friends with benefits

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  • GoreWhore72
    GoreWhore72 Posts: 190 Member
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    I heard it can work. I have seen my friends be in those type of friendships, but it's very spontaneous, and very open. Otherwise someone's heart gets broken in the end.
  • jskaggs1971
    jskaggs1971 Posts: 371 Member
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    FWB / FB : Like a lot of people, I had a few of these in college, but in general, not my cup o' tea. I like the whole kaboodle, not just the kit.

    That may have something to do with why I'm rapidly approaching my 15th anniversary with teh wifey.
  • GoreWhore72
    GoreWhore72 Posts: 190 Member
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    HAHA
  • GoreWhore72
    GoreWhore72 Posts: 190 Member
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    I offer a 401K and a quality dental plan!!

    I got a pension and my AARP card....wat up now biotch?


    HAHAHAHHA
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    All these types of relationships I had before dating my boyfriend worked out fine - I got sex when I wanted it, and didn't have to worry about the stress and responsibility of a relationship. It's perfectly fine to want sex and nothing more, and it can work out as long as there are rules set in place for both participants.
  • GoreWhore72
    GoreWhore72 Posts: 190 Member
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    Never been that type of guy, so I can't help ya out. I figured if she's my "friend," then how many "friends" does she have? LOL, I never was very good at sharing! : )



    GOOD POINT!!
  • runbyme
    runbyme Posts: 522 Member
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    I totally think it is possible though finding a guy that complies is a little harder to find! I have had much better luck with the benefits I get from the friends I have on MFP! Good luck to everyone!
  • GoreWhore72
    GoreWhore72 Posts: 190 Member
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    Only losers do that type of crap. Get your head screwed on straight. What is wrong with y'all, get your mind outta the gutter.

    I've had a lot of requests to be a friend with benefits, but I think it constitutes actually hanging out and chillin' before the sex part. hahaa. YA RIGHT!! Good Point btw.
  • MattGetsMad
    MattGetsMad Posts: 429 Member
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    Starting to realize something here... Yup just got a full grasp on it.


    Ok, if you think it works then you're most likely the one who is hurting the other person.

    If you think it doesn't work, you've been hurt.

    Think it's probably just as simple as that.
  • loseweightjames
    loseweightjames Posts: 365
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    can this ever work out? any one successful with it...mean both sides are 100% cool, or is it destined to have one or both hurt?

    Yes, I've had it work several times, in fact I eventually married my friends with benefits, but we had benefits for several years before deciding to marry and even after marriage we're both allowed to still have benefits on the side.

    i know, sounds strange, have you ever seen the movie Hall Pass? It's kinda like that but not just a week, it's 24/7. You'd be surprised how little you "cheat" when you know you can cheat whenever you want. :smile:
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    Starting to realize something here... Yup just got a full grasp on it.


    Ok, if you think it works then you're most likely the one who is hurting the other person.

    If you think it doesn't work, you've been hurt.

    Think it's probably just as simple as that.
    What about those of us who have been on both sides of it.. I have had FB that grew feelings for me, and I have had FB that I eneded up wanting more from...

    but I also had a few FB that we knew it was just that.. great sex, no commitment, no deep emotional connection, and when it was over, we both went home to our spouses... no strings attached.... good times..
  • VictorianJade
    VictorianJade Posts: 705 Member
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    I've had a share of Bennies, and it tends to work alright for ME... the guys, however, usually end up wanting more, that I have been unable to give.
  • sylvuz323
    sylvuz323 Posts: 468 Member
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    Ok, FWB didn't fail if it ended up in a relationship...the FWB worked just fine it just developed into something more. So yes more feelings were there are luckily they both felt the same about one another. I would never have a FWB if I couldn't see them as someone in my life, whether that be a friend or something more.

    I have to disagree. If FWB situation leads to a relationship, then it was really just a new-wave form of courting.

    I understand that married folks refer to their partners as their "best friend" but try introducing them as your "friend". Wouldn't go over too well.

    If you wanna call a FWB benefit situation a "success" i think you have to still be FWB or still be F without the B. Anything else would be a failure of the original FWB situation.

    And if you don't agree with me you can go benefit yourself! :laugh: Just kidding!!!

    I will, I have the best benefits :smile: I work at a hospital

    Then yes FWB is a new form of courting, that probably is appropriate to say. In dating, the honeymoon phase ends up starting to soon (maybe it never should have) months later its over. The thrill of the sex is now gone and you learn you don't have strong feelings for someone. If it was a good match, then it continues then of course you may have someone who gets scared away, because someone becomes too needy. It all applies really whether it be FWB or dating.
  • smbakke77
    smbakke77 Posts: 273 Member
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    can this ever work out? any one successful with it...mean both sides are 100% cool, or is it destined to have one or both hurt?

    In my experience, someone always ends up falling in love. I've had them lead to relationships, I've had them lead to stalkerism...but I think someone typically gets hurt eventually.
  • rachcamp88
    rachcamp88 Posts: 88 Member
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    Its worked for me. My current **** buddy and I have been friends for years, we used to give each other advice on people we liked/dated (we worked together and both dated other people from work) we got together last year and now just meet up if we are both drunk. I can tell him if I go with anyone else and he has asked my opinion on girls he likes. Neither of us gets jealous, we don't have set 'ground rules' we just both understand how it should work. I know I don't ever want to date him but we have fun together so I don't see a problem with it.
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
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    <--- succesfully in a FWB thing for almost 3 years.

    We make it work.. I acutally texted him this question to see what his answer was because I thought maybe I was delsional about how it was working.

    His response - if I was being hurt, I wouldn't stick around....

    We were super close friends BEFORE we started sleeping together and our friendship has not changed one bit. If one of us chose to end it today, I honestly do not see us hating each other but we set up some pretty steady rules when it started.

    We have open communication, as in neither of us care if we are going on dates with other people or anything like that but if we choose to sleep with someone than our FWB arrangement is done. We were both tested for any STD's, prior to having sex with each other not because we didn't trust each other but because I do not want my life ruined because of some disease and I was tested because I requested he be tested (he used to be a man *kitten* when he was young).

    We have talked about taking it to the next level but neither one of us is really ready for that, he still has some pretty big thing he needs to take care of before I would ever think of becoming his girlfriend.

    The thing is... that FWB isn't just random it is kind of like a relationship, you have to talk and you have to be on the same page or it will never ever work.

    We actually socialze in the same friends circle and not one of our mutual friends knows we are FWB - they have actually tried to set us up with other people because they believe we "need to get laid" as we are the only single people in the group of friends.
  • Rjdj3530
    Rjdj3530 Posts: 154
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    Forget the FWB, too complicated and although it can and does work, odds are against you. Just make it a one night stand and keep it simple. :)

    This. lol...FWB can work but this was way easier when I was single. LOL
  • Showgirlbody
    Showgirlbody Posts: 402 Member
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    I've never done it in the "let's agree to be friends with benefits" kind of way. It usually just happened. Mostly in college. People that you hang out with regularly that once in a while you end up hooking up. To actually plan it and call someone over just for the "benefits", is more booty call or F buddy IMO especially if you don't really hang out. It all depends on what works for people. Some people can very easily detach emotion from sex and that's okay. Everyone has their own needs and what works for them.
  • jenlee_74
    jenlee_74 Posts: 29
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    Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?
  • KimmyEB
    KimmyEB Posts: 1,208 Member
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    People who indulge in that kind of thing end up losing their capacity to bond with a significant other. There is a kind of hardness of heart that the practice requires, the using, not giving aspect, that ends up twisting the person significantly.

    Women especially can be the losers in this, because their physiology is built in such a way that they bond more deeply to their first sexual partner than to any subsequent one. The science is out there, so you can google your way to it. As the song goes, the pleasure last but a moment, but the sadness lasts a lifetime. There is never the same degree of passion.

    But men can be the losers, especially if they are good at this game. Later they are unable to form families because they can`t bond with a woman. This leaves them without support networks as they age, and accounts for the higher degree of suicide in older single males.

    There is no such thing as a free lunch. You end up paying for it one way or the other.

    I would love to see citations of research showing this. Specifically, I would like to see citations from peer-reviewed, scientific journals.

    Me too. though, I still wouldn't believe them, since my own personal experiences, as well as those I know who are in/have been in similar situations, already prove this to be incorrect. It's all a big fat generalization.

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