vent--There are too many skinny people at the gym

ironanimal

BAH


Saying that fit people intimidate you is one thing.

Calling someone a trophy wife implies that she has no redeeming qualities other than her looks.

It is offensive.

^i don't get this - 'trophy wife' should be a badge worn with honor. - youth and beauty are fleeting ppl.

It diminishes a person's value to their external appearance, without recognition for their hard work or intelligence.

Yeah but ppl do this to me all the time? Wuts the big deal? If you do work hard and are aware of the intelligence you've been cursed with - wuts the problem?

I don't think it diminishes value at all - it just places a great deal of value on something that is so important because it is sooo temporary.

Now consider a time where nobody wants anything to do with you because you look like crap AND they place no value on your personality, intelligence, achievements or work ethic.

^Can't brother, I even wake up looking hot :smokin: ...not to mention once people know me I always subtly inform them of my intelligence, achievements, work ethic - and my playful personality


g2run - gym time with fellow skinny people and trophy wives

You're very odd.

csuhar

OP: Most people in the gym have had an experience similar to yours. Even if it's someone lifting just five more pounds or running a few seconds faster than you, at some point, they've looked around, seen what someone else was doing, and said "THAT is where I want to be" or "that person is better than me in [insert topic area, here]...". No matter where you are or what you're doing, there's likely someone who does it better or has achieved more success than you have at this point.

The humor is slighly twisted, adult-oriented, and might not be to your taste, but this comic puts it pretty well: (http://theoatmeal.com/comics/gym). The bottom line, though, is that everyone in the gym has an area they wish they were better in. The weightlifter may want to lift as much as his / her friend or role model does. That "trophy wife" may be feeling that she wishes she could feel comfortable with her body and less like she's competing with her friends and their fitness habits. Who knows?


The difference is in how people deal with these kinds of observations. Some will tune it out and not care about what others are doing, turning their focus on their own performance. Others will use it as motivation and say "if this person can do it, then so can I if I choose to and put in the work".

Your apparent mindset from this post is very close to taking the approach of turnign other's success or other's situations and turining it into intimidation. You are making yourself uncomfortable on account of the fact that these people aren't like you or what you would consider to be worse than you. They aren't doing their thing to make you feel badly about yourself, but you are letting their current situation impact your feelings.

And that's not good.

It's not fair to you, because it robs you of your right to be working on reaching your goals as well as your ability to be proud of your own accomplishments. I have the potential to do this every day. I'm in the military, everybody aroudn me is running, running, running, and clocking 8, 7, or even 6 minute miles. Meanwhile, my great achievement was covering a mile in less than 16 minutes, this morning. Sure, I could beat myself up about not being fast like them. But I don't, because I know where I've been, I know that I should have been dead 5 years ago, I know that my body has been through experiences they will never have, and I know that, all things considered, I'm doing very well.

It's also not fair to them. It makes them into the antagonists of YOUR gym experience. Unless they're actually mocking you, they aren't there to make you feel bad about what you've done. They're there to work out. In fact, they may be cheering you on in their minds because they may be remembering what it was when they started on their path to their current condition. Maybe both "Joe Meathead" and "Trophy wife" ALSO were at a point in their life where they counted the fact that their "stomach fat has separated into two distinct groups" as a reason to be proud.

Let's build people up.. not tear them down.

I agree in general, but sometimes you need to break something down to help it be built up stronger and more resilient than it was before.

Like I said, we're all able to look around and see someone we feel inferior to in some regard. But responding to that observation with the I wish someone would oepn a gym where you have to be at least 25 pounds overweight to join" mindset only serves to promote jealousy and resentment because the individual will only be happy when the rest of the world is down at their level and that's never going to happen because someone's always going to be faster, be able to file their taxes on their own, be better at remembering things, etc.

Are the OP's feelings wrong or bad? No. Any one of us can feel insecure for any reason. But the OP will do well to put the brakes on this current train of thought and re-direct it down a path that is either neutral (learning to ignore these other people when thinking about herself), or constructive (turning it into something motivational).

jkal1979

As of this morning I am 27 pounds overweight, according to a healthy BMI. What gym can I not go in to and why? Do they ask at the door if I am over a certain limit?

There is a scale hidden underneath the mat in front of the door.

So, is there a trapdoor if you don't weigh enough to workout there?

I wonder where that trapdoor would lead to...

SunofaBeach14

I wish I could find a gym where the play list was nothing but Rob Zombie, Metallica, Pantera, NIN, and Disturbed, and everyone just focused on lifting.

giggitygoo

As of this morning I am 27 pounds overweight, according to a healthy BMI. What gym can I not go in to and why? Do they ask at the door if I am over a certain limit?

There is a scale hidden underneath the mat in front of the door.

So, is there a trapdoor if you don't weigh enough to workout there?

I wonder where that trapdoor would lead to...

It leads to a pizza and gelato party. We also have 25 squat racks.

SugaryLynx

As of this morning I am 27 pounds overweight, according to a healthy BMI. What gym can I not go in to and why? Do they ask at the door if I am over a certain limit?

There is a scale hidden underneath the mat in front of the door.

So, is there a trapdoor if you don't weigh enough to workout there?

I wonder where that trapdoor would lead to...

I hope it's like the cave of treasures in Aladdin but with gelato for miles

pinkraynedropjacki

I'm sorry to all the fat people out there that my working my *kitten* off makes you feel bad about yourself.


Actually I am not sorry. It's not my problem if you can't handle it.

zericaaaaa

bottom line is I don't know why so many of you are getting so upset over a girl with insecurities. and all I said was that being overweight is definitely less accepted than being a normal weight is, therefore the insecurity will be at a higher level. i personally have been judged by said 'trophy wives' and 'meatheads' when i was running on a treadmill at almost 300 pounds. I've encountered people similar to those types on this forum as well. what makes them trophy wives and meatheads is NOT their body. its their mentality and attitude. so not every single person who is fit is gonna be one of those types. I've met plenty of MFP vets that have treated me with respect and others that have made me feel like a complete idiot for asking questions. i mean come on people really? the girl is obviously insecure and its ridiculous that some of you are trying to compare the stigma attached to being overweight to the stigma of being at a normal weight. everything about being at a normal weight is more favorable. better health, more energy, more confidence. its like saying "straight people get made fun of too" when talking about gay rights. whether anyone agrees or not, society has built a certain set of standards and at the time, its hard for people to ignore what society says and focus on themselves. but if we work together we can help each other realize that it really is whats inside that matters. i don't want to come off negatively but i just find it unfair the way OP is being slammed. saying 'i know it sounds stupid' and things of that nature clearly imply that shes not trying to state any hard facts or pass serious judgement

brower47

ok, so i only got through one page of those replies to this post - and my goodness. some people take other peoples thoughts far too seriously!

i totally get what you mean OP, and i know that your 'fat people gym' idea was a joke of sorts. i like it - and im with you.
i was just at the gym last week before a yogalaties class, and the cardio class that was finishing up had this girl in it.. holy crow her body was amazing! like really, what was she even doing there?? she doesnt need the cardio, I need the cardio!

it would be awesome to have a gym where there are zero judgments, and people just straight up support each other. i think - well, i hope - that most gyms really are like that once you open up a little. i plan on actually joining the gym later this year (i was on a trial pass, i work out at home) and i look forward to being a support (maybe an inspiration?) to other gym goers.

But the only person passing judgement was the OP.

This! Why don't the people defending the OP see this? How did the use of derogatory stereotypes not get noticed by them?

By feeling the same embarrassment and shame that the OP does when surrounded by others that you can't measure up to and not necessarily the literal translation of the precise words used to convey the message.

It comes in lots of areas of life and it is reality. Last time I was at the gym I got nothing but looks of disgust from the "skinny" people. At my daughters pre-school the only two families who would have anything to do with me, at the various events theat were held, were the black families, because my daughter is mixed and not white like the other kids. When registering my daughter for kindergarten I was the only fat parent there in the district office. They sat there talking about their new wood floors and what they were going to do with their day now that the baby is in school, how they were going to teach yoga class and what kind of new huge suburban type thing they were going to get. I was noticed when I entered and was then treated like I was invisible... non existent... or something to disgust because I wasn't like them. I wasn't skinny like them. I wasn't fiscally well to do like them. I wast vegan like them. I wasn't (fill in the blank) like them. This is the world we live in. It sucks.

I pride myself on having a relatively thick skin when it comes to the junk I deal with, but in the end I cry. It does get to me. I try to hold my head up high and walk around like I am confident in who I am and how I look, but it is an act. Does any of this mean skinny people are bad or that people who are different than ourselves are bad? No. But it sure does mean I know what its like to be there. The fat one. Feeling like the butt of their jokes every time you hear them laugh near you but can't quite make out what they are saying. If understanding what someone is trying to convey through the hurtful words they may use is wrong, then count me proud to be wrong.

Ah yes, the mentality that just because you perceive silent wrongs done to you, that you are then free to act poorly towards others.

I'll count you as wrong too.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

As of this morning I am 27 pounds overweight, according to a healthy BMI. What gym can I not go in to and why? Do they ask at the door if I am over a certain limit?

There is a scale hidden underneath the mat in front of the door.

So, is there a trapdoor if you don't weigh enough to workout there?

No, a weight limit is required to unlock the door, silly!

brower47

I wish I could find a gym where the play list was nothing but Rob Zombie, Metallica, Pantera, NIN, and Disturbed, and everyone just focused on lifting.

I've found this gym! It's called "My Garage".

_Terrapin_

I wish I could find a gym where the play list was nothing but Rob Zombie, Metallica, Pantera, NIN, and Disturbed, and everyone just focused on lifting.

There is....it is disguised as a basement or a garage

Achrya

bottom line is I don't know why so many of you are getting so upset over a girl with insecurities. and all I said was that being overweight is definitely less accepted than being a normal weight is, therefore the insecurity will be at a higher level. i personally have been judged by said 'trophy wives' and 'meatheads' when i was running on a treadmill at almost 300 pounds. I've encountered people similar to those types on this forum as well. what makes them trophy wives and meatheads is NOT their body. its their mentality and attitude. so not every single person who is fit is gonna be one of those types. I've met plenty of MFP vets that have treated me with respect and others that have made me feel like a complete idiot for asking questions. i mean come on people really? the girl is obviously insecure and its ridiculous that some of you are trying to compare the stigma attached to being overweight to the stigma of being at a normal weight. everything about being at a normal weight is more favorable. better health, more energy, more confidence. its like saying "straight people get made fun of too" when talking about gay rights. whether anyone agrees or not, society has built a certain set of standards and at the time, its hard for people to ignore what society says and focus on themselves. but if we work together we can help each other realize that it really is whats inside that matters. i don't want to come off negatively but i just find it unfair the way OP is being slammed. saying 'i know it sounds stupid' and things of that nature clearly imply that shes not trying to state any hard facts or pass serious judgement

How about you look past the words those people who make you feel like an idiot use?

tehboxingkitteh

In. Just in.

ZoeLifts

Now I want gelato for some reason.

Shalaurise

ok, so i only got through one page of those replies to this post - and my goodness. some people take other peoples thoughts far too seriously!

i totally get what you mean OP, and i know that your 'fat people gym' idea was a joke of sorts. i like it - and im with you.
i was just at the gym last week before a yogalaties class, and the cardio class that was finishing up had this girl in it.. holy crow her body was amazing! like really, what was she even doing there?? she doesnt need the cardio, I need the cardio!

it would be awesome to have a gym where there are zero judgments, and people just straight up support each other. i think - well, i hope - that most gyms really are like that once you open up a little. i plan on actually joining the gym later this year (i was on a trial pass, i work out at home) and i look forward to being a support (maybe an inspiration?) to other gym goers.

But the only person passing judgement was the OP.

This! Why don't the people defending the OP see this? How did the use of derogatory stereotypes not get noticed by them?

By feeling the same embarrassment and shame that the OP does when surrounded by others that you can't measure up to and not necessarily the literal translation of the precise words used to convey the message.

It comes in lots of areas of life and it is reality. Last time I was at the gym I got nothing but looks of disgust from the "skinny" people. At my daughters pre-school the only two families who would have anything to do with me, at the various events theat were held, were the black families, because my daughter is mixed and not white like the other kids. When registering my daughter for kindergarten I was the only fat parent there in the district office. They sat there talking about their new wood floors and what they were going to do with their day now that the baby is in school, how they were going to teach yoga class and what kind of new huge suburban type thing they were going to get. I was noticed when I entered and was then treated like I was invisible... non existent... or something to disgust because I wasn't like them. I wasn't skinny like them. I wasn't fiscally well to do like them. I wast vegan like them. I wasn't (fill in the blank) like them. This is the world we live in. It sucks.

I pride myself on having a relatively thick skin when it comes to the junk I deal with, but in the end I cry. It does get to me. I try to hold my head up high and walk around like I am confident in who I am and how I look, but it is an act. Does any of this mean skinny people are bad or that people who are different than ourselves are bad? No. But it sure does mean I know what its like to be there. The fat one. Feeling like the butt of their jokes every time you hear them laugh near you but can't quite make out what they are saying. If understanding what someone is trying to convey through the hurtful words they may use is wrong, then count me proud to be wrong.

Next time someone calls me a racial slur I'll be sure to look through their hurtful words to get the actual meaning.

Or does looking past hurtful words only count when it relates to things that make the person saying the hurtful crap feel bad? Or just when it's about things you've worked damn hard for, put time and sweat and god knows what else into VS the way you're born?

I'm slow so I need to know what hurtful words I look past and what ones I'm allowed to be offended by, based on how the person tossing out those hurtful words feels on the inside.



And, side note, I'm not offended by jokes about people feeling like they're in danger when they go on walks. Since I'm not offended by that no one else can be offended either, k?

I don't expect to understand everyone. Someone asked a questions and I simply responded, reflecting on my own life experiences as to why people would defend or understand. Commiserate even. Everyone has been given a different life and different challenges to overcome in it and most people wouldn't understand the challenges that you face or that I do. But approaching life from a standpoint of compassion (as much as I am able) is how I choose to live.

I'll be honest. I moved once because a neighbor used the N word in front of my kids once and I wasn't having it. This last year has been a fight where I get to try to make my daughter believe she is beautiful when nobody around her looks like her. She is 5 and feels like an outcast because she is different than the other kids. In my life this feeling has never really gone away. I left elementary school with many emotional scars that I still have to consciously fight against. Some people learn to hate themselves, others lash out.

If I ever manage to not be fat, I will be that "skinny" person who reaches out to the overweight that are trying and help to lift them up because I know what it is like to have been there, not the one yelling at them because they were embarrassed and hurting and lashed out in response to their pain. I am not saying her words were the best choices, but I can't claim I have never had similar thoughts myself. I dreaded events at my daughter's school. I dreaded being surrounded by those perfect, beautiful "yoga moms" who (at least in public) had all their ducks lined up and their husbands who earned enough they didn't have to work and who wouldn't even acknowledge me when I said "excuse me" as I tried to get past them to get to a seat to watch the kids perform. Nobody is perfect. Everyone judges on some degree. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying.

amandzor

Focus on you.

As far as I'm concerned, when I go to the gym? I'm the only one there.

3dogsrunning

bottom line is I don't know why so many of you are getting so upset over a girl with insecurities. and all I said was that being overweight is definitely less accepted than being a normal weight is, therefore the insecurity will be at a higher level. i personally have been judged by said 'trophy wives' and 'meatheads' when i was running on a treadmill at almost 300 pounds. I've encountered people similar to those types on this forum as well. what makes them trophy wives and meatheads is NOT their body. its their mentality and attitude. so not every single person who is fit is gonna be one of those types. I've met plenty of MFP vets that have treated me with respect and others that have made me feel like a complete idiot for asking questions. i mean come on people really? the girl is obviously insecure and its ridiculous that some of you are trying to compare the stigma attached to being overweight to the stigma of being at a normal weight. everything about being at a normal weight is more favorable. better health, more energy, more confidence. its like saying "straight people get made fun of too" when talking about gay rights. whether anyone agrees or not, society has built a certain set of standards and at the time, its hard for people to ignore what society says and focus on themselves. but if we work together we can help each other realize that it really is whats inside that matters. i don't want to come off negatively but i just find it unfair the way OP is being slammed. saying 'i know it sounds stupid' and things of that nature clearly imply that shes not trying to state any hard facts or pass serious judgement

I can't speak for everyone but I'm guessing based on the responses here that many of us have insecurities. Many of us who disagreed with OP even sympathized with those insecurities. However, I don't believe being overweight gives one a free pass.
I have experienced both the stigma of being overweight and of being fit. Neither is ok.

_Terrapin_

Now I want gelato for some reason.

So does Tim Howard.