WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JANUARY 2020
Replies
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NSVs for Jan:
- Finished one crochet project
- Read 2 books and halfway through third
- Logged intake every day
- Stayed in the green almost every day
- Met my 7500 step goal all but one day
- Bought only essential goods
- Walked outside when weather permitted
- Got all my tax stuff sorted for DYD to do tax return (She’s a chartered accountant)
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Flea - hope the heart meds give him some healthy happy years.0
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Hi Gals,
In late December I was listening to a podcast and they were setting food based new years resolutions, and they had to fit into the following “ in 2020 I will eat more ________________ and why ______________” This seemed so much more positive than most food related commitments. So I embraced it – My version is in 2020 I will eat more food I have grown and/or preserved as that will help my budget, lower my carbon footprint and be healthy choices.
January NSV
• Kept my food resolution
• Took 3 large bags to the thrift store
• Checked in here every day
• Averaged 11,550 steps about a 400 step per day increase over January 2019
Flea – thinking of you and your pup.
Kim from N. California
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@KetoneKaren : Plus I would add that another equally poignant thing I long for is the renewal of the 35 year friendship that ended when my BFF found out from an indiscrete mutual friend that I was in a same-sex relationship. She sent me a card that said she hoped I'd be happy, signed it, and wrote me off. I was devastated and still have to put my big girl panties on every day to deal with the cavalier way she ended our friendship. I knew she would have a difficult time with it, and was planning how to tell her when our mutual friend took care of it for me.
Karen VA -I had to discuss this with my best friend. These very close, long-term women's friendships come much closer to symbiosis than other relationships. My friend is a part of my life, like my leg or my arm, I would be lopsided without her, so my heart went out to you, as did hers.
But to tell you why I shared your words with her: A dozen years ago, I held my friend's hand while she and her husband worked through their son's revelation that he was gay. Her state trooper husband struggled with it much more than she did, but made his peace with it in the end. But watching them go through that process taught me that what hurt them most was NOT that he was gay. It was that they didn't know, and that he took so long (he was 25) to trust them with something that was terribly important to his life.
You say you knew she would have a difficult time with it, so it sounds as if there might have been some knowledge on your part that she might not be able to get past the reality... but it may well be that her biggest heartbreak was that you weren't the one to tell her, and that you hadn't shared that with her sooner. That's what I would apologize for, to start the conversation. I don't know that this is true for sure, she's the only one who does.
But I urge you--tell her. Write a letter, make the call, go visit. Whatever it takes--do your utmost to repair it if it's repairable. It's possible that she just can't get past it, that your relationship can't be repaired, and that will hurt like blue blazes. But you will finally be able to put it down and know you did your best. And if you can heal this, you'll have your friend back. Either way, you win.
Advice only, and of course, it's worth what you paid for it.
Thinking of you.
Later,
Lisa in AR5 -
OregonMother wrote: »Flea prayers for your son and for your pup and you. What about the possible promotion makes you most anxious?
I think it's a little bit of imposter syndrome. I need to read Heather's dil's book or watch her TED talk.
And thank you for the prayers. I was at the vet this morning for 2.5 hours with him -- it was an appointment, not an emergency, although I only requested the appointment yesterday afternoon.
Anyway, it is what we thought -- congestive heart failure. So he is on heart medication. I need to record his sleeping respiration tonight and text the office in the morning. That's the last bit they need. But they took two xrays of his heart.
Even I could see the issue, with a completely non-medical eye. She pulled the slides up on the computer, and I gasped and said, "Oh, my." And she said, "Yes. Oh my, indeed. You can really see it, can't you?" Depending on his sleeping respiration, we will decide if we want to do an EKG and get a referral to a cardiologist. That seems a bit much to me right now, since we have him on heart medication already, and we wouldn't subject him to surgery.
My dog was so brave. I am so proud of him. He cried and whined almost the whole time, just nervous. At one point, when they were trying to get his blood pressure, a tech was holding his body, and I was holding his head, kissing him, and he just buried his head in my chest. We love that dog so much.
I asked the vet about timeline, and she said we caught it very early, and with medication, he could probably last a couple more years. That makes me sad, but also happy that we aren't looking at a very short timeline. She said that he is happy, still active, so she didn't see any need to recommend putting him down. She said once his breathing is very labored and he begins fainting or turning blue, then she would consider that an option.
Such a sweet, beautiful boy.
Flea
Willamette Valley, Oregon
Flea - That's what my Bailey had.
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Flea: (((hugs)))
Brexit:I don’t think anyone really knows yet what will happen as nothing has been agreed yet. The situation is even more insecure in where I live in Northern Ireland, which, although it is part of the UK, it will still have a land border with an EU country. And in less than an hour we are out of the EU!4 -
I also lost a beloved dog to congestive heart failure ten years ago. So glad your prognosis is better. My thoughts are with you both.
Annie in Delaware4 -
NSV I said no to my mom. Three times she offered me the fried chicken, but I was down to 40 calories, so I ate my broccoli instead. She gets wounded when I don't eat what she cooks even though I told her twice well before dinner that I don't have the calories for fried chicken. I hate that I have to be so obstinate with her, but it just doesn't work for me to eat her greasy cooking with dessert. You would think she would be happy to let me cook, but she hates my cooking. I wish she knew the rule about not criticizing what I choose to eat! So on the scale of life's problems it is a minor conflict, but it drives me crazy. She saved the fried chicken so I could have it for lunch tomorrow. Not likely!6
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My dog that died of heart failure was ten years ago, I should have said. Isn't there an edit on these? Ok found it! Never mind. 🙂
Annie in Delaware
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Evening ladies
9 1/2 hr day .I'm beat... it was a good day..
Thinking of all of you going through hard times.. saying healing prayers for you all...3 -
Lisa You are very astute.
Putting this in a spoiler because it's long and personal and perhaps a bit maudlin. Not everyone is going to want to read my boohoos, & that's OK.The mutual friend who blabbed (Connie) and her husband (Jeff) visited me while on a business trip to the East Coast, and I had no choice but to tell them. My partner and I had been living together only a short time. Connie asked if Jeanette knew, & noted that she might have a tough time with it. I told her that telling Jeanette was a top priority for me. Connie offered to tell Jeanette for me and I said Absolutely Not!!! & Under No Circumstances!!! - that it was something I must do myself, and I would do it very soon. I had been confiding in another mutual friend Shona (also a friend of Connie & Jeanette). Shona is my dear friend, and has a Master's degree in counseling. We had talked about the best way to handle it & I was feeling pretty confident about it. I asked Connie & Jeff to please keep the confidence & they promised they would. Well, you know what happened; Connie got back to our tiny Nebraska town and just couldn't keep her mouth shut. Within days of Connie's return to Nebraska, I got the "I hope you'll be very happy" card from Jeanette. I immediately called Jeanette and apologized for not being the one to tell her and apologized for keeping it from her. I told her the whole thing was still pretty new to me too, and that I was struggling with internal homophobia, and I hoped she could forgive me for not telling her and that we could talk it out. Nope. She was distant & polite & I could tell it was irrevocably over. It nearly killed me. I actually questioned whether my relationship with my partner was worth losing my best friend for. Seriously. Which made me really crazy inside for awhile.
Since then, Connie has supplanted me as Jeanette's BFF. You'll probably think it's weird that Connie is still my friend & I have an open invitation to stay at their house anytime, even if they aren't there! In Connie's defense, she thought she was doing the right thing by getting it out in the open, even though I told her she must not do that. She was a bull in a china shop, and it ended my friendship with Jeanette. Connie apologized & I forgave her because I know she didn't mean for it to turn out the way it did. She has a problem with blabbing & I knew it. I should have called Jeanette while Connie & Jeff were still on the East Coast. Maybe it would have turned out differently. Jeanette just couldn't get over the sense of betrayal. It's funny, because when she was 19 she became pregnant out of wedlock & didn't tell me & I found out from someone else. I was upset, but you know what? I got over it & forgave her & life went on. She was my dearest friend. My mother loved her like a daughter, & Jeanette loved my mother as her own. In 2001, Jeanette stayed with me at Mom's house all night long helping me keep vigil as mom lay dying in her bed. A couple of days later, she mussed up my mother's hair in the casket so it would look more natural and consulted about the color of nail polish I should pick for Mom's nails for her funeral. She was wise & loyal & fun & I miss her every day. I just really really miss her. The music died the day I got that card from her. She was the person who would call to give me a heads up if something was happening with one of my local relatives or friends, or if somebody died that I should know about. She saw me through suicides, divorces, and everything else important, as I did her. When she told me she had fallen in love again & I met Larry, he actually looked scared of me, LOL!!! She told him he had to talk to me before she would marry him. I just told him he was getting an amazing gift & I was incredibly happy that she had found him, & he'd have to deal with me if he ever mistreated her. Larry is a great guy. Always within an hour of my arrival to visit my mom in Nebraska, Jeanette would show up at the door, giggling and so happy to see me. She would tell Larry she'd see him in a week.
Oh God it's just still so painful. It's always just under the surface, a slight panicky feeling. My other dear friends are, of course, good friends with Jeanette, so it's just complicated and difficult when I go home. I think really hard about going home to visit now, and plan carefully. The first time I planned a trip home she actually left town. I was humiliated. My friends (also her friends) have always been stunned at how much she sacrificed because she couldn't forgive me. As far as I can tell, she just hardened her heart to me and never looked back. She did the same thing to one of her siblings she had a falling out with. She is good a compartmentalizing, maybe too good. I wish she would re-examine the compartment she put me in because there is still a living breathing friend ready to forget & forgive & pick up where we left off.
Karen in Virginia
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I had my annual physical yesterday and a mammogram today. All went very well, and best of all, it was my FINAL pap smear, as my medical group doesn't recommend them for healthy women over 65.
Rori
Reveling in the NOW
Colorado Foothills
I am about 200 posts behind, but wanted to comment on this. My mother was considered healthy too and her GYN told her she didn't need pap smears anymore. My mother asked that she continue to receive them and the GYN actually got angry with her. Said she was healthy and didn't need them. She asked my mom when did my mom think she should stop and my mom's answer was "when I no longer care if I get cancer." She changed doctors. At age 85, after having her annual pap smear, they discovered she had cervical cancer. She had a hysterectomy (no other treatment as they felt the cancer was contained) and has been seeing her doctor regularly. She is cancer free and will be 89 this year.
My point ... YOU decide when you don't want to receive preventative tests ... not your doctor.
Beth
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Karen, I read every word, and don't see what you could have done differently. I wish you peace, and wish I had a clearer path for you to let the friendship go. She lost so much when she rejected your friendship, as you are an amazing and genuinely loving person. I'm sorry.
Love,
Lisa6 -
LisaThis is a photo of Jeanette (blond) and Connie (brunette)
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KetoneKaren wrote: »
Flea - That's what my Bailey had.
Karen and Annie -- how long did your dogs live with it?
I'm going to be honest, and I know many of you can relate, I am having a hard time with this. Even though we have been talking about it as a family for the past week, and we had all recognized that this is probably what it was, to actually hear it said, out loud, by a medical professional. It was hard.
Flea
Willamette Valley, Oregon4 -
Karen in Virginia (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) there are no words.1
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Oh, Karen. I am so, so sad for you.
Jeanette is being ridiculous.
Flea
Willamette Valley, Oregon2 -
Karen I too am sorry for the difficulties with your friend. Sending healing thoughts...2
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Well today is my birthday. I am now 72. That seems awfully old and I wonder where all that time went. That comment "the days go slowly but the years fly by" seems very true today. I celebrated with family last Friday as that was when my DGD could be there. Today I went to chair yoga and bought groceries. Tomorrow DD and I are going to Woodinville. I have a gift card for See's Candies and Barnes and Noble so will use those. We will have lunch at Panera and then visit a western wear, tack shop that we have seen over there. We stopped by it once but it was closed.
Everyone take care, Sue in WA6 -
Imposter Syndrome: Two examples, just from the past three hours:#1: So, the provost's EA emails me because one of my adjuncts was wondering why she was paid only 1.5 hours for teaching her self defense course when in the fall, she was paid for 3 hours (It's a 1 credit class that meets twice a week). The EA copies that line of the spreadsheet which shows, sure enough, 3 hours of pay for the fall. I quickly go back to my worksheet, and yep. 3 hours. That's what I reported for pay. OMG Double pay. And it was the first time she taught it, so she wouldn't have known. So, I apologize to the EA, tell her it is totally my fault and that I want to pay the adjunct for 3 this spring because that's what she was expecting, but that I would explain to her that I made an error and that in the future, she will be paid just 1.5. Major screw up. To make it worse, I noticed as I was reviewing my worksheet, that I did it for another adjunct in the same department! Both women, hmmm. Maybe there's some justice there. Paying the women double what the men got paid for the same job. But I digress.
#2: As I'm heading out to a meeting, one of my faculty, director of an off campus program, emails me to say, "what about those calculators we needed to order. Class starts Tuesday." Holy *kitten*!! I thought, no, no, no, I couldn't have forgotten. I run through my emails, I see the long discussion about which calculators and how they will have to be ID engraved because they are going into the prison. But did I order them?? Of course not. The discussion happened a week before Christmas break. But I have a 3pm meeting, so I just have to email my faculty director back and say, between Christmas break and family emergencies, this completely slipped my mind. I tell him I will figure it out when I get back from my meeting. (Attend my meeting where everyone thinks I'm brilliant, but of course, I know I am a royal screw up), run back to my office and down to the math professor's office to apologize, have him pick out a calculator. Oh, before the meeting, I emailed the bookstore manager saying, HELP! I screwed up. I need 26 of some kind of calculator to be named later. Oh, and by Tuesday. Quickly email IT to find out if they can engrave the calculators or if I have to have a DOC employee at the prison do it. So, after the meeting, I find out from the bookstore manager -- no dice -- 10-14 days before he could get enough in stock. We can't engrave -- DOC will have to do it. Math professor picks out a calculator and sends me the link. I apologize for my major screw up, and then give him some encouraging words about going through the gate for the first day of class, and how my faculty director will be there with him for the first day -- because, you know, inmates. Then I run upstairs, quickly try to order 26 calculators from Amazon. And CR@P! Vendor will let you order only 10 at a time, so I create three orders . . . oh my gosh. Imposter. Imposter. Imposter. LOL
End of story -- Calculators are ordered, my reimbursement request has been submitted, my DOC employee has been notified that I will drop the calculators off on February 10 for engraving. My math faculty member is nervous but excited. And I am ready for a vacation. (Going to LA early Monday morning for a week with hubby for one of his work meetings -- scheduled long before my mil died.) But I am hoping that I don't lose my women's self defense adjunct. She is delightful and wonderful. But will she do the job for half the pay she thought she was going to get? Unlikely.
And that is why the thought of more administrative responsibility over more faculty makes me want to throw up.
Flea
Willamette Valley, Oregon5 -
Sue Happy Birthday! :flowerforyou:0
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Karen in VA -
I think Lisa has excellent advice. And, perhaps Jeanette felt that her friendship had been replaced by your partner in your life and you wouldn't be interested in hearing the home town news anymore. Or....I wouldn't trust Connie as far as I could throw her. Here we go...Know that we love you, no matter what.
Makes me wonder what she REALLY told Jeanette - she betrayed you, to begin with, by telling Jeanette when you asked her not to. And has now replaced YOU as Jeanette's trusted friend. Is she the type that gets off on creating drama like this?
Jeanette sounds like a loving, open minded person so this type of behavior toward you is puzzling. Yes, you two need a good heart to heart. I'm the type, if it really bothered me, to ask Jeanette how she felt when she first heard the news from Connie. Because maybe it wasn't delivered in the best manner.
I might be way off base on my gut feeling about Connie, but I tend to attribute ulterior motives to people who betray trusts like that. Either that or they are very out of touch with other people's feelings and the damage they can do by not keeping their mouths shut when asked to.
Lanette
Blustery SW WA State
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Well today is my birthday. I am now 72. That seems awfully old and I wonder where all that time went. That comment "the days go slowly but the years fly by" seems very true today. I celebrated with family last Friday as that was when my DGD could be there. Today I went to chair yoga and bought groceries. Tomorrow DD and I are going to Woodinville. I have a gift card for See's Candies and Barnes and Noble so will use those. We will have lunch at Panera and then visit a western wear, tack shop that we have seen over there. We stopped by it once but it was closed.
Everyone take care, Sue in WA
Happy Birthday!0 -
Flea This is another long post about a specific topic (dog heart failure) so I'm putting it into a spoiler to make it easier for people not interested to skip over.Bailey had a heart murmur for years but he was without symptoms. November 2018 he became symptomatic, had the workup, went on meds. We helped him over the Rainbow Bridge 3 weeks ago, 14 months after he became symptomatic. The cardiologist said 6-12 months for most dogs once they are symptomatic, but it sounds as if your vet thinks your boy may live longer than that, which would be great.
It is really, really hard. I miss Bailey so much. Heart failure in dogs is a progressive disease resulting from leaky heart valves between the chambers of the heart. The leaky valves allow fluid to regurgitate backwards through the valves.This causes the heart to dilate, further straining the valves, which become even leakier until the heart finally can't compensate any more even with medicines. Fluid also backs up into the lungs, which is why the dog coughs & sometimes produces foamy phlegm. They do not do valve surgery on dog's hearts except as part of clinical trials in research centers, so it is only managed medically. Bailey was on an inotrope Pimobendin (makes the heart muscle squeeze more efficiently), a diuretic Lasix (fluid pill) to prevent fluid from building up in the lungs and reduce the work the heart has to do, and an ACE inhibitor Benazepril (reduces afterload on the heart so the heart doesn't have to pump against as much resistance. The ACE inhibitor also helps keep potassium in the body & helps protect the dog's kidneys). I don't know if your doggie will be on all of those medicines. I tweaked & adjusted the fluid pill as needed based on Bailey's respiratory rate at rest & if he had any coughing. I got really good at keeping Bailey fine-tuned, so his quality of life was very good until the very end. The cardiologist didn't tell me to tweak the fluid pill. Honestly, I discussed it with another medical friend who had kept her heart failure dog going for a long time by adjusting the Lasix, & I determined that I was going to do that too, & I did. It was the right decision.
We did keep belly bands (male diapers) on him because the diuretic increases urine output so much there is no way we could keep up with the trips outside to pee. In fact, we used a really absorbent pad inside the belly band which worked better & was less expensive than the belly bands alone.
I would say that if you could see the enlarged heart & fluid in the lungs yourself with an untrained eye that you may want to have a second discussion with your vet to be sure that he/she really meant 2 years - I don't want you to have false hopes & have the rug pulled out from under you if you might have less time left with your adorable doggie.
I am right here if you want to discuss this with me in a spoiler or PM.
Karen in Virginia1 -
Kim & Lisa & anyone else who slogged through my sad tale Thank you. I'm a bit of a mess but I really needed to tell someone about this ongoing pain.2
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Annie- Think it’s more many from your Moms generation. We’re taught fried chicken,cake,a few healthy or not sides were a balanced meal no one counted calories. My Aunt (2nd Cousin who never had kids) doesn’t get it believed my counting calories is unhealthy will hurt me! Yes my Moms side is very over weight of course. Just do what’s right for you she’ll eventually catch on. If only she could Bake 1 piece for you without skin set it aside it be different! But that’s probably not going to happen..see if you can cook put food in Tupperware when she’s not at the stove you can eat her broccoli with your meats.
Amber Tx1 -
Sue: Happy birthday! 🎂 The mention of Woodinville brought back great memories of meeting you there.
Karen in VA: No words, just hugs and waves of loving thoughts beaming your way. You have so many people who treasure you. Wallow in those blessings.
Flea: I am so sorry about your sweet pup. As for handling more administrative work, it sounds like you have integrity and resourcefulness, two attributes that make for great leaders.
Beth: Good advice. Thank you for the input.
NSV for January:
> improvements to the master bathroom to make it more safe and attractive
> played tourist in our own town with an impromptu 2-night getaway
> reorganized my desk and DH's side of the closet
> got started with the transfer of an inherited piece of property overseas. Only took 32 years!
Stay well friends. I am in awe of all of you wonderful women.
Rori
In the NOW
Colorado Foothills
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There was a lot of cross-posting going on so I missed a bunch of supportive comments.
Thank you SO MUCH everybody for commenting on my woes with my BFF. It's been many years ago that the rift occurred but I am eternally hopeful, and I guess "What do you long for?" unleashed my angst.
Lanette,Connie has been in trouble with her own husband for blabbing private family business about his siblings. She is very careful now not to do that, but she had to learn that lesson several times & jeopardized her marriage before she zipped her lip about his family. She's just a blabbermouth, not vicious. She & Jeanette were already friends who for years had been meeting for coffee every morning & Fridays for wine & scrapbooking when this happened. I have lived thousands of miles away for decades so have not been a part of the day to day friendships. Having said that, according to other pals, Jeanette does not confide in Connie the way she confided in me (I wonder why). I should not have trusted Connie with my secret but really had no choice as they were out-of-town guests. Connie's husband Jeff has been my good buddy since birth, and is completely discrete & trustworthy, and I allowed myself to believe that Connie would keep her mouth shut because she made her promise to me with him as witness. I am quite sure she incurred his wrath when she betrayed my confidence. I love Connie, but I don't usually trust her with any confidences. She is a good soul, but loves to gossip. Her lips are especially loose when alcohol is involved. I should have called Jeanette while Connie & Jeff were still visiting me, before she got back to Nebraska. But even if I had, I'm not sure I would have succeeded.
Karen in Virginia4 -
Sue
1
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