Why is MFP so mean??

_HeartsOnFire_

This has been an amusing thread. I just wanted to chime in to say that I have many of the "meanies" on my friends list. I happen to like logic, science, sarcasm, snark, and gifs. Oh and ice cream. By the way, most of those "meanies" are some of the sweetest, most genuinely caring, and are often quite vulnerable people themselves. They are struggling with the same things that the rest of the world is struggling with - weight loss related challenges and real life challenges too.

Anyway, what I was going to say is that if you start out as a lurker as I did , and just sit back and read the original posts and the responses that they provoke, you start to notice something. The original posters are usually relatively new. There are lots of them, from all walks of life. The topics they are posting on, are nothing new though. There is a lot of redundancy in the topics - sugar is evil, cleanses are great, whatever I saw on Dr Oz is finally going to be what I need to lose this weight once and for all.

Then you start to notice that the same people are responding, and they are saying the same thing, (usually delivered in a fairly neutral manner the first time) over and over again, in every thread. When you say the same thing again and again, and the message doesn't get through, of course your tone is going to change. Doesn't that happen in real life? When I start out telling my kids to pick up their toys, and they don't listen, and I repeat myself, after a few times, my tone and my actions are going to change. Eventually the kids do it, but by the time they do, I am exhausted and frustrated. Doesn't mean that tomorrow night, I am immediately going to scream at them and put them in time out if there are toys on the floor. I will start again with a nice tone, but maybe I get frustrated a little more quickly and have a little less patience. My tone may change more quickly.

Now - I await parenting advice, because lord knows I'm not going over to BabyCenter - those b**ches be brutal over there.

I totally get where your coming from. I understand that many people are sick of saying the same thing over and over...life is stressful. I understand. These aren't their personal kids though - these are adult strangers with genuine questions. Noobs haven't heard the information the hundred times its been said before.

Why do they answer a question if is stupid or if makes them angry and they're tired of answering it? No one is holding a gun to their head making them answer noob-ish questions. Let someone else do it.

Or better yet if someone feels compelled to answer every single time, why not write thoughtful well documented stuff 1x and save it in a word doc. Just copy-paste in the information you wrote previously and eliminate the work or whatever is stressful about saying the same thing over and over? Or just say "Here's a sticky about that" and move on?

I just don't understand why its OK for a old timer be angry at someone new. We're all human right?

You know what, I do have advice that I copy and paste and a list of links I use when the same questions are asked over and over again. I've been called mean for using links. I've been called mean for copy and pasting advice. I'm not even joking.

I have been called mean for doing that too!!! It's crazy because the links are REALLY helpful and I wish someone would have shown me those when I started...

But I got called names, told it was stupid to just post a bunch of 'useless' links that weren't even to mfp (which all but 2 are...)...

No_Finish_Line

theres got to be some sort of Kumbaya, camp fire gif to smooth this over...

he's trying to put it out, he just doesn't realize he has to lick his fingers first, not after lol

odusgolp

PikaKnight

I love the way rude, mean people justify their behaviors. There is no justifiable reason why you have to be rude and mean, in my opinion.

*holds up a mirror for you*

This comment only proves my point.

Your point has been proven wrong multiple times... but it's Friday so :flowerforyou:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

PrizePopple

theres got to be some sort of Kumbaya, camp fire gif to smooth this over...

Sorry, should I post this in the sugar thread instead?

independant2406

This has been an amusing thread. I just wanted to chime in to say that I have many of the "meanies" on my friends list. I happen to like logic, science, sarcasm, snark, and gifs. Oh and ice cream. By the way, most of those "meanies" are some of the sweetest, most genuinely caring, and are often quite vulnerable people themselves. They are struggling with the same things that the rest of the world is struggling with - weight loss related challenges and real life challenges too.

Anyway, what I was going to say is that if you start out as a lurker as I did , and just sit back and read the original posts and the responses that they provoke, you start to notice something. The original posters are usually relatively new. There are lots of them, from all walks of life. The topics they are posting on, are nothing new though. There is a lot of redundancy in the topics - sugar is evil, cleanses are great, whatever I saw on Dr Oz is finally going to be what I need to lose this weight once and for all.

Then you start to notice that the same people are responding, and they are saying the same thing, (usually delivered in a fairly neutral manner the first time) over and over again, in every thread. When you say the same thing again and again, and the message doesn't get through, of course your tone is going to change. Doesn't that happen in real life? When I start out telling my kids to pick up their toys, and they don't listen, and I repeat myself, after a few times, my tone and my actions are going to change. Eventually the kids do it, but by the time they do, I am exhausted and frustrated. Doesn't mean that tomorrow night, I am immediately going to scream at them and put them in time out if there are toys on the floor. I will start again with a nice tone, but maybe I get frustrated a little more quickly and have a little less patience. My tone may change more quickly.

Now - I await parenting advice, because lord knows I'm not going over to BabyCenter - those b**ches be brutal over there.

I totally get where your coming from. I understand that many people are sick of saying the same thing over and over...life is stressful. I understand. These aren't their personal kids though - these are adult strangers with genuine questions. Noobs haven't heard the information the hundred times its been said before.

Why do they answer a question if is stupid or if makes them angry and they're tired of answering it? No one is holding a gun to their head making them answer noob-ish questions. Let someone else do it.

Or better yet if someone feels compelled to answer every single time, why not write thoughtful well documented stuff 1x and save it in a word doc. Just copy-paste in the information you wrote previously and eliminate the work or whatever is stressful about saying the same thing over and over? Or just say "Here's a sticky about that" and move on?

I just don't understand why its OK for a old timer be angry at someone new. We're all human right?

You know what, I do have advice that I copy and paste and a list of links I use when the same questions are asked over and over again. I've been called mean for using links. I've been called mean for copy and pasting advice. I'm not even joking.

Kudos to you for keeping the copy and paste stuff handy. I personally think its great way to eliminate repetitive work while keeping others informed... I love replies that are packed full of information too as long as its presented calmly and without bashing someone else.

PikaKnight

I love the way rude, mean people justify their behaviors. There is no justifiable reason why you have to be rude and mean, in my opinion.

*holds up a mirror for you*

This comment only proves my point.

How so? Why is it ok for you to call people mean and rude?

you've been here since 2010 and you can still stomach these arguments? lol

My point is that it is NEVER ok to be rude and mean. It you are one of those people, then you need to think about what you are doing. You should give your opinion without been rude and condescending.

I think telling other people how to behave online is rude and condescending.

You are one of these condescending, know it all type of people that does not get it. You quoted my comment and started to attack me, because it makes you feel better to be MEAN.

Says the person that jumps into threads calling people Haters, which is really flame baiting in my opinion. Not to mention calling people spies, liars, and so on because they called you out on how low you were eating per your journal.

Right.

No_Finish_Line

now were making progress!

PRMinx

This has been an amusing thread. I just wanted to chime in to say that I have many of the "meanies" on my friends list. I happen to like logic, science, sarcasm, snark, and gifs. Oh and ice cream. By the way, most of those "meanies" are some of the sweetest, most genuinely caring, and are often quite vulnerable people themselves. They are struggling with the same things that the rest of the world is struggling with - weight loss related challenges and real life challenges too.

Anyway, what I was going to say is that if you start out as a lurker as I did , and just sit back and read the original posts and the responses that they provoke, you start to notice something. The original posters are usually relatively new. There are lots of them, from all walks of life. The topics they are posting on, are nothing new though. There is a lot of redundancy in the topics - sugar is evil, cleanses are great, whatever I saw on Dr Oz is finally going to be what I need to lose this weight once and for all.

Then you start to notice that the same people are responding, and they are saying the same thing, (usually delivered in a fairly neutral manner the first time) over and over again, in every thread. When you say the same thing again and again, and the message doesn't get through, of course your tone is going to change. Doesn't that happen in real life? When I start out telling my kids to pick up their toys, and they don't listen, and I repeat myself, after a few times, my tone and my actions are going to change. Eventually the kids do it, but by the time they do, I am exhausted and frustrated. Doesn't mean that tomorrow night, I am immediately going to scream at them and put them in time out if there are toys on the floor. I will start again with a nice tone, but maybe I get frustrated a little more quickly and have a little less patience. My tone may change more quickly.

Now - I await parenting advice, because lord knows I'm not going over to BabyCenter - those b**ches be brutal over there.

I totally get where your coming from. I understand that many people are sick of saying the same thing over and over...life is stressful. I understand. These aren't their personal kids though - these are adult strangers with genuine questions. Noobs haven't heard the information the hundred times its been said before.

Why do they answer a question if is stupid or if makes them angry and they're tired of answering it? No one is holding a gun to their head making them answer noob-ish questions. Let someone else do it.

Or better yet if someone feels compelled to answer every single time, why not write thoughtful well documented stuff 1x and save it in a word doc. Just copy-paste in the information you wrote previously and eliminate the work or whatever is stressful about saying the same thing over and over? Or just say "Here's a sticky about that" and move on?

I just don't understand why its OK for a old timer be angry at someone new. We're all human right?

You know what, I do have advice that I copy and paste and a list of links I use when the same questions are asked over and over again. I've been called mean for using links. I've been called mean for copy and pasting advice. I'm not even joking.

LOL. I hear ya!

I got yelled at and put on ignore because and OP was really sore from her workout (beyond reasonableness) and I told her maybe she should ease back into her weight routine. I was really nice about it too because, hey, we've all been there!

PikaKnight

I do not need any MEAN help to lose weight. It is not appreciated and therefore stop saying you are helping us, you are NOT!

Goes back in the thread, reviews, then comes back to this post. Per MANY people, they are. I don't think "us" means what you want it to mean.

baconslave

Here is what I see every time I see an original post like this one:




There were many of those yesterday. :yawn:

It works though, doesn't it.

PRMinx

Is it cat gif time? Because this is my new favorite and I need an excuse.

wheird

I do not need any MEAN help to lose weight. It is not appreciated and therefore stop saying you are helping us, you are NOT!

Greetings, citizen of MFP. I am one of the mean people here on the forums. I fully admit to, and embrace, that I am a condescending *kitten*. I can only barely tolerate ignorance and lash out at outright stupidity. Truly awful.

That being said, you should likely utilize the ignore feature to hide the users that you deem mean. This way you will not accidentally read something knowledgable and helpful that they post and inadvertently accept their help. I volunteer as the first tribute.

Unfortunately for you, this will reduce the number of people that actually have knowledge of fitness and nutrition to nearly nothing, but I am sure you will be happy with the help you get choosing a fat blocker and deciding between Herbalife and BeachBody products while Sweating To The Oldies.

WinoGelato

This has been an amusing thread. I just wanted to chime in to say that I have many of the "meanies" on my friends list. I happen to like logic, science, sarcasm, snark, and gifs. Oh and ice cream. By the way, most of those "meanies" are some of the sweetest, most genuinely caring, and are often quite vulnerable people themselves. They are struggling with the same things that the rest of the world is struggling with - weight loss related challenges and real life challenges too.

Anyway, what I was going to say is that if you start out as a lurker as I did , and just sit back and read the original posts and the responses that they provoke, you start to notice something. The original posters are usually relatively new. There are lots of them, from all walks of life. The topics they are posting on, are nothing new though. There is a lot of redundancy in the topics - sugar is evil, cleanses are great, whatever I saw on Dr Oz is finally going to be what I need to lose this weight once and for all.

Then you start to notice that the same people are responding, and they are saying the same thing, (usually delivered in a fairly neutral manner the first time) over and over again, in every thread. When you say the same thing again and again, and the message doesn't get through, of course your tone is going to change. Doesn't that happen in real life? When I start out telling my kids to pick up their toys, and they don't listen, and I repeat myself, after a few times, my tone and my actions are going to change. Eventually the kids do it, but by the time they do, I am exhausted and frustrated. Doesn't mean that tomorrow night, I am immediately going to scream at them and put them in time out if there are toys on the floor. I will start again with a nice tone, but maybe I get frustrated a little more quickly and have a little less patience. My tone may change more quickly.

Now - I await parenting advice, because lord knows I'm not going over to BabyCenter - those b**ches be brutal over there.

I totally get where your coming from. I understand that many people are sick of saying the same thing over and over...life is stressful. I understand. These aren't their personal kids though - these are adult strangers with genuine questions. Noobs haven't heard the information the hundred times its been said before.

Why do they answer a question if is stupid or if makes them angry and they're tired of answering it? No one is holding a gun to their head making them answer noob-ish questions. Let someone else do it.

Or better yet if someone feels compelled to answer every single time, why not write thoughtful well documented stuff 1x and save it in a word doc. Just copy-paste in the information you wrote previously and eliminate the work or whatever is stressful about saying the same thing over and over? Or just say "Here's a sticky about that" and move on?

I just don't understand why its OK for a old timer be angry at someone new. We're all human right?

A lot of people do have their standard responses saved so they can cut and paste them. There are a lot of links to stickied topics that get added as well. Sometimes when people do that, they are accused of being mean because they are being redundant.

Also, as others have said, sometimes they don't post to help the OP, but to help the lurkers who read but don't ask questions of their own. There are many "chronic offenders" on the clean eating, sugar demonizing, VLCD supporting side of the debates that people on the other side post alternative view points, not because they think they are going to change the mind of one of those zealots, but because they are afraid if they don't come in with a counter argument, then some of the noobs who don't have a lot of background info, may get swept up into trying things that are potentially harmful, or at the very least, not necessarily helpful, to a long term sustainable weight loss strategy.

Lastly, most of the people here who are labeled "mean" by what the OP meant, are not in any way hard on the noobs who ask legitimate questions and want helpful advice and have an open mind about the advice they receive. The eye rolls and gifs come out when the OP, or someone else in the thread, refuses to listen to anything advice that doesn't go along with what they want to hear, which is usually something about magic pills, cleanses, losing an excessive amount of weight in an unreasonble time, unnecessary calorie/food restrictions, etc.

So yeah, it is a lot like dealing with my children. They don't want to hear what I have to say, and although I get tired of saying it, I'm not about to let the toys lay strewn about because chaos would start to overtake my house. Same thing with trying to refute some of the ridiculous claims on these threads. It would be a lot easier for people to just let it go, but then the forums get overrun with all the nonsense and you trip over stuff everywhere you turn! You ever step on a Lego? It hurts like a Mother F-er!

PikaKnight

Is it cat gif time? Because this is my new favorite and I need an excuse.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Here is what I see every time I see an original post like this one:




There were many of those yesterday. :yawn:

It works though, doesn't it.

Congrats, here's your meanie membership card. :flowerforyou:

diannethegeek

Is it cat gif time? Because this is my new favorite and I need an excuse.

Can I interest you in a red panda gif instead?

DjinnMarie

I think we need to define mean.

Being blunt is not mean. Lacking tact is not mean.

When somebody makes the millionth thread about not losing weight, and somebody responds with "you are eating too much and not exercising enough", that's blunt. Mean is saying "stop eating so much and get off of the couch fat *kitten*! "

Sometimes bluntness is needed. If you prefer that somebody baby you and hold your hand instead of telling you the cold hard truth, hire a beachbody coach.

JoRocka

I do not need any MEAN help to lose weight. It is not appreciated and therefore stop saying you are helping us, you are NOT!

Can you please differentiate between "mean" help and "nice" help? Because, in the end...it's all still help. The message is still useful regardless of its wording. Whether you decide to take offence to how a message is delivered is entirely up to you, and no one's fault but your own.

posting because I'd like to know the difference as well between mean and good help... I'm assuming it's a lot like the lean and fat muscle we get... or healthy vs unhealthy meats.

rachelrb85

Oh, you people are still here? That's cute