Fit For Future Families - April 2011

fitterpam

Thanks guys (Jalara - as soon as I suspected UTI, the cranberry juice got brought out).....interesting that you say it makes things acidic because I've been trying to get alkaline (they say that people that get constantly sick have a more acidic ph and that alkalizing the body helps regulate things and promotes good health). Interesting correlation.

Andrea - that's super exciting!!!!!

Hunny - I think your way of thought is sound, but there are a lot of healthy people that can't conceive either Clomid has some nasty side effects, but they don't happen to everyone and if it's your only option......BTW, I have a 60 pound pup that my hubbie has been known to carry like an infant (mostly cause he won't get off the bed and it's the only way to do it)

Luki - I have so been there......when there is nothing in the house though - you're guaranteed to eat out and that is probably going to blow your cals....give yourself a fighting chance!!!

Pixie - how long has it been? I get put on Prometrium (Provera) every few cycles (or I used to) to regulate it. It's a bio-identical progesterone that helps jump start you. I haven't had any side effects from the pill (that I wouldn't normally get from progesterone my body makes). One thing though - the more you supplement anything in your body, the less the body will do to produce it on it's own (it's like the thyroid in this manner) so if you supplement EVERY month, the body won't feel like it has to produce it on it's own. If irregular cycles are the norm for you - you can look at trying a progesterone cream. You rub it onto your inner thighs for the last two weeks of every cycle. The added benefit here is that you can start to wean yourself off of it and encourage your body to restart producing it in the correct amount over time.....

pixieofdoom

I was onthe depo provera jab for years. I came off it in January last year but sign of AF returning, not even a suggestion of it. Not had any cycle that I'm aware of for about 6 years now

I drink a lot of water and lemon juice, that's supposed to be very good for keeping the body alkaline I heard.

fitterpam

I was onthe depo provera jab for years. I came off it in January last year but sign of AF returning, not even a suggestion of it. Not had any cycle that I'm aware of for about 6 years now

I drink a lot of water and lemon juice, that's supposed to be very good for keeping the body alkaline I heard.

I've heard that with depo - the doctors won't do anythign for a year to help. What is your doctor recommending? The progesterone will start the AF, but won't do anything to help with ovulation (AF without ovulation missing the point for TTC) and doesn't guarantee the next cycle will include ovulation. Sounds liek you need the ovulation stimulation, which would probably involve clomid or something.

jalara

Good morning all! I was nightmare free last night! Phew...

Pixie - Clomid is used for specific reasons and so is progesterone. I only recently came back to the board so I'm not familiar with the background. As for Clomid - it can be a great medication or a horrible one - like Pam said, everyone reacts to it differently. My first month I had horrible hot flashes, but that's it. The 2nd month I had a headache on the days I took the meds, and this month I've had nightmares. Those are all pretty normal side effects considering it's a medication that causes fluctuations in hormone levels. What is your OB's advice? If you're nervous about any medication I'd ask her to lay out all your options and then you can make a more informed choice.

MrsHinds7

Oh, and I just want to shout it off the rooftops that my little brother was on National TV today. He is touring with a country music artist right now as a drummer, and played a national talk show this afternoon!!! (Well they recorded yesterday, but it aired today!)

Woohoo!!! Thats so exciting I'd be proud and want to shout it from the rooftops too!!

MrsHinds7

I'm in emotional recovery today.

Last night, my hubby's sister's best friend sent me a message. He, in a nice way, said that if we choose to continue with our IVF plans, that we need to understand that they will be throwing away the extra embryos, essentially killing our children. He basically, in a nice way, judged us and said if we choose IVF that we are murderers. I knew that there were people who didnt agree with our decision for a variety of reasons, but this the first time that someone blatenely judged us and openly accused us of something terrible. I know I shouldn't let it bother me.

I wanted to say a number of terrible things to him, but instead I said, "We appreciate that you care enough about us to be concerned, however we have discussed our decision and are comfortable with it in regards to our morals and values. We have spoken to our fertility specialist about our concerns and have made a plan that we are comfortable with. While I understand that you do not understand what it is like to desire a family of your own that you cannot have, in vitro is our only option because of David's cancer treatments, and we feel that if we concieve a child this way, that it is God's will and will be an incredible blessing for our family. We appreciate that you care, but this is a decision we made as husband and wife, and it is not open for outside opinions or discussion."

Anyways, I felt like it was a classy, but to the point response. I refuse to stoop to the level of an ignorant, judgemental person by saying something rude back... has anyone else had to deal with this in regards to IVF?

jalara

MrsHinds - I think that's an excellent response! Well written! I know it's hard when people judge you (I've received comments just for being on Fertility Drugs - along the lines of "If God wanted you to have children you would be able to on your own." It's hard but I just try to think that the other person is entitled to their opinion just like I'm entitled to think they're an arrogant @sswipe.

What WOULD upset me is why your SIL is discussing family matters openly with someone else. Unless it's a everyone-we-know-knows situation I'd be very upset and be questioning my trust in her.

Again - you gave a wonderful answer! And for what it's worth, I support any decision a couple makes together. Including IVF. I'm here for you!

fitterpam

I'm in emotional recovery today.

Last night, my hubby's sister's best friend sent me a message. He, in a nice way, said that if we choose to continue with our IVF plans, that we need to understand that they will be throwing away the extra embryos, essentially killing our children. He basically, in a nice way, judged us and said if we choose IVF that we are murderers. I knew that there were people who didnt agree with our decision for a variety of reasons, but this the first time that someone blatenely judged us and openly accused us of something terrible. I know I shouldn't let it bother me.

I wanted to say a number of terrible things to him, but instead I said, "We appreciate that you care enough about us to be concerned, however we have discussed our decision and are comfortable with it in regards to our morals and values. We have spoken to our fertility specialist about our concerns and have made a plan that we are comfortable with. While I understand that you do not understand what it is like to desire a family of your own that you cannot have, in vitro is our only option because of David's cancer treatments, and we feel that if we concieve a child this way, that it is God's will and will be an incredible blessing for our family. We appreciate that you care, but this is a decision we made as husband and wife, and it is not open for outside opinions or discussion."

Anyways, I felt like it was a classy, but to the point response. I refuse to stoop to the level of an ignorant, judgemental person by saying something rude back... has anyone else had to deal with this in regards to IVF?

That is absolutely the way it was done and much much much more classy than I would have said. And as a matter of interest, they don't "throw away" the extra embryos. You have lots of other options to save them for future pregnancies and I believe (depending on where you live) you can donate them to couples that are unable to use their own genetic material (saving them the cost of the IVF). It frustrates me that people that are so uneducated about the process have such strong opinions. I know they're entitled to their EDUCATED opinion....if you want to have a right to an opinion, understand what you're taking a stand on!!! (I went on similar tirades during the Homestudy process)...

MrsHinds7

MrsHinds - I think that's an excellent response! Well written! I know it's hard when people judge you (I've received comments just for being on Fertility Drugs - along the lines of "If God wanted you to have children you would be able to on your own." It's hard but I just try to think that the other person is entitled to their opinion just like I'm entitled to think they're an arrogant @sswipe.

What WOULD upset me is why your SIL is discussing family matters openly with someone else. Unless it's a everyone-we-know-knows situation I'd be very upset and be questioning my trust in her.

Again - you gave a wonderful answer! And for what it's worth, I support any decision a couple makes together. Including IVF. I'm here for you!

We've been open about it because we applied for IVF grants and we're preparing ourselves because I'm sure if we recieve them, our information will be out there for all to see and we don't want a big, dramatic shock. Plus, we wanted to advocate for other cancer patients with the same problems because I think that studies need to be done to learn how to better care for a patient's fertility and reproductive system during cancer treatment, so there aren't so many people who's lives have already been flipped upside-down by treatments and then can't have a family on top of it. So I guess by being open, we set ourselves up for opinions to be shared. I think it was just a shocker because I didnt realize that anyone would actually say it to us.

Thanks again for the support! It was nice to be able to vent on here this morning to people that I knew could understand and relate

MrsHinds7

That is absolutely the way it was done and much much much more classy than I would have said. And as a matter of interest, they don't "throw away" the extra embryos. You have lots of other options to save them for future pregnancies and I believe (depending on where you live) you can donate them to couples that are unable to use their own genetic material (saving them the cost of the IVF). It frustrates me that people that are so uneducated about the process have such strong opinions. I know they're entitled to their EDUCATED opinion....if you want to have a right to an opinion, understand what you're taking a stand on!!! (I went on similar tirades during the Homestudy process)...

I totally agree. We want a big family and only have two samples of sperm from before chemo so we will DEFINATELY be saving any leftover embryos for future pregnancies. It's amazing how many people have the audacity to judge someone for something that they know absolutely nothing about. You are correct- people need to make sure they are educated on the subject before stating their opinion.

kah78

OMG MrsHinds--I loved your response. Like everyone else has said, I am so in awe of your composure in your response. The response that I would have loved to give is two words--but I think you did a much better job. And really, people, (I'm preaching to the choir here)--get your facts straight. You can freeze the embryos, or donate them for others to use if you aren't in the camp that is okay with donating them for research or whatever. Sheesh. Way to go-MrsHinds. My hat is totally off to you.

As for me--I'm in a funk. The reality of this whole process starting is starting to set in, and I've been dealing with insurance issues all afternoon because the fertility place we are going to called to remind us of the appt and to tell us that they don't have a referral for us from my primary care provider. Hello, I haven't seen my "primary care provider" in 2 years, but my wonderful insurance won't accept a referral from the OBGYN. They said, no problem, just tell your PCP to go online and fill it out. Well, turns out my PCP "doesn't do things online"--WTH--this is 2011!!! My 2 year old can use a computer...but I digress...

So, I have an appt on Monday and no referral for it, and I'm just trying to decide if I want to say "to hell with the referral" because my insurance has said they aren't going to pay for any of it anyways! (They just keep throwing around this word "maybe", and if I can save a couple hundred bucks I really want to. This all just feels like heaping insult onto injury. And then the (very nice) lady at the Fertility place told me what the initial consultation--the walk in the door fee-- was going to cost out of pocket. Ka-CHING! I feel like I"m sacrificing an arm for an informational seminar. (I'm being a bit melodramatic--I'll get over it in a bit.)

I'm so depressed and worked up at the same time.. I am not the type to get worked up over money--it's a tool, and we want to use the tool to get something we want. But really, when they started throwing some of the numbers at me, I just went from full-speed ahead to OMG what the heck are we doing we can't afford this!!! I just started questioning everything. So, I'm trying to regain my perspective. I knew this was going to be expensive. I knew that we are going to have to deal with it and figure this out. I knew we were going to have to make some hard decisions. But right now in this moment, I just want to breathe into a paper bag and/or have my mommy rock me like a little baby. And I want to kick the little money-worried voice in my head that is saying "Maybe one kid is enough." Being a mom is the hardest job in the world...and I want to do it again so much right now.

Okay--rant done. And I didn't even get into the chocolate mocha ice cream. Thanks guys---you saved me a couple hundred calories, at least.

fitterpam

Karen :frown: Sounds like a rough day....The prospect of any kind of fertility care is soo daunting - especially financially. It took me a few years to build up the courage to even think we could do it. I didn't want to be in a position of having spent more than my first year living on my own in rent and not walk out of there with a baby. It's something that you really need to come to terms with before doing it - you don't want it to be something you regret risking.

Also it's incredibly overwhelming because they do throw all kinds of numbers at you and expect you to just say yes. My suggestion is to go to the first appointment and talk to them. Get all of the information you need to know (what kind of procedure will you be looking at, how invasive is it, what are all the possible costs involved, is there a counselling program, what is their success rate, do they offer a guarantee program, where will the procedure take place, what drugs will be involved-get a list of their DINs so you can ask the insurance company if they cover them). Then bring it all home and sit on it for at least a month (seriously very important) to let it all digest. You can't make a decision like this immediately..you need time to come to terms with the need of it before you can make a decision. Look at the initial consultation as being worth it to get all the information you need to make an informed decision. What happens after that will happen after that - one step at a time.

Fertility issues are all about hurry up and wait. It's so easy for me to say all of this because I really have had years to understand and absorb but really......so much new crap is being thrown my way so I know it's easier said that done.

For now, breathe, have a cup of tea and play with your son for an hour. Take your mind off of all of this and focus on what you have in front of you, it'll help you gain perspective.......Feel free to vent anytime!!! BTW, (with my chihuahua personality) I force myself to do this at least once a month otherwise I'd be a nutcase.

Jessica_Lo

Oh my lord Mrs Hinds how in the world did you keep your composure?? What a jack a**. I can't say anything else about it, it just makes me mad

Karen. I totally feel you're pain. We are about a week away from our final consultation which is where they give you the protocal for IVF and get ya started and I am panicking about the money. Like cold sweat panicking. We have the money for the IVF cycles but the program we are choosing does not pay for meds/anesthesia and if you go to the blastocyst cycle. I'm just grasping that that means EACH cycle those costs are out of pocket. We've already struggled saving for the $20k for the cycles....now what if we need 4. That's potentially an additional $12000.00. I don't know if we will have that. OMG my heart just stopped with that scenario. A really small part of me (that is being slowly devoured by the bigger more panicky part) is saying it's going to take one...maybe two tries so not to worry. BUT what if it doesn't??? Ok I'm counting to 10. Thank god I'm at work and there is no ice cream or cookies.

MrsHinds7

OMG MrsHinds--I loved your response. Like everyone else has said, I am so in awe of your composure in your response. The response that I would have loved to give is two words--but I think you did a much better job. And really, people, (I'm preaching to the choir here)--get your facts straight. You can freeze the embryos, or donate them for others to use if you aren't in the camp that is okay with donating them for research or whatever. Sheesh. Way to go-MrsHinds. My hat is totally off to you.

As for me--I'm in a funk. The reality of this whole process starting is starting to set in, and I've been dealing with insurance issues all afternoon because the fertility place we are going to called to remind us of the appt and to tell us that they don't have a referral for us from my primary care provider. Hello, I haven't seen my "primary care provider" in 2 years, but my wonderful insurance won't accept a referral from the OBGYN. They said, no problem, just tell your PCP to go online and fill it out. Well, turns out my PCP "doesn't do things online"--WTH--this is 2011!!! My 2 year old can use a computer...but I digress...

So, I have an appt on Monday and no referral for it, and I'm just trying to decide if I want to say "to hell with the referral" because my insurance has said they aren't going to pay for any of it anyways! (They just keep throwing around this word "maybe", and if I can save a couple hundred bucks I really want to. This all just feels like heaping insult onto injury. And then the (very nice) lady at the Fertility place told me what the initial consultation--the walk in the door fee-- was going to cost out of pocket. Ka-CHING! I feel like I"m sacrificing an arm for an informational seminar. (I'm being a bit melodramatic--I'll get over it in a bit.)

I'm so depressed and worked up at the same time.. I am not the type to get worked up over money--it's a tool, and we want to use the tool to get something we want. But really, when they started throwing some of the numbers at me, I just went from full-speed ahead to OMG what the heck are we doing we can't afford this!!! I just started questioning everything. So, I'm trying to regain my perspective. I knew this was going to be expensive. I knew that we are going to have to deal with it and figure this out. I knew we were going to have to make some hard decisions. But right now in this moment, I just want to breathe into a paper bag and/or have my mommy rock me like a little baby. And I want to kick the little money-worried voice in my head that is saying "Maybe one kid is enough." Being a mom is the hardest job in the world...and I want to do it again so much right now.

Okay--rant done. And I didn't even get into the chocolate mocha ice cream. Thanks guys---you saved me a couple hundred calories, at least.

The financial stress of fertility issues is so difficult. I agree with what Pam said. Go to the initial consultation to hear what they have to say and then think on it for a month. I was lucky that my insurance covers the pre-diagnostic stuff so I was able to go to the initial consultation and do all of my pre-IVF bloodwork and ultrasound to make sure that everything is normal and my medical info is complete when I'm ready to go for it. We were overwhelmed with the fees of the procedure and medicines. We looked into taking out one of those IVF loans so we could pay monthly, but our credit is damaged from all the cancer stuff so we would still have to wait a couple years until our credit score goes up. So right now we're applying for grants from a few IVF non-profits and saving. I know it will happen when the time is right. I just long to be a mom and wish I didnt have to wait forever. BUT-- it's great motivation to use the waiting period to lose weight so I'm in great shape for a healthy baby and a cute baby bump

lukimakamai

Mrs.Hinds I am an awe of how you handled this also! Good for you- I hope your composure made them rethink how they approached you!!!

AMummysLife

Waves to everyone.

MrsH - I am in absolute awe of your reply because like some of the others my response would probably be of the two word variety. I am also concerned about your SIL talking about personal business that shouldn't really have anything to do with her or her friends.

Hoping everyone else is well. I haven't yet had a read up of everyone's posts yet.

AFM - Ovulated today. I am honestly hoping this month is THE MONTH since I'm getting exhausted with all this effort. Especially in trying to keep it fresh and romantic and enjoyable! I went through my wardrobe last week and pulled out a whole pile of clothes that I no longer fit since loosing weight. Will keep most of them aside for when I finally do get UTD but will be getting some new things this week to bulk up what is left of my meager wardrobe.

pixieofdoom

Not really getting any advice to be honest. I had some bloods done to check my hormones and also diabetes, thyroid etc. I called and was told they were all normal but haven't offered another appointment and with my surgery it's really difficult to make one. O have to wait until I have a weekday off which will probably be around Easter now

pixieofdoom

Excuse typos, trying to type on my iPod

kah78

I'm back to "normal" now everyone--anxiety/panic attack subdued for now. (We'll see what happens on Monday--my husband will be there then, so he tends to balance me well.) Thanks for letting me vent. Have a good Saturday!

fitterpam

Heya History - I know - if it's not "the month", consider taking a month off (my doctor once told me that you should do a non-TTC (but don't prevent) every 4 months or so to help keep the pressure off. People that aren't TTC don't understand it....LOL I had a friend tell me once when I explained SMEP plan "Oh poor you, for it to be so scheduled".....LOL Good for you though on the new wardrobe....PS I really hope it is your month!!!!!

Pixie - how long have you been trying? They were checking for PCOS (which is related to diabetes), but I guess it didn't come up with anything. That is usually the most they'll do unless you can prove you have a different issue (like a short LP) until you've been trying for 12 months....it sucks....but most couples without issues can take up to that time to conceive so that's when they make the decision to start looking at things further. Do you chart?

Karen - no issues It's normal to have a OMG moment - it's really overwhelming. If we can help with it, that's what we're here for.

AFM - I'm going to the zoo today. Tomorrow's my birthday and every year, my DH's cousin's girlfriend lets me borrow her kid.....It sounds funny, but really helps stave off my "I need to be around kids craving". Last year we watched her for a weekend (she was almost 1) and this year we're taking all three of them (cousin, his girlfriend, and my gift) to the zoo. They struggle a little, financially, and so we really enjoy doing things like this that will be part of family memories, plus her birthday's in 2 weeks and so I need to start getting ideas for her birthday present (so it's time to scope out the house....LOL) Should be a really fun day!