• margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 4,759 Member

    heart: Margaret
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,427 Member
    Michele—DH is in a good facility, and is getting good nursing care. I had dinner with him today. The nurses are skilled RN’s. He will likely be there for a while longer.

    Thanks for your good thoughts.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,272 Member
    Rebecca- Hope you have a speedy recovery! Will be thinking of you.

    Pip - I hope you feel better soon

    Remarrying - I’m not sure I would go looking for another husband, but I wouldn’t outright dismiss the idea. I guess it would depend on how old I was at the time too.

    I am supposed to be off after tomorrow for the week, but I think I’ll have to work on Wednesday too.

    I am working on stockings tonight, enjoying the Christmas decorations.

    I’ll share some photos in a separate post.

    Tracey in Edmonton
  • skuehn48
    skuehn48 Posts: 2,468 Member
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 23,041 Member
    pipcd34 wrote: »
    Machka9 wrote: »
    KJLaMore wrote: »
    Hey all. Good conversations!
    Weight loss/healthy choices- Making healthy choices like planning meals, meal times, exercise takes work. I think that is why my weight and habits fluctuate up and down, up and down, over and over. Months ago, Barbie shared how she figured out exactly how much "free" time she had each day/week, by writing down everything she did. I found out that I have 32 hours of free time each week (sleeping time is not free time). I have days and weeks where I can use that time efficiently and get things done or just relax. Some days/weeks that time is eaten away by caring for my DH. Some days/weeks that time is spent caring for myself. I know the weight that I have to lose will come off, as soon as I have the energy and heart to put into it. Some days I am there; some days I am not. I am hoping my upcoming trip will keep me on the better choices path and using my "free" time wisely.
    caregiving- If my DH goes before me, I will not remarry. I might date. I might have a relationship. I might gift myself a toy and some alone time. BUT, I will not remarry. I have never had time to myself. I really think I need that. I have cared for many lifetimes worth of people. I just want time to care for myself. It feels selfish to think and as I read it, it looks selfish to see in print; but I think every one needs some point in their life to think about themselves and put themselves first. I was just going to say, "I'm not Mother Teresa". But even Mother Teresa did what she WANTED and was where she WANTED to be. Her choices. Mine aren't as noble, but if I don't take care of me, who will?

    Regarding free time ...

    We have 168 hours in the week.
    If we sleep 8 hours a night, that's 56 hours.

    168 - 56 = 112

    My time from when I get up in the morning to get ready for work until I get home from work is 10 hour a day 4 or 5 days a week = 40-50 hours. Lunch can be sort of free time, but I'm often running errands or attending appointments. I consider it a good week if I can get 1 or 2 lunches where I don't have something to do.

    112 - 45 = 67

    Then there's walking Rhody and dinner. Walking Rhody is a relaxing time for me but now that he's in the habit, it must be done. That usually takes up 1.5 hours a day, 7 days a week = 10.5 hours.

    67 - 10.5 = 56.5

    Then there's housework, evening Zoom meetings, cycling club stuff, legal stuff, caring stuff, bills and other stuff that comes up and needs to be dealt with. I would guess I spend about 3 hours a day 7 days a week on that stuff = 21 hours a week.

    56.5 - 21 = 35.5 hours

    In those 35.5 hours, I work on my organising and simplifying projects, I work in the garden, I ride my bicycle, walk, run, row, do pilates and/or lift weights, and I colour.

    Like you, I have days and weeks where I can use that time efficiently and get things done or just relax.
    And some weeks are busier than others with caring, legal stuff, cycling club stuff, etc. This past week was a cycling club week, for example.

    Regarding remarrying ... I also have absolutely no intention to remarry. I hope my husband will live on for many years yet, but when the time comes, I imagine myself moving into an independent living apartment (if I'm not there already) and amusing myself by returning to university to take another course ... or travelling. :)

    Machka in Oz

    Lolol, intention on remarrying is one thing, what actually happens in the future is another. Here I am 4 marriages later when I had every intention on making my 1st marriage my only marriage


    I was single for 10 years between my first and second. I decided that was what I wanted to do and I liked that. I would want to do at least that again and by then I'd probably be too old and tired for another relationship.

    M in Oz
  • KetoneKaren
    KetoneKaren Posts: 6,350 Member

    This is the dress I've chosen for Bea.
    Love to all, Heather UK xxxxxx

    Adorable, adorable!!
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 11,175 Member
    edited November 2022
    Hi Cindy! NEVER too late! :D

    I remarried at 55, having met DH at 53. If he died, I have no idea what I would do. The big question is, is there anyone out there who could live up to my standards? !!!! :laugh: :laugh: I certainly don't want some random old man! I can safely say, that since I met DH, there is not another man, that would fancy me, that I could possibly fancy! But, as Pip said, you never know!
    I can imagine, for those of you who have been carers, that you are burnt out with caring. <3<3<3

    Annie - Lots of rest. It may be very temporary. My left knee decided to play up yesterday, for no apparent
    It's Bea pick up day, so a long walk to school and on to their house. I think we may get a lift back as it's swimming day. I'm hoping it doesn't flare up, or I'll be Ubering and sending DH on alone.

    Tracey - Great job on the decorating. So lovely that you did it with your lovers. :p I especially like the miniature snow scenes. <3
    I'm a sucker for miniatures. I actually made a doll's house once, with some dolls and furniture and bits, like cakes and hams. I then wrote a children's book about it, called 'Into the Night House ' and adapted it into a play called 'Changes In The Night'. Then I lost interest in the house and sold it. I got quite a good sum for it. I have happy memories of my father helping me with the electrics and wallpaper.
    You have inspired me to see if the girls want to help me with the tree. I wasn't going to bother, but that would be a happy thing to do and make it worthwhile.

    Rebecca- I know you are really nervous right now, because that's completely natural, but, as someone who has had the op, you will be fine. Bit sore and careful for a few days, but it should be a quick recovery. I have had no after effects.

    I can hear the dustbinmen outside. It's recycling day. Glass bottles!

    My friend G, that I was worried about, has had a lovely invitation for Christmas from an old friend's daughter. She sent me the email. There are a lot of good people in the world. Pity about the other messed up ones!

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • KetoneKaren
    KetoneKaren Posts: 6,350 Member
    Flea, I'm so sorry you have lost your friend.
  • SophieRosieMom
    SophieRosieMom Posts: 2,750 Member
    Rebecca - thinking of you and sending warm (gentle) hugs! <3 I was going to mention yesterday - make sure you have a "cough pillow". Just something firm to hold against your belly for the first few days when you cough to keep pressure there, it really helps cut down on pain from the incisions.

    The surgeon/nurse has probably already told you about this for aftercare.

    The hospital gave me one (volunteers made and donated them for this purpose) and I still have it. It's about 12" square and doesn't compress more than about 4" when you hug it tight. It's perfect to balance the laptop on, lol. I think a tightly folded large bath towel would serve the same purpose.

    Karen - hope you can get a diagnosis for your spouse, and how fortunate you are moving to an apartment with a better setup for her. And very glad your brother is settling in. I'm curious about those Daily Harvest meals - just the name sounds yummy. I signed up for "Meals on Wheels" when DH was alive but never ordered any as we were both picky eaters, but every once in a while I wouldn't mind a "cafeteria meal" - meatloaf, mac and cheese, roll and fruit cup type of thing. I'll keep an eye on their menu.

    You might have something with that Roundup. In the final couple years of my dad's life, he developed Parkinson's according to his doctor. Main symptom was uncontrolled drooling though - no other problems. Years of exposure to farm chemicals perhaps.

    Tracey - great decorating job, your home looks so festive and cozy. <3 I thought about getting a tree this year, cheap looking artificial ones are over $70 at Walmart, don't think it's worth it. I've put up a couple wreaths on the front door and shop already. Next handyman adventure is figuring out how to use DH's cordless drill to drive in a screw between the garage doors to hang another wreath. :D Wish me luck!

    Flea - great news on your check-up. <3

    Vicki - so glad you are feeling better. The "Thanksgiving crud" is hitting several people I know. My brother in N. Indiana had it, and my next door neighbors were also sick over Thanksgiving and still are. I took over covid tests for them yesterday and told them I'd be glad to do a store run for them if they need it. Sounds like the ER and Urgent Care in our community are swamped right now.

    Pip - Also sending healing vibes your way. Your comment about another husband got me thinking. If Kirby knocked on my door, I'd say "I do" in a heartbeat, lol. Please tell me he has a younger brother. :p Seriously, you never know, right?

    That's it for now. Waiting for some snow to arrive. Had brief flurries yesterday afternoon right after a hailstorm, lol. Both melted quickly.

    Lanette B)
    SW WA State

  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 23,041 Member
    Machka9 wrote: »
    a diagnosis would be helpful, but so far none is forthcoming from her neurologist.
    Karen in Virginia

    Has she had a neuropsychological assessment?

    You should have answers with one of those.

    M in Oz

    Yes, she has! Good thought!

    Details in spoiler: (long and boring, feel free to skip):
    This month, she is seeing a movement disorder specialist for the first time.

    She has been evaluated by a neurologist, neuropsychologist, general internist, rheumatologist, endocrinologist, ENT/Balance specialist, and cardiologist. She is up to date on all screening tests for age and has had brain MRI, evoked potentials, EMG, EEG, event monitor, etc. Even so, there are a few tests/evaluations that she hasn't had. I am thinking of asking if a neuropharmacology assessment might clarify whether any of her medications are contributing to her movement disorder, gait and balance issues, and short term memory loss. She has some of the manifestations of Parkinson's, but certainly is not presenting classically, and her MRI showed no evidence, although she has not yet had a DaTscan.

    I know it sometimes takes time and lots of evaluations to pin down diagnoses. Nonetheless, it is hard not to know what is wrong and wonder if an accurate diagnosis would make a difference in treatment and outcome. I understand the reluctance to diagnose Parkinson's without solid evidence. It seems to me a trial of treatment for Parkinon's, even without a definite diagnosis, might be in order, given the progression in her signs & symptoms.

    I am grateful we are moving into an apartment. The entire fiasco last year with the bait & switch that caused us to run run run from the other CCRC and the cottage we were so close to occupying was, in retrospect, a bullet dodged, because there is no way she could have walked from a cottage to the pool, communal dining areas, etc. without help or transportation. Where we are moving, although it is a challenge and requires a rest stop along the way, she can use her rolling walker to go to the dining area, lobby, pool, mailbox, etc.

    I really think she will be given a diagnosis of Parkinson's at some point. Though I dread that diagnosis, it would, in actuality, be a relief to get on with treatment and support for Parkinson's. I should also mention that she was a fan of Round Up, and in my opinion, had significant exposure.

    I am reminded of my 16-year-old grandson, who has autism. He was 12 before he was finally given that diagnosis, and since then, all kinds of doors have been opened for him, he is treated with dignity by his teachers for the first time, and he is thriving. Prior to that, he was seen by countless behavioral and neurological specialists, took all kinds of tests, and was given all kinds of diagnoses, including oppositional defiance disorder (which has a negative connotation, and he does not, in fact, have). He had such a rough time in elementary and middle school because of not being properly diagnosed. His teachers were, for the most part, irritated with him. When he was 10, I confronted my DIL (gently) and said simply, "he has autism, and it is doing him no favor to avoid that diagnosis". She said, to my surprise, "I know". She took him to a Faison center where his diagnosis was confirmed. My son got on board, thank goodness. When his parents told my grandson of his diagnosis, he said, "Well, that explains a lot". :) And I completely agree with him. It explains a lot.

    At least in the USA, certain diagnoses, like autism and Parkinson's, are avoided until the writing is written on the wall in large bold red letters, to the detriment of the sufferer. Quality of life for my grandson and for my spouse are far more important than any stigma or fall-out from their diagnoses.

    Karen in Virginia

    Sorry you haven't had a firm diagnosis.

    My husband has gone for several neuro psych assessments - 3 or 4 of them.

    Each one is very clear and fairly consistent, even with different psychologists, and his MRIs continue to show the same damage.

    I say fairly consistent because he improved slightly between the 1st and 2nd in certain areas, and has deteriorated slightly in others. Nothing unexpected.

    But not all brain-related issues are that clear.

    M in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 23,041 Member
    30 Days of Gratitude

    1. Smell - freshly cut grass on our lawn.
    2. Technology - the amazing advancements in medical technology.
    3. Colour - blue. Beautiful blue sky peaking through the clouds.
    4. Food - soup. That's what I've been eating just recently because there's less chewing. We always keep a few cans of soup on hand for situations like these.
    5. Sound - my music. I've recently acquired a number of nature sounds CDs with music playing along with sounds of ocean waves, birds, and so on. Lovely.
    6. Nature - I love nature. It would be incredibly difficult for me to pick just one thing. I am so grateful that there is nature and that I can enjoy it.
    7. Memory - Winter 2017. The last time I visited my parents and a wonderful 1-month holiday to Canada that June/July. My husband and I did two cycling events and a lot of other cycling. We climbed mountains and explored a glacier. We visited friends and family.
    8. Book - Norman Doidge's The Brain's Way of Healing. I found it inspirational!
    9. Place - home. I've moved and travelled a lot and home is wherever I happen to feel really comfortable. Right now, home is a certain house here in Tasmania where I can go and just be myself (mostly, for even a little while). Home is where I can lie down on the sofa and doze off when I've had a rough day, like I did yesterday.
    10. Taste - salt. My favourite taste. :) On the one hand I need salt because of my exercise and medications, on the other hand I need to reduce my salt because of my kidneys. But given the choice, I'll usually go salty over sweet ... or maybe salty and sweet!
    11. Holiday - Christmas!!!!
    12. Texture - smoothness. I like smooth clothes, smooth sheets, Rhody's smooth fur ...
    13. Abilities - I don't really think of myself in terms of having abilities. I've sort of thought of myself as "the jack of all trades, master of none". However, organisation is one that I've been thankful for throughout my life.
    14. Sight - the beauty all around. In our yard, where we go cycling, where I work, and travelling around this island.
    15. Season - I like the seasons in the following order from best to worst: Summer, Autumn ............ Spring ................... Winter.
    16. What about your body are you grateful for? Healing ... that it heals. Mostly anyway, and perhaps imperfectly, but healing does take place.
    17. What knowledge are you grateful for? Everything I do know. It all contributes to my work, my carer role, and my other activities.
    18. Piece of art - of the arts, I think the two I appreciate the most are literature and music. On the subject of music, I have really appreciated discovering ABC Classic FM on the radio and the app on my phone. I pop in my earbuds at work and I can focus on my work while feeling relatively relaxed at the same time. :)
    19. Touch - Rhody's fur, his little wet nose, his whiskers
    20. Who in my life - my husband. I'm glad he is still in my life. My parents who have always been supportive.
    21. Song - He Is -- Mark Schultz. One of several songs that has been with me through the difficult times.
    22. Story - I'm grateful that there are so many stories! I love reading. It provides me with a much-needed distraction.
    23. Tradition - I like the little traditions of Christmas. :)
    24. Challenge - all the long distance cycling I've done over the years! :)
    25. What moment this week are you most grateful for? Now. The start of a 3-day weekend! I'm taking Monday off.
    26. What form of expression ... the written word. I like being able to communicate non-verbally through emails, facebook, etc. :)
    27. What small thing that I use daily am I grateful for? ...
    Is my bed small? It's a twin ...
    My pillow? Having discovered good pillows, I can hardly sleep on any other pillow.
    My laptop! That would probably be the one. :)
    28. Small thing that happened today ... I got to rest and get a few things done. Plus I got to watch Murder She Wrote!
    29. Friend/family member - my parents who have been so supportive all the way along, even from a long distance.

    Machka in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 23,041 Member
    All the best Rebecca!
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 8,848 Member
    Morning ladies
    Over with Miles ,Tracy getting ready for work...like I said taking Carmine for haircut with me this afternoon.