Boyfriend Motivation???

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  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
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    my boyfriend does love me and i love him.. i don't think dumping him will solve anything because i am happy with him

    i have been fatter now for about a year, it's just now i really want to do something about it

    i ahev been trying for a while but i'm struggling.. just camer across this site and hope it will help me as my bf isn't!

    Do you have a sister?:flowerforyou:
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
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    Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections.

    Wow... here's to hoping you and your boyfriend are never maimed or disfigured.

    not sure why u want to be my friend
    and secondly not sure why i have accepted u

    I was replying to riyahroyce, not you OP.
  • nikki778
    nikki778 Posts: 148 Member
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    Its one thing if youre crying to him with a mouth full of twinkies about your weight & he is offering you tough love but if hes making statements out of nowhere that insult you then its simple,...

    YOU LEAVE HIM.

    What is wrong with people? UGh its pathetic.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    I'd stop worrying about my weight, and start worrying about my horrifyingly low levels of self-esteem. I hope you figure out why what your boyfriend is doing to you is so incredibly wrong. Neither of you will be happy with you even after you lose weight.
  • mielikkibz
    mielikkibz Posts: 552 Member
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    The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

    Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

    Best of luck to you.

    someone with common sense, BINGO!!!
  • Gilbrod
    Gilbrod Posts: 1,216 Member
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    Agreed. My apologies on the pity post. I have 6 sisters. 3 have gone through unhealthy relationships. When I hear the sob story of how they don't get treated right for the 10th time, and I show support by threatening with my fists, they say no no no. He was just having a bad day. So I tend to be desensitized when I see the whole "he makes fun of me, but he still loves me" post/routine/act. As someone said, either stay in and use it for motivation, or bounce and continue living however it makes you happy. Once again, I apologize.
  • salmat77
    salmat77 Posts: 310 Member
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    Eww no... If I had this problem I'd leave his *kitten* and find someone worth my time. You can do better than a control freak loser.

    Just sayin'


    LMAO, soooo true!!! Girl you are better than that and gorgeous, you really deserve a man that appreciates you in and out.. Good Luck!!!
  • Tujitsu56
    Tujitsu56 Posts: 392 Member
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    You accepted them because you are a nice person, but be careful not to accept people who aren't going to motivate you. Their methods may not work for you. You can always remove them as a friend:)
    Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections.

    Wow... here's to hoping you and your boyfriend are never maimed or disfigured.

    not sure why u want to be my friend
    and secondly not sure why i have accepted u
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
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    It isn't you - it is him. He is being a @$$. It is a form of abuse (emotional and verbally). I put up with it for almost 5 years from my soon to be ex husband. I finally had enough in June and left him - working on the divorce now. I was never small (he married me big), but having 2 babies put more strain on my body. He wasn't that good looking either - he just like to put me down to feel better about himself. I have since lost 56 lbs, and he is jealous of what I have become and not his anymore. I am dating another guy who worships me and is always complimenting me. I now have low self-esteem because his my ex's abuse - don't allow him to treat you this way. Find someone who will worship you - you are worth so much more than anyone's abuse.
    Awesome Job! Way to take control of your life!

    Thanks - I appreciate this. It took me a while to finally get the courage to walk away, but it is the best thing I could have done for myself and my babies.
  • Tujitsu56
    Tujitsu56 Posts: 392 Member
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    Wow! it looks like you really took this out of context. She said that he makes comments and asks if what she has done. It may not be the best method, but to me it's sounds like he cares about her and loves her. Another note... Pathetic??? Really??? I don't think so. You don't know the full situation.
    Its one thing if youre crying to him with a mouth full of twinkies about your weight & he is offering you tough love but if hes making statements out of nowhere that insult you then its simple,...

    YOU LEAVE HIM.

    What is wrong with people? UGh its pathetic.
  • wiglet23
    wiglet23 Posts: 887 Member
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    The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

    Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

    Best of luck to you.

    Yeah. what HE said. Anyone who puts you down and makes you feel bad about yourself is NOT worth having in your life.
  • Hova1914
    Hova1914 Posts: 82 Member
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    i don't think your bf is a loser and you need to dump him like everyone else is saying. i think he's just trying to motivate you, he just doesn't know HOW to motivate you. so he's motivating you in the manner in which would get HIM motivated. you just need to have a heart to heart with him and let him know that you see and appreciate what he's trying to accomplish, especially since you brought it on by complaining about your body in the first place. but the way he's doing it isn't working for you. but the most important thing: HAVE WAYS THAT HE CAN MOTIVATE THAT WOULD WORK FOR YOU ALREADY IN MIND!!!! don't come to this convo empty handed, because most guys are problem solvers. you complain, we find a way to fix the problem. you complain about weight, so he tries to get you to eat better and work out. the way he's doing it is not working for you, so you need to give him at least 3 things he can do that would work better for him to get him started. he'll come up with more on his own afterwards, but he's gonna need to know what works for you to give him a push and get him started. most women will just complain/vent to us with no solution in mind, which leaves us to our own devices to come up with one. you may not even WANT a solution, you just want to be heard. so you should make this known up front. and if his solution isn't working, come with suggestions.
  • ineed2bskinny
    ineed2bskinny Posts: 62
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    i don't think your bf is a loser and you need to dump him like everyone else is saying. i think he's just trying to motivate you, he just doesn't know HOW to motivate you. so he's motivating you in the manner in which would get HIM motivated. you just need to have a heart to heart with him and let him know that you see and appreciate what he's trying to accomplish, especially since you brought it on by complaining about your body in the first place. but the way he's doing it isn't working for you. but the most important thing: HAVE WAYS THAT HE CAN MOTIVATE THAT WOULD WORK FOR YOU ALREADY IN MIND!!!! don't come to this convo empty handed, because most guys are problem solvers. you complain, we find a way to fix the problem. you complain about weight, so he tries to get you to eat better and work out. the way he's doing it is not working for you, so you need to give him at least 3 things he can do that would work better for him to get him started. he'll come up with more on his own afterwards, but he's gonna need to know what works for you to give him a push and get him started. most women will just complain/vent to us with no solution in mind, which leaves us to our own devices to come up with one. you may not even WANT a solution, you just want to be heard. so you should make this known up front. and if his solution isn't working, come with suggestions.

    thank u x
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
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    Its one thing if youre crying to him with a mouth full of twinkies about your weight & he is offering you tough love but if hes making statements out of nowhere that insult you then its simple,...

    YOU LEAVE HIM.

    What is wrong with people? UGh its pathetic.

    it must be nice to have your crystal ball so you can see and know everything about everyone.

    advice is one thing, but to lay down the 'pathetic' verdict is just bad form. grow up.
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    So the "Dump the loser" answer is so simple to throw out there, that's why everyone does it.

    But there are several issues here. You say he says this stuff about your weight as a joke, but you know "he's deadly serious". You're calling him out on his intent on MFP forum. Have you called him on his intent to his face? That's the kind of communication you need.

    Does he really know that your feelings are hurt, and that his approach to your obesity problem is counter-productive and will ultimately backfire? You need to effectively help him to understand this reality. Argument and accusations and threats will not help him understand; instead it will divide. Effective communication with the goal of a better understanding and cooperative effort to reach your solution to obesity.

    That is what you want, right? Lose weight? He's trying to help. And he's doing a crappy job of it now. But he doesn't realize how its hurting you. Communicate.

    But you really would do well to reflect on his traits. His lack of sensitivity should be something you think about. He needs to be more sensitive towards you. Can he improve? Is he willing to do so? If yes to both, you may have a good guy there. If he can't or won't, that's almost a bigger problem than his insensitivity.

    Investing in a relationship with someone only to watch it unravel at some point is not fun. Better to unravel sooner rather than later, if that is to be the final outcome.
  • mn2italy
    mn2italy Posts: 13 Member
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    i think he's just trying to motivate you, he just doesn't know HOW to motivate you. so he's motivating you in the manner in which would get HIM motivated. you just need to have a heart to heart with him and let him know that you see and appreciate what he's trying to accomplish, especially since you brought it on by complaining about your body in the first place. but the way he's doing it isn't working for you.

    I complain to my husband all the time about feeling fat, so when he saw me eating junk food he would comment on it and say things like "you've already had a lot to eat." I would get really upset and he didn't know why. He wasn't being a jerk on purpose or being emotionally abusive. Finally I told him that for me, pointing out my eating habits was the same as calling me fat. He was surprised that I felt that way, and he said he was only trying to remind me of my goals. He has since stopped commenting on my eating habits, and now he says nice things like "you went to the gym four times this week, good job!" or "the dinner you made tonight was tasted really good and it was healthy." Having an honest talk with your bf will make a big difference!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,708 Member
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    my boyfriend does love me and i love him.. i don't think dumping him will solve anything because i am happy with him

    i have been fatter now for about a year, it's just now i really want to do something about it

    i ahev been trying for a while but i'm struggling.. just camer across this site and hope it will help me as my bf isn't!
    A person who loves someone doesn't callously put them down. Hear what you're saying: he won't help you. I love my wife and would do ANYTHING to help her. I don't buy that he's in love with you. You may want to just believe that.
  • nikki778
    nikki778 Posts: 148 Member
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    Oy~ Yes Youre right I dont know the ****uation only what she posts, My closure should have said that SHES not the pathetic one ~HE is, as a man or whomever the person may be to not support/help/ their partner is Pathetic.

    Yes he makes comments but Im 'telling' her its one thing if shes crying to him while not doing anything about it I understand the tough love approach of making comments, I would too if she was my friend,
    BUT if he is just belittling her & shes trying then that is different & its wrong,
    Wow! it looks like you really took this out of context. She said that he makes comments and asks if what she has done. It may not be the best method, but to me it's sounds like he cares about her and loves her. Another note... Pathetic??? Really??? I don't think so. You don't know the full situation.
    Its one thing if youre crying to him with a mouth full of twinkies about your weight & he is offering you tough love but if hes making statements out of nowhere that insult you then its simple,...

    YOU LEAVE HIM.

    What is wrong with people? UGh its pathetic.
  • nikki778
    nikki778 Posts: 148 Member
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    UGH~ Grow up??? I should have worded that a bit better ~

    My closing statement was directed towards HIM I should have put 'HIM' instead of 'PEOPLE'
    you know as in PEOPLE LIKE HIM ~
    I hope to have made that as clear as my 'crystal ball'

    Its one thing if youre crying to him with a mouth full of twinkies about your weight & he is offering you tough love but if hes making statements out of nowhere that insult you then its simple,...

    YOU LEAVE HIM.

    What is wrong with people? UGh its pathetic.

    it must be nice to have your crystal ball so you can see and know everything about everyone.

    advice is one thing, but to lay down the 'pathetic' verdict is just bad form. grow up.
  • someonelikemyself
    someonelikemyself Posts: 192
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    Honey if you want a serious relationship let's say end up marrying him when you get pregnant .... what WOULDN'T he say?!
    like i get that he wants you to look skinny cuz maybe that's his fantasy or what he likes it's normal but not normal enough to make fun he should HELP instead!!!!!!!!!! and encourage you he either sucks or sucks at expressing why he wants you thinner he might cause an eating disorder!!!!!!!! if you want tell him to treat you differently and help you out if he still mocks and barely helps then dumpppp

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