vent--There are too many skinny people at the gym
Replies
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Just a couple of things:I know that that sounds stupid but I wish someone would open a gym where you have to be at least 25 pounds overweight to join. I go to a pretty nice one and overall people are pretty nice but when you are currently proud that you know you are exercising because your stomach fat has separated into two distinct groups working out next to Joe Meat head and Trophy wife wearing too much perfume and too little clothing can just make you feel less good about being there.
I know, I know, I am being silly and I should just ignore distractions like this but am I alone? Does anyone else feel just a little more insecure working out amongst the already insanely fit?
1. No one really looks around the gym unless someone is really trying to get people's attention (whether through clothing, grunting, etc.)
2. Betting almost all of them started with weight to lose and are now still working out to maintain. And you can be right there with them in time.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
ok, so i only got through one page of those replies to this post - and my goodness. some people take other peoples thoughts far too seriously!
i totally get what you mean OP, and i know that your 'fat people gym' idea was a joke of sorts. i like it - and im with you.
i was just at the gym last week before a yogalaties class, and the cardio class that was finishing up had this girl in it.. holy crow her body was amazing! like really, what was she even doing there?? she doesnt need the cardio, I need the cardio!
it would be awesome to have a gym where there are zero judgments, and people just straight up support each other. i think - well, i hope - that most gyms really are like that once you open up a little. i plan on actually joining the gym later this year (i was on a trial pass, i work out at home) and i look forward to being a support (maybe an inspiration?) to other gym goers.
But the only person passing judgement was the OP.
This! Why don't the people defending the OP see this? How did the use of derogatory stereotypes not get noticed by them?
By feeling the same embarrassment and shame that the OP does when surrounded by others that you can't measure up to and not necessarily the literal translation of the precise words used to convey the message.
It comes in lots of areas of life and it is reality. Last time I was at the gym I got nothing but looks of disgust from the "skinny" people. At my daughters pre-school the only two families who would have anything to do with me, at the various events theat were held, were the black families, because my daughter is mixed and not white like the other kids. When registering my daughter for kindergarten I was the only fat parent there in the district office. They sat there talking about their new wood floors and what they were going to do with their day now that the baby is in school, how they were going to teach yoga class and what kind of new huge suburban type thing they were going to get. I was noticed when I entered and was then treated like I was invisible... non existent... or something to disgust because I wasn't like them. I wasn't skinny like them. I wasn't fiscally well to do like them. I wast vegan like them. I wasn't (fill in the blank) like them. This is the world we live in. It sucks.
I pride myself on having a relatively thick skin when it comes to the junk I deal with, but in the end I cry. It does get to me. I try to hold my head up high and walk around like I am confident in who I am and how I look, but it is an act. Does any of this mean skinny people are bad or that people who are different than ourselves are bad? No. But it sure does mean I know what its like to be there. The fat one. Feeling like the butt of their jokes every time you hear them laugh near you but can't quite make out what they are saying. If understanding what someone is trying to convey through the hurtful words they may use is wrong, then count me proud to be wrong.
Next time someone calls me a racial slur I'll be sure to look through their hurtful words to get the actual meaning.
Or does looking past hurtful words only count when it relates to things that make the person saying the hurtful crap feel bad? Or just when it's about things you've worked damn hard for, put time and sweat and god knows what else into VS the way you're born?
I'm slow so I need to know what hurtful words I look past and what ones I'm allowed to be offended by, based on how the person tossing out those hurtful words feels on the inside.
And, side note, I'm not offended by jokes about people feeling like they're in danger when they go on walks. Since I'm not offended by that no one else can be offended either, k?
I don't expect to understand everyone. Someone asked a questions and I simply responded, reflecting on my own life experiences as to why people would defend or understand. Commiserate even. Everyone has been given a different life and different challenges to overcome in it and most people wouldn't understand the challenges that you face or that I do. But approaching life from a standpoint of compassion (as much as I am able) is how I choose to live.
I'll be honest. I moved once because a neighbor used the N word in front of my kids once and I wasn't having it. This last year has been a fight where I get to try to make my daughter believe she is beautiful when nobody around her looks like her. She is 5 and feels like an outcast because she is different than the other kids. In my life this feeling has never really gone away. I left elementary school with many emotional scars that I still have to consciously fight against. Some people learn to hate themselves, others lash out.
If I ever manage to not be fat, I will be that "skinny" person who reaches out to the overweight that are trying and help to lift them up because I know what it is like to have been there, not the one yelling at them because they were embarrassed and hurting and lashed out in response to their pain. I am not saying her words were the best choices, but I can't claim I have never had similar thoughts myself. I dreaded events at my daughter's school. I dreaded being surrounded by those perfect, beautiful "yoga moms" who (at least in public) had all their ducks lined up and their husbands who earned enough they didn't have to work and who wouldn't even acknowledge me when I said "excuse me" as I tried to get past them to get to a seat to watch the kids perform. Nobody is perfect. Everyone judges on some degree. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying.
I have no compassion for those who use slurs or offensive language. Nor do I think anyone else should.
I've been fat (225+ pounds). I've been insecure. I've hated .yswkf on such a deep level I wanted to crawl into a hole and cease to exist because surely life could not be anything but pain and hurt.
And yet I manage to not call others offensive names. My sympathy or compassion for those who do is and will always be nil. If after being judged and called names you think doing the same is anything but awful you make my requirements for being an awful person.
But I'm glad you find a measure of pride in getting the OP.0 -
To OP:
True confidence is being proud of yourself no matter the people around you.0 -
I'm still 200 lbs, but I've lost 40lbs. and I'm so happy with that and so confident about it, no one makes me feel bad about myself anymore. I guess it's just a mental place you have to get to.0
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Go to the gym and focus on you. Turn on some good music and tune out every other person there. You don't know what anyone else's story is. You don't know how that "trophy wife" or "meathead" used to be, maybe they used to be 400 lbs and worked their *kitten* off to get to the point where they are now. Don't be so judgmental about other people.
I'd also add that you don't know who that "trophy wife" or "meathead" is. Many people simply do not like being labeled.0 -
bottom line is I don't know why so many of you are getting so upset over a girl with insecurities. and all I said was that being overweight is definitely less accepted than being a normal weight is, therefore the insecurity will be at a higher level. i personally have been judged by said 'trophy wives' and 'meatheads' when i was running on a treadmill at almost 300 pounds. I've encountered people similar to those types on this forum as well. what makes them trophy wives and meatheads is NOT their body. its their mentality and attitude. so not every single person who is fit is gonna be one of those types. I've met plenty of MFP vets that have treated me with respect and others that have made me feel like a complete idiot for asking questions. i mean come on people really? the girl is obviously insecure and its ridiculous that some of you are trying to compare the stigma attached to being overweight to the stigma of being at a normal weight. everything about being at a normal weight is more favorable. better health, more energy, more confidence. its like saying "straight people get made fun of too" when talking about gay rights. whether anyone agrees or not, society has built a certain set of standards and at the time, its hard for people to ignore what society says and focus on themselves. but if we work together we can help each other realize that it really is whats inside that matters. i don't want to come off negatively but i just find it unfair the way OP is being slammed. saying 'i know it sounds stupid' and things of that nature clearly imply that shes not trying to state any hard facts or pass serious judgement
How about you look past the words those people who make you feel like an idiot use?
no, because there is no reason for people to act the way they do on here sometimes. I've asked before 'what are your favorite tips and tricks for newbies losing weight?" im not even a newbie, i just wanted to know what everyones favorite advice was and i got responses like 'get up off your *kitten* and move.' like really? and most of the people who tell me that are super fit and almost seem angry that they have to work so hard or something like i don't get it
Now see, those type of responses motivate me. Different people respond to different things and different people take different approaches. I need a kick in the ***. Heck, even mocking me works. Tell me I can't do it and I will do it for spite. Other people shut down at that type of motivation. A good coach or trainer can read their client and use the appropriate approach. The problem is, on a forum like this, you don't know who responds to what and it is hard to get a read on someone. In a thread like that you'll get the whole gammit of responses from the soft, cheerleader type responses to the hard line just do it responses. It doesn't mean they are angry. Take what you need and move on.
Plus, the advice - move more - is essentially some of the best advice that can be given. Simple, direct and effective. But if one can look beyond the OPs delivery why can't one look past the voice of "get up off ..."0 -
Are you new to the gym experience? It can be very intimidating at first. You will notice once you've been there awhile that you see all kinds of people there: old, young, fat, skinny, average, middle-aged, musclebound, lean, etc. You are now one of them! You fit right in. I think it's good that you're realizing what you thought and how you felt at the gym. Like many people do, you're projecting your insecurities and nervousness onto others. Because you're not sure if you belong there yet, you imagine other people are judging or rejecting you. But most likely, they're not. I'm middle-aged and have about 20 lbs. to lose. I lift weights, use the machines, and do cardio on the treadmill and stair master. I put in my earbuds and listen to 80s music. If I notice people, it's usually to silently affirm how hard they're working (and to sometimes use that as inspiration to ME to kick it up a notch), or to think, maybe that's what I'll look like someday. If someone's thinking rude or mean thoughts about you, they're rude or mean everywhere, not just the gym, and not just to you. It's their problem, not yours. Keep doing the right thing, and I hope you feel more comfortable at the gym soon!0
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Well that's the way the world is.0
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bottom line is I don't know why so many of you are getting so upset over a girl with insecurities. and all I said was that being overweight is definitely less accepted than being a normal weight is, therefore the insecurity will be at a higher level. i personally have been judged by said 'trophy wives' and 'meatheads' when i was running on a treadmill at almost 300 pounds. I've encountered people similar to those types on this forum as well. what makes them trophy wives and meatheads is NOT their body. its their mentality and attitude. so not every single person who is fit is gonna be one of those types. I've met plenty of MFP vets that have treated me with respect and others that have made me feel like a complete idiot for asking questions. i mean come on people really? the girl is obviously insecure and its ridiculous that some of you are trying to compare the stigma attached to being overweight to the stigma of being at a normal weight. everything about being at a normal weight is more favorable. better health, more energy, more confidence. its like saying "straight people get made fun of too" when talking about gay rights. whether anyone agrees or not, society has built a certain set of standards and at the time, its hard for people to ignore what society says and focus on themselves. but if we work together we can help each other realize that it really is whats inside that matters. i don't want to come off negatively but i just find it unfair the way OP is being slammed. saying 'i know it sounds stupid' and things of that nature clearly imply that shes not trying to state any hard facts or pass serious judgement
How about you look past the words those people who make you feel like an idiot use?
no, because there is no reason for people to act the way they do on here sometimes. I've asked before 'what are your favorite tips and tricks for newbies losing weight?" im not even a newbie, i just wanted to know what everyones favorite advice was and i got responses like 'get up off your *kitten* and move.' like really? and most of the people who tell me that are super fit and almost seem angry that they have to work so hard or something like i don't get it
And there was no reason for the op to call people meatheads or trophy wives and yet you sympathize with her. Why is it you can interpret people's words a certain way and be offended but when the OP flat out calls people names people are being unfair to call her on it?
Help me understand0 -
They're just jealous of your amazing psychic powers.They sat there talking about their new wood floors and what they were going to do with their day now that the baby is in school, how they were going to teach yoga class and what kind of new huge suburban type thing they were going to get. I was noticed when I entered and was then treated like I was invisible... non existent... or something to disgust because I wasn't like them. I wasn't skinny like them. I wasn't fiscally well to do like them. I wast vegan like them. I wasn't (fill in the blank) like them. This is the world we live in. It sucks.0 -
They sat there talking about their new wood floors and what they were going to do with their day now that the baby is in school, how they were going to teach yoga class and what kind of new huge suburban type thing they were going to get. I was noticed when I entered and was then treated like I was invisible... non existent... or something to disgust because I wasn't like them. I wasn't skinny like them. I wasn't fiscally well to do like them. I wast vegan like them. I wasn't (fill in the blank) like them. This is the world we live in. It sucks.
Holy projection, batman!0 -
I'm still 200 lbs, but I've lost 40lbs. and I'm so happy with that and so confident about it, no one makes me feel bad about myself anymore. I guess it's just a mental place you have to get to.
I love this response. thank you for your kindness0 -
bottom line is I don't know why so many of you are getting so upset over a girl with insecurities. and all I said was that being overweight is definitely less accepted than being a normal weight is, therefore the insecurity will be at a higher level. i personally have been judged by said 'trophy wives' and 'meatheads' when i was running on a treadmill at almost 300 pounds. I've encountered people similar to those types on this forum as well. what makes them trophy wives and meatheads is NOT their body. its their mentality and attitude. so not every single person who is fit is gonna be one of those types. I've met plenty of MFP vets that have treated me with respect and others that have made me feel like a complete idiot for asking questions. i mean come on people really? the girl is obviously insecure and its ridiculous that some of you are trying to compare the stigma attached to being overweight to the stigma of being at a normal weight. everything about being at a normal weight is more favorable. better health, more energy, more confidence. its like saying "straight people get made fun of too" when talking about gay rights. whether anyone agrees or not, society has built a certain set of standards and at the time, its hard for people to ignore what society says and focus on themselves. but if we work together we can help each other realize that it really is whats inside that matters. i don't want to come off negatively but i just find it unfair the way OP is being slammed. saying 'i know it sounds stupid' and things of that nature clearly imply that shes not trying to state any hard facts or pass serious judgement
How about you look past the words those people who make you feel like an idiot use?
no, because there is no reason for people to act the way they do on here sometimes. I've asked before 'what are your favorite tips and tricks for newbies losing weight?" im not even a newbie, i just wanted to know what everyones favorite advice was and i got responses like 'get up off your *kitten* and move.' like really? and most of the people who tell me that are super fit and almost seem angry that they have to work so hard or something like i don't get it
And there was no reason for the op to call people meatheads or trophy wives and yet you sympathize with her. Why is it you can interpret people's words a certain way and be offended but when the OP flat out calls people names people are being unfair to call her on it?
Help me understand
because some people are nice. some are mean. some are tall, some are short. some are judgemental and some aren't. and in this case, fit girls and guys that have a different mentality since losing weight and treat overweight people differently are considered 'meatheads' and 'trophy wives.' NOT AL FIT PEOPLE. regardless. who here is coming off in a negative way? the OP, who clearly said 'i know this sounds stupid but this is how i feel' or all the other people on here who are just looking for something to attack0 -
bottom line is I don't know why so many of you are getting so upset over a girl with insecurities. and all I said was that being overweight is definitely less accepted than being a normal weight is, therefore the insecurity will be at a higher level. i personally have been judged by said 'trophy wives' and 'meatheads' when i was running on a treadmill at almost 300 pounds. I've encountered people similar to those types on this forum as well. what makes them trophy wives and meatheads is NOT their body. its their mentality and attitude. so not every single person who is fit is gonna be one of those types. I've met plenty of MFP vets that have treated me with respect and others that have made me feel like a complete idiot for asking questions. i mean come on people really? the girl is obviously insecure and its ridiculous that some of you are trying to compare the stigma attached to being overweight to the stigma of being at a normal weight. everything about being at a normal weight is more favorable. better health, more energy, more confidence. its like saying "straight people get made fun of too" when talking about gay rights. whether anyone agrees or not, society has built a certain set of standards and at the time, its hard for people to ignore what society says and focus on themselves. but if we work together we can help each other realize that it really is whats inside that matters. i don't want to come off negatively but i just find it unfair the way OP is being slammed. saying 'i know it sounds stupid' and things of that nature clearly imply that shes not trying to state any hard facts or pass serious judgement
How about you look past the words those people who make you feel like an idiot use?
no, because there is no reason for people to act the way they do on here sometimes. I've asked before 'what are your favorite tips and tricks for newbies losing weight?" im not even a newbie, i just wanted to know what everyones favorite advice was and i got responses like 'get up off your *kitten* and move.' like really? and most of the people who tell me that are super fit and almost seem angry that they have to work so hard or something like i don't get it
And there was no reason for the op to call people meatheads or trophy wives and yet you sympathize with her. Why is it you can interpret people's words a certain way and be offended but when the OP flat out calls people names people are being unfair to call her on it?
Help me understand
because some people are nice. some are mean. some are tall, some are short. some are judgemental and some aren't. and in this case, fit girls and guys that have a different mentality since losing weight and treat overweight people differently are considered 'meatheads' and 'trophy wives.' NOT AL FIT PEOPLE. regardless. who here is coming off in a negative way? the OP, who clearly said 'i know this sounds stupid but this is how i feel' or all the other people on here who are just looking for something to attack
Except OP said these people were nice to her, then called them that...0 -
the crime here is that ANYONE is looking at an overweight person and judging. but when a fat person is judging a skinny one, do you think its from a cruel place? or one of jealousy? and when a skinny person is judging a fat one. is that out of cruelty or jealousy?0
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bottom line is I don't know why so many of you are getting so upset over a girl with insecurities. and all I said was that being overweight is definitely less accepted than being a normal weight is, therefore the insecurity will be at a higher level. i personally have been judged by said 'trophy wives' and 'meatheads' when i was running on a treadmill at almost 300 pounds. I've encountered people similar to those types on this forum as well. what makes them trophy wives and meatheads is NOT their body. its their mentality and attitude. so not every single person who is fit is gonna be one of those types. I've met plenty of MFP vets that have treated me with respect and others that have made me feel like a complete idiot for asking questions. i mean come on people really? the girl is obviously insecure and its ridiculous that some of you are trying to compare the stigma attached to being overweight to the stigma of being at a normal weight. everything about being at a normal weight is more favorable. better health, more energy, more confidence. its like saying "straight people get made fun of too" when talking about gay rights. whether anyone agrees or not, society has built a certain set of standards and at the time, its hard for people to ignore what society says and focus on themselves. but if we work together we can help each other realize that it really is whats inside that matters. i don't want to come off negatively but i just find it unfair the way OP is being slammed. saying 'i know it sounds stupid' and things of that nature clearly imply that shes not trying to state any hard facts or pass serious judgement
How about you look past the words those people who make you feel like an idiot use?
no, because there is no reason for people to act the way they do on here sometimes. I've asked before 'what are your favorite tips and tricks for newbies losing weight?" im not even a newbie, i just wanted to know what everyones favorite advice was and i got responses like 'get up off your *kitten* and move.' like really? and most of the people who tell me that are super fit and almost seem angry that they have to work so hard or something like i don't get it
And there was no reason for the op to call people meatheads or trophy wives and yet you sympathize with her. Why is it you can interpret people's words a certain way and be offended but when the OP flat out calls people names people are being unfair to call her on it?
Help me understand
because some people are nice. some are mean. some are tall, some are short. some are judgemental and some aren't. and in this case, fit girls and guys that have a different mentality since losing weight and treat overweight people differently are considered 'meatheads' and 'trophy wives.' NOT AL FIT PEOPLE. regardless. who here is coming off in a negative way? the OP, who clearly said 'i know this sounds stupid but this is how i feel' or all the other people on here who are just looking for something to attack
This is awfully analogous to many justifications of slurs I've heard. Well, I don't mean all _____, just those ______ ______.0 -
Go to the gym and focus on you. Turn on some good music and tune out every other person there. You don't know what anyone else's story is. You don't know how that "trophy wife" or "meathead" used to be, maybe they used to be 400 lbs and worked their *kitten* off to get to the point where they are now. Don't be so judgmental about other people.
I'd also add that you don't know who that "trophy wife" or "meathead" is. Many people simply do not like being labeled.
Exactly. I forgot to add that in my original post.. too many thoughts going through my head at once!0 -
bottom line is I don't know why so many of you are getting so upset over a girl with insecurities. and all I said was that being overweight is definitely less accepted than being a normal weight is, therefore the insecurity will be at a higher level. i personally have been judged by said 'trophy wives' and 'meatheads' when i was running on a treadmill at almost 300 pounds. I've encountered people similar to those types on this forum as well. what makes them trophy wives and meatheads is NOT their body. its their mentality and attitude. so not every single person who is fit is gonna be one of those types. I've met plenty of MFP vets that have treated me with respect and others that have made me feel like a complete idiot for asking questions. i mean come on people really? the girl is obviously insecure and its ridiculous that some of you are trying to compare the stigma attached to being overweight to the stigma of being at a normal weight. everything about being at a normal weight is more favorable. better health, more energy, more confidence. its like saying "straight people get made fun of too" when talking about gay rights. whether anyone agrees or not, society has built a certain set of standards and at the time, its hard for people to ignore what society says and focus on themselves. but if we work together we can help each other realize that it really is whats inside that matters. i don't want to come off negatively but i just find it unfair the way OP is being slammed. saying 'i know it sounds stupid' and things of that nature clearly imply that shes not trying to state any hard facts or pass serious judgement
How about you look past the words those people who make you feel like an idiot use?
no, because there is no reason for people to act the way they do on here sometimes. I've asked before 'what are your favorite tips and tricks for newbies losing weight?" im not even a newbie, i just wanted to know what everyones favorite advice was and i got responses like 'get up off your *kitten* and move.' like really? and most of the people who tell me that are super fit and almost seem angry that they have to work so hard or something like i don't get it
And there was no reason for the op to call people meatheads or trophy wives and yet you sympathize with her. Why is it you can interpret people's words a certain way and be offended but when the OP flat out calls people names people are being unfair to call her on it?
Help me understand
because some people are nice. some are mean. some are tall, some are short. some are judgemental and some aren't. and in this case, fit girls and guys that have a different mentality since losing weight and treat overweight people differently are considered 'meatheads' and 'trophy wives.' NOT AL FIT PEOPLE. regardless. who here is coming off in a negative way? the OP, who clearly said 'i know this sounds stupid but this is how i feel' or all the other people on here who are just looking for something to attack
Wow. Are you a mind reader? Where did the op say anything about people's mentalities? I read something about trophy wives and how they wear too little clothing and too much perfume but nothing about how thise women treat her.
Sounds to me like the OP defined trophy wife by appearance and attire, not mentality. Did I miss something? Or are you applying your circumstances to someone else?
I think the OP came off awfully. People who take issue with body shaming? Not so awful0 -
the crime here is that ANYONE is looking at an overweight person and judging. but when a fat person is judging a skinny one, do you think its from a cruel place? or one of jealousy? and when a skinny person is judging a fat one. is that out of cruelty or jealousy?
Ummm...didn't you say you were going on your merry way?0 -
the crime here is that ANYONE is looking at an overweight person and judging. but when a fat person is judging a skinny one, do you think its from a cruel place? or one of jealousy? and when a skinny person is judging a fat one. is that out of cruelty or jealousy?
I label both awful people.
I'm equal opportunity like that0 -
i thought maybe i could make a difference but i guess not0
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:huh:0
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the crime here is that ANYONE is looking at an overweight person and judging. but when a fat person is judging a skinny one, do you think its from a cruel place? or one of jealousy? and when a skinny person is judging a fat one. is that out of cruelty or jealousy?
I label both awful people.
I'm equal opportunity like that
i can agree with that logic0 -
What a bunch of Sensitive Sallys. Build a bridge and get over it.0
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the crime here is that ANYONE is looking at an overweight person and judging. but when a fat person is judging a skinny one, do you think its from a cruel place? or one of jealousy? and when a skinny person is judging a fat one. is that out of cruelty or jealousy?
Where did you get that idea? Almost everyone has talked about how it's wrong to body shame.0 -
the crime here is that ANYONE is looking at an overweight person and judging. but when a fat person is judging a skinny one, do you think its from a cruel place? or one of jealousy? and when a skinny person is judging a fat one. is that out of cruelty or jealousy?
Are you actually trying to justify slurs used by someone jealous?0 -
i mean can we really say that body shaming is an equal two way street though. like do we think skinny/fit people are made fun of just as much as overweight people are. not that any of it is okay. I'm just sayin0
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the crime here is that ANYONE is looking at an overweight person and judging. but when a fat person is judging a skinny one, do you think its from a cruel place? or one of jealousy? and when a skinny person is judging a fat one. is that out of cruelty or jealousy?
Are you actually trying to justify slurs used by someone jealous?
no just read what i wrote0 -
OP: Most people in the gym have had an experience similar to yours. Even if it's someone lifting just five more pounds or running a few seconds faster than you, at some point, they've looked around, seen what someone else was doing, and said "THAT is where I want to be" or "that person is better than me in [insert topic area, here]...". No matter where you are or what you're doing, there's likely someone who does it better or has achieved more success than you have at this point.
The humor is slighly twisted, adult-oriented, and might not be to your taste, but this comic puts it pretty well: (http://theoatmeal.com/comics/gym). The bottom line, though, is that everyone in the gym has an area they wish they were better in. The weightlifter may want to lift as much as his / her friend or role model does. That "trophy wife" may be feeling that she wishes she could feel comfortable with her body and less like she's competing with her friends and their fitness habits. Who knows?
The difference is in how people deal with these kinds of observations. Some will tune it out and not care about what others are doing, turning their focus on their own performance. Others will use it as motivation and say "if this person can do it, then so can I if I choose to and put in the work".
Your apparent mindset from this post is very close to taking the approach of turnign other's success or other's situations and turining it into intimidation. You are making yourself uncomfortable on account of the fact that these people aren't like you or what you would consider to be worse than you. They aren't doing their thing to make you feel badly about yourself, but you are letting their current situation impact your feelings.
And that's not good.
It's not fair to you, because it robs you of your right to be working on reaching your goals as well as your ability to be proud of your own accomplishments. I have the potential to do this every day. I'm in the military, everybody aroudn me is running, running, running, and clocking 8, 7, or even 6 minute miles. Meanwhile, my great achievement was covering a mile in less than 16 minutes, this morning. Sure, I could beat myself up about not being fast like them. But I don't, because I know where I've been, I know that I should have been dead 5 years ago, I know that my body has been through experiences they will never have, and I know that, all things considered, I'm doing very well.
It's also not fair to them. It makes them into the antagonists of YOUR gym experience. Unless they're actually mocking you, they aren't there to make you feel bad about what you've done. They're there to work out. In fact, they may be cheering you on in their minds because they may be remembering what it was when they started on their path to their current condition. Maybe both "Joe Meathead" and "Trophy wife" ALSO were at a point in their life where they counted the fact that their "stomach fat has separated into two distinct groups" as a reason to be proud.Let's build people up.. not tear them down.
I agree in general, but sometimes you need to break something down to help it be built up stronger and more resilient than it was before.
Like I said, we're all able to look around and see someone we feel inferior to in some regard. But responding to that observation with the I wish someone would oepn a gym where you have to be at least 25 pounds overweight to join" mindset only serves to promote jealousy and resentment because the individual will only be happy when the rest of the world is down at their level and that's never going to happen because someone's always going to be faster, be able to file their taxes on their own, be better at remembering things, etc.
Are the OP's feelings wrong or bad? No. Any one of us can feel insecure for any reason. But the OP will do well to put the brakes on this current train of thought and re-direct it down a path that is either neutral (learning to ignore these other people when thinking about herself), or constructive (turning it into something motivational).
^Smart man. Thank you for saving me time by taking the time to write this out. I've felt as you are feeling OP, still do at times. It's human, it's okay...but recognize that you can practice reminding yourself that it's only your mind building it up as an issue. Remind yourself that you have value JUST AS YOU ARE, that your health is more important than feeling like the hottest person at the gym, that others are likley not judgding you as often as you suppose, and even if you live in the shallowest corner of SoCal, other people's opinions of us are quite simply none of our business.
Muah! Feel better about yourself girl, you're not at all alone in feeling like this, even those you call "trophy wives" have their own insecurities to bear.
YES, let's build one another UP not tear down!
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^This. ALL of this.I think you guys are being overly harsh. This person just wants to vent.
As a person with asthma, I would have confronted "Trophy Wife" and asked her not to wear perfumes at the gym because it can cause allergic reactions in other patrons, and it's not necessary to smell good there; the gym already smells like sweat so nobody is going to notice if she has body odor--but perfume is either toxic to or a distraction for others.
There are some gyms that are more about being a hook-up joint than working out. You don't want to be at *that* gym anyway. But if you are in a normal gym, people are there to get a job done. They come in, they do their workout routine, and they leave. Small-talk will happen as people wait between sets or set up for classes, but everyone is really focused on their own agenda, not your appearance.
At my gym I have sometimes been glared at or hovered over intimidatingly for being female while free-weight lifting. But any comments on my weight have all been encouragements to continue working out. I've never had someone in a gym comment on my appearance in a way that was not supportive of my being there.
It's okay to be a little annoyed that they look so hot, to be a little jealous, but you need to direct that energy in a way that supports your goals. Don't be intimidated. Try to be inspired.
Unless an individual is a jerk to you. Then you have to chalk it up to that person's insecurity, and tell them to foist off and leave you alone--you have work to do. 0
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