WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JULY2022

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  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,690 Member
    Poerava14 wrote: »
    Machka9 wrote: »
    cityjaneLondon wrote: »
    Machka - My heart goes out to you. You have lost your best friend. We all need a person in our lives with whom we can share our intimate thoughts. Our forbidden thoughts. Our angry, grief-filled thoughts. Our hopes. Our nightmares.
    A fortunate few have someone in our life who can do this for us. Many do not.
    In the late 90s I went to a grief counsellor. She was wonderful. Your grief and all the feelings you are dealing with and heroically keeping under are requiring enormous amounts of energy from you. Someone who can listen and hold that grief with you would be of enormous value.
    As Barbara said, you might not find the right person straight away.
    I send you all good wishes.

    Heather UK xxxxxx

    Thank you, Heather ...


    Evidently what I'm going through has a name: Ambiguous Grief or Ambiguous Loss ... but aside from knowing what it is, and doing a little reading, that's about as far as I've gotten.


    Ambiguous Grief: Grieving Someone Who Is Still Alive
    https://whatsyourgrief.com/ambiguous-grief-grieving-someone-who-is-still-alive/

    "there are times in life when someone we love becomes someone we barely recognize. The person is still physically with us, but psychologically they are gone. There are a range of reasons this can happen. Some of the most common are things like addiction, dementia, traumatic brain injuries, and mental illness. If you have never lived through loving someone in such a situation, this can be hard to understand. The person you love is still there, sometimes they ‘look’ sick, sometimes they don’t. But regardless of how they look, they do things they would never have done, they say things they would never have said, treat you in ways they never would have treated you, and they are not there for you in ways they previously were. This is sometimes referred to as “ambiguous grief” or “ambiguous loss”."

    https://www.ambiguousloss.com/

    "Everyone experiences ambiguous loss if only from breaking up with someone, or having aging parents or kids leaving home. As we learn from the people who must cope with the more catastrophic situations of ambiguous loss, we learn how to tolerate the ambiguity in our more common losses in everyday life."



    The constant, ongoing stress is also having a negative effect on my health ... every time my blood pressure goes up, it causes a little more damage to my kidneys.

    Machka in Oz

    Machka: I learned about ambiguous loss from my Dementia Social Worker. It was a profound 'aha' moment that I will never forget. She asked me to tell her about my support network, and my reply to her was 'You'. Eventually expanded that circle to include a paid caregiver and my nearby niece. Please keep affirming to yourself that there are people for YOU. I am one of them.

    Stay well friends. We can do this.

    Rori
    Colorado Foothills

    :heart:
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
    edited July 2022
    🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻.
  • TerriRichardson112
    TerriRichardson112 Posts: 19,149 Member
    Katla: I hope you get hubby home soon. It’s good that your children are taking the strain of you a little.
    Rori: That sounds like an equitable solution for both you and your new housemate.
    Heather: Bravo for reaching out, and clarifying your boundaries.
    Debbie: (((Hugs))) That MiL! Very manipulative woman.

    It’s very hot and muggy here at the minute. Hoping for a nice breeze when I go out into the garden.

    🥳🎉 Cheers to all those celebrating.
    Virtual (((hugs))) and 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 for those who need them.
    🙋‍♀️ Miele failte to the newbies.

    ☘️ Terri
  • kymarai
    kymarai Posts: 3,730 Member
    <3
  • LisaInArkansas
    LisaInArkansas Posts: 2,953 Member
    Good morning, afternoon or evening, y'all,

    Got my test results back, the usual good news/bad news. Good news, my iron levels are good, as are my HDL/LDL, individually and together, and my triglycerides are spot on. My thyroid numbers may require a change in medication, though. The meds or something else has driven my test results into the high range. I've asked for a phone call with my doc to discuss and change meds if necessary.

    Welcome to those who are new, we're glad you're here--I have been reading everything, but not retaining much... Heather, I hope you're feeling better soon. Pip - Happy birthday to Kirby! Rori - it's always nice when you have a good reference from a friend when you are looking at someone who will be living with you.

    Later,
    Love,
    Lisa
  • SophieRosieMom
    SophieRosieMom Posts: 3,704 Member
    Heather - thank you for bringing up the topic of boundaries again. Your explanation of how you felt dealing with your brother's and SIL's proposed visit rang some bells with me. I googled "boundaries" and one of the first selections that came up hit the nail on the head. I've always been pretty good at saying "no" but there are sometimes people and events that stack up and start to muddy things. Here's a link to the article with a neat TED talk by therapist Sarri Gilman- I liked her compass metaphor:

    https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-set-boundaries/

    Rori - excited about your new roommate! Please keep us posted, crossing fingers it will be a good match. I look at this house and ponder whether I could ever share it with someone again. I am coveting claiming my space and myself again after being emotionally tied to someone else for nearly half a century. If and when the circumstances arise, I can see my house being a semi-permanent Air BNB for someone who needs a secure place to bunk for a week at a time every month or two. But who knows? :)

    Machka - the computer I'm getting rid of doesn't work anymore, plus, since my DH was "into" computers and selling software in the 90's before a lot of people even knew what it was, we've had many. I only need one laptop and one Fire tablet for backup in case the laptop crashes and I need to get into banking. Everything else I have around here is old and outdated, thus destined for the recycle.

    It's getting light out, so want to get a quick walk in then head out early for some shopping before it gets hot (will likely hit 90 here today.) I'm anxious to hit Dollar Tree, lol.

    Make it a fabulous week! <3

    Lanette B)
    SW WA State
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,149 Member
    Morning ladies
    Well the lady that i was supposed to have come over to help me clean has made excuses for the last month so will look for someone else.
    I think I will try and call Linda again.. and see if she has any time?
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,252 Member
    <3
  • 1948CWB
    1948CWB Posts: 1,657 Member
    🌻🌷🌈🌺
  • 1948CWB
    1948CWB Posts: 1,657 Member
    Ozarks Lady ~ Beautiful ring! :)
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,790 Member
    Good article, Lanette, and her talk was very well done. She has good communication skills. I believe most people's problems in life are linked to boundary keeping. And for a lot of people, the glass on their compass is so foggy that they can't even see the needle. It takes a lot of practice, but it is sooooo worth it. Nowadays I immediately know if I am going off course, but it wasn't always like that. I used to be lost in a maze.

    My cleaner is here. :D That is one whole healthy bit of self care I have established for the sake of marital harmony. :D We are worth it. <3

    Love Heather UK xxxxxx
  • Vickil57
    Vickil57 Posts: 1,894 Member
    Heather--The cards are so cute. That is part of what makes being a grandma so special. Hope you are able to enjoy the visit with your brother. Remember they are coming to see you and not the house. I have to remind myself of that a lot. Love the pictures of the beach. You are so lucky to live within walking distance. I have never been to the ocean,but on my bucket list.

    Had a little scare on Saturday. We were riding the motorcycle trike to Lincoln, about 100 miles. Going to the rehab center where my friend is for family day. Anyway the little SUV in front of us blew the drives front tire. It blew the front quarter of the car all over. Pieces of tire and fender flying everywhere. DH was able to aviod getting hit. After they and us pulled over the front bumper and grill had also blown off. Cars are not made like they used to. Later DH told me he was thinking of passing them just before it happened. Thank God he didn't. He was watching out for us for sure. We did have a good time at the family Bar B Q and my friend was happy we were there.

    Rita--Glad your surgery is done and went well.

    Lanette--You are keeping so busy and being resoueful. We have the ring light on the front door. It sends messages to our phone when someone is in front of our house. Our covers from one side of the yard to the other and our neighbors pickup where ours lets off. It also says (Hi, you are being recorded). One thing it has helped with is packages are not just thrown over the fence, they are put on the porch.

    Machka--Sending hugs and prayers. You handle so much and seem so strong. I know it it not easy.
    Up to page 22.
    <3
    Blessings, Vicki GRAND ISLAND, NE
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,358 Member
    Ee
  • GodMomKim
    GodMomKim Posts: 3,708 Member
    vvv
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,263 Member
    Whidislander wrote: »
    dlfk202000 wrote: »
    Whidislander wrote: »
    So dealt with an upset tummy all night, and not going to play tennis today. Oh boo. Last night was fajita meat in tortillas, and they didn't sit well I guess. Waiting until I feel hungry today, then have chicken broth to see how I feel.
    Fun city.
    Rebecca

    Do you like ginger?
    I have a lot of trouble with my stomach so I eat ginger chews or drink ginger honey tea. It helps really fast plus I love the taste of it

    I have been having my ACV every day, and that does help. I think it was because of the meat pieces in the fajitas. I don't really eat steak anymore. I have tried ginger chews before and enjoyed them. Need to buy from our Asian store keep on hand. Thanks for the reminder!👍
    Rebecca

    Check out the different flavors they have in the ginger chews now. I still get the original every time we go but like to try some of the new flavors.

    The ginger tea is really good too- it is powdered honey ginger. Great in hot or cold water or my former hubby said he uses it when he makes ginger snap cookies for a brighter ginger flavor. He had never tried it before I sent him some- no Asian markets where he is

    I keep both on hand all the time as I need it often.
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,263 Member
    edited July 2022
    Machka9 wrote: »
    auntiebk wrote: »
    Machka those birds have an intimidating look. Rhody is one smart cat.



    dlfk202000 wrote: »
    all that walking this past week- 88,781 steps and I gained back the pound I lost last week.
    I haven't had that many steps in a week ever. 15 straight days of 10K or more.

    Have a wonderful Sunday Ladies
    Debbie
    Napa Valley
    CA

    You could be retaining a little water. I do when I exercise a bit more than usual.



    dlfk202000 wrote: »
    Whidislander wrote: »
    So dealt with an upset tummy all night, and not going to play tennis today. Oh boo. Last night was fajita meat in tortillas, and they didn't sit well I guess. Waiting until I feel hungry today, then have chicken broth to see how I feel.
    Fun city.
    Rebecca

    Do you like ginger?
    I have a lot of trouble with my stomach so I eat ginger chews or drink ginger honey tea. It helps really fast plus I love the taste of it

    I have ginger pills and crystalised ginger for my bus trips home after work in the dark.


    Machka in Oz

    Are the ginger pills like vitamins with the powdered(like spice rack) inside?
    Love candied ginger. I tried to make some in the dehydrator- didn't turn out the way I wanted but still good and the pineapple slices that I simmered in the ginger sugar syrup then dehydrated were AMAZING. Then I simmered the syrup down even more and use it like honey-then made a pot of tea in the little that was left in the pan. Not a drop wasted that way.
    Next time I need to simmer the ginger longer and not as long in the dehydrator- it is super dry. I still chew on it. Not as sweet and the candied ginger I get at the store but a lot cheaper, especially when fresh ginger is on sale for $2 a pound.

    I hope it is just water retention-
    Broke my 10k a day streak last night- didn't have anyone to walk with, dh was home for a few hours finally so didn't think it would be nice to just leave and walk by myself, not that he ended up spending any time with me anyways but I was there when he wanted to talk at me.
    I will be back to 10K or more today- walking Kobe as soon as daycare girl gets here and we drive over to MIL 's house and I have an hour of Zumba tonight.

    it is 65 degrees right now so good walking weather- I will walk Kobe around the playground while Ezie plays in it- the only one around that still has sand which she loves.
    MIL likes having her there too- just keeps trying to feed her but at least she isn't complaining or demanding dh get her stuff while we are there so he enjoys that.

    Debbie
    Napa Valley,CA
  • drkatiebug
    drkatiebug Posts: 1,980 Member
    bwcetc wrote: »
    Kay ... yes, yes we can find addresses ... ;)<3 A new scale just arrived on my doorstep today and has the ability to interface with the watch and MFP. I won't be doing all of that, but my son plans to use it.

    Ha! Got your card today. Thank you so much! It is a beautiful card. My husband was like, "Who is that?"
  • SophieRosieMom
    SophieRosieMom Posts: 3,704 Member
    Vicki - your guardian angels were on duty for sure. o:) So glad you are OK!! And were able to go enjoy the BBQ. :)

    I picked up a couple of those door alarms at the Dollar Tree this morning. SUPER LOUD. They have an on and off switch on the side. If I lived in a neighborhood where neighbors didn't watch out for each other, or if I was gone from the house a lot, it would probably be worth it to get some kind of a camera set up.
    DH trained me early on to always lock the doors - we accidentally locked each other out a lot, lol. He always carried a key. I didn't and would knock or head out to the secret key stash in the woodshed and grab it. :D

    Heather - glad you liked that boundary article and TED talk. 100% with you on having a cleaner come in, it was worth it for marital harmony. I never thought of it as self-care, but you are right. I'm still having her come on her bi-weekly schedule. She's a good helper for tasks around here, not just cleaning. Last time she was here, I had her stand on the bed and put new bulbs in the light fixture - I was her spotter and could hold stuff and pass her the light bulbs. It worked great. Some jobs are better and safer done with 2 people.

    Leslie - wow, I'm impressed with that ring. Are you sure you are a beginner in the silversmithing realm? I think there are classes around here, that looks like something I'd enjoy. Michele's and Tracey's ceramics look like fun too.

    I'm the Hoosier and grew up in northern Indiana on a farm. Great life.

    Next door neighbor is having a new roof put on today. The roofers are making good headway, probably anxious to get it done before it gets super hot.

    Lanette
    SW WA State
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,149 Member
    Welcome bethe - hop right in fast moving group here but always happy to see a new face ,we are from all over the US and beyond. Canada, Tazmania,UK,even as far as the North Pole.. speaking of has anyone heard from Penney?
    Retired park ranger sounds interesting, tell us about yourself.and what you would like to be called.. and glad your here
  • LisaInArkansas
    LisaInArkansas Posts: 2,953 Member
    <3
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,149 Member
    Beth- me too im in a small condo and trying to get rid of alot of stuff.
  • GodMomKim
    GodMomKim Posts: 3,708 Member
    vvvv
  • TerriRichardson112
    TerriRichardson112 Posts: 19,149 Member
    edited July 2022
    1948CWB wrote: »
    Ozarks Lady ~ Beautiful ring! :)
    Absolutely! Very professional looking!

    Lanette: I know what you mean about old stuff kept by partners. DH is an engineer and there are all sorts of things in the garage. He has thrown out some old appliances lately, but not enough in my book. I’m grateful that he confines his ‘treasures ‘ to the garage.

    🥳🎉 Cheers to all those celebrating. I love hearing about joyful happenings.

    Virtual (((hugs))) and 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 for those who need them. Sending hopes for better things for you in the near future.

    🙋‍♀️ Miele failte to the newbies. Jump right in when your interest is piqued.

    ☘️ Terri

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