Things people say when you lose weight
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brittanystebbins95 wrote: »What I'm finding interesting these days is talking to people who didn't know me in the 'before' days. They all assume that I can't understand the trials and tribulations of dieting, on the grounds that I'm 'lovely and slim'. Even when I tell them I used to be very fat, they tend to assume I mean a few vanity pounds.
There does seem to be a general unconscious assumption in society that those who are slim have always been and will always be so, and those who are fat have always been and will always be so. This strikes me as... unhelpful.
Oh, yes!! People never believe me that I used to be almost 60 lbs heavier. ESPECIALLY because I'm blessed with awesome genetics and have no loose skin to speak of, just stretch marks.
I'll show them old pictures and they just squint at it and say, "That's not even you, that doesn't look like you."
Well, no kidding. Lose over 50 lbs and someone's face is DEFINITELY not going to look the same 😂
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I wonder what will happen when I get to the 50 pounds lost mark. I am sure it will show in my face too. My second time around.
SW: 220
CW: 211
GW: 1655 -
I do think that even the positive comments can be really harmful. It can often make us feel that we are more worthy now than before (we always were!) and can reinforce unhealthy behaviours. When I am starving myself and people are congratulating me, it’s encouraging me to continue but not really helpful. I thibk generally we shouldn’t comment on people’s weight but if we want to it SHOULD start with “is it intentional? Do you feel you’re doing it in a healthy way?” And then decide to congratulate or support.
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Sorry if this comes across as overly-judgemental, but you shouldn't be starving yourself! It is hard work to be vigilant, but starvation ain't healthy. Reasonable deficits will result in long-term loss, and at a healthy, sustainable rate. Once a goal is achieved, long-term vigilance will maintain the goal. Positive reinforcement can help especially during maintenance when "status quo" is actually the goal. It's challenging, for me at least, to see "no change" as a positive outcome. My hope is that soon nobody will notice because I've maintained long enough. Ok, maybe not soon, but eventually. I sincerely feel the comments I made at our meeting were taken as intended, and I think the receivers were happy that their efforts were paying off. Changes are slow enough that we may not notice when we see ourselves, but when we run into people we haven't seen in nearly a year and they notice, it can help us realize that, "YES I DID!"
Don't get me wrong. I've got plenty of negative self-talk in my head. The more I notice it, the better I can get at quashing it. It all builds on itself. Positive leads to positive.
I think the tricky part is when people are trying to be funny and it's not taken as such. Sometimes people don't know what to say, so they resort t sarcasm. I have some friends that are going through some serious life challenges, and it pains me that I don't have words to share. I think it's up to us to receive messages in a positive way almost as much as it is up to us to ~try~ to give positive feedback. I had a few folks concerned I might be losing too much or going towards an unhealthy relationship with food when I was losing. They were concerned for my health, and I'm sure it was hard for them to talk to me about it. Now that they've seen where I'm headed, they are all-in and are all supportive.
This is a great thread to share some of those "shake yer head" moments with people who either don't get it or just have a hard time saying, "You've done very well; nice job." I found it very rewarding to share a common experience with some folks I know that I hadn't seen in a while. For sure we all know how challenging it is because we're on the same journey in a way. Now we have something else in common, and we have another bond. It will be GREAT to travel with these folks and share many more smiles, laughs, and experiences. *Ocelot* we might even be able to inspire each other or share strategies for success.
[/soapbox]6 -
I suppose now that its more obvious, I get mostly compliments and encouragement, couple of awkward remarks or even this uncomfortable silence, and of course, the questions that are a little too personal or direct for the time/place.
I must admit, and those with long road ahead of them, take note; I’ve lost over 200 pounds in the last 10 years, I’m on my last ten pounds to lose, and know what? Sometimes I feel as heavy as the day I took my 1st step on this journey. My actual size, and my actual perception of my size are two very different animals, I have learned. Even with my weight-related health problems, couple which can never be reversed, seems my mind has taken the brunt of the impact all those years, has a stronger will to remain intact than my body. Don’t put all your faith into being “thin” for the sake of being “thin”. My biggest observation has been, 420 pounds or 120 pounds, some can never be light enough, no matter what people tell them.
Back to the question. The biggest pain in the neck is those who absolutely have to tell you HOW to lose weight, how they did it, how their aunt did it, how their dog did it and how you should try it to. And stay away from this and that and well, you get it.23 -
A couple years ago I dropped some weight and people started telling me I was looking sick. It really pissed me off at that time but now I gained back some weight and I see my old picks and wow I really looked sick lol.
PS: would you mind sending me a friend request? I can't find the way to add friends1 -
@Lizeth_Chavez_10 - to add friends on a PC, click on a user's icon/name/image. A window will pop up. Click on the person's name. Their profile will come up, and there will be three buttons -- Send Message, Add as Friend, and View Diary (if that person's diary is public). You can guess which button to click.
Add a little message to the person explaining why you'd like to add them as a friend.
Glad you don't look sick anymore. I got pretty trim last summer, but never looked sick.1 -
Over time, I have had positive and negative comments on my weight & weight loss. I've learnt to acknowledge positive comments and "ignore" the more hurtful. Knowing that this is my "journey" on a healthier lifestyle, to benefit my life & my health. I no longer let these derail me.
Tracking & logging on MFP for 1,200 days. With a loss of 52lb and successfully maintaining (a healthy weight), for the first time in my life. But it's taken persistence and perseverance. A simple strategy (CI less than CO; weight loss OR CI = CO; maintenance) that works, but only because I've put in the work.
But the one comment I've heard the most, that really bugs me still is "Your so lucky" to have lost weight. They then proceed to tell me how "impossible it is for them to lose".
Blaming a long lists of reasons why. But don't want to hear "how" I've managed to lose. Preferring to believe its no more than "luck" on my behalf, rather than how I've put in the work.18 -
LouVee186000 wrote: »I have lost about 16 pounds, not much but not a word from any one. I am happy with the loss.
I get that -- it wasn't until I hit the 50 lb mark that I started getting a few comments at the office. I figured by that time nobody was going to say anything, which was fine by me. (And when they asked me "how much have you lost" I didn't give a number, I just said "a lot.")
Lol someone recently approached me at work and was like "you must've lost 50 lbs by now, that's awesome"
I laughed and they started apologizing and said they just thought of a big number and sorry if they offended me.
I had to explain that I was within a couple of pounds of hitting 150 lbs of total loss30 -
Well, I guess we can't blame you now for breaking the stairs. The stairs were in a church, going up to the choir loft. The stair case had a turn and the steps were pie shaped and made of two pieces of wood. They were also over 100 years old.11
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rossbaker2_sc wrote: »Lol someone recently approached me at work and was like "you must've lost 50 lbs by now, that's awesome"
I laughed and they started apologizing and said they just thought of a big number and sorry if they offended me.
I had to explain that I was within a couple of pounds of hitting 150 lbs of total loss
Wow! And by the way - congratulations on the success!6 -
Wendyanneroberts wrote: »Over time, I have had positive and negative comments on my weight & weight loss. I've learnt to acknowledge positive comments and "ignore" the more hurtful. Knowing that this is my "journey" on a healthier lifestyle, to benefit my life & my health. I no longer let these derail me.
Tracking & logging on MFP for 1,200 days. With a loss of 52lb and successfully maintaining (a healthy weight), for the first time in my life. But it's taken persistence and perseverance. A simple strategy (CI less than CO; weight loss OR CI = CO; maintenance) that works, but only because I've put in the work.
But the one comment I've heard the most, that really bugs me still is "Your so lucky" to have lost weight. They then proceed to tell me how "impossible it is for them to lose".
Blaming a long lists of reasons why. But don't want to hear "how" I've managed to lose. Preferring to believe its no more than "luck" on my behalf, rather than how I've put in the work.
I get that one from just one close friend and it still bothers me. She alternates between telling me I am "so lucky" and telling me I "definitely had a metabolism shift", her way of basically saying I didn't do this myself and counting calories did not play any role in it.
People can be infuriating. I try to let it go, but ugh!!9 -
"Really, 20 pounds? It doesn't really look like it."
Thanks.....22 -
I really don't understand when I say I'm eating a plant based diet people give me the yuck face.10
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Did you buy a bigger shirt?
Are you sick?
Stop drinking huh?
Humm I think I need to change friends23 -
I've had both good and not-so-good responses. One I get the most is that I'm skinny now and need to stop losing weight. I'm down to the last 10lbs, 90lbs down. My uncle recently told me I'm wasting away. I didn't appreciate that though I think he may have meant it in the right spirit. The skinny comment drives me nuts as I want to be slender, but would rather hear I have good muscle tone vs. being too thin.
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I remember I had several people tell me I looked, “disgusting” & “anorexic” when I reached my goal weight of 120. It was very painful for me to hear & made me super depressed. 😔 I started out around 300 lbs and worked really hard to get to where I was. It really screwed with my head because at 5’7” & 120 lbs, I was in the healthy range of the BMI.
I think some people carry their weight differently. While I was losing weight, I had a therapist tell me there was no way I was 200 lbs, that I looked closer to 160. She even went so far as to weigh me & she still couldn’t believe it. I think she thought the scale was broken 😂 I did some bulking of muscle & cutting of fat over a couple years & now look and feel a lot healthier at 150 than I did at 120. 💪😍 my endurance & overall fitness is so much better too!
Looking back, I can understand to a tiny degree why all those people said I looked sickly but I feel they could have expressed it in a more tactful way. Losing weight, gaining muscle, maintaining, & recomp is definitely a journey, not a destination, I’ve learned! 😁20 -
I remember I had several people tell me I looked, “disgusting” & “anorexic” when I reached my goal weight of 120. It was very painful for me to hear & made me super depressed. 😔 I started out around 300 lbs and worked really hard to get to where I was. It really screwed with my head because at 5’7” & 120 lbs, I was in the healthy range of the BMI.
I think some people carry their weight differently. While I was losing weight, I had a therapist tell me there was no way I was 200 lbs, that I looked closer to 160. She even went so far as to weigh me & she still couldn’t believe it. I think she thought the scale was broken 😂 I did some bulking of muscle & cutting of fat over a couple years & now look and feel a lot healthier at 150 than I did at 120. 💪😍 my endurance & overall fitness is so much better too!
Looking back, I can understand to a tiny degree why all those people said I looked sickly but I feel they could have expressed it in a more tactful way. Losing weight, gaining muscle, maintaining, & recomp is definitely a journey, not a destination, I’ve learned! 😁
TBH, I'd be quite surprised as someone so much taller than me at 120lbs, it sounds quite thin. It's 2lbs from underweight, so it is the thinner end of a healthy BMI, it would be like me weighing 95lbs. I'm saying I'd be surprised, but I'd never say such a nasty thing.
Definitely could have expressed their concern in a tactful way, the words they used were not appropriate to describe a person at all, even if you were underweight.13 -
I remember I had several people tell me I looked, “disgusting” & “anorexic” when I reached my goal weight of 120. It was very painful for me to hear & made me super depressed. 😔 I started out around 300 lbs and worked really hard to get to where I was. It really screwed with my head because at 5’7” & 120 lbs, I was in the healthy range of the BMI.
I think some people carry their weight differently. While I was losing weight, I had a therapist tell me there was no way I was 200 lbs, that I looked closer to 160. She even went so far as to weigh me & she still couldn’t believe it. I think she thought the scale was broken 😂 I did some bulking of muscle & cutting of fat over a couple years & now look and feel a lot healthier at 150 than I did at 120. 💪😍 my endurance & overall fitness is so much better too!
Looking back, I can understand to a tiny degree why all those people said I looked sickly but I feel they could have expressed it in a more tactful way. Losing weight, gaining muscle, maintaining, & recomp is definitely a journey, not a destination, I’ve learned! 😁
I agree, being thin and being "anorexic" are completely different things and while they might not have been completely out of line in getting a little concerned, as it sounds like you were close to being underweight, there are much more tactful ways to express it. In fact, depending on their relationship with you, the only tactful thing is to not say anything. We all have our struggles and for some, it's just more visible, but that doesn't leave people open to comment on it.6 -
The problem with you being disciplined and losing weight is that we become a constant reminder to everyone else that they are not being disciplined and losing weight.47
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I had several people tell me that I inspired them to make healthier decisions. That really made me feel great!29
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bump3
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I get called an "inspiration" sometimes. I'm glad for that.
Some people act envious. One remark was a grumbled, "I think I'm finding the weight you're losing."
And then there is the teasing. "Your clothes are getting loose on you. Did they stretch out, or something?" I suppose it's similar to the joke about somebody getting their "ears lowered" rather than their hair cut, but it kind of ticks me off.9 -
As someone who doesn't make personal comments to anyone generally (other than maybe I like your dress or that's a lovely haircut
) I really don't like receiving personal comments myself. I find them impolite and intrusive. However, I did get a "wow" from a colleague I haven't seen in a while this week. I quite liked the wow.
She then totally ruined it by asking exactly how much weight I had lost.
The fun thing was I could honestly say "nothing since we last met".
I think maybe people you meet rarely (in this case once or twice a year) have a mental polaroid of you, and it takes a while for them to change the picture in their heads, which is why the comments keep coming for a few years, even when you're in maintenance.13 -
"You've lost weight, haven't you? I can see your face is slimmer." - My grandma.5
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MrsBradyBunch wrote: »I get called an "inspiration" sometimes. I'm glad for that.
Some people act envious. One remark was a grumbled, "I think I'm finding the weight you're losing."
And then there is the teasing. "Your clothes are getting loose on you. Did they stretch out, or something?" I suppose it's similar to the joke about somebody getting their "ears lowered" rather than their hair cut, but it kind of ticks me off.
That's hilarious! I would have told them, "Now it's your turn to chuck it to someone else. Hot potato." 20/20 hindsight and all that.13 -
I am reminded of my yoga teacher, who was from France - but nonetheless stunned me one day when he said: Some people have really fat thighs, some people have fat stomachs. Others are fat in the butt or have fat arms. But you are lucky. You are fat all over. LMAO. Thanks Francois...
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Cbstewart88 I sure hope you quit that tactless SOB’s class and kicked him in the *#!!*#% before you walked out the door.10
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cbstewart88 wrote: »I am reminded of my yoga teacher, who was from France - but nonetheless stunned me one day when he said: Some people have really fat thighs, some people have fat stomachs. Others are fat in the butt or have fat arms. But you are lucky. You are fat all over. LMAO. Thanks Francois...
That is kind of funny and awful at the same time!
Actually though, my mom's sort of said that to me before too. "You may be heavy but it's well proportioned" was her usual comment, which did not offend. She was always the type of person to be really skinny up top with very large hips/thighs. Now that she's older, her weight's distributed more evenly.9 -
You look awesome! Hey skinny.
You're disappearing.I'm glad to see you eat food.4
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