friends with benefits

dqueenjones

Read two great books about this very thing by an author named Jazzie Dixson. Steamy, sexy and the two seemed like they stayed friends

VictorianJade

Ok take offence then :P

I'm sorry but it is what it is. It's nasty. I'm trying to fight anyone, but I state things for what they are. It's just sad that people actually do this.

what i find sad, is that people judge others based on silly things like sexual preferences and not on things that actually matter.

Amen, Sister.

TheGlen

I have some experience with this, both very good and very bad. You need to make sure you are honest with the other person, and make sure you agree to tell the other person when/if real feelings materialize.

Good -> we had a lot of fun together, ended up good friends.
Very bad -> she ended up being married and threatening to tell her husband about what had happened.
Very Good -> I married her

Yasmine91

I'd say maybe I care too much actually :P it's not even judging, I'm stating what is. You're getting real upset about it, maybe you feel guilty or know that I'm right I really dunno. All I know is is that sex has preceded shame. Sex used to be private. Now, you see it everywhere, on billboards, perfume adverts, people go about like sex is **** all.

Love yourselves, love your body. Give it to just about anybody? a **** buddy? pfffft **** that ****. I'd rather eat a nice big bowl of horse ****...or stick needles up my nostrils :P

lol im not getting real upset about it. im perfectly content with my sex life, and your opinion that you can judge people who are honest about it is sad. its not nasty. its not degrading. its a choice. if you dont like it, dont do it.
except the point of having FWB is to not just give it to anybody - its being with someone you know and trust vs picking someone up at a bar or something.

Yes! figured out how to damn quote reply LOL

Ah yeah, see this is the thing that upsets me most is that you don't care. Society sees this as nothing wrong. Oh it's ok to just open your legs for any tom **** and harry, and it's ok to dunk your shlong into any penis fly trap too. (Yes guys you too can be little sluts X3)

But yeah I could go on and on but alas the world just doesn't care anymore. It's fine to be loose. It's degrading sweety. And if you honestly don't even feel the slightest bit of shame in it, I feel so sorry for you and for many who think that this is acceptable.

ANYHOO! hope you have a good night or morning I dunno what country you're from lol and good luck on your weight loss journey X3 xxx

rockerbabyy

Yes! figured out how to damn quote reply LOL

Ah yeah, see this is the thing that upsets me most is that you don't care. Society sees this as nothing wrong. Oh it's ok to just open your legs for any tom **** and harry, and it's ok to dunk your shlong into any penis fly trap too. (Yes guys you too can be little sluts X3)

But yeah I could go on and on but alas the world just doesn't care anymore. It's fine to be loose. It's degrading sweety. And if you honestly don't even feel the slightest bit of shame in it, I feel so sorry for you and for many who think that this is acceptable.

ANYHOO! hope you have a good night or morning I dunno what country you're from lol and good luck on your weight loss journey X3 xxx

and again - its not about just sleeping with anyone. FWB is the exact opposite.
tbh, if someone sleeps around, i dont find it to be any of my business. its not "whats wrong with the world". theres nothing wrong or shameful about sex.

KimmyEB

And I pray, yes I pray, my kids will have more respect for themselves and others.

Having a FWB does not mean that you don't respect yourself or others. Personally I would rather sleep with the same person rather than have one night stands with random guys. After coming out of a long term relationship I don't want to date someone right now,that doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex or want to stop having it. I can't see any reason why this means I don't respect myself.

Yep. that's exactly how my FWB situation started. And like you, I have respect for myself, and him. People who have either never been in the situation, or because their experience wasn't positive, assume it will be bad for everyone else. That, and people are so judgmental it's disgusting. Apparently everyone in the entire world must think like them.

TheGlen

I have some experience with this, both very good and very bad. You need to make sure you are honest with the other person, and make sure you agree to tell the other person when/if real feelings materialize.

Good -> we had a lot of fun together, ended up good friends.
Very bad -> she ended up being married and threatening to tell her husband about what had happened.
Very Good -> I married her

I guess you could argue that she wasn't a very good friend if I didn't know that she was married, but she was a work friend...and I didn't ask. She started stalking me at the gym I went to, joined the same martial arts club and started calling my house when I was supposed to be at school (in case I was home for some reason)...scary stuff.

VictorianJade

I'd say maybe I care too much actually :P it's not even judging, I'm stating what is. You're getting real upset about it, maybe you feel guilty or know that I'm right I really dunno. All I know is is that sex has preceded shame. Sex used to be private. Now, you see it everywhere, on billboards, perfume adverts, people go about like sex is **** all.

Love yourselves, love your body. Give it to just about anybody? a **** buddy? pfffft **** that ****. I'd rather eat a nice big bowl of horse ****...or stick needles up my nostrils :P

lol im not getting real upset about it. im perfectly content with my sex life, and your opinion that you can judge people who are honest about it is sad. its not nasty. its not degrading. its a choice. if you dont like it, dont do it.
except the point of having FWB is to not just give it to anybody - its being with someone you know and trust vs picking someone up at a bar or something.

Yes! figured out how to damn quote reply LOL

Ah yeah, see this is the thing that upsets me most is that you don't care. Society sees this as nothing wrong. Oh it's ok to just open your legs for any tom **** and harry, and it's ok to dunk your shlong into any penis fly trap too. (Yes guys you too can be little sluts X3)

But yeah I could go on and on but alas the world just doesn't care anymore. It's fine to be loose. It's degrading sweety. And if you honestly don't even feel the slightest bit of shame in it, I feel so sorry for you and for many who think that this is acceptable.

ANYHOO! hope you have a good night or morning I dunno what country you're from lol and good luck on your weight loss journey X3 xxx

You're missing a very strong point here- those of us who HAVE FWBs, are not just letting 'anyone' have access to us. We're selective, that's what the FWB is for... someone you know, and trust, with whom you can explore, have fun, have needs met, and then know you're safe with. I've never once had a one-night stand. Not once. I choose people with care, and with a time of knowing them first... and most of those who have FWBs do the same.

You're going to feel the way you feel about this, and there is no point in trying to convert you... but I do ask that you acknowledge that you are assuming promiscuity about those of us who aren't actually promiscuous.

Yasmine91

I have nothing against sex. I think sex is beautiful and it's hella fun! lol but when it comes to me and sex, it's only for someone who is worth it. Sadly in my case, my first time wasn't exactly how I thought it was going to be. First time was taken not given but that's another story.

I will have sex with someone I am in a relationship with. And I believe that this is how it should be. Shame that it isn't like that anymore.

But yeah sorry for being so cynical and blunt but I'm very passionate about this subject. Sorry for offending you xxx

KimmyEB

I will have sex with someone I am in a relationship with.

That's nice.

rockerbabyy

I have nothing against sex. I think sex is beautiful and it's hella fun! lol but when it comes to me and sex, it's only for someone who is worth it. Sadly in my case, my first time wasn't exactly how I thought it was going to be. First time was taken not given but that's another story.

I will have sex with someone I am in a relationship with. And I believe that this is how it should be. Shame that it isn't like that anymore.

But yeah sorry for being so cynical and blunt but I'm very passionate about this subject. Sorry for offending you xxx

i have sex with people im in a relationship with as well.
one of them is my husband. at the moment hes the only one, but there may or may not be others in the future. while im still married. my relationship just happens to be different than yours. or your idea of a relationship. theres nothing wrong with that - to each their own.
ive never had a one night stand, or just spread my legs for anyone. i dont sleep around and i never will. i also dont judge people based on their ideas of a relationship. as long as there are two (or more) consenting adults - i have no issues.

Yasmine91

I have nothing against sex. I think sex is beautiful and it's hella fun! lol but when it comes to me and sex, it's only for someone who is worth it. Sadly in my case, my first time wasn't exactly how I thought it was going to be. First time was taken not given but that's another story.

I will have sex with someone I am in a relationship with. And I believe that this is how it should be. Shame that it isn't like that anymore.

But yeah sorry for being so cynical and blunt but I'm very passionate about this subject. Sorry for offending you xxx

i have sex with people im in a relationship with as well.
one of them is my husband. at the moment hes the only one, but there may or may not be others in the future. while im still married. my relationship just happens to be different than yours. or your idea of a relationship. theres nothing wrong with that - to each their own.
ive never had a one night stand, or just spread my legs for anyone. i dont sleep around and i never will. i also dont judge people based on their ideas of a relationship. as long as there are two (or more) consenting adults - i have no issues.

Is ure husband not enough for you?

KimmyEB

I have nothing against sex. I think sex is beautiful and it's hella fun! lol but when it comes to me and sex, it's only for someone who is worth it. Sadly in my case, my first time wasn't exactly how I thought it was going to be. First time was taken not given but that's another story.

I will have sex with someone I am in a relationship with. And I believe that this is how it should be. Shame that it isn't like that anymore.

But yeah sorry for being so cynical and blunt but I'm very passionate about this subject. Sorry for offending you xxx

i have sex with people im in a relationship with as well.
one of them is my husband. at the moment hes the only one, but there may or may not be others in the future. while im still married. my relationship just happens to be different than yours. or your idea of a relationship. theres nothing wrong with that - to each their own.
ive never had a one night stand, or just spread my legs for anyone. i dont sleep around and i never will. i also dont judge people based on their ideas of a relationship. as long as there are two (or more) consenting adults - i have no issues.

Is ure husband not enough for you?

Is your own life not enough for you? Since you apparently would like to dictate every other human being's as well.

VictorianJade

I have nothing against sex. I think sex is beautiful and it's hella fun! lol but when it comes to me and sex, it's only for someone who is worth it. Sadly in my case, my first time wasn't exactly how I thought it was going to be. First time was taken not given but that's another story.

I will have sex with someone I am in a relationship with. And I believe that this is how it should be. Shame that it isn't like that anymore.

But yeah sorry for being so cynical and blunt but I'm very passionate about this subject. Sorry for offending you xxx

i have sex with people im in a relationship with as well.
one of them is my husband. at the moment hes the only one, but there may or may not be others in the future. while im still married. my relationship just happens to be different than yours. or your idea of a relationship. theres nothing wrong with that - to each their own.
ive never had a one night stand, or just spread my legs for anyone. i dont sleep around and i never will. i also dont judge people based on their ideas of a relationship. as long as there are two (or more) consenting adults - i have no issues.

Is ure husband not enough for you?

I love pizza. I would get bored if I had pizza every day.

rockerbabyy

Is ure husband not enough for you?

he fulfills the majority of my needs. im bisexual. hes not a woman. occasionally i want to be with another woman.
my sex drive has always been higher than his. we started out multiple times a day when we first got together. its slowly dropped down - especially with kids and now his parents live with us. we still enjoy each other very much, but sometimes hes just not up for it and my extensive toy collection just doesnt cut it. he knows and understands this.

grassette

Condoms don`t protect you from HPV. And they are not all that reliable. And if the protection fails, how good was it?

condoms lower the risk of HPV, as well as HPV related diseases ( http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm ). of course it wont stop anything thats not covered by the condom - and nothing is 100%... but there are actions that can be taken to reduce the risk. if you dont want to take the risk - dont. but dont judge others for it either.

Of course I can judge. That is why I have a brain. So that I can see through all of the rationalizations that people give for their self-destructive behavior. People who swing tell themselves that it is OK, that they have everything under control, yadda yadda. Then the next thing you know, they go down in flames. Not pretty. Lots of damage, not all of it collateral. Suicide. Stuff like that. But they all said that it would not happen to them because it was all under control between fully informed, consenting, adults.

rockerbabyy

Condoms don`t protect you from HPV. And they are not all that reliable. And if the protection fails, how good was it?

condoms lower the risk of HPV, as well as HPV related diseases ( http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm ). of course it wont stop anything thats not covered by the condom - and nothing is 100%... but there are actions that can be taken to reduce the risk. if you dont want to take the risk - dont. but dont judge others for it either.

Of course I can judge. That is why I have a brain. So that I can see through all of the rationalizations that people give for their self-destructive behavior. People who swing tell themselves that it is OK, that they have everything under control, yadda yadda. Then the next thing you know, they go down in flames. Not pretty. Lots of damage, not all of it collateral. Suicide. Stuff like that. But they all said that it would not happen to them because it was all under control between fully informed, consenting, adults.

so now we're going from stds to suicide? really?
every swing relationship ive ever known has been perfectly fine. ground rules were set in the beginning and they were followed. no one killed themselves, or got divorced, or harmed anyone.

KimmyEB

Condoms don`t protect you from HPV. And they are not all that reliable. And if the protection fails, how good was it?

condoms lower the risk of HPV, as well as HPV related diseases ( http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm ). of course it wont stop anything thats not covered by the condom - and nothing is 100%... but there are actions that can be taken to reduce the risk. if you dont want to take the risk - dont. but dont judge others for it either.

Of course I can judge. That is why I have a brain. So that I can see through all of the rationalizations that people give for their self-destructive behavior. People who swing tell themselves that it is OK, that they have everything under control, yadda yadda. Then the next thing you know, they go down in flames. Not pretty. Lots of damage, not all of it collateral. Suicide. Stuff like that. But they all said that it would not happen to them because it was all under control between fully informed, consenting, adults.

I think you need to get laid and lighten up.

repoman150

I dont know...im not thinkin id just want to be someones eff buddy!!! nothing like being used like a piece of meat...not for me!!

JanieJack

Finding someone with good health insurance and a nice 401k savings plan is all good... what benefits YOU talkin' bout?

Love this!

VictorianJade

Condoms don`t protect you from HPV. And they are not all that reliable. And if the protection fails, how good was it?

condoms lower the risk of HPV, as well as HPV related diseases ( http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm ). of course it wont stop anything thats not covered by the condom - and nothing is 100%... but there are actions that can be taken to reduce the risk. if you dont want to take the risk - dont. but dont judge others for it either.

Of course I can judge. That is why I have a brain. So that I can see through all of the rationalizations that people give for their self-destructive behavior. People who swing tell themselves that it is OK, that they have everything under control, yadda yadda. Then the next thing you know, they go down in flames. Not pretty. Lots of damage, not all of it collateral. Suicide. Stuff like that. But they all said that it would not happen to them because it was all under control between fully informed, consenting, adults.

...
...
W.o.w.

Yasmine91

Is ure husband not enough for you?

he fulfills the majority of my needs. im bisexual. hes not a woman. occasionally i want to be with another woman.
my sex drive has always been higher than his. we started out multiple times a day when we first got together. its slowly dropped down - especially with kids and now his parents live with us. we still enjoy each other very much, but sometimes hes just not up for it and my extensive toy collection just doesnt cut it. he knows and understands this.

Yeesh that's...not cool. Urm, I'm bisexual myself and my sex drive is very high too. Quite the sexually aggressive type me, which can be very hard at times but that doesn't mean I have to use it as an excuse to sleep with other people. I have a loving boyfriend, and I just can't even think about sleeping with another person. When I do get married, sex should be ONLY with your partner (or if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend). I really don't like how the world today just ****s all over the concept of having ONE partner.

Yasmine91

I dont know...im not thinkin id just want to be someones eff buddy!!! nothing like being used like a piece of meat...not for me!!

THANK YOU!

Matt_Wild

FWB annoy me tbh. My misses before me had a FWB and enjoyed sleeping with him as of when she felt like it. Turned out she found he had a GF and they carried on doing it anyway. Whilst I don't think she'll ever stray from me, it does make me question everyone and their actual real person inside and what they say on the outside. She doesn't see the fact she was sleeping with another man who had a misses as bad as she wasn't cheating... it messes with my head and my sense of of what is right and wrong.

It just opens too many cans of worms.

gdr1976

Never had the joys of having one so really can't say. Have a couple of friends who do and it works for them. As long as there are rules I say why not.

grassette

Condoms don`t protect you from HPV. And they are not all that reliable. And if the protection fails, how good was it?

condoms lower the risk of HPV, as well as HPV related diseases ( http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm ). of course it wont stop anything thats not covered by the condom - and nothing is 100%... but there are actions that can be taken to reduce the risk. if you dont want to take the risk - dont. but dont judge others for it either.

Of course I can judge. That is why I have a brain. So that I can see through all of the rationalizations that people give for their self-destructive behavior. People who swing tell themselves that it is OK, that they have everything under control, yadda yadda. Then the next thing you know, they go down in flames. Not pretty. Lots of damage, not all of it collateral. Suicide. Stuff like that. But they all said that it would not happen to them because it was all under control between fully informed, consenting, adults.

I think you need to get laid and lighten up.

I am anything but sexually frustrated, dear. But I exercise mine in a totally loving, committed marriage with the love of my life. It's worth holding out for, and holding on once you've secured it. I've seen a lot of living, and if I comment, it's from the vantage point of seeing close ones make huge mistakes with their lives. Hold out for love. There is no other substitute, even if the hormones are running high, as they are wont to do in youth.

jeannicoleau

I did this years ago. No problems. One time I started to get serious feelings...we talked about it. He backed off for a while. Later, we started up again with mutual respect for each other.

gnrduff1

Is ure husband not enough for you?

he fulfills the majority of my needs. im bisexual. hes not a woman. occasionally i want to be with another woman.
my sex drive has always been higher than his. we started out multiple times a day when we first got together. its slowly dropped down - especially with kids and now his parents live with us. we still enjoy each other very much, but sometimes hes just not up for it and my extensive toy collection just doesnt cut it. he knows and understands this.

Yeesh that's...not cool. Urm, I'm bisexual myself and my sex drive is very high too. Quite the sexually aggressive type me, which can be very hard at times but that doesn't mean I have to use it as an excuse to sleep with other people. I have a loving boyfriend, and I just can't even think about sleeping with another person. When I do get married, sex should be ONLY with your partner (or if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend). I really don't like how the world today just ****s all over the concept of having ONE partner.

It really doesn't matter whether or not someone approves of another's relationship. Just because you can't seperate sex from emotion doesn't mean nobody else should be able to.
Imho, if the husband is cool with it, and there's enough trust that it won't damage the relationship, then play ball. who cares if the world today ****s all over it? Marriage sociologically basically started as a way to get someone to take your burden of a daughter. It is essentially, at its roots, sex trafficing.

marcia724

I'm not trying to be mean...but I think that's very self-destructive thing to do in the first place. It's just puts a big sign on you that says "i don't respect myself, and instant gratification is more important than true love." It's not meant to work out and never will. I hope you have a change of heart. You're worth so much more.

Bradozzz85

Why would you bother sleeping with someone who you don't have any feelings towards in a romantic sense? I don't do it because I find it kind og offensive? so my **** is good enough but I'm not?