You are looking so thin......

Daiako

Oh. heck. I'm late to the party... I'll have to just get the cliffs?

For those who argue that there is no wrong way to have a body, are you advocating for pro-ana lifestyle that affects mental, physical, and reproductive health as being ok?

Firstly, anorexia is a mental illness not a body type. Secondly, no I would never tell an anorexic person they are ugly.

There are ways to express an opinion without disparaging others. The OP did not do that and rightfully got called out. Body shaming harms people and is not okay. For anyone. Not your body? Not your business.

The OP never said ugly. She's said not beautiful. There is a lot of space between 'ugly' and 'not beautiful'.

I don't find short dudes to be attractive. Doesn't mean I think they're ugly.

As a short dude, I am going to be over here in the corner crying from the butthurt brought on me by your offensive comment.

Oh. Wait. No, I'm not. I'm not even offended that you aren't attracted to me.

But. But.

I don't think you're beautiful. I'm pretty sure this is supposed to screw up your entire self worth and you're supposed to tell me I'm mean and not allowed to say that.

Oh. I forgot. I think that is in the TOS somewhere. Ah well, I will take the strike for saying that I still think you are beautiful in that dress, and being ok with you not seeing me as beautiful I have plenty of friends who do... including myself. I'm ok with that.

I think you have a lovely mind/personality.

No sarcasm, totally serious.

:flowerforyou:

SpeSHul_SnoflEHk

Oh. heck. I'm late to the party... I'll have to just get the cliffs?

For those who argue that there is no wrong way to have a body, are you advocating for pro-ana lifestyle that affects mental, physical, and reproductive health as being ok?

Firstly, anorexia is a mental illness not a body type. Secondly, no I would never tell an anorexic person they are ugly.

There are ways to express an opinion without disparaging others. The OP did not do that and rightfully got called out. Body shaming harms people and is not okay. For anyone. Not your body? Not your business.

The OP never said ugly. She's said not beautiful. There is a lot of space between 'ugly' and 'not beautiful'.

I don't find short dudes to be attractive. Doesn't mean I think they're ugly.

Her OP was judgemental and horrible and totally unnecessary. Her responses subsequently have compounded things. If you want to see a good way to respond when being called out then see the "office treats" thread.

According to you. Others may not see it that way. Which is why we should all engage in civil discourse instead of OP bashing in retaliation for a perceived offense.

According to me and a large number of other people on this thread. In fact there are only one or two people defending the OP. So the majority are offended and called her out. If I knew I'd inadvertently upset lots of people I would apologise and learn what I'd done wrong so I could avoid it in future. But that's just me. Also no one was being cruel, (just frank in their dislike of body shaming), which is more than I can say for the OP...

Now I'm really out. Your last comment was posted while I was writing my reply so just thought I'd acknowledge this as well. Have a good day.

first, I didn't mean to single you out. You were just the person I was responding to. My point wasn't meant to be to deal with you specifically, but the collective you, as in those who found offense. Words and thoughts can only give offense when the receiver lets themself be offended. When I am offended by something, it is only because I choose to let myself be offended.

As for the upsetting lots of people, it happens. Nobody will make everyone happy. Sometimes, it is important to make lots of people upset. It doesn't always require an apology when you do upset people. People have a difference in opinions, and some are more vocal in their opinions than others. That's actually a nice thing as long as it doesn't lead to criminal bahviour. A diverse world brings color and vibrancy to life. Everyone politely getting along and supressing their thoughts for fear of upsetting people make a dull monotonous world where no real change will ever happen. It's plastic and phony, and stale.

As long as she wasn't actively calling people ugly and being cruel (which you admitted wasn't happening) than let her express her opinion. You don't have to agree with it. Just acknowledge her right to have it.

BinaryPulsar

People are missing the point of the thread. The OP is the one that was offended and posted an angry rant about herself being offended.

Personally, as someone that replied, I was not offended. Just judging her, and others (you could say).

DjinnMarie

Stopped reading half way through. Shame on you OP.

jenifr818

bumping to read when i get home from work

SpeSHul_SnoflEHk

Oh. heck. I'm late to the party... I'll have to just get the cliffs?

For those who argue that there is no wrong way to have a body, are you advocating for pro-ana lifestyle that affects mental, physical, and reproductive health as being ok?

Firstly, anorexia is a mental illness not a body type. Secondly, no I would never tell an anorexic person they are ugly.

There are ways to express an opinion without disparaging others. The OP did not do that and rightfully got called out. Body shaming harms people and is not okay. For anyone. Not your body? Not your business.

The OP never said ugly. She's said not beautiful. There is a lot of space between 'ugly' and 'not beautiful'.

I don't find short dudes to be attractive. Doesn't mean I think they're ugly.

As a short dude, I am going to be over here in the corner crying from the butthurt brought on me by your offensive comment.

Oh. Wait. No, I'm not. I'm not even offended that you aren't attracted to me.

But. But.

I don't think you're beautiful. I'm pretty sure this is supposed to screw up your entire self worth and you're supposed to tell me I'm mean and not allowed to say that.

Oh. I forgot. I think that is in the TOS somewhere. Ah well, I will take the strike for saying that I still think you are beautiful in that dress, and being ok with you not seeing me as beautiful I have plenty of friends who do... including myself. I'm ok with that.

I think you have a lovely mind/personality.

No sarcasm, totally serious.

:flowerforyou:

Why, thank you very much! I like you too.

Daiako

People are missing the point of the thread. The OP is the one that was offended and posted an angry rant about herself being offended.

Personally, as someone that replied, I was not offended. Just judging her, and others (you could say).

People posting angry rants in Motivation and Support?

This is new and different.

She was angry. She posted an angry rant. Some people took offense to her rant. (She probably should have said her husband/boyfriend tells her she's 'looking so thin' and then everyone would have told her what a rude thing that is to say while she progresses on her journey/lifestyle change.) I'm not sure what point has been missed.

BinaryPulsar

People are missing the point of the thread. The OP is the one that was offended and posted an angry rant about herself being offended.

Personally, as someone that replied, I was not offended. Just judging her, and others (you could say).

People posting angry rants in Motivation and Support?

This is new and different.

She was angry. She posted an angry rant. Some people took offense to her rant. (She probably should have said her husband/boyfriend tells her she's 'looking so thin' and then everyone would have told her what a rude thing that is to say while she progresses on her journey/lifestyle change.) I'm not sure what point has been missed.

I never said it was new or different.

I just posted my opinions. That happens when people post threads.

Her wording was not about her personal self, It was about her judging other people.

I can understand if someone said that she looks so thin that she needs to eat a sandwich or something, that would be reason to be offended, in my opinion.

But, these are just my opinions. It's ok if we all have different opinions. I'm not here to argue with strangers.

Cheekies_

This will probably be lost among all of the OP bashing but I'll give it a shot. Those of us that are friends with the OP know that she is an incredibly sincere person. One that takes the time to personally support, motivate and build up each person on her FL. OP did not mean to offend anyone. This is just sad......

BinaryPulsar

This will probably be lost among all of the OP bashing but I'll give it a shot. Those of us that are friends with the OP know that she is an incredibly sincere person. One that takes the time to personally support, motivate and build up each person on her FL. OP did not mean to offend anyone. This is just sad......

Replace all of the uses of the word thin with fat, and then post a thread like that, and see what happens.

I'm sure the OP is a wonderful person. I'm not judging her as a person. Just find this thought process a bit bizarre. I always have.

I'm just suggesting people think things through, and perhaps learn something.

Daiako

People are missing the point of the thread. The OP is the one that was offended and posted an angry rant about herself being offended.

Personally, as someone that replied, I was not offended. Just judging her, and others (you could say).

People posting angry rants in Motivation and Support?

This is new and different.

She was angry. She posted an angry rant. Some people took offense to her rant. (She probably should have said her husband/boyfriend tells her she's 'looking so thin' and then everyone would have told her what a rude thing that is to say while she progresses on her journey/lifestyle change.) I'm not sure what point has been missed.

I never said it was new or different.

I just posted my opinions. That happens when people post threads.

Her wording was not about her personal self, It was about her judging other people.

I can understand if someone said that she looks so thin that she needs to eat a sandwich or something, that would be reason to be offended, in my opinion.

But, these are just my opinions. It's ok if we all have different opinions. I'm not here to argue with strangers.

So then you support the OP and others who don't want to be referred to as 'thin' in their choice to inform others that it's not a term they personally are okay with?

Kaelakcr

Do you realize you just called thin women not beautiful? Can't we feel good about ourselves without degrading others?

^^YES! body acceptance means ALL bodies, not just "fit" ones. I practice body acceptance. As someone who was a little twig as a teen, and is curvy as an adult, this was an (unintentionally, I'm sure) insulting post.

Love your body without disparaging others' as "not beautiful".

dbmata

This will probably be lost among all of the OP bashing but I'll give it a shot. Those of us that are friends with the OP know that she is an incredibly sincere person. One that takes the time to personally support, motivate and build up each person on her FL. OP did not mean to offend anyone. This is just sad......

Replace all of the uses of the word thin with fat, and then post a thread like that, and see what happens.

I'm sure the OP is a wonderful person. I'm not judging her as a person. Just find this thought process a bit bizarre. I always have.

I'm just suggesting people think things through, and perhaps learn something.

Some times nice people, close friends suprise all of us with shows of intolerance, bias, bigotry, racism, whatever. One does not prevent the other in real life, sadly.

Also, I'm lol'ing here. OP drops a couple hand grenades then kicks back and lets people have the battlefield to snipe back and forth. Well played. I need to strategize like that.

BinaryPulsar

People are missing the point of the thread. The OP is the one that was offended and posted an angry rant about herself being offended.

Personally, as someone that replied, I was not offended. Just judging her, and others (you could say).

People posting angry rants in Motivation and Support?

This is new and different.

She was angry. She posted an angry rant. Some people took offense to her rant. (She probably should have said her husband/boyfriend tells her she's 'looking so thin' and then everyone would have told her what a rude thing that is to say while she progresses on her journey/lifestyle change.) I'm not sure what point has been missed.

I never said it was new or different.

I just posted my opinions. That happens when people post threads.

Her wording was not about her personal self, It was about her judging other people.

I can understand if someone said that she looks so thin that she needs to eat a sandwich or something, that would be reason to be offended, in my opinion.

But, these are just my opinions. It's ok if we all have different opinions. I'm not here to argue with strangers.

So then you support the OP and others who don't want to be referred to as 'thin' in their choice to inform others that it's not a term they personally are okay with?

Ok. I don't really care what the OP does.

I will explain my stance on it with two scenarios.

If someone tells me that I look so thin or skinny and they are saying it looks bad and they want me to gain. Then, yes, I would feel insulted. because that's an insult.

I'm a dancer. If I am at dance rehearsal, and we are trying on costumes and sharing clothing. I try something on, and someone says, "I love that, it looks so good on you". And I say, "There is another one here, do you want to try it also?" And they say, "Oh no. It looks good on you because you are so skinny. That would not fit me." My thought is that I learned from mfp that skinny means all these horrendous horrible things, so in that case I do not think of myself as skinny. However. I am intelligent enough to know that the person saying it was having her own feelings about her body. And she was genuinely complimenting me. And she didn't mean the things that people on mfp say. And I am in the middle of a dance rehearsal, so I don't want to make a scene. So, instead I will say something like, "Aaaw, thanks", and then I will compliment her figure and explain how we have different figures. I have a smaller waist. She has slimmer legs. Sometimes later, if it comes up, I may explain some of my thoughts about the word skinny. But, I won't get angry at her. And besides, maybe people do consider me skinny. I don't care. I know they don't think I am emaciated or gross or whatever because that's not what I am. I am small, and slim, but I also have a curvy figure and I'm very healthy and fit. And I eat 2000 calories a day and lift heavy weights.

I'm not going to change my personality and start getting insulted when people say something they genuinely meant as a compliment. They said skinny and meant slender. They did not mean emaciated. Can you understand the distinctions I am making? I don't want to have to continue explaining this. I hope I have explained it well this time.

PSMTD

Daiako

People are missing the point of the thread. The OP is the one that was offended and posted an angry rant about herself being offended.

Personally, as someone that replied, I was not offended. Just judging her, and others (you could say).

People posting angry rants in Motivation and Support?

This is new and different.

She was angry. She posted an angry rant. Some people took offense to her rant. (She probably should have said her husband/boyfriend tells her she's 'looking so thin' and then everyone would have told her what a rude thing that is to say while she progresses on her journey/lifestyle change.) I'm not sure what point has been missed.

I never said it was new or different.

I just posted my opinions. That happens when people post threads.

Her wording was not about her personal self, It was about her judging other people.

I can understand if someone said that she looks so thin that she needs to eat a sandwich or something, that would be reason to be offended, in my opinion.

But, these are just my opinions. It's ok if we all have different opinions. I'm not here to argue with strangers.

So then you support the OP and others who don't want to be referred to as 'thin' in their choice to inform others that it's not a term they personally are okay with?

Ok. I don't really care what the OP does.

I will explain my stance on it with two scenarios.

If someone tells me that I look so thin or skinny and they are saying it looks bad and they want me to gain. Then, yes, I would feel insulted. because that's an insult.

I'm a dancer. If I am at dance rehearsal, and we are trying on costumes and sharing clothing. I try something on, and someone says, "I love that, it looks so good on you". And I say, "There is another one here, do you want to try it also?" And they say, "Oh no. It looks good on you because you are so skinny. That would not fit me." My thought is that I learned from mfp that skinny means all these horrendous horrible things, so in that case I do not think of myself as skinny. However. I am intelligent enough to know that the person saying it was having her own feelings about her body. And she was genuinely complimenting me. And she didn't mean the things that people on mfp say. And I am in the middle of a dance rehearsal, so I don't want to make a scene. So, instead I will say something like, "Aaaw, thanks", and then I will compliment her figure and explain how we have different figures. I have a smaller waist. She has slimmer legs. Sometimes later, if it comes up, I may explain some of my thoughts about the word skinny. But, I won't get angry at her. And besides, maybe people do consider me skinny. I don't care. I know they don't think I am emaciated or gross or whatever because that's not what I am. I am small, and slim, but I also have a curvy figure and I'm very healthy and fit. And I eat 2000 calories a day and lift heavy weights.

I'm not going to change my personality and start getting insulted when people say something they genuinely meant as a compliment. They said skinny and meant slender. They did not mean emaciated. Can you understand the distinctions I am making? I don't want to have to continue explaining this. I hope I have explained it well this time.

So. No?

You don't have to find it personally offended to accept that it might be offensive to someone else or support their right to speak up. If you believe we're all allowed to have our own opinions then does that not also mean the OP is entitled to her opinion? And is thusly allowed to 'rant' about how someone elses well meant comment makes her feel?

No one is asking you to change, but rather to accept that just because you think something is fine doesn't mean the OP has to think it's fine or let it slide. I'm not asking you to explain your position, I was fine with 'we're all allowed to have opinions' I'm just asking if that extends to you supporting people like the OP in expressing how certain words/terms make her feel.

BinaryPulsar

People are missing the point of the thread. The OP is the one that was offended and posted an angry rant about herself being offended.

Personally, as someone that replied, I was not offended. Just judging her, and others (you could say).

People posting angry rants in Motivation and Support?

This is new and different.

She was angry. She posted an angry rant. Some people took offense to her rant. (She probably should have said her husband/boyfriend tells her she's 'looking so thin' and then everyone would have told her what a rude thing that is to say while she progresses on her journey/lifestyle change.) I'm not sure what point has been missed.

I never said it was new or different.

I just posted my opinions. That happens when people post threads.

Her wording was not about her personal self, It was about her judging other people.

I can understand if someone said that she looks so thin that she needs to eat a sandwich or something, that would be reason to be offended, in my opinion.

But, these are just my opinions. It's ok if we all have different opinions. I'm not here to argue with strangers.

So then you support the OP and others who don't want to be referred to as 'thin' in their choice to inform others that it's not a term they personally are okay with?

Ok. I don't really care what the OP does.

I will explain my stance on it with two scenarios.

If someone tells me that I look so thin or skinny and they are saying it looks bad and they want me to gain. Then, yes, I would feel insulted. because that's an insult.

I'm a dancer. If I am at dance rehearsal, and we are trying on costumes and sharing clothing. I try something on, and someone says, "I love that, it looks so good on you". And I say, "There is another one here, do you want to try it also?" And they say, "Oh no. It looks good on you because you are so skinny. That would not fit me." My thought is that I learned from mfp that skinny means all these horrendous horrible things, so in that case I do not think of myself as skinny. However. I am intelligent enough to know that the person saying it was having her own feelings about her body. And she was genuinely complimenting me. And she didn't mean the things that people on mfp say. And I am in the middle of a dance rehearsal, so I don't want to make a scene. So, instead I will say something like, "Aaaw, thanks", and then I will compliment her figure and explain how we have different figures. I have a smaller waist. She has slimmer legs. Sometimes later, if it comes up, I may explain some of my thoughts about the word skinny. But, I won't get angry at her. And besides, maybe people do consider me skinny. I don't care. I know they don't think I am emaciated or gross or whatever because that's not what I am. I am small, and slim, but I also have a curvy figure and I'm very healthy and fit. And I eat 2000 calories a day and lift heavy weights.

I'm not going to change my personality and start getting insulted when people say something they genuinely meant as a compliment. They said skinny and meant slender. They did not mean emaciated. Can you understand the distinctions I am making? I don't want to have to continue explaining this. I hope I have explained it well this time.

So. No?

You don't have to find it personally offended to accept that it might be offensive to someone else or support their right to speak up. If you believe we're all allowed to have our own opinions then does that not also mean the OP is entitled to her opinion? And is thusly allowed to 'rant' about how someone elses well meant comment makes her feel?

No one is asking you to change, but rather to accept that just because you think something is fine doesn't mean the OP has to think it's fine or let it slide. I'm not asking you to explain your position, I was fine with 'we're all allowed to have opinions' I'm just asking if that extends to you supporting people like the OP in expressing how certain words/terms make her feel.

I never said that she couldn't do that. But, why am I required to support her?

I do understand that she was trying to be helpful to young women. I respect that motivation. I do not think she was successful because she could have done it in a more balanced way that takes into account the diversity of young people (instead she did from a self-wounded motivation). That's my personal opinion. She doesn't have to do what I suggested. And I don't have to support her, either (whatever that even means).

Lets just have a discussion. Consider each other's view points. We don't need to change each other.

Is she saying she feels wounded by a certain standard? I will support her feelings about herself. I don't really support body shaming other people that are different from oneself, though. I just don't. If I felt bad about myself when I was younger, I'm not going to insult people with a different body from myself now.

Beauty is not dependent on weight. It even comes from within. So, I wouldn't say that someone is not beautiful because they are too thin or too fat. That statement doesn't make sense to me.

smantha32

blah blah blah... someone's going to be butthurt no matter how it's interpreted.

Daiako

People are missing the point of the thread. The OP is the one that was offended and posted an angry rant about herself being offended.

Personally, as someone that replied, I was not offended. Just judging her, and others (you could say).

People posting angry rants in Motivation and Support?

This is new and different.

She was angry. She posted an angry rant. Some people took offense to her rant. (She probably should have said her husband/boyfriend tells her she's 'looking so thin' and then everyone would have told her what a rude thing that is to say while she progresses on her journey/lifestyle change.) I'm not sure what point has been missed.

I never said it was new or different.

I just posted my opinions. That happens when people post threads.

Her wording was not about her personal self, It was about her judging other people.

I can understand if someone said that she looks so thin that she needs to eat a sandwich or something, that would be reason to be offended, in my opinion.

But, these are just my opinions. It's ok if we all have different opinions. I'm not here to argue with strangers.

So then you support the OP and others who don't want to be referred to as 'thin' in their choice to inform others that it's not a term they personally are okay with?

Ok. I don't really care what the OP does.

I will explain my stance on it with two scenarios.

If someone tells me that I look so thin or skinny and they are saying it looks bad and they want me to gain. Then, yes, I would feel insulted. because that's an insult.

I'm a dancer. If I am at dance rehearsal, and we are trying on costumes and sharing clothing. I try something on, and someone says, "I love that, it looks so good on you". And I say, "There is another one here, do you want to try it also?" And they say, "Oh no. It looks good on you because you are so skinny. That would not fit me." My thought is that I learned from mfp that skinny means all these horrendous horrible things, so in that case I do not think of myself as skinny. However. I am intelligent enough to know that the person saying it was having her own feelings about her body. And she was genuinely complimenting me. And she didn't mean the things that people on mfp say. And I am in the middle of a dance rehearsal, so I don't want to make a scene. So, instead I will say something like, "Aaaw, thanks", and then I will compliment her figure and explain how we have different figures. I have a smaller waist. She has slimmer legs. Sometimes later, if it comes up, I may explain some of my thoughts about the word skinny. But, I won't get angry at her. And besides, maybe people do consider me skinny. I don't care. I know they don't think I am emaciated or gross or whatever because that's not what I am. I am small, and slim, but I also have a curvy figure and I'm very healthy and fit. And I eat 2000 calories a day and lift heavy weights.

I'm not going to change my personality and start getting insulted when people say something they genuinely meant as a compliment. They said skinny and meant slender. They did not mean emaciated. Can you understand the distinctions I am making? I don't want to have to continue explaining this. I hope I have explained it well this time.

So. No?

You don't have to find it personally offended to accept that it might be offensive to someone else or support their right to speak up. If you believe we're all allowed to have our own opinions then does that not also mean the OP is entitled to her opinion? And is thusly allowed to 'rant' about how someone elses well meant comment makes her feel?

No one is asking you to change, but rather to accept that just because you think something is fine doesn't mean the OP has to think it's fine or let it slide. I'm not asking you to explain your position, I was fine with 'we're all allowed to have opinions' I'm just asking if that extends to you supporting people like the OP in expressing how certain words/terms make her feel.

I never said that she couldn't do that. But, why am I required to support her?

I do understand that she was trying to be helpful to young women. I respect that motivation. I do not think she was successful because she could have done it in a more balanced way that takes into account the diversity of young people (instead she did from a self-wounded motivation). That's my personal opinion. She doesn't have to do what I suggested. And I don't have to support her, either (whatever that even means).

Lets just have a discussion. Consider each other's view points. We don't need to change each other.

Is she saying she feels wounded by a certain standard? I will support her feelings about herself. I don't really support body shaming other people that are different from oneself, though. I just don't. If I felt bad about myself when I was younger, I'm not going to insult people with a different body from myself now.

You say it's okay to have different opinions but also that you can't understand her opinion and imply that if she was offended because of a certain reason it'd be fine but as is it's not enough. If you actually think that other opinions are okay then you could support (that is back up and not imply that she should be happy for a compliment she doesn't think is flattering) her choice to not appreciate it and yes, even rant about it.

To do so doesn't change your view, it just means you accept her's and don't feel like you need to judge it just because it isn't your own. I, personally, don't think she was body shaming. People should be allowed to express what they find to be beautiful without being told they're shaming others, unless we're now saying that only positive opinions can be shared.

And if that's the case...well that's a whole other can of worms.