WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JUNE 2022
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Rori- Great pic! Are these the friends that you went to the concert with? I think you have a pic on facebook and you are wearing a green dress (you look stunning, by the way).
KJ: Thank you! Yes. I met these gals in high school, then reconnected on FB less than a year ago. My affinity to be find and keep girlfriends is strong. I actually could use more male friendships. This photo was taken at Red Rocks Ampitheatre just before the concert by Chicago and Brian Wilson. I get to work at this amazing venue a couple times a week. My friends who drove 11 hours from Montana for this experience, were gobsmacked by the music, beauty and positive vibes here. We had a super-fun time and we are already talking about our next get-together this September when I'll go up to visit them.[/spoiler]
Machka: You are a hero in my book. I hope you continue to find the peace and beauty of your beach and bike rides and Rhody walks enough to carry you through the stresses. I well remember the frustration of feeling 'trapped" in caregiver hell. I was a frequent traveler for years prior to retirement and the switch to being homebound 24/7 was a huge dark cloud over my life. ((hugs)) Stay strong. This isn't forever and one day you will look back on this chapter and smile.
SueBDew: Good to see you. Bookmark our page and come on back.
Debbie: ((hugs)) to you and your DH. I agree with others who have recommended hospice for your MIL. They also offer ancillary support to the family of loved ones in transition. It might help your DH to talk with their social worker or chaplain.
KarenVA: You already know I am a Reiki practitioner and have been lucky to live without any Rx for most of my life. No superpowers needed, just a gut level belief that everything we need to be well is available to us now. I can't express how much early morning meditation has meant to my life. I use the guided meditations on the app Insight Timer. And then there is music. Empowering, girl-power music played in my earphones up loud. Think Sia, Pink, Shakira or Linda Ronstadt.
Any hockey fans here? Me either, but I do cheer on my local Colorado Avalanche who are in the Stanley Cup playoffs right now. Go Avs!!!
Stay well friends. We can do this.
Rori
Colorado Foothills
As of now, she isn't ready for Hospice care. They feel when she gets over the UTI and off the norco (for broken bones in hand/wrist and broken ribs) things will be a lot better. We will see how this next week goes. We are ok with hospice but don't think we are there yet(we are)
I am spending tomorrow night and possible Wed. night over there with her. Not wanting two nights in a row but need to wait and see. Tomorrow is the most important one. Dh can't call in to work again.
Debbie6 -
Katie Bug - thinking of you, with the loss of your dad. No matter how ready, the loss is always hard, sending you hugs, and thoughts of peace to you, and your mom.
Kim in N. California4 -
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KetoneKaren wrote: »Please, anyone that is willing, to share thoughts/opinions about antidepressants - have they actually helped any of you with anxiety, depression, inertia, follow-through, sleep, etc.? I have been feeling so low for over 6 months now, and I have so very much to do to purge our house, give away most of our belongings, etc. Major downsizing and a move in the offing, and I cannot see through the fog...
Karen in Virginia
Karen - I have been on Wellbutrin off and on since 2013. My doctor and I decided a few weeks ago that I will just stay on these for some time to come. They make me feel better. I am not as angry as I was and I am able to deal better with things.
I recommend that anyone suffering should try. It’s all in how our brain is wired and it just needs some assistance according to my doctor.
Tracey5 -
drkatiebug wrote: »Have been following the anti-depressant comments with interest. I opted against medication at the moment but will revisit if necessary. I’m going to concentrate on exercise and sleep for right now.
My father finally got his prayers answered this morning when he “went home.” Prayers for us to get through the next few days, then I can concentrate on that sleep and exercise. Maybe even take my mama on a little road trip. We shall see. He lived a rich and full life, pretty healthy for most of his 93 years.
93 years is a good long life.
Hugs ((( ))) 2 -
Snowflake1968 wrote: »KetoneKaren wrote: »Please, anyone that is willing, to share thoughts/opinions about antidepressants - have they actually helped any of you with anxiety, depression, inertia, follow-through, sleep, etc.? I have been feeling so low for over 6 months now, and I have so very much to do to purge our house, give away most of our belongings, etc. Major downsizing and a move in the offing, and I cannot see through the fog...
Karen in Virginia
Karen - I have been on Wellbutrin off and on since 2013. My doctor and I decided a few weeks ago that I will just stay on these for some time to come. They make me feel better. I am not as angry as I was and I am able to deal better with things.
I recommend that anyone suffering should try. It’s all in how our brain is wired and it just needs some assistance according to my doctor.
Tracey
That's what my doctors have told me too.
Plus my antidepressant is also supposed to reduce hot flashes. I've gone from numerous hot flashes each day (about every 15 min) to about 3 a day. Some days I might only have 1!!
I was thinking too about the answer to the question, "Does it work?"
With vitamins and minerals, for example, we don't feel them working but we might notice if we're deficient.
With the type of antidepressant I'm on, I don't know that I necessarily feel it working. I don't feel full of energy and all happy and joyous. I don't wake up in the morning and leap out of bed ready to take on the day ... especially if I get less than 7 hours of sleep. I still feel sad at times. I still have meltdowns now and then. I still get frustrated and stuck on decisions etc. So if I were expecting that the antidepressant would swing me around to the happy, energetic side of things, I would be disappointed.
But I do feel calmer and more like I can handle things in a rational way.
In my situation, for example, a lot of anger, numerous meltdowns and heightened emotions would be very detrimental to my husband and me, and our relationship. Calmness is better.
M in Oz
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Good morning all. So much good feedback on how to deal with the very real issue of depression. I’m fortunate that it’s not something that I have had to deal with personally, but I do feel for those of us who have been pushed to the edge by the the stresses and strains of modern living. I do agree with Tracey and her doctor that “It’s all in how our brain is wired and it just needs some assistance.”
SueB: Good to see you posting again.
Heather: I well remember the perks of being in a suite. Enjoy every minute.
Pip: Good to know that Yogi's on the mend.
Dr Katie: Sincere condolences, 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 And (((Hugs))) for your family in the days ahead. Celebrate your dad’s long, rich, full life and cherish your memories. 💕💖💕
Must dash! DYD has just rung to ask if I will get her some milk and and pick up dog food from the vet. She has Covid and is isolating.
🥳🎉 Cheers to all those celebrating.
Virtual (((hugs))) and 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 for those who need them.
🙋♀️ Miele failte to the newbies.
☘️ Terri
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Karen- Did you ever read THE WAY OF INTEGRITY that I recommended, by Martha Beck? She reminds us that we so often fit into our culture, when we need to follow our true nature. Depression, which plagued me most of my life, is just that. We need to turn to our true selves.
When I read about the lives and burdens so many of this thread have, it is no wonder depression stalks. It is a perfectly natural response to a very difficult life. It doesn't have to be that way.
I highly recommend that book as a jumping off point.
There is nothing wrong with us. We have more choices than we think. We don't have to be 'good' girls.
Sending love to all. May we all have peace.
Love Heather UK xxxxxx5 -
Dr Katie Bug- my deepest condolences.. even at the ripe old age of 93 losing a parent is hard .my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Slept like a rock on the new bed,so did Alfie lol
Dan boards in about 15 min.
That crazy kid had me up at 3 this morning and out the door by 3:15 to get up to the airport for a 7 am flight.. not say he was excited or anything lol.
I came back home and went back to sleep for an hour. Now to go take care of the not so little guy..4 -
Kay- (((sending hugs))) for the loss of your dad. 93 years is a remarkable lifetime! Peace and comfort to you and your famiy. 0
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cityjaneLondon wrote: »Karen- Did you ever read THE WAY OF INTEGRITY that I recommended, by Martha Beck? She reminds us that we so often fit into our culture, when we need to follow our true nature. Depression, which plagued me most of my life, is just that. We need to turn to our true selves.
When I read about the lives and burdens so many of this thread have, it is no wonder depression stalks. It is a perfectly natural response to a very difficult life. It doesn't have to be that way.
I highly recommend that book as a jumping off point.
There is nothing wrong with us. We have more choices than we think. We don't have to be 'good' girls.
Sending love to all. May we all have peace.
Love Heather UK xxxxxx
Sometimes the choices we are currently making are the best ones for us ... even if it doesn't seem that way to distant viewers who only see small snippets of our lives.
Sure ... I've got choices. I could walk away from my husband. Life would be easier for me. It would likely be more relaxing and more fun. I could focus on me and enjoying my life.
But that's not who I am.
M in Oz8 -
Kay-Hugs and prayers. Share those wonderful memories with each other.
❤
Kylia greeting the day in Ohio2 -
LisaInArkansas wrote: »Machka - Worrying about you, with two meltdowns in recent weeks (whether for good reason or not, still worrying). Could you ask the kids to come to stay for a week or so and take care of your DH while you take a nice long break?
Later, y'all,
Love,
Lisa
I'm worried about me too. I'll know more next week.I do a lot of box breathing and it does seem to lower my BP a bit.
Breathe in to a count of 4.
Hold for a count of 4.
Breathe out to a count of 4.
Hold for a count of 4.
The month started with me leaving my phone on the bus and having to put my cards on hold. I got the phone back 3 days later, but it took about a week to regain access to most things, except my bank card and phone internet access. I think my bank card should be OK now - I had to get a new one! I was in the bank yesterday trying to get it to work. If it is OK, I can set my phone internet access back up again.
Meanwhile I've been pulling everything off OneDrive and have been tightening the security on other things.
All the while being out at work 4 days a week, 10 hours a day and producing large legal documents in the evenings.
But wait, there's more.
I've also been for a lot of blood tests, an ultrasound, a glucose tolerance test and an MRI this month. I've had three doctor's appointments, and another one next week and have referrals to three specialists. It's all in an effort to chase something up that started with tingly feet. I'll know more next week.
Breathe in to a count of 4.
Hold for a count of 4.
Breathe out to a count of 4.
Hold for a count of 4.
Machka in Oz
OK, so the story of meltdown #2 this month ...
I've been having issues with my feet and legs so I went to my doctor and was sent for a blood test which showed some rather abnormal numbers for my liver (and kidneys).
Then I was sent for an ultrasound of my liver (and kidneys). My liver came back slightly enlarged, but not enough to cause worry.
My kidneys came back with "Simple cyst left kidney. Mild renal cortical thinning bilaterally in keeping with chronic kidney disease".
The cyst, incidentally, has grown quite a bit over the years. It's now 4 cm in diameter. A kidney is roughly 10-12 cm long. I'm being referred to a specialist about that.
But the other part of that result had me concerned. Since when did I have chronic kidney disease?? I have an issue with kidney stones but ... ... and it would explain the issues with my feet and legs.
One of the main causes of chronic kidney disease is diabetes, and my blood sugar numbers were borderline, so then I was sent for the glucose tolerance test. Plus other tests.
I was not happy.
Today I got the results. Yes, I do have slightly damaged kidneys and will have to have them checked each year. Yes, they will likely gradually get worse. But right now, they're OK (although I do think I've got a kidney stone or two, but that's not unusual). And it would be a good idea to exercise more, eat a somewhat healthier diet, and lose weight.
Yes, I do have borderline fasting blood sugar, but then my body seems to handle sugar well, so I don't have diabetes and am not even close to it. But it could happen as I get older, so it would be a good idea to exercise more, eat a somewhat healthier diet, and lose weight.
The MRI of my back came back good.
So ... what's wrong with my feet and legs? We're now looking at compartment syndrome.
Machka in Oz
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Kay, ((Hugs)) for you and your mom/family as you mourn the passing of your father.
Heather, I bought that book in November, but didn't read it. Reading is difficult for me. I used to be a voracious reader, but now I find it a chore. When I run across the book, I'll crack it open. Also, I am planning to look at the other resources that have been mentioned recently on this thread. Thanks for reminding me about that book. I do hope you are having fun on your trip!
Machka, You are a survivor. I especially admire and marvel at your resilience in a setting where you don't have much of a personal support system, and you have found your governmental "help" to be less than helpful many times. You were thrust into the caretaker role suddenly, without warning, and if you raged your way through some of it, it's no wonder.
Here are the kittens my son and DIL are fostering. The tiny one in the middle weighs only a few ounces.
Karen in Virginia
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DrKatiebug - Hugs!!
Okie in the TX Hill Country0 -
Well sleeping baby on my lap,and Dan is in flight as we speak..i hope he has a great time..
I did come back home and got another almost hour and a 1/2 of sleep4 -
DrKatiebug so sorry for your loss. 93 is a good long life. Take care of yourself.
Machka you have a heavy burden. You take care of yourself too!
Annie in Delaware0 -
Kay - sending hugs and strength to you and your mom. Sounds like your dad had a life well-lived.
Machka - I wish there was something I could do to help you in your situation. You have so many things on your plate right now. I'm glad you are able to get on your bikes and get some fresh air and exercise doing what you and your DH love to do.
Is there anyone who could help with some of your chores? For us, just having a cleaner come every couple weeks was a big relief. She's a delight, and having the house clean for even a couple days was such a lift for both of us. There might be something that's niggling at you that needs to be done, you don't have time for or the skills, or physical capacity right now. Just an idea.
Debbie - Also sending strength as you and your DH deal with your MIL.
I think this also refers to spouses as well.
Cleaner coming today, I haven't decided if I'll head out to shop and leave Rosie alone with her or find things to do here and stay outside/out of her hair as much as possible.
Making some headway, I think, on the gravel driveway. Neighbor and I will burn dead grass and then spray anything that sprouts in a few weeks. Friend Charlie said he'd then bring his tractor over and skim/level the existing gravel. Have a lead on someone who can add a topcoat if needed.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed to think of what all has to be done & caught up around here, but I take a deep breath and am grateful, it could have been so much worse. Grateful for all of those offering help. One day at a time.
HUGS all around, ladies.
Lanette
SW WA State where summer is officially here and we'll probably see temps in the 90's this weekend. I can't wait to complain about the heat, lol.
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Kay, so sorry for your loss Karen, Have you explored the option of audio books? I've found that I do better with non-fiction (like Heather's suggested book or the one I suggested) as audio rather than sitting down to read them. The other benefit of audio books is that you can listen while you do a chore. Other recommended books for dealing with life's challenges are the ones by Gretchen Rubin that deal with happiness, habit change, and clutter clearing ("Outer Order, Inner Calm")Allie, glad your son got off on his trip. With airports the way they are, it's always best to be there extra early. Glad you got more sleep when you got home. Barbie in NW WA 2
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Karen - That book truly changed my life. I listen to her podcasts as well. BEWILDERED. She also has a weekly Gathering Room on YouTube.
My darling DH garnered his courage and came with me to the Foxtrot lesson.
He has two left feet, but he does it for me and I actually think we did quite well.
I woke up with a stiff knee this morning, but it isn't any worse now. I think it was the twisting on the line dancing. When I go this afternoon, I will wear my ballroom shoes which slide.
Tonight is formal night, so I will be wearing my new glittery cape.
One funny thing is, that normal wine in the dining room is included, but fancy champagne and posh wines are not -you have to pay. However, the posh wines are free to our posh suite, so we just order it for our room and the butler takes it down to the dining room for us.
Mid afternoon we have a lecture on Reykjavik.
Love to all. Heather in the North Atlantic with a heavy swell!
Xxxxxx9 -
SophieRosieMom wrote: »Kay - sending hugs and strength to you and your mom. Sounds like your dad had a life well-lived.
Machka - I wish there was something I could do to help you in your situation. You have so many things on your plate right now. I'm glad you are able to get on your bikes and get some fresh air and exercise doing what you and your DH love to do.
Is there anyone who could help with some of your chores? For us, just having a cleaner come every couple weeks was a big relief. She's a delight, and having the house clean for even a couple days was such a lift for both of us. There might be something that's niggling at you that needs to be done, you don't have time for or the skills, or physical capacity right now. Just an idea.
Lanette
SW WA State where summer is officially here and we'll probably see temps in the 90's this weekend. I can't wait to complain about the heat, lol.
I would LOVE to get help. I've tried and tried to get help from the organisations here - not government organisations, we don't qualify for those, but Carer organisations subsidised by government funding and bolstered by volunteer organisations. I've made some discoveries along the way:
- it would take me longer to fill in the paperwork, have my husband assessed yet again (at a price - assessment of any sort aren't free), and jump through the hoops in order to have a volunteer come to vacuum my house even once ... than it would for me to vacuum the place myself several times.
- if I want the funding offered to carers (a whopping $65/week) in order to do things like hire my own housecleaner, I would have to have my husband assessed (again), and I would have to hand over ALL my financial information and control to our lives to the government body who has taken on the responsibility of doling out this "fortune" to carers. By "control of our lives", I mean that if we wanted to do something like travel ... we'd have to let them know all the details about the trip (where we're going, what we're doing and for how long) and forfeit the payment for the time we're away. I think I'd also have to report in every fortnight or something - sort of like unemployment insurance. I don't want $65/week that badly!! The more I looked at the application process and responsibilities, the more I wanted to set fire to the application package!!
- what I really want is a person to come in and help me organise my office space. That sort of thing is simply not available. I have hunted high and low. I have heard, "Oh sorry, we haven't even heard of anything like that so many times." There are very expensive professional organisers but they prefer me to hand over hundreds of dollars so that they can come in, have a look, and then send me a report on how to do the job. No one seems to want to come in and do it. I know how to do it. At one time in my life I was ultra-organised. But now I don't have the time. Oh well. Maybe one day I'll have the time.
M in Oz
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Katie - I hope you get to take that trip with your mum. Your dad was obviously well loved . 😍
Heather xxxxxxxx1 -
(((Kay and Family)))
When I moved all the furniture in my den two weeks ago, I think I injured my replaced knee (4 yrs ago). Now it hurts to bend it, sit up and down, and go down the stairs. Guess I'm going to have to go see my ortho dr.
Carol in GA10 -
I would LOVE to get help. I've tried and tried to get help from the organisations here - not government organisations, we don't qualify for those, but Carer organisations subsidised by government funding and bolstered by volunteer organisations. I've made some discoveries along the way:
- it would take me longer to fill in the paperwork, have my husband assessed yet again (at a price - assessment of any sort aren't free), and jump through the hoops in order to have a volunteer come to vacuum my house even once ... than it would for me to vacuum the place myself several times.
- if I want the funding offered to carers (a whopping $65/week) in order to do things like hire my own housecleaner, I would have to have my husband assessed (again), and I would have to hand over ALL my financial information and control to our lives to the government body who has taken on the responsibility of doling out this "fortune" to carers. By "control of our lives", I mean that if we wanted to do something like travel ... we'd have to let them know all the details about the trip (where we're going, what we're doing and for how long) and forfeit the payment for the time we're away. I think I'd also have to report in every fortnight or something - sort of like unemployment insurance. I don't want $65/week that badly!! The more I looked at the application process and responsibilities, the more I wanted to set fire to the application package!!
- what I really want is a person to come in and help me organise my office space. That sort of thing is simply not available. I have hunted high and low. I have heard, "Oh sorry, we haven't even heard of anything like that so many times." There are very expensive professional organisers but they prefer me to hand over hundreds of dollars so that they can come in, have a look, and then send me a report on how to do the job. No one seems to want to come in and do it. I know how to do it. At one time in my life I was ultra-organised. But now I don't have the time. Oh well. Maybe one day I'll have the time.
M in Oz
Machka - I found my cleaner at Walmart. In the refrigerated aisle. She was standing there trying to figure out how she'd get something off the top shelf. She's around 5'1". I asked her if I could reach something for her, and I did. We started to chat, I told her I was retired, she said she cleaned houses. And was a neighbor of one of my former co-workers. I got her number, and called Lauren when I got home. She got an A+ for being a decent human and having an ultra clean house herself, lol.
I swear it was a God thing. I think the Universe, God, or whoever supplies a response to a need, sometimes in unusual ways. I just had to recognize it and pounce.
I found our previous cleaner at the gas pump. She said she had to fill up all the time because some of her cleaning customers were so far away. We chatted, I got her number and called her references. Hired her and she worked for us a couple years. Sadly, had let her go because her personal problems interfered with her arriving on time, too much time on the cellphone, etc. etc. When she was here she did a great job.
Plus DH reported she propositioned him in an effort to get some extra $$. He still had 99% of his marbles back then and I believe he was telling the truth. He told her to tend to the cleaning business, and stay out of HIS business, lol.
So, if you haven't done so already, you might find someone by just "asking around". Water cooler chat. "Know anyone who wants to earn a little extra money doing ____."
I also have very little trust in agencies and "support" services and the people they send out.
Anyhow, again, just an idea.
Lanette7 -
M I hear you M. I tried to hire a dog walker for Drew. I thought it would be a win win. Social time for Drew and one less walk for me and helping neighbor's daughter with some extra cash.
Drew likes her but not to walk her. The last three walks when the door bell rang Drew cowered and did not want to go to the door. I realized I was spending more time and energy to make this work than it was being a help to me and Drew. Giving walker treats to give Drew. Trying to set a time to walk with both of them to see what was going on so Drew would want to walk with her.
When the walker called she never asked how Drew was doing she just what to know if I needed her to walk her.
Finally I just said give Drew's health problems I need to take over walking her full time.
Past Margaret would have put the dog walker feelings and needs ahead of herself and Drew ie I would still be trying to make it work when it isn't.
Lesson learned about hail damage to car. After getting run around with insurance finally realized need to set up time with adjuster and place where I wil get my car fixed. Once I knew what to do steps are falling into place. Now I just need adjuster to show up.
Past Margaret would have waited for the insurance to tell me the paper estimate the company gave me was set to adjuster and all would be fine. I would be waiting another week and no progress toward getting it fixed would be done.
Now this Margaret needs to be more patience with her self as the list of chores awaits. I need to break them down into reasonable chunks. Some one said it here. Focus on what I get done rather than on what isn't done.
I am reevaluting the friend that when I invited her to see my garden rather than focusing on my many flowers pointed out the weeds that need pulling. The painter who pointed out I need to do more decluttering if I am thinking of selling my house and using bleach to spruce up my patio. I did give that one a try and burned out some of my plants in the process.
Old Margaret would just keep trying to make this work. New Margaret is using her feet to walk away. Margaret
11 -
(((Kay and Family)))
When I moved all the furniture in my den two weeks ago, I think I injured my replaced knee (4 yrs ago). Now it hurts to bend it, sit up and down, and go down the stairs. Guess I'm going to have to go see my ortho dr.
Carol in GA
Carol - hugs! Hopefully just a pulled ligament or something that's taking it's time to heal. Sending you lots of good wishes!
Heather - I just went online to the library and Martha Beck's book is downloaded on my kindle and ready to read. I read Beck's "Expecting Adam" years ago and I still get shivers thinking about how she dealt with that pregnancy and turned what some considered to be a negative experience into a positive one, and how she gained strength and hope. Maybe it's time to reread it.
Lanette 2 -
Thanks Kylia, that's exactly it... disappointed.
Kay, I'm so very sorry for you, but "thrilled" for your father. God rest his precious soul. Sending love and prayers for comfort and peace for your family.
Back to work-Tuesday!
Carla, in MN3 -
My father and my DH both refused to have anything to do with Father's Day. Commercial nonsense they call it. I agree.
I don't mind my younger son giving me a card and a present though. For Mother's Day. My elder son believed me when I said I don't believe in it. 
I managed the line dancing with a dodgy knee and a swaying boat! GREAT fun
Met a single, solo traveller. Her husband died in a nursing home at the beginning of covid. Her only daughter died of cancer last year. She is 80 on Friday. She has met up with three other single ladies on the cruise and they are celebrating her birthday at one of the speciality restaurants.
Amazing!
Love Heather xxxxxxxx8
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