My bf cheated on me

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Replies

  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,465 Member
    It’s always harder on the one being rejected. But there are plenty of signs that it is time to move on. He’s a heel.

    Next time you two talk tell him you’ve had a good long think about what he said and you agree that time apart is the healthiest thing for both of you. His stuff is in a box by the door. Don’t call me. I’ll call you. I need some space. I knew you would understand.

    If he tries begging or friends-with-benefits calmly reject the offer.

    My gut says this guy is a user who will try to keep you on a string (sloppy seconds) while he goes out to play the field. Cut the ties that bind.
  • Pour_Decisions
    Pour_Decisions Posts: 1,053 Member
    bojack5 wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.

    I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?

    This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.

    Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.

    Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.

    I agree with this. If you're going to open your mouth about something, then OWN it. If you're going to be a wuss, then keep your mouth shut.

    I agree with this also.....but that doesnt change that most people are like that. Just wanting things to be a certain way doesnt mean they will be. I deal in facts and practicalities. People talk in anonymity all the time....the "unidentified source" thing happens constantly. Doesnt mean its right, just means thats how it is.

    I don't necessarily think "most" people are this way. I think "most" of the people who are, are the biggest drama/gossip starters.
  • TravisJHunt
    TravisJHunt Posts: 533 Member
    Kudos on your friend telling you at least. Now a days I find even expecting that kind of respect is tough. As others have said, I'd say that's a good sign its time to move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea as the old saying goes. Sorry you got hurt, it sucks but sometimes we need to feel some pain to understand how good life can be when we experience the good times. You're young and beautiful and sound like you have a great head on your shoulders so keep the chin up and happiness will come again. Use the extra spare time to get in some extra workouts to relieve the stress and feel better, plus double bonus, add more sexiness to your body!
  • JimJamgetsfit
    JimJamgetsfit Posts: 20 Member
    Damn, your bf sounds like he'll be a forever bachelor and isnt really a BF type. I know guys like him. I mean he's 36 and still jumping from relationship to relationship. I would find a younger guy tbh. Move on, he's not the one. You're lucky he showed you his true colors as much as it hurts.
  • CharlieCharlie007
    CharlieCharlie007 Posts: 245 Member
    Only advice I can give....Do not waste any energy thinking about him, or what went wrong or how. This energy should only be focused on yourself, self improvement etc.....In time you will find someone who deserves your energy. Until then, it should be focused solely on you.
  • lauragreenbaum
    lauragreenbaum Posts: 1,016 Member
    You know he doesn't deserve you. He's an immature, pathetic jerk. I hope you block him on your phone and all social media and be done with him. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you-don't waste another second on this piece of trash.
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
    TheRoadDog wrote: »
    Move on. Don't look back. If you do you might miss what's right in front of you.

    Also this.
  • denny_mac wrote: »
    He didn't actually cheat on you. He told you he wanted to see other people without feeling guilty about it when he told you he wanted a break. That's the point at which you should've dumped him.

    Here's what "break" means. It means... "I'm not that happy with you, so I'm going to see what else is out there. If I can find somebody better than you, I'm not coming back. If I can't find somebody better than you, I'll be back, but only for as long as it takes to find somebody better. I'll also be having guilt-free sex while I'm looking."

    Honestly, the minute somebody asks for a break or a timeout or even an open relationship, if you have any self-esteem, you walk away from that person forever. Delete them from all of your social media. Delete their phone number. Block them from contacting you. Etc. Don't waste another minute on them.

    I don't think that a romantic relationship ending NECESSARILY means you have to avoid any contact from that person ever again, but I do think that once something is over, 99 times out of 100, it won't ever work out again in the future. Still, it's possible to remain civil with an ex, in my opinion.

    And for the original situation in this thread. I agree with most everyone here that it's time to move on. I would definitely tell the bf what your friend told you, but you're probably never going to know the whole truth behind that situation.

    You should end all contact until all feelings are gone. It's brutal to still be pining for somebody while watching them date on social media. If you want to get over somebody as quick as possible... out of sight, out of mind is what works. When you truly don't care anymore, sure you can allow contact again (I don't know why you would?), but be warned that your ex may try to reel you back in. That's why a clean break is the best break. Obviously if we're talking marriages with children involved, it's a different story, but in general "no contact" is the best policy.