friends with benefits

140tohealthy

I've only had one experience with a FWB. We had rules, but he was dishonest so I ended it. I don't hold much creedence in these types of friend-relationships. You need an open mind, but you also have to be completely honest. The other person has the right to know if you're going to be physical with someone else, because they may want a more exclusive deal, which doesn't necessarily constitute as a "relationship", but they may not care. Be safe, be honest.

karenwill2

for almost a decade I was pretty good at this. Then I met my husband. After much persuasion, I started dating him with the understanding that I don't do relationships. In April it will have been 8 yrs since I uttered that. (However, we only married for insurance reasons and prefer to say we are still not actually married. marriage will be 7 years in August.)

Depends. It is usually the girl that messes this up. If you (the girl) are secure and not the fall in love type, this can be a happy relationship between two friends. I am still friends with most of my 'friends with benefits' partners. Always will be too.

For the record there was only like 3 or 4 over this decade.

Williamj

From a purely scientific stand point ( I know, boring ) the chemical cocktail released after orgasm strongly promotes bonding.

Edit: Messed up my italics.

grassette

Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?

Who says it's 'settling'?

A FWB doesn't preclude other relationships, nor does it act as a nail in the coffin. It's a relationship in which needs are met, fun is had, and the openness remains for each to have their own lives, without the complication of romance.

Exactly!

and this is what is wrong with society today.

FWB isn't exactly a 'newly created' concept. It's been in existence for millenia. And it was a widely accepted and participated-in practice. It is only since the encroachment of 'christian' beliefs, that practices such as these, which I believe to be quite natural and healthy, began to be persecuted against.

Thanks for clearing that up. It has never been a concept for me. And I pray, yes I pray, my kids will have more respect for themselves and others. I had no idea this has been the normal practice for so long.

Healthy? I don`t think so. Look at at the STD`s that you are likely to catch, because you aren`t just sleeping around with one person, but with everybody else that person is sleeping with.

Human beings are made for love. And this isn`t love. It is too selfish to even get close!

And it leads to abortion, which means that your future children have a 25% chance of being autistic, and if you are a woman, in the headlights for breast cancer.

So I would rethink how healthy promiscuity really is, and hope that you eventually decide where your real self-interest lies.

140tohealthy

Are you married? Sounds like you are not. Until then continue to pursue the "meeting of your needs" and good luck to you.

im married (and also have two daughters) and i still think theres nothing wrong with FWB. i dont currently have one, but did not too long ago. yes my husband knew about it. no he didnt mind. yes he had one too. we still love each other - we're still devoted to each other and have a happy marriage. it was something we branched into for fantasy reasons and we enjoyed it. we may or may not do something similar in the future, but who are you to judge? we both respect each other and ourselves, and if my children grow up to have FWB - more power to them! id much rather them do that than have one night stands with random people. if they choose to stay virgins til their married, its also a choice i would respect.

More power to you! No one should judge you, because honestly, there is nothing wrong with exploring all the reaches of the sexual nature. I've already told my boyfriend that later in our relationship, if we get married we'll probably end up doing something like that.

rockerbabyy

Healthy? I don`t think so. Look at at the STD`s that you are likely to catch, because you aren`t just sleeping around with one person, but with everybody else that person is sleeping with.

Human beings are made for love. And this isn`t love. It is too selfish to even get close!

And it leads to abortion, which means that your future children have a 25% chance of being autistic, and if you are a woman, in the headlights for breast cancer.

So I would rethink how healthy promiscuity really is, and hope that you eventually decide where your real self-interest lies.

who said anything about it being unprotected sex? when i was with my FWB we used protection. ive never had an std or unwanted pregnancy. i dont personally know anyone who does the FWB thing and doesnt use protection... its kinda common sense.

Carl01

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Willing to help with research. :devil:

loseweightjames

I dont think marrying your FWB means that is really what it was...you both developed feelings and it was something more. I mean friends, hang out, f***, no more...than you both walk away with no attachment.

marrying your friend is the best person to marry :happy:

chicky89

works great with me... no strings attached!!!! I do what I want when I want, and dont have to get approval of anything.

DS67ATX

It can work and be a lot of fun but you need to know the rules you both set.

grassette

Healthy? I don`t think so. Look at at the STD`s that you are likely to catch, because you aren`t just sleeping around with one person, but with everybody else that person is sleeping with.

Human beings are made for love. And this isn`t love. It is too selfish to even get close!

And it leads to abortion, which means that your future children have a 25% chance of being autistic, and if you are a woman, in the headlights for breast cancer.

So I would rethink how healthy promiscuity really is, and hope that you eventually decide where your real self-interest lies.

who said anything about it being unprotected sex? when i was with my FWB we used protection. ive never had an std or unwanted pregnancy. i dont personally know anyone who does the FWB thing and doesnt use protection... its kinda common sense.

Condoms don`t protect you from HPV. And they are not all that reliable. And if the protection fails, how good was it?

rockerbabyy

Condoms don`t protect you from HPV. And they are not all that reliable. And if the protection fails, how good was it?

condoms lower the risk of HPV, as well as HPV related diseases ( http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm ). of course it wont stop anything thats not covered by the condom - and nothing is 100%... but there are actions that can be taken to reduce the risk. if you dont want to take the risk - dont. but dont judge others for it either.

firesoforion

In my situation it was fine. There were times over the time frame that he would get jealous, or I would. But when we got in serious relationships and ended it, we still talked. He is a really good friend of mine. I dont talk to him so much now, as I feel that would be a bit disrespectful to my boyfriend, but not because I have hard feelings.

If he's a really good friend but you don't talk to him much now out of respect for your b/f, wasn't that a problem with it??

musicgirl88

I love having friends with benefits! As long as the rules are set out and perfectly clear from the beginning, it should work out. There's only been one time that it didn't work out for me. The guy wanted more and went from "fwb" to wanting a lot more...and even got a little aggressive about it...in the end we got in this huge fight and didn't talk for like a year...but we have made up and are friends again...just not with benefits anymore..so I guess it depends on the people involved...so long as both people truly understand the rules, you're good to go!!

Yasmine91

Call me old fashioned buuuuuuuuuuuuuut can't people just control themselves and have a little something called dignity? Just be in a damn relationship or married, honestly...no offence to you guys who do this **** but urgh..nah man....gross.

CiarraCA

I ike a guy right now that I wish I could be friends with benefits with. OMG h e is so damn fine!!! I have never done this before but I'd like to try and let you all know how it worked out for me lol!

rockerbabyy

Call me old fashioned buuuuuuuuuuuuuut can't people just control themselves and have a little something called dignity? Just be in a damn relationship or married, honestly...no offence to you guys who do this **** but urgh..nah man....gross.

how am i supposed to not take offense to someone saying i have no dignity or self control?

andreacord

I think it all depends on the "rules" set out. It's worked for me in the past.

I had one successful, and one was successful until we started falling in love and getting jealous when other people came into the picture. If you do it properly it can and does work I find.

slayerdan

Its like anything else in the world, plain and simple---it works for some people, not for others......no other answer is neded.

Yasmine91

Ok take offence then :P

I'm sorry but it is what it is. It's nasty. I'm trying to fight anyone, but I state things for what they are. It's just sad that people actually do this.

Yasmine91

loool forgot how to damn quote reply! XD

Rissyroo513

Doesn't usually work. Someone generally ends up developing feelings and getting hurt.

With that being said, I've got a FWB right now and things are going fine. Some days we hang out and we're just friends. Some days we both need to blow off a little steam and we have fun. Neither one of us wants anything more from the other person, we both know we will eventually find someone else, but for now we've decided that having sex with someone (you know and can trust) is better than being alone or screwing a random. :ohwell:

VictorianJade

Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?

Who says it's 'settling'?

A FWB doesn't preclude other relationships, nor does it act as a nail in the coffin. It's a relationship in which needs are met, fun is had, and the openness remains for each to have their own lives, without the complication of romance.

Exactly!

and this is what is wrong with society today.

FWB isn't exactly a 'newly created' concept. It's been in existence for millenia. And it was a widely accepted and participated-in practice. It is only since the encroachment of 'christian' beliefs, that practices such as these, which I believe to be quite natural and healthy, began to be persecuted against.

Thanks for clearing that up. It has never been a concept for me. And I pray, yes I pray, my kids will have more respect for themselves and others. I had no idea this has been the normal practice for so long.

Healthy? I don`t think so. Look at at the STD`s that you are likely to catch, because you aren`t just sleeping around with one person, but with everybody else that person is sleeping with.

Human beings are made for love. And this isn`t love. It is too selfish to even get close!

And it leads to abortion, which means that your future children have a 25% chance of being autistic, and if you are a woman, in the headlights for breast cancer.

So I would rethink how healthy promiscuity really is, and hope that you eventually decide where your real self-interest lies.

*snickers* Ohh this is a fun one.

Human beings are made to procreate. LOVE, the chemicals in the brain that cause us to feel it, were created so that we would care for our offspring, and guard our families, in order to survive.

Who said anything about promiscuity? Dollars to donuts I've had less lovers than many on this board who do NOT have FWBs or open marriages... just because I believe it's healthy to acknowledge needs and urges,and to carry them out in a responsible, safe-as-possible way, doesn't mean I've got a 'magic number' that's high. I don't.

FWBs lead to abortion? No. They don't. FWBs can lead to PREGNANCY, but it is the WOMAN'S CHOICE that leads to abortion. Duh, don't skip logical steps. You sound like those people who say "GUNS KILL PEOPLE!". No, they don't. People kill people.

I don't actually tend to feel selfish, in my FWB relationships- we all know what's going on when we get into it- we all have open lines of communication... *shrugs* We all part on good terms, if parting is needed. I figure it's all pretty adult behaviour, really.

rockerbabyy

Ok take offence then :P

I'm sorry but it is what it is. It's nasty. I'm trying to fight anyone, but I state things for what they are. It's just sad that people actually do this.

what i find sad, is that people judge others based on silly things like sexual preferences and not on things that actually matter.

Craig_hyde

It's worked for me in the past.....but back then my FWB situation was a teensy bit complicated.....she was a lesbian (well, I suppose she still is really) but still enjoyed some fun with me.

Boy do I know how to pick 'em ¬_¬

slayerdan

I love the replies I went back and read from the armchair sociologists and historians, using the parts of history that help validate their individual point.
Amazing that on a weight loss site, this at best mediocre, 10th grade question got 7+ pages of replies.

And as someone that interviews and assesses people for a living---well over 15000 face to face, Id wager half of you are lying or exaggerating, regardless of point.

THIS is why America is fat.....sitting online debating useless hyperbole vs doing some situps and squats before bed.

Debate on, debate on.

floweringcurrant

It has worked fine for me in the past. For me it was really important to have clear dialogue about what we wanted/expected, checking in on occasion, and mutual respect.

mortla

Personally for me it has NEVER worked. Either I ended up having more feelings for the guy and the feelings were unrequited or vice versa.

Yasmine91

I'd say maybe I care too much actually :P it's not even judging, I'm stating what is. You're getting real upset about it, maybe you feel guilty or know that I'm right I really dunno. All I know is is that sex has preceded shame. Sex used to be private. Now, you see it everywhere, on billboards, perfume adverts, people go about like sex is **** all.

Love yourselves, love your body. Give it to just about anybody? a **** buddy? pfffft **** that ****. I'd rather eat a nice big bowl of horse ****...or stick needles up my nostrils :P

rockerbabyy

I'd say maybe I care too much actually :P it's not even judging, I'm stating what is. You're getting real upset about it, maybe you feel guilty or know that I'm right I really dunno. All I know is is that sex has preceded shame. Sex used to be private. Now, you see it everywhere, on billboards, perfume adverts, people go about like sex is **** all.

Love yourselves, love your body. Give it to just about anybody? a **** buddy? pfffft **** that ****. I'd rather eat a nice big bowl of horse ****...or stick needles up my nostrils :P

lol im not getting real upset about it. im perfectly content with my sex life, and your opinion that you can judge people who are honest about it is sad. its not nasty. its not degrading. its a choice. if you dont like it, dont do it.
except the point of having FWB is to not just give it to anybody - its being with someone you know and trust vs picking someone up at a bar or something.