Wrong answers ONLY!

nossmf

Mold on cheese is the ultimate in 100% sustainable food production. Scrape off the mold today, being sure to leave just a little behind, for your recipes; and when you come back tomorrow, the mold will have regrown. A constant source of food without having to go grocery shopping. Score!

I recently cut out cable and home phone from my monthly budget, and have survived just fine while saving money. What should be the next unnecessary bill I cut out of my life?

Cat0703a

As @cmsienk has proved, it is possible to live without heating or laundry machines so I suggest one of those two items could be cut easily. Just ask her for recommendations on how to keep warm and clothes laundered.

Since it looks like I'm going into a second career as a tattoo artist (thanks @frankwbrown for the suggestion), I figure I should probably get one myself first. 😂 What should my first tattoo be and where is the best place on my body for best visibility?

cmsienk

I'd go with middle of your forehead for best visiblity. Now as to what you should get ... may I suggest a picture of one of your favorites?

I have a client who continually books me for a job and then cancels at the last minute. Can anyone think of a non-violent way to retaliate?

frankwbrown

Good choice, @Cat0703a. @cmsienk's suggestion for a tattoo is an excellent one, focusing as it does on one of your favourite foods, and it will certainly get you noticed, which is important for tattoo artists. But I can offer an alternative, if for some odd reason her suggestion doesn't suit you. In my experience, tattoo artists generally have a lot of tattoos. I think there's an inherent need to have more tattoos than any of your clients. And a good tattoo would say something about who you are. So my suggestion is: get a full body tattoo, of yourself.

cmsienk wrote: »

I'd go with middle of your forehead for best visiblity. Now as to what you should get ... may I suggest a picture of one of your favorites?

I have a client who continually books me for a job and then cancels at the last minute. Can anyone think of a non-violent way to retaliate?

Does it have to be non-violent? Would you consider a water balloon in the face accompanied by sardonic laughter to be violent?

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I've been exercising a lot, but I can't help wonder if I should step up my game in this new year. How can one get sufficient sustenance and sleep while maximizing one's daily exercise?

cmsienk

The obvious answer is to eat and exercise while you sleep! To do this, you'll need to learn how to sleep standing up I think. I suggest all cold meals so as not to burn yourself and be careful when lifting weights above 5 lbs.

I'm off to donate some books to the library. Unless someone has a better suggestion of where to donate them...

nossmf

This is an interesting dilemma, especially since I don't know what job is being booked: catering, massage, flower bed maintenance, funeral casket sizing, or personal tattoo lessons. My brain bounced around a couple silly ideas like demanding 10% payment at time of booking (non-refundable), but then I latched onto a truly no-brainer idea instead: tie a string around your client's pinkie finger. Every time your client looks at his/her hand, the memory of your upcoming appointment will be renewed, and your client won't be able to wait until the date is at hand.

I came up with my answer to a previous post while sitting through a particularly painful meeting, but by the time I actually got to type it up I was beat to the punch. But hey, why not combine your dilemma of an abundance of books with your simultaneous dilemma of an absence of a reliable client by donating the books TO the client? Every night leave a new one on the doorstep of your client, wrapped in used Christmas paper and with a note reminding them of your next scheduled appointment. Keeps the spirit of the season alive AND keeps you in the thoughts of your client. Double whammy!

After almost three weeks away from work and sleeping in, my alarm clock this morning was quite rude in waking me up, and I've had to fight off sleep all day. What should I do different tomorrow to better stay awake?

Cat0703a

I think you should stay up all night just so you can say "take that, you nasty alarm clock, you" and then drink copious amounts of energy drinks.

Does anyone know if it will snow here later today? The weather forecasters here lately have been more miss than hit. P.s. it may be important to know I live in Canada.

nossmf

If you tune your radio to a non-local station frequency, there's a 100% chance of hearing audio snow (what some pundits call "static").

My son went to turn in his two-weeks notice to his boss the other day, and instead came home having been promoted to shift manager. Did he stumble upon the secret method of getting ahead in life?

cmsienk

Oh yes! I learned years ago to quit my job every chance I got. I started out in the mailroom at my current job and quit my way up to CEO in 4 months!

I decided not to go donate my books because it's so cold today, but now I have a dilemma. Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to pick up three cases of equipment before the library opens, but my car is full of books. Any ideas on a solution?

frankwbrown

Buy a new car. Sell the old car with the books in it. The "value add" of the old books should fetch a price that will allow you to buy an even fancier car than you currently have.

I'm wanting something good for dinner, but I can't decide what. What would you recommend?

sandejones

Homemade Buffalo wings and a warm beer to wash it down. You first need to source a buffalo with wings . They are few and far between. If you can't find buffalo wings , you could change to fish fingers. Also a challenge but achievable in todays times of global warming and toxins in the air and oceans . Make sure beer is at room temperature by leaving in front of a heating system or stove that you are using for cooking.

#8 on my bucket list is to go on a motorbike for a ride Who should I approach?

cmsienk

I recommend approaching a member of the Hells Angels motorcycle club. (I just read the 20 rules to be a member and learned there's no apostrophe in Hells.) As a matter of fact, I think you should just walk right up to one of the guys (only guys can be in the club) and ask to borrow his Harley. He won't mind - he'll probably hand it - and his black leather vest- right over to you.

Since my next job just canceled, I find myself with extra time on my hands. What small project should I take on to keep myself occupied?

s1im62

Re-roofing your home as a DIY project is the perfect small-scale task to keep yourself busy for a few days. Just be sure to verify that your homeowners insurance is fully paid up first, and that the water-damage coverage will be sufficient in case you don't get the job done before the next rain storm. But don't worry about it much. Insurance companies love paying claims for that sort of thing.

What is a DIY project you've done that you'd recommend other MFP members also try for themselves?

nossmf

Ripping the guts out of toilets. Most people reach for a plunger when their toilet clogs up, but the real home owners among us instead know the problem is actually the inner mechanism in the tank. Those so-called "professionals" who installed the toilet in your home didn't take the time to personalize the inner moving parts, they only bought from an impersonal warehouse. Show your family how much you love them by buying a replacement kit and then customizing it for YOUR family, measuring and cutting the hose with improvised cutting implements in your home, screwing bolts in place using keys, using playdough instead of plumber's putty to seal any leaks, and voila! Your new toilet will work so well you won't want anybody to dirty it by actually using it, and instead it will become a showcase for showing off to all your neighbors, who will know about your newfound repair acumen when your kids ask to use their toilets instead.

When I got to work this morning, the parking lot was empty. I discovered upon sitting at my desk that the company told everybody but me to report late for work due to last night's winter storm. What should I do while waiting for everybody else to arrive?

cmsienk

Decorate their desks! You have fancy streamers and bows with you, right? Maybe some balloons? How about permanent markers or paint? Feel free to rifle through their drawers, looking for colorful post-it notes or stickers they might have that you could add to each person's work area. Make each one a little different; go ahead and dream up a fancy nickname for each coworker and write it prominently on his or her desk. Don't forget to sign your work! Maybe add a personal note, letting each co-worker know what skills you have that are better than theirs. People love that!

Tell me about something you bought from an estate sale.

nossmf

An e-state sale, or "Electronic Statement" sale for those familiar with the parlance, is a subsection of Ebay where they specifically market the rights and privileges to familiar sayings, such as "A penny saved is a penny earned." I bought the rights to that saying over Christmas break; now every time somebody says or types it, they have to send me a penny. According to the website, my initial outlay of $10,000 should return a ten-fold profit within the first three months of the new year. I can anticipate my first royalty payment on the fifteenth of each month. I've already placed an order for new furniture with the money due me, payable upon delivery two weeks from now. You should look it up and claim the rights to your favorite saying now, before somebody else does.

My daughter is a high school junior, starting to ask herself (and me) what she should do following graduation. What advice should I give her?

J_NY_Z

nossmf wrote: »

My daughter is a high school junior, starting to ask herself (and me) what she should do following graduation. What advice should I give her?

I would say that there is no reason to graduate. Drop out now, go live in a van and live stream all your travels for money and invest in NFTs.


My finger hurts. What to do?

frankwbrown

Do you really need it? Would you miss it if you chopped it off? I imagine you have plenty of other fingers, unless you've used this remedy numerous times already. If that's the case, I suggest smashing all remaining fingers so they all hurt equally. Then you won't notice the pain coming from just the one finger.

I have big feet. What can I do about that?

sandejones

Refer back to your answer. Would you miss your toes if they were chopped off. Are they really needed. It's not as if you need them to grasp things or to hang from branches.

When ever my husband eats crisps , it sounds , actually there are no words. The noise is loud.How do I fix this.

frankwbrown

Does your husband need his teeth? If he had no teeth, would he still eat crisps? If he didn't eat crisps, would there be that sound? The solution seems simple. 😂

Can you think of some use for spare body parts, like fingers, toes and teeth?

Cat0703a

Besides the usual Halloween displays, garden fertilizer, and science class projects? How about donating those to the Monkeys Missing Pieces charity program where these items are transplanted on poor primates missing their fingers, toes, and teeth?

I think I got 8 phone calls, 1 teams call, 50 some odd emails, and more than I can count texts/messages today on my day off. What do you think is fair compensation for my time?

ETA: add two more texts since I originally posted 😑

frankwbrown

Per your suggestion, I'll be contacting the Monkeys Missing Pieces charity to let them know I may be donating 10 toes in the near future (or maybe not so near future, maybe big feet aren't so bad). 😂

I suggest a sliding scale, where you share 50/50, with each person who contacted you today, the combined official compensations for today for the two of you. Since it's your day off, your official compensation for today is zero. So, if you helped someone who made $200 today, then each of you get ($200 + $0) / 2 = $100. If you helped someone who made $2,000 today, then each of you get ($2,000 + $0) / 2 = $1,000. Your compensation will be the sum of all income so derived; the more people that contact you, the more you are compensated. That seems reasonable. Over time, you may find that you get fewer interruptions on your day off.

What's the best way to fall asleep quickly?

s1im62

Alcohol combined with narcotics is the surest way. You'll sleep so soundly that you might never wake up! Okay, maybe not the best if you do want to wake up in the morning, but definitely the surest!!

I need to sterilize some jars before storing some food. What is the right way to sterilize jars so the stored food will last longer?

Cat0703a

A Lysol wipe. For added safety, once you wiped out the jar and placed the food in it, you can place a fresh wipe across the opening to the jar before sealing the lid on.

I’m going to a steakhouse for dinner and there aren’t many low calorie options on the menu. What should I do?

nossmf

Supply your own menu. Borrow a menu from your favorite low-calorie eating establishment, laminate it, and carry it with you everywhere you go. If you sit down somewhere and are not impressed with the available food offerings, pull out your own menu filled with food you do enjoy and demand the restaurant cater to your desires, because after all, A) The Customer Is Always Right, and B.) This Food Option Is On The Menu.

My company does not allow personal cell phones in the building, so we have to leave them in our cars where they are subject to temperature extremes, either burning up or freezing all day, which can't be good for the battery. Any suggestions how to better take care of my cell phone while I'm at work?

sandejones

Put it in a flask. Cold water in summer and hot water in winter. It will keep it's temperature for hours.

I live down heaps of steps. And my hip and knee are bad. What is a good solution so I can still go out.

cmsienk

Install a toboggan run next to your stairway... with an individual chair lift for the return trip up of course! Don't worry about costs or permits - you'll be the hit of the neighborhood.

The low will be -2F here Monday night. Since I've already re-roofed my house and loaded up on extra sterno cans for heat, I'm planning a low-key evening. Can anybody recommend a good series to binge?

nossmf

I had just completed an entire writeup about creating a network of underground tunnels when @cmsienk beat me to the punch. But her answer includes pictures, and a picture is worth a thousand words, so no hard feelings, your answer is clearly longer than mine.

As far as a series to binge, I recommend Groundhog Day and its sequel, Groundhog Day, which was a big hit in theaters when it was released twenty years after the original (true story). There are rumors of a third installment, Groundhog Day, but nobody seems to agree what is going to happen in the story.

My kids and I are going to have breakfast for dinner tonight (pancakes, French toast, etc). Is it equally acceptable to have dinner for breakfast tomorrow?

frankwbrown

Some people will no doubt want to suggest a series like Ted Lasso, Foundation, etc. There are many other critically acclaimed series to choose from as well. But don't fall for that. Binge watch something unexpected, like...

The weather channel. It's dramatic, it's informative, it's constantly changing, you never know what will happen next, and there are many versions being filmed concurrently across the country (even the world). And best of all, there'll be no abrupt end to the series (hopefully). If that's too much excitement, there are reality shows too numerous to mention, not to mention choose between. (I typically put each new reality show I hear about on a special "bucket list", so that, some day, when there's absolutely nothing else going on in the universe, I can binge watch them all.)

What should I have with my second Eliot's Espresso Nib Peanut Butter sandwich?

frankwbrown

nossmf wrote: »

I had just completed an entire writeup about creating a network of underground tunnels when @cmsienk beat me to the punch. But her answer includes pictures, and a picture is worth a thousand words, so no hard feelings, your answer is clearly longer than mine.

As far as a series to binge, I recommend Groundhog Day and its sequel, Groundhog Day, which was a big hit in theaters when it was released twenty years after the original (true story). There are rumors of a third installment, Groundhog Day, but nobody seems to agree what is going to happen in the story.

My kids and I are going to have breakfast for dinner tonight (pancakes, French toast, etc). Is it equally acceptable to have dinner for breakfast tomorrow?

(and you in turn beat me to the punch!)

I don't recommend that. You'd likely hurt Lunch's feelings if you did that. I suggest you have Lunch for Breakfast and then Dinner for Lunch. (this assumes you do not eat 2nd breakfast, elevensies, etc., in which case it would be an entirely different story)


What should I have with my second Eliot's Espresso Nib Peanut Butter sandwich?