WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MAY 2023

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  • bwcetc
    bwcetc Posts: 2,826 Member
    edited May 2023
    grandmallie wrote: »
    Im in tears ,Tracy is throwing daggers this morning ,she said while your on your phone see if you can find daycare so you wont have to do it anymore..any barb she can throw she has thrown,I explained that I have arthritis in my hips and hands and worry i could drop him

    Allie ... there's a problem ... she thinks you should find the daycare so you don't have to do it anymore. Umm. No. It's time for Tracy to make phone calls. So sorry you're being cast as the villain. Growing up is hard to do ... at any age. Tracy will be fine.

    Edited: Kelly hit the nail on the head!
  • bwcetc
    bwcetc Posts: 2,826 Member
    Tracey ... I can "read" your relief today!
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,087 Member
    But what gets me is I never would expext use my parents the way they have ,and I have gone above and beyond for them...maybe because of rhe divorce and feeling bad..but sheesh..
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,696 Member
    Allie - I know that, even before I broke my wrist, that I could not lift a child of Miles's age/weight without causing myself back injury. That is a serious safety concern. A healthy toddler needs a weightlifter! I know you hate upsetting anyone, but this is an important learning for you, hard as it is. Sometimes people just have to be upset. That's OK. They just take time to get their head around a new reality. That said, verbally abusing you is not acceptable. Say so.
    It will be so much better for Miles to be with other children some of the time. They will have to work it out between them. I worked two evenings a week when mine were small. My husband looked after them. It was hard for him to have to rush home from work on the dot, but he did it, even when they were babies. Later I found a childminder part time, so I could do an afternoon or two as well. It's such a short time before they can go to nursery school.
    As KJ said, any upset with you will pass. I know it's hard for you, but stick it out. Lisa also is right, a dead/injured grandmother won't be any help to anyone. Yes, get that doctor to give you an ultimatum. :p>:)

    Much love to you, our thoughts are with you.
    Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,595 Member
    edited May 2023
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    Evelyn - thanks for that thought. I would have to check into that. I’m not sure.

    Machka - is $22 an hour your minimum wage? Here it is $15.00.
    I read the fatigue reasons and I tend to agree with all of them. I found the last time there was a very stressful event I slept for a month when it was over.

    Allie - How childish of Tracy. Don’t let her guilt you, by her temper tantrum. She has learned from Kyle. I bet Carmine has seen this too and thinks it’s acceptable behaviour that he gets punished for.
    I feel bad for all involved but most especially you. What would she do if you were in the hospital again? Didn’t they do something at Christmas and not invite you. They seem to use you a lot with no recognition. It’s very sad to use your Mother that way.
    I’m sure she will “punish” you for a while. It’s a terrible way for her to act.

    My DH drove truck long distance and I waitressed when the girls were young. I actually found young women that needed a place to live so I took them in, gave them room and board and paid them a little each week in exchange for childcare. They are all still a part of our lives and one is actually my sister in law now.

    My in-laws did way too much for our nieces and nephew and it’s been very hard to break even with the great grandchildren now. They still kept at my MIL even when my FIL passed.
    My SIL gets snarky and throws a temper tantrum when my MIL says no, she is 54. Unfortunately my MIL just gives in and now my MIL can’t even afford a coffee for herself because she allows her grown *kitten* daughter to spend her money. My Son in law is paying for her meds and we pay for her phone monthly because we were worried she would go without just so she didn’t have to deal with her.

    My in-laws did way too much for our nieces and nephew and it’s been very hard to break even with the great grandchildren now. They still kept at my MIL even when my FIL passed.
    They all take advantage of her and we have tried to show her that, but we couldn’t and can’t convince her to leave and come here to be taken care of.

    I’m petrified we’ll be going back to NB for another funeral within the year.

    Tracey

    Minimum wage here is $21.38. I think a lot of people in retail get paid slightly more than that.

    M in Oz
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,696 Member
    edited May 2023
    I've reviewed DDIL's book on Amazon. It will take a while to appear. Reviews and ratings are vital for us writers. I send out mighty thanks for all those who have made the effort with my books.
    I sent her the text of my review. She said - "Reading that has given me goosebumps. Bowled over - thank you. <3<3<3 "

    Max's new video game has arrived l it was pre-ordered, first day out. I've texted him, so I will expect either him or my son to be calling round. It's a late birthday present.

    Italian fennel sausages for dinner with roasted cauliflower, (DH to slice) and frozen peas mashed in olive oil - my favourite thing. Friday night is wine night, a cheeky little Italian red. :p:p

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • LisaInArkansas
    LisaInArkansas Posts: 2,880 Member
    Well done, Heather! It is hard giving up our pretties, but so worth it for the experiences they are paying for.

    And speaking of pretties, Evie, I keep forgetting to say that your granddaughter is just lovely, and the cupcakes looked seriously yummy.

    Allie, honey, I know this is hard--you give everything you have to those you love, and you have ever since I've met you. Don't forget though, that all this also applies to you - you need to step back in order to still be there for Carmine and for Miles as they grow. It does appear to be the theme for May for all of us. If we don't take care of ourselves, we can't take care of the ones we love. If you want to stick around to tease Miles about his first girlfriend, you're going to seriously have to start taking care of his grandma. I think we've all been worried, your fatigue has been getting more and more a daily thing... but only you can take these steps. We'll be here for you. Many hugs, dear friend.



  • auntiebk
    auntiebk Posts: 2,610 Member
    12. Listen to a favorite pieces of music and remember what it means to you. OK will fire up the ol’ turntable, but Ah, what to choose? Handel’s Messiah? Jefferson Airplane? Wm Tell Overture? Simon and Garfunkel? SMH.

    Evelyn Rosalie is one cute cupcake!
    Vicki “…at least one…” Indeed! Fingers X’d.
    Lanette BMI over 30?!? I’ll have to read that article. Here I am trying to get down below 25! Sheesh. Could Machka’s “crisis fatigue” account for your exhaustion. A year is not a long time to recover from your years of caregiving.
    Heather “…We tend to think we must just 'try harder'…” This so describes my past. Still leaks in occasionally. :{
    Allie Brava for texting your APRN! Look forward to her recommendation. So sorry you have to deal with Tracy’s attitude. All the more reason to have medical professional recommendation to back you up. ((gentle hugs held extra extra long)
    Tracey delighted to hear you’re feeling better already. Knowing you don’t have to face that person for six weeks if ever must be such a relief. Active 911 is a recent and internet based alert system, and each first responder = additional cost. The siren and paging systems are already paid for ;} Training the dispatchers is totally out of our district’s sphere of influence. So the volunteers remind the board members the issue continues but we see no road to resolution or improvement. [sigh]
    Machka will do. The animal shelter’s thrift store gets any books I can make myself relinquish, but alas, I am an emotional book hoarder.
    Lisa yours to Allie. Count on you for the mots justes.
    Likewise Carla, Machka, KJ, Beth et al.
    Katla great idea for something written from her MD specifying limitations.
    Heather “Sometimes people just have to be upset. That's OK. They just take time to get their head around a new reality. That said, verbally abusing you is not acceptable. Say so.” Amen, sister, amen!

    Easing back into the PT habit with one set of the ups’n’downs yesterday but no floor stretches or dumbbells. Time to do a little better. ;)
    05/11: Move: 1 sets PT u only, dogs to powerline, Jeopardy Masters walking. steps:8036
    Fuel: plants running count for week so far:14+4+0 new almonds, apple, avocado, beets, black bean/lime soup, celery, maple syrup, oats, peanut brittle, pecans, radishes, raisins, romaine, scallions, soy breakfast patties, tangerines, walnuts, wheat-cookies/cake/sourdough boule. CI=1430 CO=425
    Live: Joe, readings, BP, massage, post office, Bi-Mart, Dollar Tree, bottle return, recycling. Wt:134.9

    Later, lighter, lovelies!
    Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD x8zcp1ya37k1.gif
  • sh0tzz99
    sh0tzz99 Posts: 971 Member
    cityjaneLondon wrote: »
    Good morning all.
    I woke up early and finished my DDIL 's book. I really enjoyed it, especially the stories of the trauma recoverees. It's got some great advice and a lot of insight. However, like all these books, it is probably most useful when you are on the upside curve of the recovery. Or when you are helping someone through trauma. That's not a criticism of her book, it's just a fact about books in general. You are seeing the whole picture, from the point of view of the recovered, or recovering. When you are in it, you need a different kind of help.
    That said, I felt it was really good, and had a lot of useful advice.

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

    I think I will check out your DDIL's book. My sister is going through some major emotional trauma right now. In fact, I feel it is still leftover from her ex-husband who hurt her tremendously, several years ago. I think she feels she can no longer trust men and it's making her current life very difficult. I don't really know how to help her. I really wish she would seek out a good therapist, but she's fearful of the cost...and again the healthcare/insurance system in the U.S. is not great about that sort of thing.

    Tina in CA
  • myvt9v4crh
    myvt9v4crh Posts: 391 Member
    <3
  • fanncy0626
    fanncy0626 Posts: 7,152 Member
    Allie sorry that Tracy is being so mean to you. Stay strong because you are important and so is your health. Your daughter will come around.

    💕Mary from Arizona/Minnesota
  • bwcetc
    bwcetc Posts: 2,826 Member
    edited May 2023
    Heather ... I keep forgetting to comment on the photo of your family at Jessamy's book launch. Everyone looked so grown up! Love the words of wisdom there on page 283. Congratulations to all!
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,087 Member
    Evening ladies
    8qp6p2li6rdf.jpg
    Well she can't be to mad she sent me this picture of Miles this afternoon..
    I told her that I have to take care of myself or there wont be a mom or a grandma to worry about..right now she has a tag sale to get ready for tomorrow and Carmine going to prom tomorrow night.. so lots on her plate.
    Tom proposed to Elena on Christmas but they didn't want to say anything..
    Well I say good for them whatever makes them happy..
    Had a lovely time out with the girls had a sangria and a slice of pizza and will be going to see where the crawdad sings next door.
  • TerriRichardson112
    TerriRichardson112 Posts: 18,998 Member
    ☘️
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,249 Member
    GodMomKim wrote: »
    Hi Gals,
    My brain is mush, but a few comments – and to everyone else I thought of you as I read and sent loads of love your way.

    Allie – Everyone else has said some of what I think, but I also think that based on what you have said; Kyle will be pissed and will put all the responsibility to fix this on Tracy and expect her to find daycare that is convenient and free; just like you have provided. So Tracy is lashing out at you, because you are safe to lash out at (she knows you will still love her). Yes I agree with others that this will work though, it will be tough on that family and you have no responsibility, but I understand that you would like to wave a magic wand and make it all better. But as Lisa said so clearly you having a massive heart attack will not be helpful to anyone. You suffered abuse by Tom and it sounds like Tracy is suffering abuse from Kyle, the sooner they figure this out and stop the cycle of abuse the better.

    Heather - The family pictures, the art work by all, is so delightful.

    Pip I like the new fountain, but also liked the wine barrel one, has it stopped working? Or just ready for a change??

    Rita – sending hugs

    Tracey - I had a boss like yours years ago I would get about ½ of the way to work and would have to pull to the side of the road to vomit my stomach was in such a state – almost every day. One day a police officer pulled in behind me to see if I was ok, and I told him what was going on and I was sorry, I hoped it was not considered littering. He was so upset with the situation that he told me to call our Employee assistance program and get out of there that day. And that he would be calling the next day to check. I did they took me out for 16 weeks, and during that time the boss was fired, the company offered me some compensation in return for not suing and I went back to work for them for 4 more years. It was a huge tech company, with many layers above that supervisor but I have always been thankful to that police officer – who never did call by the way… but it was the kick in the butt I needed.

    Thinking of you all.
    Kim
    In N. California

    That one still works, we are going to put that one in front
  • OregonMother
    OregonMother Posts: 1,664 Member
    Oh, Alli. Take a deep breath. Remember mother's day is just a commercial holiday. I can't tell you how many times my family has forgotten it. It's okay. You are still a wonderful mother and a caring human being. I love Margaret's suggestions. Create your own special day, and if no one cares to join you, their loss.

    We love you.

    Flea
    Willamette Valley, OR
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,595 Member
    auntiebk wrote: »
    12. Listen to a favorite pieces of music and remember what it means to you. OK will fire up the ol’ turntable, but Ah, what to choose? Handel’s Messiah? Jefferson Airplane? Wm Tell Overture? Simon and Garfunkel?

    Later, lighter, lovelies!
    Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD x8zcp1ya37k1.gif

    I also enjoy an eclectic selection of music. :):)


    M in Oz

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