Not bothering to date.. Its all frankly worrying..

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  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    I've been single for the last 2 years and I don't see that changing anytime soon. The last date I went on was from Match.com a few months ago and it was literally a date from hell. He got drunk, started hitting on the waitress, acted like a belligerent jacka$$, and when I asked him to take me back to my car he drove like a maniac and I thought I was going to die. The whole way I drove home he sent me text messages that alternated between what a b**** I was and "But seriously, why did you want to leave?"

    Needless to say I went straight home and deleted my Match account. Although I have been approached a lot recently and asked out I have respectfully declined all offers. I'm just not into it.
    He was drunk and you not only willingly got in the car with him, but asked him to drive?

    You have no friends or taxis in town?


    Way to judge. Actually no I didn't have any friends in town. I was new to the area and I didn't have cash for a cab.

    I'm going to tell some guy I just met that I'm driving his car? He was the idiot in the situation and you're judging me... Cool!
    Pretty sure getting in a car with a beligerent drunk behind the wheel makes you an idiot.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    I'm amazed at how many women go on first (or the first few) dates without having their car nearby or some other means of getting themselves home. Hopefully lesson learned.

    I haven't been in a serious relationship in 4 years and didn't date for two years until this summer when I put an ad on POF and went out with a guy five times. The first three dates were good - he was all charm and compliments, "When can I see you again?", etc..but never made a move, just a quick hug and peck type of thing. Then on dates four and five I felt like I was with a family member or something - no sexual energy at all. Okay, he's not into me, I get it...so why keep asking me out? When he texted for date six I emailed him asking for clarification - does he just wanted to be friends or what? It took him almost a week to answer (this after daily texts and emails) and all he said was that he was sorry for being "so indifferent" but that he doesn't "work well in relationships". A cagey answer to a direct question, so I stopped answering his calls after that.

    Anyhoo - I'm back to not even trying. I just wish there was a viable option other than:

    A. Serious relationship (the pickings are slim at my age and, let's face it - at my size).
    B. Hooking up with a random (easy to find, but dangerous, disease-riddled and skeezy).
    C. Celibacy.

    When I was younger I had a FWB for like, 8 years. He was smokin' hot, not demanding of my time or emotions, and always happy to share his goodies when I was between relationships and then obligingly backed off when I found someone I was serious about. My attempts to find something similar in my 40's has been fraught with disappointment - I don't even bother anymore. So Option C it is. :/
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
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    Dating sucks. I'm over it. There just doesn't' seem to be much hope of finding that perfect fit. I have a kid to raise and a household to maintain. I'm focused on parenting and work for now. maybe I'll work up the energy to date later. :tongue:

    It's funny. whenever I see these horror stories from women about bad dates I think to myself "I'd NEVER do that!" and whenever a woman puts what she wants in a man I think to myself "THAT's ME!". .lol. . But I'm not sure it's true because if it were, I'd have them lining up at my door.

    The worst part is the buildup where you get along really well via phone and text. Then comes the date where she reveals that the picture was from a holiday vacation 10 years ago and then proceeds to talk nonstop for two hours without ever asking you a single question. This is followed by the disappointment of another fail and then it's up to YOU to do the dumping! .

    It just simply isn't worth the effort anymore!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    But I'm not sure it's true because if it were, I'd have them lining up at my door.

    The right women have to know where to find you.
  • gkwatra
    gkwatra Posts: 431 Member
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    My ex fiance dumped me, I was bored, and I headed to online dating.

    Guy #1 wasn't too bad, but he lived with mom and didn't like dogs. That was from match. There wasn't much else on there in my small area, so onto okcupid.

    Guy #2 was an HOUR late to our first date. I don't know why I didn't leave. I don't know why I went out with him again. And again. I refer to him as "wolf shirt guy" because he was wearing a shirt with a wolf on it. I thought he was doing it ironically (if you don't know what I mean, look up amazon wolf shirt review) so I laughed at it, but he was confused and genuinely thought it was a good look. Meanwhile he was late to every other date too. I just stopped answering the phone with that one.

    Guy #3 I feel madly in love with right off the bat and I am marrying in June :)

    LOL at Guy #2 - Why does Zack Galifanackis come to my mind??

    Edited cuz I can't type today ..
  • BigSnicka
    BigSnicka Posts: 151 Member
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    WOW @ this......lol
  • CompressedCarbon
    CompressedCarbon Posts: 357 Member
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    I think I shared this already but guy sniffed my hair like Hannibal Lector and said "You smell good...you smell REAL good"...
    couldn't get away fast enough.

    Funny and sick, all at the same time.
  • scot30316
    scot30316 Posts: 169 Member
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    I haven't had a date in 5 years, married now and met her on okcupid. But I think I might have been someone's worst date once but we still dated for 2 years and I was planning on asking her to marry me but that same morning she told me she was cheating on me :(

    So our first date and I get to the bar early to get a good table in a quiet spot. It was a Saturday around 4 date so we could have a drink or two and if we hit it off great we could do dinner or whatever, if not we still had our evening free. So 4 rolls around no sign of her, no text call nada. 4:30 and still nothing so instead of sitting at the table looking like I got stood-up I moved to the bar and decided to just start drinking. 4 Makers Marks later and I have a real good buzz, chatting with the bar neighbors/bartenders, and it is around 6PM. Then she walks in.

    So I just decided to roll with it and also make up a story about being a recovering heroin addict. So I spend the next 2 hours just getting hammered, talking about heroin and how my dealer was never late and why was she? No idea why she stuck around. But she did, walked her to her car, drunkenly tried to make out with her. She pushed me away, told me to call a cab and left.

    Then called asking me out again the next day. That should have been the clue she was nuts if she was coming back for more.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
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    So there we were, hitting it off splendidly in an outdoor restaurant with live music on a cool pleasant evening. . She's sitting on my lap and it's just a really awesome date in the making. . when suddenly she turns to me and tells me I'm an idiot for believing in God and that If I just tell her that there is no God she'll go home with me then and there. . .

    WTF!?
  • scot30316
    scot30316 Posts: 169 Member
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    So there we were, hitting it off splendidly in an outdoor restaurant with live music on a cool pleasant evening. . She's sitting on my lap and it's just a really awesome date in the making. . when suddenly she turns to me and tells me I'm an idiot for believing in God and that If I just tell her that there is no God she'll go home with me then and there. . .

    WTF!?
    So what did her apartment look like?
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
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    So there we were, hitting it off splendidly in an outdoor restaurant with live music on a cool pleasant evening. . She's sitting on my lap and it's just a really awesome date in the making. . when suddenly she turns to me and tells me I'm an idiot for believing in God and that If I just tell her that there is no God she'll go home with me then and there. . .

    WTF!?
    So what did her apartment look like?

    nice curtains. .but the pentagrams kind of creeped me out.
  • ZombieGeezUs
    ZombieGeezUs Posts: 476
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    Never really had a horrible date. I guess that means I was the horrible date.




    Well f---
  • FirecrackerJess
    FirecrackerJess Posts: 276 Member
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    Not had this problem, since I've not really dated. I blame that on myself though, weight and stuff. I did talk to this one guy for a while, and we seemed to have connected, different states though, and so many issues on both sides. I let someone in emotionally and so did they but they also did something that hurt themselves and in turn hurt me. So although it wasn't real dating and just getting to know each other, it hurt when circumstances brought everything crashing down.

    So now, I'm just not bothering, I don't need more hurt.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    I met my boyfriend over POF. I knew right away after signing up that it was going to be a process and had to learn quick "elimination" tasks.

    Ex - If their first message sent to me was shorter than 4 sentances - then it was an auto-delete.
    If anything was of sexual nature or even complimenting my appearance - it was an auto-delete.
    If did not work/have a car - auto delete.
    If they did not share similar religious/music taste/dogs VS cats/if they liked oysters - it was an auto-delete.

    I had to sift through a lot of unqualified guys. Ended up going on 2 dates and out of those 2, met the same man I am with 4 years later :D The system works, as long as you follow high standards prior to getting to the first date.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    Never really had a horrible date. I guess that means I was the horrible date.




    Well f---

    This was actually my exact thoughts.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    I met my boyfriend over POF. I knew right away after signing up that it was going to be a process and had to learn quick "elimination" tasks.

    Ex - If their first message sent to me was shorter than 4 sentances - then it was an auto-delete.
    If anything was of sexual nature or even complimenting my appearance - it was an auto-delete.
    If did not work/have a car - auto delete.
    If they did not share similar religious/music taste/dogs VS cats/if they liked oysters - it was an auto-delete.

    I had to sift through a lot of unqualified guys. Ended up going on 2 dates and out of those 2, met the same man I am with 4 years later :D The system works, as long as you follow high standards prior to getting to the first date.

    Interesting - I agree with all your auto-delete criteria except the one about them complimenting your appearance. I think a lot of men lead with that and it doesn't necessarily mean they're defective. It depends on whether they're crude about it, I suppose. I was on POF for 18 days this summer and just found it to be too depressing so I quit (did meet one guy; no spark). I got lots of emails in those 18 days (since I was the fresh chum, I'm sure) but the men who contacted me were all functionally illiterate, looking for a hook-up, very physically unattractive, crude, stupid, weird, and usually some combination thereof. It's tough out there, I tell ya. lol
  • just_Jennie1
    just_Jennie1 Posts: 1,233
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    I tell my husband every single day that I am SO happy to be married because there is no way I'm ever going back into the dating pool.
  • charliex2202
    charliex2202 Posts: 4,281 Member
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    Dating feels more like a checklist thing now anyways, if you tick all the boxes then you have a chance etc lol....I guess i'm old fashioned but I personally like the romance, flirting, fun and shyness that comes with meeting someone for the 1st time...

    Hopeless Romantic to the end!

    ~Charlie
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    Dating feels more like a checklist thing now anyways, if you tick all the boxes then you have a chance etc lol....I guess i'm old fashioned but I personally like the romance, flirting, fun and shyness that comes with meeting someone for the 1st time...

    Hopeless Romantic to the end!

    ~Charlie

    Is more of your dating online or in person? Online is more checklist oriented.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
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    I met my boyfriend over POF. I knew right away after signing up that it was going to be a process and had to learn quick "elimination" tasks.

    Ex - If their first message sent to me was shorter than 4 sentances - then it was an auto-delete.
    If anything was of sexual nature or even complimenting my appearance - it was an auto-delete.
    If did not work/have a car - auto delete.
    If they did not share similar religious/music taste/dogs VS cats/if they liked oysters - it was an auto-delete.

    I had to sift through a lot of unqualified guys. Ended up going on 2 dates and out of those 2, met the same man I am with 4 years later :D The system works, as long as you follow high standards prior to getting to the first date.

    I do the same thing on that site now because my inbox is always full and only one or two meet all of the boxes to be worthy of a reply, the others are sexual in nature, have no content, or they are jobless haha

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