have to reprogram them. You're making progress month by month. :)
  • RubyRed427RubyRed427 Member Posts: 2,694 Member Member Posts: 2,694 Member
    @no44s4me I love when you say "it's just me".

  • donimfpdonimfp Member Posts: 656 Member Member Posts: 656 Member
    @RubyRed427, 42 days is HUGE! 6 weeks!!! Yay, you! I hope you do something very special for yourself to celebrate. I'm still all about the rewards. Pavlov would have loved me. Give me a milestone and I instinctively buy lotions, books, and on Day 100, a bracelet. No joke, though, it is one of my motivators. Well done, you. Enjoy your hike.
  • aroze0928aroze0928 Member Posts: 210 Member Member Posts: 210 Member
    Congrats to everyones success. Just wanted to add my SO is a week in. Never thought Id see the day. Hes struggling but determined to feel better. Hes gone from heavy drinking cold turkey. I hope it lasts for his sake and the rest of the household.
    Happy Af day to all and to those struggling never give up. I had more starts and stops than you can shake a stick at. Idk what that means lol but i say it anyway.
  • RubyRed427RubyRed427 Member Posts: 2,694 Member Member Posts: 2,694 Member
    I saw this quote today, "One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up rather than what they have to gain." Rick Godwin

    Focus on the benefits of an AF life, they are many, many, many as we have seen enumerated on this thread. <3

    This is how I've been thinking. Poor me- I have to give up alcohol. How can I relax? Why can everyone else drink? I am missing out.

    Thanks for the reminder that that mindset will only make me miserable.
    I will try to focus on benefits of AF! :)
  • RubyRed427RubyRed427 Member Posts: 2,694 Member Member Posts: 2,694 Member
    donimfp wrote: »
    @RubyRed427, that is so true. One of the insights I got from a person who has several years under her belt was that she stopped going to AA after a while because she felt the mindset (in her particular group, at least) of struggling to make it just one more day implied that alcohol was something desirable that she was giving up. Instead, she found it more helpful to think of it as something she was so glad to be free from and didn't even want to think about. I personally found that helpful. Again, the analogy to a bad boyfriend seems apt. After a while, why would we need to grit our teeth to get through each day without the jerk when we could move on to something better?

    Yes I can see that about AA. My sister doesn't use AA or any program and has been sober for 222+ days. I have been attending AA and for now it is working for me. I am reward driven. And I love the ideas on here about rewarding ourselves with a piece of jewelry or perhaps a service (like mani, pedi, massage). I am also eagerly looking forward to my two month coin.

    I just googled sober things to do in my city, and found the usual things like museums, zoo, etc. I think probably I am overthinking this; I can do anything I always enjoyed, just do it sober. (except for going to bars- too tempting)
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