WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR AUGUST 2023
Replies
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(((Tracey)))0
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Rebecca
My hubby and I share laundry duties. He runs the laundry through the washer and dryer and puts it on the dining room table. I do all the folding. It's a great system for us. Also, we plan one meal together for each day and the rest is "find it and fix it" We grocery shop together so we sure that we have everything we need for our meals. Jake is the one with the skillet that I am not allowed to touch
🌻🌼🌞😃Barbie in NW WA
That one pan that's their favorite.💖. Tonight I made breakfast for dinner. I had a small pan that I normally use for my eggs. I had butter in it ready to make his scrambled eggs. He proceeded to turn it on hi,, and added some precooked ham we keep in the freezer. So then it looked like he's burnt the butter, things were popping and splattering! Poured in the eggs and it calmed down, but looked like a grand mess to me. I am a calmer cook. Geez!
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa5 -
Tracy hugs dear friend for your daughter, and family. Just so sad.😥🙏
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa0 -
Tracey … there are no words … my heart just hurts for you all. Praying for you and your family1
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Tracey, so sorry about your daughter's bad news. Gentle hugs for all of you.....
Evelyn, Vancouver Island1 -
Tracey please add my hugs and prayers to the others.
Margaret The part about businesses failing do to unwillingness to change struck a serious cord with me. I keep trying to get things changed that will make things work better all around for us, but keep hitting the "we have always done it this way" wall. I will keep trying though (subtlety).
Cooking- The first and last thing my DH cooked for me was scrambled eggs and toast after I had a procedure in 1999. He was already blind, but managed. When he says he is cooking now, it means we are eating out. I like variety in meals, but need them to be quick . We eat a lot of breakfast for dinner.
Christine so wonderful that you are enjoying exercise with mom and daughter!
I learn so much from all of you. I am proud of myself this week for just getting a few things done. I had to pep talk that it would only take 5 minutes, but I got them done. I am not routine. I am often overwhelmed. I had been doing great with water, but have been struggling this past week. I will try to take a page from Barbie and figure out cues for water.
Thank you all for being here!
Kylia in Ohio
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Tracey and family (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
Pans - when I was a kid my Mom was the cook, and a bit of a fancy cook, and quite talented. When I was 8 my Dad's dad died. Grandpa owned a business in Southern California - Riverside Iron Works, so my Dad decided to leave his white color engineering job and take over the business. He moved down in May we moved down in late June after school. By September the business was failing and Dad got offered his old job back. He moved back to N. California and we moved back in December. Shortly after we moved back and mom got the kitchen set up - over dinner my dad said to mom " I am not sure why we had to move all those pans up and back. I used one fry pan and every thing on high for all the cooking I did and it was fine. I thought Mom was going to wack him with a pan. He had to cook dinner the next night and he never cooked again. One fry pan add 1 cube butter, one slice bologna, one egg, one piece of bread turn on high cook until all is light brown - flip take off the stove grab a fork so you don't even need dishes. My mom barely let him in the kitchen after that....
Kim in N. California7 -
2812810
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The napocalypse began this afternoon at four, and if I'd waited five minutes longer, I'd have been curled up asleep on the hallway floor on the way to lay down. Resistance was futile!
Back up at 4 p.m., Corey left work a little early, three rain days have made it where he could get caught up!
Took a shower, ate dinner, went back to bed at 7, slept a couple hours, and about to go try to sleep a couple more. All the sleepless nights are gathering steam to run me over!
Later,
Love,
Lisa in AR
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Lisa - Don’t those storage areas get filled fast. I have to be so careful in our limited space.
I love your sense of humour.
Heather - I think I still have some toddler toys to get rid of here as well.
Carol - I could go into the campus to use their computers for classes. If I don’t get the loan by the weekend I may do that next week. It’s about 30 minutes away though so would prefer not to.
Margaret - that sounds like an interesting book.
Machka - I can use the chat, but no one does. I’m thinking next week when it is just the EA course will be better.
Is this the first time your husband has stayed home since his accident?
Annie - I hope that your Dad gets things switched over to you soon. You will be in a terrible mess.
You are in such a stressful position. Hugs to you.
I do most of the housework and laundry. The truth of the matter is that I enjoy cleaning and tidying and get upset if DH tries to help. I also do the cooking, but I only ever make supper everything else is fend for yourself. I was pleasantly surprised the last two mornings as he had coffee ready for me!
Rebecca - I had completely forgotten about that Judd’s song, thanks for the reminder of it.
Christine - in 2018-2019 I took swimming lessons and haven’t been in a pool since. My DH and I were talking about it last week that I would start again and this week we had a notice that the pool is closed until October.
Barbara - in the food safety course so took we were taught that it is best to let dishes air dry and not to use towels for sanitary reasons.
Terri - I loved the pictures. It looks like a fun day.
Kylia- I am struggling with water too. I start drinking some, it gets warm and I end up not drinking it.
Thank you all so much for your thoughts. I will tell my daughter tomorrow. She knows I’ve been sharing her journey on here.
My son in law is just amazing. They drive to their appointment today in separate vehicles as he has to work tomorrow and she had to have another infusion. They live 5.5 hours away from the clinic. She was going to stay down tonight and drive up tomorrow.
When she told me her news I was worried about the two of them having to make that long drive alone with their thoughts.
He rented a car trailer, loaded her car on it and they drove together. I’m so glad, I know he is as devastated as she is.
It’s so hard when you can’t fix something for your children.
I would give anything to be able to fix this.
I went to the doctor today, she is retiring at the end of December. I don’t know where I’ll find another one like her. Family doctors are very hard to find here. She would have been my doctor for 25 years in May 2024 and I will so miss her.
I decided to go to ceramics tonight, I just needed a distraction. Apparently we all did, it was a cry fest tonight. One lady is struggling with an addicted son, one has a failing Mom. It is good that I have made these friendships though, it is the reason I started. I wanted to make friends.
Well ladies it is after 10 and I better shut it down for the night.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Tracey in Edmonton
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Tracey - Your daughter's husband is more than just a keeper, isn't he. His love for Kaitlyn shows in everything, and making sure she's OK is his first priority. That's how marriage is supposed to be... My heart is with them on their trip.
Rebecca - I have been known to use Corey's cast iron pans against him (not like smacking him, though!
) He was giving me gyp about something in the kitchen, and I told him, "Keep it up, buddy, I'll put your cast iron pans in the dishwasher!" Those are his precious...
Katla - Always good to see your posts.Debbie wrote: Lisa- I am still trying to find the answers. I thought I had figured things out but then things changed that were out of my hands.
I want things to change but right now(again) is not the time to push for big changes. I can't be the one that pushes him over his limit and he does something drastic which he has been close to almost the last 15 months, since dealing with his mom full time.
Things have to change but I feel I have waited 27 yrs for it to change, what is another 6 months or what ever it will be(have been saying this for years now, something dramatic keeps coming up so I put up with things longer)
Debbie, it gave me a start when you said "waited 27 years for it to change." New Year's Eve, 2007, I was sitting in a hotel in Little Rock on layover - I was a flight attendant. I had tried everything to fix my 27-year marriage, including having a gastric bypass, losing 166 pounds, antidepressants, therapy, you name it. I was on the phone with my brother, and told him I was about to give up on my marriage, but I had decided to wait until I was 50, three years down the road, to see if it was fixable. His answer to me was "Why? What's going to change in the next three years that hasn't changed yet?" It stuck in my head, and when I went home from that trip is when I started making preparations to leave.
Change is HARD. Change is always going to be hard. And until I fell out of love with my first husband, I couldn't leave. Not sure you want to hear all this, or that you're ready for it. Keep talking it through, dear. I have faith you'll do the right thing for you, and whether that is to stay or to go, it's OK. It really is your choice.
Christine - @hessiondesign4 Welcome! So pleased that your mom and your daughter are able to truly enjoy the time in the pool as well, and that you were able to get past your previous issues with water. Well done on keeping your weight the same for a number of months! It's a triumph of no small proportions... you'll get a lot of advice here to start tracking your food (if you aren't already). Drop in any time!
Can't remember who noted that their Fitbit wasn't able to see or calculate their calorie burn correctly for swimming. I've learned that it doesn't do well picking up any exercise automatically, so I select that exercise when I'm ready to start walking, or get on the elliptical, or working out, and then stop it manually on the Fitbit when I'm done.
Went back and looked, and barring a couple of exceptions, I've slept less than two hours at a stretch over and over again for more than two weeks. Time in between varies from five minutes to a few hours during the night. Six more days on the prednisone, and hopefully after that, I'll be able to sleep again. I miss it!
Have a grand Thursday, my dears.
Love y'all,
Lisa in AR4 -
Aww Lisa- gee hope you get some uninterrupted sleep soon.
Debbie- what Lisa said..I filed for divorced when my kids were younger ,because I deserved more. And the way it sounds ,you do too.. you put up with so much from your MIL and your husband ..not my place to say.. but start squirreling away money and do what you need to do for yourself..our future isn't promised3 -
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Debbie-I understand your position and hesitancy due to his other issues. I was in the same place with my husband (although he had other issues). I came up mentally with what was my line-and he did not cross it. My kids had asked me to not give up on him because they were concerned he would die. He was the father of my sons and we had good times before his illness took over. I held him while he was dying and told him I had no regrets and I meant it. It is a very personal decision and only you can decide what is correct for you and when it is right. Once I decided to stay I stopped complaints for the most part and that seemed to help.8
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Debbie-I understand your position and hesitancy due to his other issues. I was in the same place with my husband (although he had other issues). I came up mentally with what was my line-and he did not cross it. My kids had asked me to not give up on him because they were concerned he would die. He was the father of my sons and we had good times before his illness took over. I held him while he was dying and told him I had no regrets and I meant it. It is a very personal decision and only you can decide what is correct for you and when it is right. Once I decided to stay I stopped complaints for the most part and that seemed to help.
Ginny- I'm getting goosebumps here. A lot of this was my story.Several times throughout my marriage, I was packed up, but stopped before I got out the door. I mentally removed myself from the situation, made a list of pro's and con's. I knew his chances of changing to be what I considered the perfect husband were slight, but I could choose to see things differently. It took me years to realize this.
At one point in my life, a good friend said "if you hate him that much, why don't you just leave him?" She had been through 2 divorces, and even with that advice, looked back in regret and she wasn't happy, that didn't fix her life and her ex's went on to have very happy lives without her. She remained lonely and miserable, and drifted in and out of bad relationships. That opened my eyes. I didn't hate him, why did I spend so much time putting him down? And dragging myself down in the process??
It didn't stop me from "venting" from time to time, but things fell back into perspective quickly. We had shared an interesting and good life, having made it through job losses, illness, and other events that seemed insurmountable at the time. But above all, we were friends.
And I also had lines he knew he'd better not cross. They involved jeopardizing our finances and his questionable friends who, at the time, were bordering on illegal (the laws have now changed if you get my drift.)
He had demons from an abusive childhood, teenage mistakes and Vietnam. It wasn't my job to exorcise them. My job was to support him and be there for him, and pray he'd work through them. I had my own demons too, and he had his own lines for me as well. So it ended up we worked through them together. It took years. I am grateful for him and the lessons our life together taught me.
As he lay dying last year, I told him I loved him, I'd miss him terribly, and I thanked him for giving me a good life. No qualifiers, no criticism, no regrets. I meant every word. I walked away from the hospital realizing my best friend was now gone. He had been slowly leaving me the past few years, but this was final.
I still talk to him, nearly every day, and I hear the best part of him replying in my mind. He laughs and slaps his knee. He teases. He had a great sense of humor. He often says "you can figure this out. How would I have handled it?"
Maybe counting my blessings has made this widowhood thing a little easier for me.
Make it a fabulous day, ladies.
Lanette
SW WA State15 -
Snowflake1968 wrote: »I’ll catch up later but thought I would pop on to say that our daughter had bad news today.
There is a gestational sac, but there is no baby.
The sac has been giving all of the positive pregnancy tests and was showing on the ultrasound she had last week normally.
I am heartbroken for them.
Tracey
So sorry.2 -
Good morning ladies!
Divorce or Stay - what a heavy topic. There's a huge gray area in between with no clear answers. I was lucky in that when I made my choice (divorce) I had no regrets. It was tough financially for awhile, but I never once missed him.
Anyway, today is a new challenge. Actually tomorrow is the challenge; I have three different appointments. I'm afraid of what the vet might say. But hopefully Teddy gets this collar off and things can get back to normal.
Today we are looking at thunderstorms again.
Have a good day,
Annie in Delaware5 -
Lannette and Ginny HUGS to both and wonderful advice. I am the only one of my Philippines circle of friends divorced. All of them considered it. My advice to them was similar to yours. My ex and I remain friendly, had really good times together, but we're both much happier apart. My friends have made theirs work. I get so aggravated with my current DH, but my life wouldn't be better without him. So I try to look for his good qualities more often.
Love all you ladies and your supportive nature!
Kylia in Ohio6 -
Tracey ~ Hugs and Love to you and your daughter and her husband.
Debbie ~ Change is hard and that’s all I can say. My mom and dad were married for 37 yrs and then got a divorce. They both remarried and were divorces from their second spouses. When my dad needed constant sitters during his last few years, my mom sat with him at night and was there when he died. My DH and I will have been married 54 yrs this month and there were many times when I wish I had had the courage to leave him.
Technology Troubles are hanging over me! I never could get my phone to connect to wifi so yesterday I decided to change my password on my PC. After I did that, I was not able to get the internet to work. In frustration, I did a reset and have spent hours and hours trying to get it all up again.
Carol in GA
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Tracey so very sorry. Heartfelt condolences to all.
Joy1 -
Hopefully I didn't over step my bounds..
Believe you me ,Never did I think I would be divorced not once ,but twice..
But here I am at 63 ,living alone with a dog.
Sure I miss the companionship ,but not the fighting ..and I can do what I want ,when I want .With friends or without and not have to answer to anyone..
I truly believe everything happens for a reason what the reason is I don't know ,But I live my life as best I can and have no fear of when its over.10 -
Making Apple Cider Vinegar -
If any of you use apple cider vinegar, I ran across a nice tutorial on how to make it along with written/printable instructions in the "more" area. I'm getting overwhelmed with apples, have plenty of wide mouth quart jars, still have applesauce from last year, so this sounds like a good solution. Ready to get started this morning.
I think I'll get a Ph tester. I've often wondered how acidic or base a food or drink is, now I can tell. I'll look in a few stores first and see if they sell a packet of the testing strips for a few bucks, otherwise, I'll buy a testing instrument. I love food science .
Lanette
SW WA State6 -
grandmallie wrote: »Aww Lisa- gee hope you get some uninterrupted sleep soon.
Debbie- what Lisa said..I filed for divorced when my kids were younger ,because I deserved more. And the way it sounds ,you do too.. you put up with so much from your MIL and your husband ..not my place to say.. but start squirreling away money and do what you need to do for yourself..our future isn't promised
Lisa and Allie
Kylia, Lynette, Carol and Annie- THANK YOU-
I know, it is up to me to make the move. I have been putting money aside for years. Accounts in my name only that he knows about and another bigger one that he doesn't know about, along with cash here at the house
Small changes are already happening.
Thank you for your insight and support.
Debbie10 -
Hi all.
Had a really nice lunch today with G. I'm really fond of the venue, and now they treat me like a regular.
I had crispy squid with garlic mayonnaise, and a Toulouse sausage with a huge portion of mixed greens. One small glass of white wine. Espresso.
We wandered up through the Lanes together so she could go to her organic grocer and I could buy Italian fennel sausages. All good. We said goodbye, I turned the corner to walk back, and my rogue thigh cramped up and went into spasm. Aaarrrggghhh!
I limped and sat and stretched and limped etc. Agony. I just about made it to the main bus stop and got home somehow.
Had a nap.
Soooo annoying.
Easy cold dinner tonight.
My son still staying overnight. The family return tomorrow.
They are pouring the hall floor today.He is up in London.
Love to all. Heather UK xxxxxx
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Ended my day yesterday at just over 22,000 steps/ten miles -two hour long walks plus an hour of zumba.
Today will just be a 45 min walk with MIL's dog- won't get a lot of steps in with Kobe. That boy stops to pee, or try to pee every 20 steps it seems.
Taking my car into the shop for the 30K service. Having our mechanic do it- the dealer here in town where we bought the car wanted to charge $1200 for it, our guy will charge 400. The dealer in the next town said at most they would charge was $700 and that is IF it needed everything, which it didn't. Glad dh checked around a bit. He read up and saw that $400 was the price most places charged for it. I rarely drive it except right here in town and even then, not that much.
Want to go to the 99cent store after we get done with MIL's.
Hoping to come home after that. I really want to work in the garden some. Needs some weeding and need to tie up my tomatoes and cut back the daikon(hopefully that helps me get bigger ones)
Just sitting here, having my tea(cats all taken care of inside and out), waiting for dh to get off work so we can get the car taken in and get to his mom's. I will walk the dog long enough for him to take care of his mom and we can leave as soon as I get back to the house. I rarely even say anything to her.
Debbie
Napa Valley,CA
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LanetteWise words! Still working on the only one I can truly fix is me. I am starting to see the small changes I am making with Organized Enough making an impact on my day to day life in a positive way. I still can't think of the name of the book where I referred to when trying to make a decision to stay the course, change, or leave. I like what you did when you decided to stay. When you committed to stay what changed was your attitude and that made a big difference. Lucky DH.
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Debbie - chicken question here.
How do your mom's chickens handle the heat? Are they able to stay in the shade all day? The weatherman is now calling, again, for temps in the mid 90's a few days next week. I know they love being under the evergreens and if that's where they'd stay, I'd let them out of the run all day but they like to go on adventures. They did just that this morning and a little hawk flew close to see what was going on. They were twice his size, but still. They need a babysitter and I'm not going to sit out in the sun with them.
I'm going to put better shade over the sunny west side of their run and dump some water in there to make some cool mud for them to stand in. And freeze some of their wet feed into popsicles. Refresh their water with cold tap water a few times a day.
Not spoiled much, lol.
I found a very thin shelled egg next to the roost this morning.... #3 might be getting in gear.
Back to spouses - I also had my secret $$ stash. Never had to use it to start a new life, but it gave me some comfort just knowing it was there.
Lanette
SW WA State4 -
Recommended exercise: cardio 5 days 30 min 3/20
Strength all muscles 2 x 1/8 a week
Flexible (yoga, stretching) 1/8 a week 10 min
Balance 5 days 10 min 2/20
Debbie Try telling everyone dinner is ready 30 minutes before it is! Might help with timing. LOL. I do that with DH with everything else. He does it with me with his cooking. Works if you want to eat hot food.
2023- Altruistic August
Word of the year: appreciate. Today I appreciate my coffee.8. Make some tasty food for someone who will appreciate it. My DH does all the cooking. Perhaps i will look for something KETO to cook. Otherwise, we give food to our co-host often.
Meditation: daily. 9/31 (82%(started Feb)(94%,100%, 74%, 93%,100%)
Walking and exercising slowed down because of record heat this month.
1. cut back drinking and limit to 2 days a week. 7/8–(100%,100%,0%,0%,0%,0%,0%)
2. Average 7,000 steps a week. 5418,4157,(7,700,100%-9851,100%-9526,100%-9,559,100%, -8347,100%—7465,100%—6328,90%)
3. Update budget every 2 weeks 1/2 —(100%,100%,100%,100%,100%, 100%.100%)
4. Contact close family every week (4x) 167/208—(100%,100%,100%,50%, 83%, 100%, 100%)should be 154 by September 1)
5. Contact Donat and sibs once a month (8x)68/94 (100%,100%,100%,100%,100%,100%,100%,100%)
6. Weigh less last day of month compared to first until I reach 140. Start at 178.6,176,174.2,173.4,175.4,174,175.6 (100%,100%,100%,0%,100%,100%,0%)
7. Develop a journaling practice by aiming to journal at least 5 days a week. 5/15 (100%,88%,100%,100%,100%,93%,100%)
8. Read 12 books at least this year. 29/12 (100%)
9. Pay off credit card debt by January 2024 by making monthly payments to NDR/Reach Financial 8/12—(100%.100%,100%,100%,100%,100%,100%)
10. Continue building emergency fund at SLFCU (min$25 a month)$25+$25+$71+700+25+25 +25+25 (100%,100%,100%,100%,100%,100%,100%)
11. April started putting 4% on income in savings. 700,200,200, 107, 157,(100%,100%,100%,100%)
January Met —100%
February met —-90%
March met met —-90%
April met——86.36%
May met——-89%
June met—-99%
July met — met 81%
August met
September met
October met —
November met—
December met—
1. Set an intention to be kind to others (and yourself) this month. I plan to be kind to people I meet and to myself. Not just this month but all the time. It may not be every time, but I will try.
2. Send an uplifting message to someone you can’t be with. I will text my best friend who lives in Michigan, and my friend that lives in NY. Did this
3. Be kind and supportive to everyone you interact with. I did this!
4. Ask someone how they feel and really listen to their reply. I plan to try to remember to do this. Done!
5. Spend time wishing for other people to be happy and well. Will meditate and do this through a loving-kindness meditation.
6. Smile and be friendly to the people you see today. Will do!
7. Give time to help a project or cause you care about. I volunteer at Bottomless Lakes State park and also belong to the ‘Friends of’ group and am on the board as secretary. Does this count?
9. Thank someone you’re grateful to and tell them why. I will!
10. Check in with someone who may be lonely or feeling anxious. Checked in with my son.11. Share an encouraging news story to inspire others.
12. Contact a friend to let them know you’re thinking of them.
13. No plans day! Be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others too.
14. Take an actions to be kind to nature and care for our planet.
15. If someone annoys you, be kind. Imagine how they may be feeling.
16. Make a thoughtful gift as a surprise for someone.
17. Be kind online. Share positive and supportive comments.
18. Today, do something to make life easier for someone else.
19. Be thankful for your food and the people who make it possible.
20. Look for the good in everyone you meet today.
21. Donate unused items, clothes, or food to help a local charity.
22. Give people the gift of your full attention.
23. Share an article, book, or podcast you find helpful.
24. Forgive someone who hurt you in the past.
25. Give your time, energy, or attention to someone in need.
26. Find a way to ‘pay it forward’ or support a good cause.
27. Notice when someone is down and try to brighten his day. (My DH’s birthday. He always gets depressed on this day. Worse this year as he turns 70 today).
28. Have a friendly chat with someone you don’t know very well.
29. Do something kind to help in your local community.
30. Give away something to those who don’t have as much as you.
31. Share Action for Happiness with other people today.
RVRita in Roswell, NM
The best predictor of the future or future behavior is the past. If until this point the relationships, hobby, friendship, job, etc. has not served you in any positive regard, it likely won't in the future.
— YALDA SAFAI, MD, MPHA Word From Verywell
Sunk cost fallacy can be tricky to wrap your head around, and it’s not without nuance. For more clarity in these complex decision-making moments, completely disregard how much you’ve already invested so that it doesn’t hold influence. Then, look at the facts.
Are you satisfied? Have you repeatedly been met with dead ends? Is there still potential for a positive outcome if you continue investing your resources and energy? What are the benefits of walking away and opening a new door? These are the factors that should influence your decision rather than any previously sunk costs.4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMpwaf4oBT4
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