An open letter...
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ps....mommy and daddy are going away without you this weekend to celebrate our anniversary almost 2 weeks late and grammie and grampa are coming to stay with you and we aren't telling you until we head out the door for the weekend....sorry for the short notice but i really cant handle all the complaining until we leave...
Bless your heart! I hope Grammie and Granpa are prepared! Have a great trip!0 -
Dear Wonderful Husband,
You're the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I love more than all the stars in thy sky. You couldnt make me any happier. You're absolutely PERFECT for me. But.. If you don't stop SNORING in my ear like a jet engine at night, I'm gonna choke you out in the middle of the night! And hey.. you gotta share those covers, yes I do get cold too.. And... You can't sleep in the middle of the bed... I need some room too, and i'm FAT! I need more than three inches.. I enjoy being close to you and cuddling with you, but holding on for dear life so I dont' fall off the bed, yeah.. NOT ENJOYABLE!!!
Love you always,
You're Loving Caring Almost Murderous Wife!
PS Did I tell you how much I love you!?0 -
Dear Family,
Why must laundry sit on the couch folded for over 48 hours? I folded it the least someone could do is put it away...it will sit there until you do! :-)
Yours truly,
Mom
THIS
SO THIS
THIS THIS THIS0 -
Dear Husband,
Thanks for loving me each and everyday... and helping me with the laundry when I simply get overwhelmed by it. Oh, and thanks for the awesome Anniversary gift - Michael Franti & Spearhead rocked and I was so happy to see you tapping your feet too!
Love,
Your "Lil Momma"
***************************************
Dear Eldest Daughter,
I love you, but your constant whining is like nails on a chalk board. You are an intelligent, fun, sweet girl, believe in yourself (and stop biting your nails!) Please smile more, don't be so grumpy when you wake up.... that's Mommy's job! Oh, and you're only 4.5 years old, forget about Tristan being mean to you - he's SO not worth it!
Hugs,
"I'm not your friend, I'm your Momma"
Dear Youngest Daughter,
I can't help it but laugh when you sass me, but those screaming tantrums... take it upstairs to your room and when your done, you can come down and snuggle with me. Oh, and you rock for never waking me up when you need to go potty at 3 a.m. So little, but so big!
Kisses,
Momma
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Dear Mom,
Nothing's "happened" or "Changed" since yesterday, but thanks for the call!
xo,
Your doting daughter
***************************************
Dear loving husband,
Thanks for the new coach purse you don't know about yet... You'll be well thanked later :devil:
Your Angel.0 -
Dear Family,
I've cleaned house today. I'm thinking of changing the locks... and my name. It's not Mom or mommy or mama anymore. And NO - you don't get the new key and I'm not telling you my new name.0 -
Dear loving husband,
Thanks for the new coach purse you don't know about yet... You'll be well thanked later :devil:
Your Angel.
Fantastic! Apparently Santa visited you early, hey, he can't hit EVERY house on the 25th ya know... ;]0 -
Dear Brothers:
You are way cooler now that I don't live with you any more. It's cool that we can enjoy hanging out. And thus far you proven surprisingly capable of choosing significant others. Good on y'all. It's nice to have some cool chicks to hang out with at family things.
Your Big But No Longer Bigger Than You Sister 0 -
Dear Cashier at Walmart,
Can you please put my bread in the same bag with the shrimp. I really love getting my groceries home and having the shrimp leak out all over it. It makes a fabulous sandwich. I also like to get my eggs home all broken, it saves me the extra time it takes to crack them. And one last thing, could you atleast smile when I give you my money. After all, I am the one who should be frowning because I have to give it to you. Have a nice day!0 -
I can just see you whipping out that knife and saying "Welcome to Thunderdome, b!tch" haha
It's the fatigues. I rock'em
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear Wonderful Husband,
You're the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I love more than all the stars in thy sky. You couldnt make me any happier. You're absolutely PERFECT for me. But.. If you don't stop SNORING in my ear like a jet engine at night, I'm gonna choke you out in the middle of the night! And hey.. you gotta share those covers, yes I do get cold too.. And... You can't sleep in the middle of the bed... I need some room too, and i'm FAT! I need more than three inches.. I enjoy being close to you and cuddling with you, but holding on for dear life so I dont' fall off the bed, yeah.. NOT ENJOYABLE!!!
Love you always,
You're Loving Caring Almost Murderous Wife!
PS Did I tell you how much I love you!?
BAHAHAHA I laughed so hard I cried! I really enjoyed the holding on for dear life part.0 -
Dear woman in the self check grocery store line,
Thank you for your patience and the rythmic tapping of your toes, and the time check every 15 seconds. I apologize that I had to look up the codes for my fruits and vegies (darn stickers musta fell off) and weigh each bag. My 5 items normally would have only taken 2 minutes to check out. Just because I liked the look of your over made up evil eye, and the idea that your 4 inch stiletto heels were uncomfortable (well you were going one foot to the other, or maybe you had to pee?), oh, and that your Haagen Daz was dripping on your skirt, I made a point of having a "fat b!tch" moment and taking 5 minutes to do my transaction. I am truly sorry if I caused you any inconvenience with my purposeful fumbling and inneptitude. I sincerely hope that the chocolate colored Haagen Daz drippage on the front of your oatmeal colored wool skirt comes out (I wish I could hear you scream when you see it). Have a nice day!
"fat b!tch" ahead of you in line.
P.S. I would have that large bubble on the side of your front tire looked at. Wouldn't want your BMW sports can to hurt anyone when the tire blows.0 -
Dear woman in the self check grocery store line,
Thank you for your patience and the rythmic tapping of your toes, and the time check every 15 seconds. I apologize that I had to look up the codes for my fruits and vegies (darn stickers musta fell off) and weigh each bag. My 5 items normally would have only taken 2 minutes to check out. Just because I liked the look of your over made up evil eye, and the idea that your 4 inch stiletto heels were uncomfortable (well you were going one foot to the other, or maybe you had to pee?), oh, and that your Haagen Daz was dripping on your skirt, I made a point of having a "fat b!tch" moment and taking 5 minutes to do my transaction. I am truly sorry if I caused you any inconvenience with my purposeful fumbling and inneptitude. I sincerely hope that the chocolate colored Haagen Daz drippage on the front of your oatmeal colored wool skirt comes out (I wish I could hear you scream when you see it). Have a nice day!
"fat b!tch" ahead of you in line.
P.S. I would have that large bubble on the side of your front tire looked at. Wouldn't want your BMW sports can to hurt anyone when the tire blows.
Oh hell no, tell me she didn't call you a "fat b1tch". I would have gone apesh!t crazy on her *kitten*.0 -
Dear woman in the self check grocery store line,
Thank you for your patience and the rythmic tapping of your toes, and the time check every 15 seconds. I apologize that I had to look up the codes for my fruits and vegies (darn stickers musta fell off) and weigh each bag. My 5 items normally would have only taken 2 minutes to check out. Just because I liked the look of your over made up evil eye, and the idea that your 4 inch stiletto heels were uncomfortable (well you were going one foot to the other, or maybe you had to pee?), oh, and that your Haagen Daz was dripping on your skirt, I made a point of having a "fat b!tch" moment and taking 5 minutes to do my transaction. I am truly sorry if I caused you any inconvenience with my purposeful fumbling and inneptitude. I sincerely hope that the chocolate colored Haagen Daz drippage on the front of your oatmeal colored wool skirt comes out (I wish I could hear you scream when you see it). Have a nice day!
"fat b!tch" ahead of you in line.
P.S. I would have that large bubble on the side of your front tire looked at. Wouldn't want your BMW sports can to hurt anyone when the tire blows.
sometimes i have "fat b!tch" moments too.. and that is the best part of my day.. especially when the "HOTT *kitten* WOMAN" has DRIPPAGE on her!! LOL Stupid people!0 -
Dear Skirt:
Stay. Where. I. Put You.
Love,
My Legs0 -
Dear woman in the self check grocery store line,
Thank you for your patience and the rythmic tapping of your toes, and the time check every 15 seconds. I apologize that I had to look up the codes for my fruits and vegies (darn stickers musta fell off) and weigh each bag. My 5 items normally would have only taken 2 minutes to check out. Just because I liked the look of your over made up evil eye, and the idea that your 4 inch stiletto heels were uncomfortable (well you were going one foot to the other, or maybe you had to pee?), oh, and that your Haagen Daz was dripping on your skirt, I made a point of having a "fat b!tch" moment and taking 5 minutes to do my transaction. I am truly sorry if I caused you any inconvenience with my purposeful fumbling and inneptitude. I sincerely hope that the chocolate colored Haagen Daz drippage on the front of your oatmeal colored wool skirt comes out (I wish I could hear you scream when you see it). Have a nice day!
"fat b!tch" ahead of you in line.
P.S. I would have that large bubble on the side of your front tire looked at. Wouldn't want your BMW sports can to hurt anyone when the tire blows.
HAHA I love the moments of imagining what would happen to horrible people and thinking of being that lucky mouse in the corner watching! Too bad I'm not a mouse. I'm FAT!0 -
Dear 4 year old son,
Why do you persist in invading our bedspace in the middle of the night and waking me up at silly o clock as soon as the sun rises, i dont wish to know that the time is now "oh six dot dot oh 4", "oh six dot dot oh 5", "oh six dot dot oh 6", ad nauseum all the way through to "oh seven dot dot oh oh".
This is not helping my early morning moods and creates negativity between myself and your mother, who's space you invade all the time creating the friction I dont really need right now when I am focusing on many things at the same time.
Dear 10 year old daughter,
Why do walk around with a face like a smacked-*kitten* when you recieve more in one month than I ever recieved in 20 years...the shear fact you have a pony erks me, the money invested in this would could be put to much better use with investing in property but what the hell do I know about anything.!!!
Dear fellow buiness-owner next door,
I've got news for you son-shine!!
Since your arrival about 6 months ago I have now managed to put my radio into retirement after 7 years of hard work!
Do you think you own this place? Not only do you disturb my peace which I have been used to, but your biggest customer happens to be very closely related to me! Haha - so when your mass of work that you take for granted now becomes a dribble and then fades away - blame yourself for your bad attitude to your biggest source of income!
Dear toothache,
Take a friggin hike! I've put up with your constant gnawing for 3 days now and frankly - i hate you!
Done!0 -
Dear Husband,
Why haven't you called me yet to say good morning? Thanks for leaving your dirty socks on the living room floor. I can't wait to come home and clean the mess up! Yay.
Love,
Your baby mamma
LMFAO! WORD - ARE WE WITH THE SAME MAN?0 -
Dear 4 year old son,
Why do you persist in invading our bedspace in the middle of the night and waking me up at silly o clock as soon as the sun rises, i dont wish to know that the time is now "oh six dot dot oh 4", "oh six dot dot oh 5", "oh six dot dot oh 6", ad nauseum all the way through to "oh seven dot dot oh oh".
This is not helping my early morning moods and creates negativity between myself and your mother, who's space you invade all the time creating the friction I dont really need right now when I am focusing on many things at the same time.
Aww! He just wanted to be with daddy and mommy in their snuggly bed!0 -
LMFAO! WORD - ARE WE WITH THE SAME MAN?
Well that could cause all sorts of intrigue and scandal on the MFP message boards!!0 -
I love this thread!!!! And I just want to add:
Dear 170s, I am coming for you! 180.000 today (grrrrrrr), and although you have eluded me for years - this is a war that you are not going to win. Your delay tactics are NOT working. I can be very very patient. All I can say is watch your back - this is your last week!0
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