friends with benefits

1WorkoutAtATime

nah, eventually somebody is gonna get hurt / catch feelings..

VictorianJade

You win. I want better for my kids (might be going out on a limb but guessing you dont have any). My parents taught me to respect myself.

I'd like to point out that a) you have a penchant for editing your posts. Say what you mean, the first time.
b) Commenting on my situation with children - is not relevant. I grew up with a mother like you, which is largely what formed my beliefs (good luck!).

SofaKingRad

Can't catch feelings in these situations. Almost always it seems like someone does.

FWBS! You can't catch feelings, but you can catch da herps!

rachcamp88

And I pray, yes I pray, my kids will have more respect for themselves and others.

Having a FWB does not mean that you don't respect yourself or others. Personally I would rather sleep with the same person rather than have one night stands with random guys. After coming out of a long term relationship I don't want to date someone right now,that doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex or want to stop having it. I can't see any reason why this means I don't respect myself.

dragonfly74

You win. I want better for my kids (might be going out on a limb but guessing you dont have any). My parents taught me to respect myself.

I'd like to point out that a) you have a penchant for editing your posts. Say what you mean, the first time.
b) Commenting on my situation with children - is not relevant. I grew up with a mother like you, which is largely what formed my beliefs (good luck!).

I grew up with a mom like me too! Looks like I have a 50/50 shot :laugh:

Edited to correct my iPad.

grassette

People who indulge in that kind of thing end up losing their capacity to bond with a significant other. There is a kind of hardness of heart that the practice requires, the using, not giving aspect, that ends up twisting the person significantly.

Women especially can be the losers in this, because their physiology is built in such a way that they bond more deeply to their first sexual partner than to any subsequent one. The science is out there, so you can google your way to it. As the song goes, the pleasure last but a moment, but the sadness lasts a lifetime. There is never the same degree of passion.

But men can be the losers, especially if they are good at this game. Later they are unable to form families because they can`t bond with a woman. This leaves them without support networks as they age, and accounts for the higher degree of suicide in older single males.

There is no such thing as a free lunch. You end up paying for it one way or the other.

I would love to see citations of research showing this. Specifically, I would like to see citations from peer-reviewed, scientific journals.

Google away! They are out there.

shelliedanielle

For me it didnt end well. At first the friends with benefits was fine until we saw each other all the time and I got feelings for him, and he didnt for me. It sucked because I got heart broken even though we werent even dating. but still. Sometimes friends with benefits works and sometimes it doesnt. Probably not the smartest idea either.

catic

Yes it can work out, but I have found it has to be the right person.

thelovelyLIZ

I went down that road... it was pretty disastrous. It seems most of the time someone gets hurt. Occasionally they get together, and even rarer, it works out fine. But in my experience, it usually ends badly, even when guidelines are laid out.

And all the judge-y people saying people with FWB don't respect themselves need to GTFO. I don't partake in casual sex either, but that doesn't make me a better person than people who do.

rockerbabyy

Are you married? Sounds like you are not. Until then continue to pursue the "meeting of your needs" and good luck to you.

im married (and also have two daughters) and i still think theres nothing wrong with FWB. i dont currently have one, but did not too long ago. yes my husband knew about it. no he didnt mind. yes he had one too. we still love each other - we're still devoted to each other and have a happy marriage. it was something we branched into for fantasy reasons and we enjoyed it. we may or may not do something similar in the future, but who are you to judge? we both respect each other and ourselves, and if my children grow up to have FWB - more power to them! id much rather them do that than have one night stands with random people. if they choose to stay virgins til their married, its also a choice i would respect.

140tohealthy

I've only had one experience with a FWB. We had rules, but he was dishonest so I ended it. I don't hold much creedence in these types of friend-relationships. You need an open mind, but you also have to be completely honest. The other person has the right to know if you're going to be physical with someone else, because they may want a more exclusive deal, which doesn't necessarily constitute as a "relationship", but they may not care. Be safe, be honest.

karenwill2

for almost a decade I was pretty good at this. Then I met my husband. After much persuasion, I started dating him with the understanding that I don't do relationships. In April it will have been 8 yrs since I uttered that. (However, we only married for insurance reasons and prefer to say we are still not actually married. marriage will be 7 years in August.)

Depends. It is usually the girl that messes this up. If you (the girl) are secure and not the fall in love type, this can be a happy relationship between two friends. I am still friends with most of my 'friends with benefits' partners. Always will be too.

For the record there was only like 3 or 4 over this decade.

Williamj

From a purely scientific stand point ( I know, boring ) the chemical cocktail released after orgasm strongly promotes bonding.

Edit: Messed up my italics.

grassette

Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?

Who says it's 'settling'?

A FWB doesn't preclude other relationships, nor does it act as a nail in the coffin. It's a relationship in which needs are met, fun is had, and the openness remains for each to have their own lives, without the complication of romance.

Exactly!

and this is what is wrong with society today.

FWB isn't exactly a 'newly created' concept. It's been in existence for millenia. And it was a widely accepted and participated-in practice. It is only since the encroachment of 'christian' beliefs, that practices such as these, which I believe to be quite natural and healthy, began to be persecuted against.

Thanks for clearing that up. It has never been a concept for me. And I pray, yes I pray, my kids will have more respect for themselves and others. I had no idea this has been the normal practice for so long.

Healthy? I don`t think so. Look at at the STD`s that you are likely to catch, because you aren`t just sleeping around with one person, but with everybody else that person is sleeping with.

Human beings are made for love. And this isn`t love. It is too selfish to even get close!

And it leads to abortion, which means that your future children have a 25% chance of being autistic, and if you are a woman, in the headlights for breast cancer.

So I would rethink how healthy promiscuity really is, and hope that you eventually decide where your real self-interest lies.

140tohealthy

Are you married? Sounds like you are not. Until then continue to pursue the "meeting of your needs" and good luck to you.

im married (and also have two daughters) and i still think theres nothing wrong with FWB. i dont currently have one, but did not too long ago. yes my husband knew about it. no he didnt mind. yes he had one too. we still love each other - we're still devoted to each other and have a happy marriage. it was something we branched into for fantasy reasons and we enjoyed it. we may or may not do something similar in the future, but who are you to judge? we both respect each other and ourselves, and if my children grow up to have FWB - more power to them! id much rather them do that than have one night stands with random people. if they choose to stay virgins til their married, its also a choice i would respect.

More power to you! No one should judge you, because honestly, there is nothing wrong with exploring all the reaches of the sexual nature. I've already told my boyfriend that later in our relationship, if we get married we'll probably end up doing something like that.

rockerbabyy

Healthy? I don`t think so. Look at at the STD`s that you are likely to catch, because you aren`t just sleeping around with one person, but with everybody else that person is sleeping with.

Human beings are made for love. And this isn`t love. It is too selfish to even get close!

And it leads to abortion, which means that your future children have a 25% chance of being autistic, and if you are a woman, in the headlights for breast cancer.

So I would rethink how healthy promiscuity really is, and hope that you eventually decide where your real self-interest lies.

who said anything about it being unprotected sex? when i was with my FWB we used protection. ive never had an std or unwanted pregnancy. i dont personally know anyone who does the FWB thing and doesnt use protection... its kinda common sense.

Carl01

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Willing to help with research. :devil:

loseweightjames

I dont think marrying your FWB means that is really what it was...you both developed feelings and it was something more. I mean friends, hang out, f***, no more...than you both walk away with no attachment.

marrying your friend is the best person to marry :happy:

chicky89

works great with me... no strings attached!!!! I do what I want when I want, and dont have to get approval of anything.

DS67ATX

It can work and be a lot of fun but you need to know the rules you both set.