WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MAY 2023

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  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,194 Member
    <3
  • exermom
    exermom Posts: 6,518 Member
    Evelyn – cute cupcakes. Are you going to ice them? What is that in the middle that is causing it to be raised so much?

    Flea – the extension office said that the azalea is a Satzuki Azalea

    Carol – I honestly don’t think that it’s a case of the warehouse not sending the items. Like she’ll order 1 case of lettuce. They ship one case. They could have just as easily shipped two cases. Oh, she’s gone to the store to buy plastic wrap. But in the end, isn’t that more expensive? I would have thought that rather than running the risk of running out completely, she’d have ordered at least one extra roll. And I’m thinking that she did an in-store transfer for the tomatoes because the box she brought me isn’t the kind that a store would sell, it was like what we usually get from the warehouse. I do think this manager has her “stuff” together, but I also think she’s thinking “the less I order, the lower my costs” But if she has to constantly go out to the store (like for the plastic wrap) is that a savings? The store will want to make their markup, you can’t blame them for that. I just feel like “if I can’t do my job, is it worth going in (to do ½ a job) I wonder...does a salaried manager have to have a minimum number of hours? Maybe that’s why she has the manager doing part of my job – who knows? Update: Vince helped me compose a text to the store manager. In it I stated that there wasn't any lettuce and my understanding is that the truck doesn't come until the afternoon so if someone doesn't buy any, I can't do anything. If I'm only there for 2-1/2 hours, then we'll say something.

    Allie – you need to have a talk with Tracey and Kyle. I know you want to help them, every mother does. But it’s hurting you. What good will you be to them or Miles if something happens to you? If you’re waiting for them to see what they come up with, I can almost assure you that they won’t come up with anything. Why should they? They have a (free) caregiver so why give that up?

    Worked on the puzzle a bit, helped Vince with the railing on the porch. See, over the years the railing has drooped, so we have to take it down and put shims under it to make it upright. Now to get to bed.

    Michele NC
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,249 Member
    142142
  • skuehn48
    skuehn48 Posts: 3,041 Member
    <3
  • evie1958
    evie1958 Posts: 863 Member
    Michele, I did frost them, had some leftover icing. Fed Rosalie a couple before frosting, she was fine with that! I don't get fancy with the frosting, it just gets slapped on. I have no idea why they "peaked" in the middle, possibly too much batter in the tin and with the sides greased perhaps they didn't have enough to hang onto on the sides to rise evenly. They taste fine, that's all that matters! lol
    Tracey, I'm having a hard time believing that she's four already too! I love your ceramic piece and I'm so glad you have some mental health time off now. I also hope you can find another job so that you don't have to go back and deal with that woman's toxicity any more. Just one thing to think about, I assume you are on paid leave thru work, would you be penalized for searching for work while you are off? If it's an EI claim then I think you're okay, but I know some benefits packages/plans have funny rules.
    Allie, I have long wondered how you do it, I only have our granddaughter two days a week and pick up her older brother on those days and I'm pooped at the end of those two days, there is no way I could do 5 days! Maybe once they're both in school, I would consider after school care, but I would have to do some major thinking about it!
    Heather, the grands and their parents are a lovely family! So happy for you that everything worked out. I do hope your ribs settle down before your cruise, sounds like they are giving you quite a bit of grief.

    We are finally getting some warmer weather! In fact, it's supposed to be in the high 80's/low 90's this weekend, if my conversion is correct, high 20's (celsius) are forecast. It was warm today, and quite enjoyable! I may thaw out before winter hits again! lol
    Hugs for those needing them, congrats to those celebrating and welcome to the newbies! Please let us know a name you would like to be called and a location which can be as general or precise as you are comfortable with!
    Evelyn, Vancouver Island
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,696 Member
    Good morning all.
    I woke up early and finished my DDIL 's book. I really enjoyed it, especially the stories of the trauma recoverees. It's got some great advice and a lot of insight. However, like all these books, it is probably most useful when you are on the upside curve of the recovery. Or when you are helping someone through trauma. That's not a criticism of her book, it's just a fact about books in general. You are seeing the whole picture, from the point of view of the recovered, or recovering. When you are in it, you need a different kind of help.
    That said, I felt it was really good, and had a lot of useful advice.

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,595 Member
    edited May 2023
    myvt9v4crh wrote: »
    I love to walk outside in good weather and inside when weather isn’t good I have access to a stationary bike.
    Katla

    Do you have a gym at the place you live?

    myvt9v4crh wrote: »
    I had a nice day with friends. I returned two books to the library and checked out two new ones by another writer. We went out for lunch & came home happy. 😊 👍🏻

    Katla

    I went to my library for the first time in a very long time!

    They have fewer fiction books than I remember. :neutral: I think they're going more to e-books etc.

    But I came home, did a search online and have put one book on hold. So I might actually start using my library again

    auntiebk wrote: »
    Joe’s back from a day in Medford with good news from the eye Dr.-pressure holding steady at 15. He also spent time and $$ at Barnes and Noble, buying me many Mothers’ day gifts. I smiled and thanked, really appreciate the thought but now [ugh] have 4 more books and magazines to purge ;{
    Later, lighter, lovelies!
    Barbara

    Read, then drop off at your favourite used bookstore so the likes of me can purchase and read. :)

    kymarai wrote: »
    Good Tuesday!
    There were over 700 cars at the show on Sunday in spite of the weather. We got a Top 25 in Modern class award! I was over the top excited!!!!
    Yesterday, SIL tells me we really need to get someone in to help at counter/sales. Yes, hiring someone else would be awesome, but I don't see that happening. Pay too low, no one wants to work 6 days a week, and either she or I would still need to be there for a while. I think hour change is the best solution. It beats closing the doors for good and gives everyone time to recoup and enjoy life.
    Love to all!
    Kylia in Ohio

    Congratulations!

    Changing the hours sounds like a good idea, but can you hire a student for weekends and the day you are open late?

    You would have to pay the going rate, of course. :smiley: Around here that'd be at least $22/h.



    @cityjaneLondon ... nice lampshade.

    Machka in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,595 Member
    edited May 2023
    Regarding feeling tired

    1. Trauma, and especially unresolved, ongoing trauma, is tiring.
    https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/crisis-fatigue#signs-and-symptoms
    "Crisis fatigue is a burnout response to prolonged exposure to unexpected and stressful events. It can cause a range of symptoms, including persistent fatigue, changes in sleep, changes in appetite, and numbness."

    2. Anxiety is tiring.
    https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/can-having-anxiety-make-you-feel-tired
    "Fatigue is a persistent feeling of being either mentally or physically tired. It may feel like a lack of energy, a lack of motivation, or a lack of strength."
    "Chronic anxiety and fatigue go hand in hand. Anxiety could interfere with your ability to sleep at night, which can worsen your daytime sleepiness and could lead to other health problems."

    3. Depression is tiring.
    https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322264
    "Depression can cause severe fatigue and make the simplest activities, such as getting out of bed, too difficult to manage."
    "ResearchTrusted Source indicates that stressful life events can significantly increase a person’s risk of developing major depressive disorder.
    These stressful life events can include the end of a relationship or close friendship, the death of a loved one, significant financial loss, a job change, and health-related events, such as a cancer diagnosis.
    The same research suggests that stress can also cause inflammation in the body, which can lead to hypersomnia and fatigue. It may also lead to a person withdrawing from social activities and having difficulty thinking clearly."


    Several of us have experienced a stressful or traumatic life event in recent years, so it is no wonder several of us feel extreme tiredness/fatigue.

    Stressful/traumatic life events include things like the following, but you can google what else might be included.

    - Death of a spouse
    - Death of a close family member or friend
    - Major injury or illness (personal or close family member)
    - Job changes (starting new job, ending job including retirement)
    - Education changes (like starting or graduating from university)
    - Family changes (children leaving, new family members, change in frequency of seeing family, divorce)
    - Financial changes
    - Moving/housing changes
    - Change in recreational activities


    One of the first suggestions to help get through stressful/traumatic events is exercise. :smiley:

    But if we haven't exercised much in the past or if we have taken an exercise break during the trauma, exercise can also be tiring!!

    With exercise, we've got to build up little by little.

    In the past, I've written articles to help recreational cyclists build up their distance to be able to ride a century (100 miles) and it is a gradual progression. At first, yes, you'll feel tired even with quite short distances ... but as the distances increase and feel more comfortable, the shorter distances which made you tired to begin with will be a peace of cake!

    More recently, I've changed jobs again and I'm back in the building where I used to work. When I worked there before (17 or so months ago), a small group of us put together a stair climbing challenge. We've started that again, and once again I'm building up the number of flights I can climb.

    17 or so months ago, I could knock out 40 flights a day like I was strolling around a park. A couple weeks ago, I was huffing and puffing up 4 flights of stairs! But I know it takes time and persistence. Yesterday, I was able to do 21 flights at a very slow pace. It was a little bit of a struggle, but not too bad. So I'm getting there.


    For those of you who have recently experienced a stressful/traumatic event AND who are trying to exercise more than usual ... yes, you're going to find it difficult and tiring. That's normal. Be kind to yourself. Get extra rest. But keep at the exercise. :)


    Lots of these thoughts come from personal experience and personal research.

    I've been through a few stressful/traumatic events over the years, but especially my husband's accident 5 years ago. His accident also falls into unresolved trauma, ambiguous loss, and thus chronic stress. Dealing with his accident has caused repeated anxiety and ongoing depression.

    Add to that finishing and graduating university plus 4 different jobs in just over a year.
    Plus not being able to visit my family.
    Plus financial changes.
    Plus recreational changes.

    I am exhausted all the time.


    Circling back to what Heather said (in spoiler below) ... I know my life is difficult. I won't call it impossible because I'm living it and have been living it a while now.

    But I am trying to simplify to give myself more time to be kind to myself and get more rest.
    • We have a dishwasher and that is something I do not want to give up!
    • Quite a while ago, we switched to ordering groceries online and having them delivered.
    • Just recently, our son gave us a wonderful gift ... a RoboVac! Our carpet hasn't remained so clean in some time.
    • I dropped a couple committees.
    • We have routines.
    • We pick and choose what things we want to go to ... like last weekend, we could have gone to a beekeeping get-together, but it would have involved an early start and a bit of a drive, so we opted to stay home and sleep.


    There is still lots more to simplify and I'm working on it.

    cityjaneLondon wrote: »
    I have found often in our lives that we are trying to treat the symptoms of stress, trauma and exhaustion, without dealing with the root cause. The root cause is our impossible lives, when we ask far too much of ourselves. It's easy for an outsider to see it, but we, in the middle of it, can't see how unhealthy our lives are and how the changes need to be at a much more fundamental level. The elephant in the room is right there in front of us, but we are trying our best to ignore it. I've done it, most of us have done it. We tend to think we must just 'try harder', when we need to radically change the situation we are in. My DDIL 's book about trauma deals a lot with this. We are all really bad at seeing the reality of our lives, and feel powerless to change it, until we hit breaking point, like Tracey and Allie and others. The truth is, that situation was never right for us, and was not serving us in the first place. We are always the last to see it. The breaking point can be our friend and help to steer us in a new direction. Trying harder at something that is not working only leads to breakdown. Embracing what our body is telling us, is the way forward. If we are under stress it is not some fault of ourselves that we need to work on, it's an impossible situation we are in. Blaming ourselves for not coping is a typical response, but we need to see it differently. Would you advise your best friend to do as you are doing?
    Don't let it get to the point of complete breakdown or death, before we start paying attention to what our bodies already know.

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx


    Machka in Oz
  • minicooper452
    minicooper452 Posts: 644 Member
    Welcome newbies and returnees! (((hugs))) to those who need them.

    I was thinking the very same thing, Evelyn! Tracey, I hope you can use this time to find something new and better! It's so obvious that it's already better for you if you're sleeping well after one night. I'm so happy that you have the time off.

    THANK YOU LISA!!! I didn't want to say that Allie, but Lisa is right. Would Tracy be happier finding you lying on the floor when she comes home? Perhaps not dead, but from falling? Or what about the risk of you falling with Miles IN your arms?!? For God's sake, they have to listen to reason. You are not as young as you used to be and you are not as young as they are! Believe me I tried that and now I can't walk without pain. I have arthritis in my knees and hips and hands and it came on early due to taking care of Caddie when she was two-years-old. Granted it was when Anne was deployed, but WE could have found alternatives too. YOU need to turn the barbs back on THEM! (((Allies)))

    Love and Blessings, Carla, in MN
  • teklawa1
    teklawa1 Posts: 678 Member
    (((Allie)))

  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,595 Member
    edited May 2023
    grandmallie wrote: »
    Morning ladies
    Well im here at the house and Tracy is livid and is being snarky with me..
    I came down at my usual time and she said you don't need to come until i leave for work since its to much and then she grabs Miles and says I'll just take him with me when she drops Carmine off at the bus.. I said really? And she stomps of and said I just can't!!!!
    Ugh...
    grandmallie wrote: »
    Im in tears ,Tracy is throwing daggers this morning ,she said while your on your phone see if you can find daycare so you wont have to do it anymore..any barb she can throw she has thrown,I explained that I have arthritis in my hips and hands and worry i could drop him

    Well ... we all expected that, right?

    It is not your responsibility to find someone to replace you.
    It is not your responsibility to take care of Miles.
    Those things are the responsibility of Miles' parents.

    You don't have to explain anything.

    Go home and do something you enjoy. :)

    M in Oz
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,087 Member
    Oh yea she also said if I could I would tell you to just go home.. I asked if she wanted me to help her tomorrow with tag sale and that was a big NO.
    All of this right before Mother's day..
    Ive done so much for all of them and I understand she upset ,but to be so mean is just hateful.. I didn't raise her that way..
  • 1948CWB
    1948CWB Posts: 1,592 Member
    Allie ~ Hang in there! You will make it through this. We are all there for you!

    Carol in GA
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,595 Member
    edited May 2023
    grandmallie wrote: »
    Oh yea she also said if I could I would tell you to just go home.. I asked if she wanted me to help her tomorrow with tag sale and that was a big NO.
    All of this right before Mother's day..
    Ive done so much for all of them and I understand she upset ,but to be so mean is just hateful.. I didn't raise her that way..

    What does Mother's Day have to do with it?

    She had a great deal going with you ... you were the next best thing to a free live-in nanny. Of course she was going to be extremely upset.

    Does she even know that you've got health issues? Did she help you when you went to the hospital about your heart?

    Did she figure you'd continue taking care of Miles (5 days a week? for free?) until he started kindergarten?

    If her comments bother you, just ask her at what age she was thinking of enrolling Miles in childcare.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,595 Member
    edited May 2023
    r69ovs2wwam5.png


    But there is doing too much of the 'have to do' stuff too.


    M in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,595 Member
    edited May 2023
    cityjaneLondon wrote: »
    Good morning all.
    I woke up early and finished my DDIL 's book. I really enjoyed it, especially the stories of the trauma recoverees. It's got some great advice and a lot of insight. However, like all these books, it is probably most useful when you are on the upside curve of the recovery. Or when you are helping someone through trauma. That's not a criticism of her book, it's just a fact about books in general. You are seeing the whole picture, from the point of view of the recovered, or recovering. When you are in it, you need a different kind of help.
    That said, I felt it was really good, and had a lot of useful advice.

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

    I went to Amazon and read the free sample ... and thought it was very good. From the perspective of someone who has gone through a lot of change and trauma, especially recently, it captured my interest.

    I was interested in several things but one in particular was her chart of physical reactions to trauma at the end of the free sample.

    I have daily dizziness, headaches, and nightly vivid dreams or nightmares ... make of that what you will.

    M in Oz
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,087 Member
    edited May 2023
    Kelly- thanks for that.. yes when my kids were little we did the same thing..my husband worked 3rd shift
    So i would take the kids to my.parents house ,my grandma lived with them so we spent time up there and we only had one car.so I would waitress in the afternoons/ evenings and Rich watched the kids.we never owned a home .
    Yes they will have to figure it out and Tracy is the one that wanted another child..
    I told her im 63 (almost) and not feeling well and had heart surgeries and on a kidney transplant list ..now neither one of the kids said gee maybe I should get tested to see if im a match..
    If one of my kids needed a life saving organ you know id be there in a heartbeat.
    Sure wish we lived closer to you Kelly ,he would thrive in your care for sure!!
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,249 Member
    142142
  • Vickil57
    Vickil57 Posts: 1,882 Member
    Tracey--Sounds like you are off to a great start on your medical leave. So happy for you.
    Allie--Please stay strong and do not let Tracy guilt you or push you into something you know is not good for your health. This is their problem and they need to be adult and figure it out.
  • lightstrongma
    lightstrongma Posts: 182 Member
    @grandmallie Hugs to you in a difficult situation.

    Happy Friday Everyone 🌷

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