friends with benefits

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  • grassette
    grassette Posts: 976 Member
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    Healthy? I don`t think so. Look at at the STD`s that you are likely to catch, because you aren`t just sleeping around with one person, but with everybody else that person is sleeping with.

    Human beings are made for love. And this isn`t love. It is too selfish to even get close!

    And it leads to abortion, which means that your future children have a 25% chance of being autistic, and if you are a woman, in the headlights for breast cancer.

    So I would rethink how healthy promiscuity really is, and hope that you eventually decide where your real self-interest lies.
    who said anything about it being unprotected sex? when i was with my FWB we used protection. ive never had an std or unwanted pregnancy. i dont personally know anyone who does the FWB thing and doesnt use protection... its kinda common sense.

    Condoms don`t protect you from HPV. And they are not all that reliable. And if the protection fails, how good was it?
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
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    Condoms don`t protect you from HPV. And they are not all that reliable. And if the protection fails, how good was it?
    condoms lower the risk of HPV, as well as HPV related diseases ( http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm ). of course it wont stop anything thats not covered by the condom - and nothing is 100%... but there are actions that can be taken to reduce the risk. if you dont want to take the risk - dont. but dont judge others for it either.
  • firesoforion
    firesoforion Posts: 1,017 Member
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    In my situation it was fine. There were times over the time frame that he would get jealous, or I would. But when we got in serious relationships and ended it, we still talked. He is a really good friend of mine. I dont talk to him so much now, as I feel that would be a bit disrespectful to my boyfriend, but not because I have hard feelings.

    If he's a really good friend but you don't talk to him much now out of respect for your b/f, wasn't that a problem with it??
  • musicgirl88
    musicgirl88 Posts: 504 Member
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    I love having friends with benefits! As long as the rules are set out and perfectly clear from the beginning, it should work out. There's only been one time that it didn't work out for me. The guy wanted more and went from "fwb" to wanting a lot more...and even got a little aggressive about it...in the end we got in this huge fight and didn't talk for like a year...but we have made up and are friends again...just not with benefits anymore..so I guess it depends on the people involved...so long as both people truly understand the rules, you're good to go!!
  • Yasmine91
    Yasmine91 Posts: 599 Member
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    Call me old fashioned buuuuuuuuuuuuuut can't people just control themselves and have a little something called dignity? Just be in a damn relationship or married, honestly...no offence to you guys who do this **** but urgh..nah man....gross.
  • CiarraCA
    CiarraCA Posts: 56
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    I ike a guy right now that I wish I could be friends with benefits with. OMG h e is so damn fine!!! I have never done this before but I'd like to try and let you all know how it worked out for me :) lol!
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
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    Call me old fashioned buuuuuuuuuuuuuut can't people just control themselves and have a little something called dignity? Just be in a damn relationship or married, honestly...no offence to you guys who do this **** but urgh..nah man....gross.
    how am i supposed to not take offense to someone saying i have no dignity or self control?
  • andreacord
    andreacord Posts: 928
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    I think it all depends on the "rules" set out. It's worked for me in the past.

    I had one successful, and one was successful until we started falling in love and getting jealous when other people came into the picture. If you do it properly it can and does work I find.
  • slayerdan
    slayerdan Posts: 193
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    Its like anything else in the world, plain and simple---it works for some people, not for others......no other answer is neded.
  • Yasmine91
    Yasmine91 Posts: 599 Member
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    Ok take offence then :P

    I'm sorry but it is what it is. It's nasty. I'm trying to fight anyone, but I state things for what they are. It's just sad that people actually do this.
  • Yasmine91
    Yasmine91 Posts: 599 Member
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    loool forgot how to damn quote reply! XD
  • Rissyroo513
    Rissyroo513 Posts: 79 Member
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    Doesn't usually work. Someone generally ends up developing feelings and getting hurt.

    With that being said, I've got a FWB right now and things are going fine. Some days we hang out and we're just friends. Some days we both need to blow off a little steam and we have fun. Neither one of us wants anything more from the other person, we both know we will eventually find someone else, but for now we've decided that having sex with someone (you know and can trust) is better than being alone or screwing a random. :ohwell:
  • VictorianJade
    VictorianJade Posts: 705 Member
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    Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?

    Who says it's 'settling'?

    A FWB doesn't preclude other relationships, nor does it act as a nail in the coffin. It's a relationship in which needs are met, fun is had, and the openness remains for each to have their own lives, without the complication of romance.

    Exactly!

    :) and this is what is wrong with society today.

    FWB isn't exactly a 'newly created' concept. It's been in existence for millenia. And it was a widely accepted and participated-in practice. It is only since the encroachment of 'christian' beliefs, that practices such as these, which I believe to be quite natural and healthy, began to be persecuted against.

    Thanks for clearing that up. It has never been a concept for me. And I pray, yes I pray, my kids will have more respect for themselves and others. I had no idea this has been the normal practice for so long.

    Healthy? I don`t think so. Look at at the STD`s that you are likely to catch, because you aren`t just sleeping around with one person, but with everybody else that person is sleeping with.

    Human beings are made for love. And this isn`t love. It is too selfish to even get close!

    And it leads to abortion, which means that your future children have a 25% chance of being autistic, and if you are a woman, in the headlights for breast cancer.

    So I would rethink how healthy promiscuity really is, and hope that you eventually decide where your real self-interest lies.

    *snickers* Ohh this is a fun one.

    Human beings are made to procreate. LOVE, the chemicals in the brain that cause us to feel it, were created so that we would care for our offspring, and guard our families, in order to survive.

    Who said anything about promiscuity? Dollars to donuts I've had less lovers than many on this board who do NOT have FWBs or open marriages... just because I believe it's healthy to acknowledge needs and urges,and to carry them out in a responsible, safe-as-possible way, doesn't mean I've got a 'magic number' that's high. I don't.

    FWBs lead to abortion? No. They don't. FWBs can lead to PREGNANCY, but it is the WOMAN'S CHOICE that leads to abortion. Duh, don't skip logical steps. You sound like those people who say "GUNS KILL PEOPLE!". No, they don't. People kill people.

    I don't actually tend to feel selfish, in my FWB relationships- we all know what's going on when we get into it- we all have open lines of communication... *shrugs* We all part on good terms, if parting is needed. I figure it's all pretty adult behaviour, really.
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
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    Ok take offence then :P

    I'm sorry but it is what it is. It's nasty. I'm trying to fight anyone, but I state things for what they are. It's just sad that people actually do this.
    what i find sad, is that people judge others based on silly things like sexual preferences and not on things that actually matter.
  • Craig_hyde
    Craig_hyde Posts: 161 Member
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    It's worked for me in the past.....but back then my FWB situation was a teensy bit complicated.....she was a lesbian (well, I suppose she still is really) but still enjoyed some fun with me.

    Boy do I know how to pick 'em ¬_¬
  • slayerdan
    slayerdan Posts: 193
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    I love the replies I went back and read from the armchair sociologists and historians, using the parts of history that help validate their individual point.
    Amazing that on a weight loss site, this at best mediocre, 10th grade question got 7+ pages of replies.

    And as someone that interviews and assesses people for a living---well over 15000 face to face, Id wager half of you are lying or exaggerating, regardless of point.

    THIS is why America is fat.....sitting online debating useless hyperbole vs doing some situps and squats before bed.

    Debate on, debate on.
  • floweringcurrant
    floweringcurrant Posts: 112 Member
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    It has worked fine for me in the past. For me it was really important to have clear dialogue about what we wanted/expected, checking in on occasion, and mutual respect.
  • mortla
    mortla Posts: 73
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    Personally for me it has NEVER worked. Either I ended up having more feelings for the guy and the feelings were unrequited or vice versa.
  • Yasmine91
    Yasmine91 Posts: 599 Member
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    I'd say maybe I care too much actually :P it's not even judging, I'm stating what is. You're getting real upset about it, maybe you feel guilty or know that I'm right I really dunno. All I know is is that sex has preceded shame. Sex used to be private. Now, you see it everywhere, on billboards, perfume adverts, people go about like sex is **** all.

    Love yourselves, love your body. Give it to just about anybody? a **** buddy? pfffft **** that ****. I'd rather eat a nice big bowl of horse ****...or stick needles up my nostrils :P
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
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    I'd say maybe I care too much actually :P it's not even judging, I'm stating what is. You're getting real upset about it, maybe you feel guilty or know that I'm right I really dunno. All I know is is that sex has preceded shame. Sex used to be private. Now, you see it everywhere, on billboards, perfume adverts, people go about like sex is **** all.

    Love yourselves, love your body. Give it to just about anybody? a **** buddy? pfffft **** that ****. I'd rather eat a nice big bowl of horse ****...or stick needles up my nostrils :P
    lol im not getting real upset about it. im perfectly content with my sex life, and your opinion that you can judge people who are honest about it is sad. its not nasty. its not degrading. its a choice. if you dont like it, dont do it.
    except the point of having FWB is to not just give it to anybody - its being with someone you know and trust vs picking someone up at a bar or something.

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