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30lbs to lose... Started AGAIN yesterday (Darn Lockdown Snacking)

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  • thelastnightingalethelastnightingale Member, Premium Posts: 602 Member Member, Premium Posts: 602 Member
    @angelexperiment I think we've all been there when it comes to emotional eating. Food is just such an easy emotional crutch. As soon as we're born, food becomes a source of comfort as much as it is a source of fuel, and we never really stop equating a full belly to total happiness. Trying not to eat our feelings is so, so tricky, but acknowledging we have tendencies towards binging through emotional difficulty can sometimes help us avoid getting into a spiral or perhaps getting back out of one.

    There are so many things that are of zero interest to anyone who isn't trying to lose weight and it's nice to have a space to share those thoughts with other people who know the struggle is real! Vent away by all means... we all do. Writing it down can be cathartic!

    Are you tracking your macros, or just calories? (Or neither?) I find if my digestive system is not pleased with me it's worth reviewing my recent food diary to see what I've done badly. The answer for me is coffee, but I find coffee to be answer to a lot of things.

    @GabiV125 Ha, a diet vacation... I didn't think of it like that. That's a really neat way to frame things, thank you. :) You gals really are such a tower of support. I need to force myself to post every time I sense myself going off track - the posting keeps me accountable. The thought of guzzling a greasy takeaway is less appealing if I know I'm going to have to 'fess up to it.

    Well done on maintaining in the face of such yummy food!
  • angelexperimentangelexperiment Member Posts: 1,904 Member Member Posts: 1,904 Member
    @angelexperiment I think we've all been there when it comes to emotional eating. Food is just such an easy emotional crutch. As soon as we're born, food becomes a source of comfort as much as it is a source of fuel, and we never really stop equating a full belly to total happiness. Trying not to eat our feelings is so, so tricky, but acknowledging we have tendencies towards binging through emotional difficulty can sometimes help us avoid getting into a spiral or perhaps getting back out of one.

    There are so many things that are of zero interest to anyone who isn't trying to lose weight and it's nice to have a space to share those thoughts with other people who know the struggle is real! Vent away by all means... we all do. Writing it down can be cathartic!

    Are you tracking your macros, or just calories? (Or neither?) I find if my digestive system is not pleased with me it's worth reviewing my recent food diary to see what I've done badly. The answer for me is coffee, but I find coffee to be answer to a lot of things.

    @GabiV125 Ha, a diet vacation... I didn't think of it like that. That's a really neat way to frame things, thank you. :) You gals really are such a tower of support. I need to force myself to post every time I sense myself going off track - the posting keeps me accountable. The thought of guzzling a greasy takeaway is less appealing if I know I'm going to have to 'fess up to it.

    Well done on maintaining in the face of such yummy food!

    Well I don’t really focus on my macros I keep eye on calories and carbs but try not to overfocus as it can get me depressed or feeling like I’m failing so I loosely focus on the carb aspect too. But focus mainly on my calories and eat “clean” veg protein and that’s mainly it.
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 1,150 Member Member Posts: 1,150 Member
    @angelexperiment Salad with lots of good raw veggies, broccoli stalks etc does it for me to keep things moving, along with exercise. I know the exercise thing is tough for you these days. Drinking lots of water helps as well.

    @GabiV125 Yes turmeric is the ultimate for combatting inflammation! I use NatureMade because so many supplements don’t contain the amounts they claim to. In fact, I’m not sure if you know, but I have Hashimotos ( autoimmune thyroid). ( so I definitely relate to the constipation issue!) I had so may nodules that the ultrasound tech would only measure the 14 largest every three months. My thyroid itself was swollen as well. After taking the turmeric for a few months, I noticed my neck wasn’t bothering me any more. I told my dr but he insisted I go for the next ultrasound regardless of how I felt. I went and the ultrasound tech could not find a single one large enough to measure! Plus my thyroid itself shrunk back to normal size. My dr was shocked as was the tech. It was the turmeric! I’ve been taking it ever since. If my back ever flares up, I take an extra one at bedtime and wake up feeling much better!

    I like your plan for around the holidays. I think I’ll borrow it!

    Yes, I don’t get why husbands are so insistent we eat some of whatever it is they’re eating! It’s not like they cooked it or baked it! If that were the case, I’d always have some! I like your strategy of taking the dog for a walk when hubby pouts. Win, win!

    As for keeping chocolates in the garage... one year we had quite a bit of leftover Halloween candy( my favorite kinds) and I moved the stash to the garage to get it out of the kitchen. I ate a couple of pieces and then forgot about it. Found it a couple of years later when I was cleaning out!


    @kcd394 How was work? Still feeling okay? Take it easy on yourself this week. It’s easy to relapse with Covid into a more serious case so go EASY!

    @thelastnightingale Hooray for a scale moving in the right direction! Well done!!

    My day:
    Crazy busy with cleaning, errands, and cooking. That’s another reason why I ALWAYS exercise first thing every day, so I make sure it happens!

    Exercise: ✅
    Tracked: ✅
    Under: ✅

    @MommaGemz It’s been too long since we’ve heard from you! Take a break from writing and let us know how things are going!
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 1,150 Member Member Posts: 1,150 Member
    My husband and I drove to Raleigh/Durham today to visit with my one daughter. It took a while to get out the door. I had prepped some food first and we brought quite a bit of food with us. Hoping to prevent a grocery run while here.

    Exercise: ✅
    Tracked: ✅
    Under: ✅


    Hope everyone is having a great week!
  • kcd394kcd394 Member Posts: 169 Member Member Posts: 169 Member
    Everything went well these last two days. Still feeling ok. Tomorrow i get to do a surgery on a beautiful but giant dog who ate something she shouldn't... kinda excited to find out what the heck she ate. Something metallic on x-ray in her tummy. Just one more day of work, then Thanksgiving off, and then back for Friday again.

    Grandma was all excited she's getting her smell and taste back now, today is also her birthday. Mom felt crappy again monday, probably needs a few more days of rest to get back on the mend. Havent felt at all fatigued or sick last two days but i know my body is still recovering from damage i couldnt see in my lungs so trying not to go too crazy at work. Did dishes at home but otherwise kinda just relaxed tonight.
    Going to bed now. Haven't slept as good last two nights so hoping I'll get better sleep tonight.

    Goodnight all!
  • thelastnightingalethelastnightingale Member, Premium Posts: 602 Member Member, Premium Posts: 602 Member
    Attempt at sleeping was once again derailed by my sister who woke me up to help her with something. I don't think she understands just how tired I am at the moment, and that I can't sleep during the day like she can. Once I'm up, I'm up, no matter how sleep deprived I am.

    Today is now going to be a challenging day to stay within my calories - but I'm going to persevere and see what I can do.

    Had some sad news this week - I wasn't close to her, but a young girl in the team adjacent to mine passed away. I liked and respected her, and she was so, so young. (Not Covid. She died from the same thing my much older and much less fit dad is battling, which gives me a whole new level of anxiety.) I'm so desperately sorry for her parents who have just had the absolute worst 2020. How do you get over something like that? Someone so full of potential with a life she hadn't even really started living yet - my heart goes out to her family. She was good at her job, and she was genuinely lovely too.

    Really frustrating to get some bizarrely negative feedback from work on projects that went well, but I'm trying to suck it up, because life is short. (See above. It is short.) Apparently, the reality matters not one jot, it's all about perception, but hey, if that's what my bosses really care about, at least I know and I can work on that.

    Ughh. Will. Not. Eat. Feelings. Or. Exhaustion.

    Bought a couple of gifts for myself for Christmas. If it's going to be a crappy Christmas, I may as well treat myself. Feel quite good about shopping at small retailers, too.

    I also have some more volunteering later today, which always cheers me up. I am looking for positives.

    @clutterqueen How long has it been since you saw your daughter again? It must be really nice to be together. Well done for being so organised with the food!

    @kcd394 I still can't quite believe you're back at work already, but good on you for trying to look after yourself and minimise how much you're pushing your body.

    I hope everything is taking better care of themselves than I am, and that goes for our fearless leader too, who I hope is still around, even if she's not actually logged in. Time starts to lose meaning during a pandemic, so one skipped day easily turns into a week and so on... but we're still here when you want to wander back! :)
  • GabiV125GabiV125 Member Posts: 2,097 Member Member Posts: 2,097 Member
    @clutterqueen - did not know about your thyroid, and can’t think of how you went for extended periods with more than 14 nodules around. Glad you found the solution for it, though. I think for many illnesses there are easy and cheap cures, but are simply not advertised. Have a happy visit with your daughter!
    @thelastnightingale - ha, my sister can sleep standing and I need everything just so, and even then any little noise can distract me and I’m done for many hours. Last night I went to bed early, my shoulder was hurting again and I took an AdvilPM, thinking that I’ll get 2 birds at once, and then proceeded to toss and turn. At 4AM my feet were burning and I went and put on wet socks to cool them off, and fell asleep, only to have my alarm at 5.50. I leave my phone downstairs most nights.
    Hope you can beat it and have some sleep these days.
    Good attitude about work- many times their reaction masks something from personal life where they can’t or won’t fix.
    @kcd394 - glad to hear you feel better and planing on taking it easy. Enjoy the time off !

    Yesterday my stove’s bake-setting broke, but the convection-bake still works. Not exactly happy, but I can make it work.
    My walking has been horrendous the last couple days and somehow that made me hungrier. The scale froze for 4 days and I’m grateful for that, but I need to get a grip on it- seriously yesterday MFP gave me 7 calories total for exercise!!!!
    I’ll do some cooking today and tomorrow will be just me and the girls, so last night we voted for a combination of turkey breast and non- Thanksgiving, but their favorite foods ( homemade chicken noodle soup, stuffed cabbage and homemade apple pie).
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 1,150 Member Member Posts: 1,150 Member
    @kcd394 Glad to see you are still being patient with yourself and not overdoing so much. Hopefully, your Mom will kick Covid soon. Yea for Grandma feeling better. So cool she got sense of taste and smelling back just in time for her birthday. I hope she got to enjoy some yummy birthday cake!
    I hope you are having better sleep at night!!

    @thelastnightingale So sorry to hear about your coworker! Losing someone you know always makes us out everything else in perspective, doesn’t it....at least for a while anyway. Glad you are trying not to eat your feelings! So hard!
    I’m trying not to eat mine today as well. My Mom lives in Assisted Living. Just found out today they have 20 residents test positive for Covid. I knew they’d had 5 on Monday. And now more. So hard not to be able to control things!

    I’m so glad you are treating yourself to a couple of nice things! You deserve it!

    I know it’s frustrating when good work goes unappreciated and bosses focus on the wrong things! Don’t let it get you down!

    Get some good sleep!!

    @GabiV125 I’m sorry to hear your shoulder is acting up again! That’s no fun! Especially when it keeps you from sleeping! What’s up with the burning feet? Has that happened before?

    What an in opportune time for the bake function to go out! You’re lucky to still have the convection part working. Now you’re food will be ready faster! I like the combination of just Turkey and then favorites. Sounds like some healthy favorites too! Enjoy!

    Enjoying time at my daughter’s. It’s only been 3 weeks since I saw her last. Since she’s battling depression ( which is very new, only since pandemic and social isolation) I’ve not gone too long without visiting. Have to lay my eyes on her!

    Today:

    Exercise: ✅
    Tracked: ✅
    Under: ✅

  • thelastnightingalethelastnightingale Member, Premium Posts: 602 Member Member, Premium Posts: 602 Member
    I had 5 hours of sleep, which doesn't sound like a lot, but feels like a lot for me. I'm a little tired, but I feel so much better than yesterday, and less emotional too. It's funny, the more tired you are, the more emotional you feel - but that takes so much energy and you'd think your body would be smart enough to go into energy-saving mode and switch off the feelings! Evolution has a lot to answer for...

    Yesterday I ate at maintenance, but I'm back on track today. I've pre-boxed and pre-logged again, which makes me feel more prepared to take on the day.

    @GabiV125 Did you enjoy your extra 7 calories? :lol: Ooh, I like the sound of that cooking - homemade chicken noodle soup and apple definitely sound like something to be thankful for! Did you do anything to aggravate the shoulder or has it just started randomly playing up? Hope you manage to rest up and have the pain lessen.

    @clutterqueen I'm really sorry to hear that - it must be so hard knowing about the Covid outbreak and not being able to do anything to keep it away from your mom's room. The good thing - and I know it doesn't sound particularly good - is that they actually know the other residents have Covid, so they're clearly testing people regularly and trying to get a handle on things. It would be worse if you didn't know if anyone had Covid, because they wouldn't be able to take measures to try to stop the spread.

    I suppose with Thanksgiving, it's as good a time as any to reflect on some of the good things, and put aside all the horrible stuff for a moment.
    • I'm thankful that I've finally started to take my health seriously, and I am making progress every day into better understanding and appreciating myself.
    • I've started volunteering online and it gives me a real sense of satisfaction, whilst also confronting my self-esteem issues of being recorded on camera and improving my communication skills. I'm helping people and also helping myself, which is a win-win scenario.
    • I have a plan for things I can do to win people over at work, and I do much better when I have fixed, meaningful goals to tick off.
    • Two of my dear friends just escaped redundancy, and I'm so thrilled for them that they can put aside that financial worry and focus on their families.
    • I'm thankful for every day that my loved ones are safe, and still fighting their way through this pandemic.
    • I'm so incredibly thankful that one of my friends beat the Big C and he's still here.
    • I'm also very grateful for the mutual support I've found on this thread. Sometimes having people tell me I'm capable of picking myself up and carrying on is just the little nudge I need to summon enough determination.

    Happy holidays, all!
  • GabiV125GabiV125 Member Posts: 2,097 Member Member Posts: 2,097 Member
    @thelastnightingale - would be nice to switch to preserve mode when tired, but I’m afraid most people don’t. I get overly talkative and dramatic- see my last post. 5 hours is not a lot, but after a string of bad nights they make you feel like you landed on the moon. I hope next time you get more, like 7 or so.
    I absolutely love your thankful reasons list and would need to dig deep for a similar one.
    To make the list is one the advices I see everywhere for bringing us in the moment, out of the sadness and more, but never started it.

    I had a good and quiet day today-moderate lunch, one drink, one desert and several hours around a new puzzle with my girls.
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 1,150 Member Member Posts: 1,150 Member
    @thelastnightingale I like your list of things you are thankful for. What is it you do when you volunteer online? I think volunteering is very gratifying. Haven’t done much of that in a while. Online sounds interesting.

    I’m thankful for my online friends here too who help me get back of track when I’ve gotten off track. I went over by about 50 calories today. I didn’t change my calories to maintenance to have more wiggle room, maybe at Christmas. At this point, practicing getting back on track after going over is too important a skill I need.

    @GabiV125 Sounds like a perfect day to me! We had a relaxing day here. Didn’t even make a Turkey, just some sides.

    Exercise: ✅
    Tracked: ✅
    Under: ❌ over by about 50
  • thelastnightingalethelastnightingale Member, Premium Posts: 602 Member Member, Premium Posts: 602 Member
    @clutterqueen I'm doing a lot of work with schools at the moment to help high schoolers learn how to run a business and to also deliver career talks. I did do this sporadically pre-pandemic, but all the schools here have started using videoconferencing technology now, which means I'm able to volunteer online, and actually, volunteer in parts of the UK I wouldn't have travelled to before, because I previously only agreed to see schools that were within an hour of where I live. Silver linings!

    The teachers I have been working with are amazing. I cannot believe how friendly and upbeat they are in the face of having to educate all their pupils in person! They are absolute heroes.

    A lot of the volunteer work I usually do has been stopped due to the pandemic (mostly to protect the volunteers), so it's nice to still have something nice I can do. The high schoolers get a lot out of it.

    I am thinking about Christmas too, and how I am going to handle that. I suppose Thanksgiving is in a way, a trial run for what always turns into several weeks of people wanting to overindulge in December. I've found getting back on track is really hard, but what helps me is trying to get more sleep (it helps better regulate my appetite) and committing to myself to posting here. If I fall off the wagon and I stop talking to people about what I'm doing, then I start to spiral. If I admit out loud (or written down) that I've eaten too much, I feel more determined to sort myself out, because I want to then be able to tell you all that I've done that.

    @GabiV125 It can be exhausting trying to dig deep, but if you can make the time, it does make you feel better/more positive. There's just so much bad stuff happening right now that you have to really concentrate to remember what you're actually thankful for.

    I agree with @clutterqueen - sounds like a lovely, relaxing, low-key day! Glad you're all getting some family time. You don't have to be doing anything interesting or energetic - just being under the same roof and getting to exchange a hug or do is pretty much an ideal holiday. Hopey you all feel recharged after that.

    6 and a quarter... I'm inching closer to that magic 7! I'm going to force myself to get between 7 and 8 at the weekend. If I wake up early, I'm forcing myself back to sleep, and I'm going to try not to have a lie-in. The key I think is going to be to try to train myself to have a similar amount of sleep every day.

    @angelexperiment How was your Thanksgiving? :)
    edited November 2020
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 1,150 Member Member Posts: 1,150 Member
    I thought I had posted last night, but I guess I didn’t. At least I was back on track with being under calories yesterday after indulging on Thanksgiving. It was harder today to stay on track than yesterday. Not boding well. Sunday’s are always tough for me
    @thelastnightingale I’m glad you are able to get a little more sleep. Your volunteering is very admirable. It sounds like you are really able to connect with high schoolers and make a difference! That’s a real gift you have!

    Lazy day here for me ( or at least it was after I finished my weights and then cycling 21 miles on my spin bike).

    Exercise: ✅
    Tracked: ✅
    Under: ✅
  • GabiV125GabiV125 Member Posts: 2,097 Member Member Posts: 2,097 Member
    Hello- I looked at my last 4 days as planned and I overate in 2 but exercised the other 2 and sleep was after the same pattern -2 off. The scale stayed unmoved the last 5 days, weirdly.
    For me this was the first holiday when I can truly say I worked on bringing my head in the game. I’m sure I learned something and for Christmas I will try to apply my new wisdom 😁
    I know there is no horse, but still, let’s trot some.
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 1,150 Member Member Posts: 1,150 Member
    @GabiV125 That’s a victory, not gaining weight over Thanksgiving! Well done!

    I’m still feeling an overwhelming urge to eat again today! I barely stayed under yesterday and I just ate a protein bar to try to up my protein today to see if that helps. I think it has more to do with awaiting Covid test results for Mom and the significance of tomorrow’s date. Nov 30 marks 10 years since my father passed away. Still miss him so much. Tomorrow I plan to eat some of my Dad’s favorites( will go over on calories, but it’s planned so I don’t feel bad), as well as take stuff to Ronald McDonald House, in his honor. He was always helping others. I used to regularly donate supplies and snacks to Ronald McDonald House in Durham, but since we’ve moved to TN I’ve been slack. I used to take bags to of groceries to the food banks at the local universities when I lived in NC but have yet to get back in that habit. I need to start doing that again as well. When we help others, we feel like we are helping to make a difference. When I was a teacher, my job was part teacher, part social worker. So I got clothes, winter coats, back packs, school supplies and even medicine for those in need. Being home, isolated from others, I’m not feeling the joy of contributing, making a difference. Oh sure, I contribute to GoFundMe campaigns for babies in need of medical care, or different research foundations for health issues, but it’s not a physical contribution I’m making. I’m not meeting anyone I’m trying to help. It’s tough because right now, I can barely stand to go to the grocery. I already have the stuff to take to RMH; I went to Costco before thanksgiving. I can still send stuff thru Amazon. I even did that for RMH in Durham when they’d let me know of specific stuff they needed and it was cheaper to get thru Amazon. The other issue is since I’m no longer working, I have no income. So it’s hard to be as generous when it’s not MY hard earned money I’m giving away.
    Anyway, I think I was just working thru some stuff here. Thanks for letting me ramble....

  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 1,150 Member Member Posts: 1,150 Member
    Made it thru the day without going over. Phew! Tomorrow I will go over though. I still think it’s important to have planned days to go over to practice getting back on track the very next day. Still hard for me!

    Exercise: ✅
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    Under: ✅
  • GabiV125GabiV125 Member Posts: 2,097 Member Member Posts: 2,097 Member
    @clutterqueen - lots of hugs to you today. Mourn your loss and celebrate the good memories in any way it makes you feel closer to your father. I hope your mom gets negative test results.
  • thelastnightingalethelastnightingale Member, Premium Posts: 602 Member Member, Premium Posts: 602 Member
    @clutterqueen Well done on getting through the day. Getting back on track can be hard, but we know you can do it. You're so focussed and determined and you want this enough to make yourself do it. We know you've got this.

    Something I will say as a serial volunteer... It's OK to take a break (whether temporary or permanent) from helping strangers and/or donating money to charities. Just because you've been amazing in the past doesn't mean you have to keep that up if your circumstances change. It's OK to pass the baton onto other people, and for them to pick up the slack.

    I hope you've had an easy day full of fond memories of a very special man. Time doesn't make the loss any easier, it only gives you more practice at pretending that it is. Here's to your dad. And to you, for that matter - I'm sure he would be proud of his legacy.
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 1,150 Member Member Posts: 1,150 Member
    @GabV125 Thank you for your kind words! I made the trip to Ronald McDonald House today and they were very glad to get the supplies. Made my heart happy. Then one of the cops who lives in our neighborhood was telling my husband the other day how unappreciated and actually hated he feels as a cop. His girlfriend is a nurse in the local hospital. So I decided to bake some chocolate chip cookies for them today to show some appreciation for their service.
    Made me feel better!

    Had my annual physical and blood work this morning. The Dr asked me how I’ve managed to lose weight and keep it off during a pandemic. When I went to see my acupuncturist, who is also an MD, a couple of months ago, he said he couldn’t believe how much muscle I have. Made me feel good... for my age at least.

    @thelastnightingale I appreciate your thoughts on volunteering. I used to go a little overboard on volunteering at times. When my girls were little and I was taking a break from teaching, the principal at their school offered me a job. She said I was there all the time anyway- I may as well get paid for it!
    As things are now,I will probably wait until the pandemic is over to do much hands on.

    Thank you for the sweet encouraging words about my Dad being proud. My husband tells me often how proud my father was of me. It’s funny, because I don’t see much to be proud of accomplishment wise. Not these days anyway. Not feeling sorry for myself, just being honest. My husband says it’s not about accomplishment but who you are as a person.

    So all in all, it’s been a nice day. I put up our Christmas tree and decorated it while listening to Christmas music We even had our first snow flurries of the season this afternoon and evening. Beautiful!

    Tomorrow is December 1st! Happy December Everyone!

    @Kcd394 Are you doing okay???

    ****By the way, we got through our first holiday together, I think it’s time I share my name, other than just Clutterqueen. My name is Barb V. Happy to call you all my friends!
  • GabiV125GabiV125 Member Posts: 2,097 Member Member Posts: 2,097 Member
    Hi Barb V, Gabi V here ( and the numbers are my birthday-not very imaginative, right?) . I had my Fitbit for years and never been on their forums and then MFP, easily close to 2 years until I stepped in. I’m saying this because I treated the naming as a step that was slowing me down from logging in , so I can start losing.

    Glad your day turned out well, and you got the sense of peace after going to Ronald McDonald’s House. I agree with your husband and @thelastnightingale, your dad would be proud - seriously, we are proud. I read more than once the past posts here, when I fell like laying down, all the way down.
    Nice job at the doctor, that sounds fantastic, for the ones telling you to be healthy, to be impressed how seriously you take your health!

    @thelastnightingale - it’s amazing to me when I hear what very creative solutions to problems, were found in pandemic - like your online volunteering. My kids are not little, and I know that I have no idea how hard must be for parents of little kids, but we have worries too. My oldest graduates college in May and she is doing that last “mile”, from distance, worrying about near future. Last 6 months were the busiest, but also we had the most fun.
    And you chose to talk to them, the almost adults, who have million questions and no idea how to ask them, and help them . Pretty awesome!
    @kcd394 - how are you, how do you feel?
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