friends with benefits

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  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    Only losers do that type of crap. Get your head screwed on straight. What is wrong with y'all, get your mind outta the gutter.
    Either very snarky and funny, or spoken like a true prude...
  • Adelphia
    Adelphia Posts: 176
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    It can work as long as you lay down the ground rules. Make damn sure that they know they're not your partner, they're your friend you happen to want to ****. As long as that's directly implied, their feelings are their problem. :laugh:
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
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    People who indulge in that kind of thing end up losing their capacity to bond with a significant other. There is a kind of hardness of heart that the practice requires, the using, not giving aspect, that ends up twisting the person significantly.

    Women especially can be the losers in this, because their physiology is built in such a way that they bond more deeply to their first sexual partner than to any subsequent one. The science is out there, so you can google your way to it. As the song goes, the pleasure last but a moment, but the sadness lasts a lifetime. There is never the same degree of passion.

    But men can be the losers, especially if they are good at this game. Later they are unable to form families because they can`t bond with a woman. This leaves them without support networks as they age, and accounts for the higher degree of suicide in older single males.

    There is no such thing as a free lunch. You end up paying for it one way or the other.

    I somewhat agree with you on your point of view and can agree to men being detached but I can also tell you that my heart did not stay that way but for some time it was that way.
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    People who indulge in that kind of thing end up losing their capacity to bond with a significant other. There is a kind of hardness of heart that the practice requires, the using, not giving aspect, that ends up twisting the person significantly.

    Women especially can be the losers in this, because their physiology is built in such a way that they bond more deeply to their first sexual partner than to any subsequent one. The science is out there, so you can google your way to it. As the song goes, the pleasure last but a moment, but the sadness lasts a lifetime. There is never the same degree of passion.

    But men can be the losers, especially if they are good at this game. Later they are unable to form families because they can`t bond with a woman. This leaves them without support networks as they age, and accounts for the higher degree of suicide in older single males.

    There is no such thing as a free lunch. You end up paying for it one way or the other.

    Absolutley true, no such thing as a free lunch. My dad use to say marrying a woman was like eating ala Cart, you take what looks good to you at the moment, and you end paying for it later....
  • philOHIO
    philOHIO Posts: 520 Member
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    Finding someone with good health insurance and a nice 401k savings plan is all good... what benefits YOU talkin' bout?
  • 2hotserranos
    2hotserranos Posts: 7 Member
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    can this ever work out? any one successful with it...mean both sides are 100% cool, or is it destined to have one or both hurt?
    I dont think it ever works, in my case I lost a very special friend. One gets feelings,
  • MattGetsMad
    MattGetsMad Posts: 429 Member
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    Hey I just got that movie in from Netflix!

    I'll be watching it tonight with my former FWB who is now my SO.

    Don't ever let someone tell you what does and doesn't work. They ain't you.

    No offense dude, but that means it didn't work. While ultimately it may have worked out for the two of you (and congratulations on that!) But, the idea of FWB would be to stay FWB without ever developing feelings, whether those feelings are love or hate.

    So again, congratulations on failing in your FWB scheme. May it be your most successful fail ever!
  • TimeToDoMe87
    TimeToDoMe87 Posts: 62
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    To be honest. It has never worked for me. I ended up catching feelings or they would and jealousy on both ends. Its a mess. So... for me no, but it may work with others.
  • TnTHawkins
    TnTHawkins Posts: 285 Member
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    It worked out great for me. I had a relationship like that for almost 2 years. We were the best of friends and he set me up on dates, we were best friends with benifits. She is now wife of almost 17 years.
  • achief192
    achief192 Posts: 192
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    I've tried it, but don't care for it. I prefer having the whole package. Someone usually gets hurt.
  • melg126
    melg126 Posts: 378
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    Personally it's not for me...

    but I think if you don't get attached emotionally it could work.
  • kreedy08
    kreedy08 Posts: 3
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    Never been that type of guy, so I can't help ya out. I figured if she's my "friend," then how many "friends" does she have? LOL, I never was very good at sharing! : )
  • MattGetsMad
    MattGetsMad Posts: 429 Member
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    It worked out great for me. I had a relationship like that for almost 2 years. We were the best of friends and he set me up on dates, we were best friends with benifits. She is now wife of almost 17 years.

    Again, it didn't work for you! It worked out for you! Big difference. Congrats on your long standing marriage, that's awesome. But you got the story book ending and that does not mean you were a success at FWB. It means you failed. An awesome fail, but a fail nonetheless.

    Congrats again!
  • philOHIO
    philOHIO Posts: 520 Member
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    I have always preferred FWB ... usually nobody gets hurt if everyone is honest about the arrangement. I've had a few men think that somehow eventually I would become their girl .. and they did get hurt I think...

    But then, I had a FWB go terribly wrong ...we were in agreement on everything, on the same page, totally honest ... and then we kinda fell in love with each other. OOOOPS!!!

    We're getting married in four months.

    You don't HAVE to... you don't sound enthused. This is for LIFE!
  • MyFeistyEvolution
    MyFeistyEvolution Posts: 1,015 Member
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    Definately feel it's a couple to couple thing, but my experience is that someone always develops feelings. Plus, many times it can ruin what was a great friendship.

    These days I would rather have the real deal, love, smiles, tears, fights, and all.
  • kandyjo
    kandyjo Posts: 4,648 Member
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    It has never worked for me...... The guys I have been involved with (say it that way instead of making a generalization about dudes) got attached really fast and then always seemed to want to push it further than what I wanted - then the jealousy would start... I didn't want a COMMITMENT or anything like that... HENCE the FRIENDS part... But ya know... Maybe it was just the dudes I was involved with...
  • antennatom
    antennatom Posts: 3 Member
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    worked for me! it still is been going on for 11 years...
  • philOHIO
    philOHIO Posts: 520 Member
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    not for me!

    if they're my friend and I want to have sex with them well it's only natural i want ALL of them.

    How many is all?
  • zeikiya989
    zeikiya989 Posts: 80
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    It can work as long as both people are on the same page.
  • MattGetsMad
    MattGetsMad Posts: 429 Member
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    It can work as long as both people are on the same page.

    Same page? Most people aren't even reading the same book!!!

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