friends with benefits

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felice03
felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
in Chit-Chat
can this ever work out? any one successful with it...mean both sides are 100% cool, or is it destined to have one or both hurt?
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  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    I think it all depends on the "rules" set out. It's worked for me in the past.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    No personal experience but have heard from many that it was fine,neither walked away hurt.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    Each time I tried that I ended up breaking the guys heart :(
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,352 Member
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    In my situation it was fine. There were times over the time frame that he would get jealous, or I would. But when we got in serious relationships and ended it, we still talked. He is a really good friend of mine. I dont talk to him so much now, as I feel that would be a bit disrespectful to my boyfriend, but not because I have hard feelings.
  • Queenb62303
    Queenb62303 Posts: 77
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    eventually someone will catch feelings...or find someone else with better benefits package lol... why waste your time with someone you say is just a friend? move on to the real thing, someone who wants more than your benefits :) when you get older you may regret situations like this... just my opinion..
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    not for me!

    if they're my friend and I want to have sex with them well it's only natural i want ALL of them.
  • Fred77
    Fred77 Posts: 132 Member
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    i used to be best friends with a girl, like proper best mates for years and years. then one night we were both drunk, and we ended up doing the deed. then we had a chat, and said it shouldnt happen again, but then it did when we got drunk, and then when we werent drunk, and then it got awkward, and we ended up falling out over seeing other people. that was 10 years ago. we havent spoken since.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    eventually someone will catch feelings...or find someone else with better benefits package lol... why waste your time with someone you say is just a friend? move on to the real thing, someone who wants more than your benefits :) when you get older you may regret situations like this... just my opinion..

    Sometimes people aren't in the mood, or don't have the time, to have a serious relationship, but still need to fulfil their "needs."
  • sportsforfun
    sportsforfun Posts: 353
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    Yes, it can and has worked many times.
  • swordsmith
    swordsmith Posts: 599 Member
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    Did it- great sex all around. However, she and I would vacillate over hurt feelings as one or the other of us would break a ground rule. We finally ended it before we both ended up hating each other.

    Probably the best sex was my **** buddy. Met in college on a class on human sexuality (imagine that). We were attracted to each other but quickly determined our personalities were gasoline and fire- which made for great, mind blowing sex. Basic ground rule was we never talked about personal anything when we hooked up- basic pleasantries, maybe "how is school doing", clothes off, had wild sex, clothes on, the visiting **** buddy left. Other ground rules were no sleeping over, no extended cuddling, no hanging out outside of bedroom happy time.

    **** buddy worked like a charm- had a year plus of string free sex before I found a steady g/f and we parted ways with no hurt.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    i used to be best friends with a girl, like proper best mates for years and years. then one night we were both drunk, and we ended up doing the deed. then we had a chat, and said it shouldnt happen again, but then it did when we got drunk, and then when we werent drunk, and then it got awkward, and we ended up falling out over seeing other people. that was 10 years ago. we havent spoken since.


    i love that you just said "proper best mates"!!!! lol
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
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    **** buddy worked like a charm- had a year plus of string free sex before I found a steady g/f and we parted ways with no hurt.

    How does the conversation go that ends the relationship?
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
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    FWB should ultimately be about having a mutually beneficial friendship with someone where an occasional release is enjoyed by all.

    As such, it should require a willingness on both parts to put the other person's interests ahead of their own, which means understanding it when the other finds someone that they want to be exclusive with.

    If the two parties don't have that perspective then jealousy and anger and stalking can get in the mix and really mess things up.

    And at the end of a FWB (because someone is committed elsewhere) should be a great and lasting friendship.
  • JanaMatchett
    JanaMatchett Posts: 50 Member
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    I don't think it would work well. One would end up getting hurt. When you are intimate with someone you give some of your love away..some of you. You might end up with nothing left to give. I'm not preaching or judging. I did this till I was 36. Then I decided to become abstinant until marriage. Too much heart ache and wanting to follow my Lord helped me to do that. I'm special and wanted to wait to share that part of me with someone again. I got engaged 3 years later and am now married to a wonderful man. Knowing what I know now and looking back, I actually wish I had waited until I was married to have sex . There is something special about waiting till you are married. Just my personal opinion. Best of luck!
  • swordsmith
    swordsmith Posts: 599 Member
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    **** buddy worked like a charm- had a year plus of string free sex before I found a steady g/f and we parted ways with no hurt.

    How does the conversation go that ends the relationship?

    Fairly easy - "Hey Amber... I found someone I really like and it seems to be working. I dont want to be cheating on them since its getting serious so I think its time for me to move on after today" "Ok Mike- its been fun with you- good luck on your new relationship and I hope it works out"

    I'm paraphrasing but that was really about it literally.
  • lorac321
    lorac321 Posts: 627 Member
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    Worked great for me. We both got what we wanted, time between the sheets, but didn't have to buy Valentines Candy or birthday cards. I'm happily married now but he is still my friend - without benefits.
  • Queenb62303
    Queenb62303 Posts: 77
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    eventually someone will catch feelings...or find someone else with better benefits package lol... why waste your time with someone you say is just a friend? move on to the real thing, someone who wants more than your benefits :) when you get older you may regret situations like this... just my opinion..

    Sometimes people aren't in the mood, or don't have the time, to have a serious relationship, but still need to fulfil their "needs."

    everyone has different experiences..that is why i ended with "just my opinion" :)
  • AllanMisner
    AllanMisner Posts: 4,140 Member
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    I've had a few FWB's in the past. It is important to set the rules early and stick to them. And both of you have to be good at communicating. The few times it has blown up, was when the girl did get feelings but tried to bottle it up, then blew up.
  • bosmonkey
    bosmonkey Posts: 1
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    It works but it does have to end some time and by that time, someone is bound to be resentful of the other calling it off. Forget about rules - they all go out the window once feelings get involved by one party - and there will be.

    You HAVE to go into it knowing that it will end some day - and probably badly. I've tried this twice. Amazing while it lasts, but the end was terrible both times. I am not in contact with either now, and they were both wonderful people too.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    I've have a few 'special' friends in the past. It would work for awhile but eventually I would start feeling used. It seemed like the 'rules' were always in their court. If I called up and said hey wanna get together.....he would be busy or it wasn't a good time. It always had to be on his terms at the time he decided (no he wasn't married or living with anyone). I eventually decided casual sex was not for me and made up my mind to abstain.......lol not even 6 months later I met my boyfriend and we've been in a happy relationship now for 5 years :love:

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