Are blokes only after one thing?????

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  • Nicola0000
    Nicola0000 Posts: 531 Member
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    But now I regret what I didn't do. Opps!!

    I presume you have a fone...

    "Hi! Um, Ive changed my mind...."
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    But now I regret what I didn't do. Opps!!

    I presume you have a fone...

    "Hi! Um, Ive changed my mind...."

    I can assure you, he won't say no to you meeting up for a little adult fun!
  • george_ie_girl
    george_ie_girl Posts: 120 Member
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    They are only after one thing because our world has made being a *kitten* extremely popular..now, if women were to actually start acting like ladies the majority of the time, this might not be so..But with shows on television making anyone who DOESN'T screw on the first date or after the first drink virtually deplorable..I'd say..if you want a decent guy..look somewhere decent. I won't say church because that is so not true..just keep up your boundaries unless being a slut is fine with you..:-)

    why does enjoying sex make you a slut?

    It doesn't IMO - it's meant to be pleasurable and that's an old, prudish standpoint. The fact the poster you quoted implies they are religious and then displays a superiority complex in the same line is all too common an occurence.

    Exactly. Some people like to act superior because their vagina has not been penetrated, or has been penetrated after four dates. So it's okay...

    Apparently it's a great way to judge a persons worth and character, this whole penetration thing...
  • Princessbrene
    Princessbrene Posts: 112 Member
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    Well, I seem to be about the only one who has this view, but last time I checked it was a free country, so I will express my views just as openly as all of you have. First of all, I do have religious convictions, however, many of you may not share those same convictions, so I will tell you what I think about all of this aside from that.

    First of all, wanting to wait to have sex does not mean you are not a sexual person. It doesn't mean that at all. Nor does it mean that when you choose to have sex that you won't be open to having as much fun and as much excitement in your sexual relationship than someone who chooses to engage in sex openly and freely with whomever they want at whatever time they want. Nor does it mean that it abstaining is the easy road, or that you don't want to have sex.

    Secondly, when I am dating someone, it is important to me that they get to know me- my personality, my likes and dislikes, my thoughts and passions. I know someone stated that they may as well find out right away if there's a problem in the sexual chemistry because it can be a relationship killer. However, I would say that if someone is not compatible with me on a personal, spiritual and emotional level, that is a relationship killer. When you have sex at the beginning of a relationship, I believe it has a great potential to develop a false bond with someone that you really don't know at all. I think this is also probably more true of women than of men, and I'm sure there are women who are the exception to that rule. Nonetheless, it is my opinion that sex should be a seal on a bond that has already formed, not bond something that's not yet put together.

    Thirdly, I want to value myself. I'm not more valuable than the prostitute standing on the corner, but I hope I know my value better. I do not think that because I choose to abstain that I am a better person, or more worthy of accolades. I truly believe though, that each time you engage in sex with someone, you are giving them a part of yourself. I want to be able to give as much of myself as I can to the person I spend my life with.

    Lastly, I guess if I just thought of sex as physical fun and euphoria (which of course it is), then I could say the same things that many of you are saying. Pardon me if I see it as being something more than that, and something to be shared with someone who I can entrust all of myself with- not just my body.
  • george_ie_girl
    george_ie_girl Posts: 120 Member
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    Well, I seem to be about the only one who has this view, but last time I checked it was a free country, so I will express my views just as openly as all of you have. First of all, I do have religious convictions, however, many of you may not share those same convictions, so I will tell you what I think about all of this aside from that.

    First of all, wanting to wait to have sex does not mean you are not a sexual person. It doesn't mean that at all. Nor does it mean that when you choose to have sex that you won't be open to having as much fun and as much excitement in your sexual relationship than someone who chooses to engage in sex openly and freely with whomever they want at whatever time they want. Nor does it mean that it abstaining is the easy road, or that you don't want to have sex.

    Secondly, when I am dating someone, it is important to me that they get to know me- my personality, my likes and dislikes, my thoughts and passions. I know someone stated that they may as well find out right away if there's a problem in the sexual chemistry because it can be a relationship killer. However, I would say that if someone is not compatible with me on a personal, spiritual and emotional level, that is a relationship killer. When you have sex at the beginning of a relationship, I believe it has a great potential to develop a false bond with someone that you really don't know at all. I think this is also probably more true of women than of men, and I'm sure there are women who are the exception to that rule. Nonetheless, it is my opinion that sex should be a seal on a bond that has already formed, not bond something that's not yet put together.

    Thirdly, I want to value myself. I'm not more valuable than the prostitute standing on the corner, but I hope I know my value better. I do not think that because I choose to abstain that I am a better person, or more worthy of accolades. I truly believe though, that each time you engage in sex with someone, you are giving them a part of yourself. I want to be able to give as much of myself as I can to the person I spend my life with.

    Lastly, I guess if I just thought of sex as physical fun and euphoria (which of course it is), then I could say the same things that many of you are saying. Pardon me if I see it as being something more than that, and something to be shared with someone who I can entrust all of myself with- not just my body.

    See this is the problem. Your value does NOT lie in whether you have slept with someone you don't know, nor are you giving them a part of yourself if you do. As much as you like to argue that you're not acting superior - you ARE. You said it yourself - it's hard refraining, but you can manage to (what you're really saying is that you can refrain because stronger than those silly women who sleep with anyone). You value yourself and take pride in the fact that you're not sleeping around. This is stuff you've been conditioned to learn since you were a child and that you continue to learn as an adult - but it's false.

    What I'm trying to say is that there are much better ways to judge a persons value and integrity - and that does not lie in whether or not they have had sex, or how many times they have done so. The only reason women feel shame in having sexual relationships is because of people having your (widely held) beliefs.

    In regards to the false bond comment - this happens in non-sexual relationships as well.

    From my point of view and personal experience - I think having a long term relationship with someone that is not right for you, but you refrained from having sex with at the beginning and built up an emotional bond with, is much more detrimental to your mental health than having a few one night stands here or there. To conclude - meet people, laugh, have sex, say goodbye, and when you meet someone that's right for you - have sex with them again.
  • Princessbrene
    Princessbrene Posts: 112 Member
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    I'm sorry you feel the way that you do. There was not anything judgmental in what I wrote. I knew as soon as I decided to post what I did that it would not be a popular opinion. Also, you said that my belief is a "widely held" belief, but if you will read the 6 pages of comments, you will see that I'm pretty much alone in what I posted. I'm sorry you think that I am self-righteous or arrogant, or that I think I'm better than everyone else. No, I do not believe that at all. I think a lot of women spend their lives not understanding that they do have worth- in their spirit, in their person, in their body, in all of those things. Not once have I engaged in name-calling, though plenty of people who hold the opposite opinion from me have done so. I will not engage in name-calling. People are precious to me.... the ones who have numerous one-night-stands, the ones who have never had sex. The ones who have gone to extremes of selling their bodies because they are desperate, or just want to- those women have just as much worth as I do. They are precious people, and no, I don't think their worth is dependant on how many times they've had sex or whom they have had sex with. You may think of me what you will, but that is truly what I believe. I won't continue to post on this thread as I feel I have said all that I needed to say.
  • george_ie_girl
    george_ie_girl Posts: 120 Member
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    I'm sorry you feel the way that you do. There was not anything judgmental in what I wrote. I knew as soon as I decided to post what I did that it would not be a popular opinion. Also, you said that my belief is a "widely held" belief, but if you will read the 6 pages of comments, you will see that I'm pretty much alone in what I posted. I'm sorry you think that I am self-righteous or arrogant, or that I think I'm better than everyone else. No, I do not believe that at all. I think a lot of women spend their lives not understanding that they do have worth- in their spirit, in their person, in their body, in all of those things. Not once have I engaged in name-calling, though plenty of people who hold the opposite opinion from me have done so. I will not engage in name-calling. People are precious to me.... the ones who have numerous one-night-stands, the ones who have never had sex. The ones who have gone to extremes of selling their bodies because they are desperate, or just want to- those women have just as much worth as I do. They are precious people, and no, I don't think their worth is dependant on how many times they've had sex or whom they have had sex with. You may think of me what you will, but that is truly what I believe. I won't continue to post on this thread as I feel I have said all that I needed to say.

    I've changed my mind about you - you've actually got a pretty good attitude. Despite your archaic opinions about sex. ;)
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    ...and in all seriousness, a guy can totally be looking for something long term and, believe or not, STILL want to nail you on the first date.

    all guys WANT to nail you on the first date, doesn't mean you should let them or its a good idea.
  • Nicola0000
    Nicola0000 Posts: 531 Member
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    So ive decided I need to relax a little about this, and just enjoy myself!! After being in relationship for 10 years, I dont want to jump straight back into another one. I need to work out who I am as a adult (as I was 17 when started dating my husband). I work and live close to an amazing city, with so much opportunity to get out there and have fun!!

    I suppose my question is, how do I not stress over just being in that "casual" relationship? How do I not get "sucked in" thinking "ooh where is this leading, does he like me" etc etc How do I relax about the whole thing and not let my mind get obsessed with thinking I should be in a relationship??
  • Nicola0000
    Nicola0000 Posts: 531 Member
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    bump
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 663 Member
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    Yes. NEXT!

    This
  • maximus0721
    maximus0721 Posts: 31
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    yeah.....................food, :tongue: or is just me....
  • grobbygru
    grobbygru Posts: 295 Member
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    Yes - and yes they seem to be the same wherever you are - and they are getting worse and more disgusting and disrespectful with it also.
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 663 Member
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    Yes - and yes they seem to be the same wherever you are - and they are getting worse and more disgusting and disrespectful with it also.

    Whoa whoa whoa......disrespectful??? :grumble:
  • VANGALINDA
    VANGALINDA Posts: 1
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    I believe that some blokes are, but then some aren't. Don't give up hope. Trust your heart and your instincts and I am sure you will meet someone special who makes you feel amazing again. Best of luck xx
  • Deka61
    Deka61 Posts: 74
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    A man wants a girl to be a lady in public and a *kitten* in the bedroom, most get the opposite. They can only get "one thing" if the lady allows.....
  • Nicola0000
    Nicola0000 Posts: 531 Member
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    A man wants a girl to be a lady in public and a *kitten* in the bedroom, most get the opposite. They can only get "one thing" if the lady allows.....

    Like that!!!
  • Charloo1990
    Charloo1990 Posts: 619 Member
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    I think most are unfortunatly.

    Since my ex (which will be 2 years in April) , i just havnt found anyone and cannot believe how bloody hard it is to find one decent guy who isnt too forward in their txts, who doesnt act sleazy and wants to take u out for a proper date.

    Im at a point where i really do want a bf but i actualy give up. When ever i've tried dating, they've either not been my type or they just say things that are way too forward for early days. I hate todays generation of guys that are my age (21). Im just hoping that when i DO find someone it was bloody well worth the wait cause i've waited long enough.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    Well, I seem to be about the only one who has this view, but last time I checked it was a free country, so I will express my views just as openly as all of you have. First of all, I do have religious convictions, however, many of you may not share those same convictions, so I will tell you what I think about all of this aside from that.

    First of all, wanting to wait to have sex does not mean you are not a sexual person. It doesn't mean that at all. Nor does it mean that when you choose to have sex that you won't be open to having as much fun and as much excitement in your sexual relationship than someone who chooses to engage in sex openly and freely with whomever they want at whatever time they want. Nor does it mean that it abstaining is the easy road, or that you don't want to have sex.

    Secondly, when I am dating someone, it is important to me that they get to know me- my personality, my likes and dislikes, my thoughts and passions. I know someone stated that they may as well find out right away if there's a problem in the sexual chemistry because it can be a relationship killer. However, I would say that if someone is not compatible with me on a personal, spiritual and emotional level, that is a relationship killer. When you have sex at the beginning of a relationship, I believe it has a great potential to develop a false bond with someone that you really don't know at all. I think this is also probably more true of women than of men, and I'm sure there are women who are the exception to that rule. Nonetheless, it is my opinion that sex should be a seal on a bond that has already formed, not bond something that's not yet put together.

    Thirdly, I want to value myself. I'm not more valuable than the prostitute standing on the corner, but I hope I know my value better. I do not think that because I choose to abstain that I am a better person, or more worthy of accolades. I truly believe though, that each time you engage in sex with someone, you are giving them a part of yourself. I want to be able to give as much of myself as I can to the person I spend my life with.

    Lastly, I guess if I just thought of sex as physical fun and euphoria (which of course it is), then I could say the same things that many of you are saying. Pardon me if I see it as being something more than that, and something to be shared with someone who I can entrust all of myself with- not just my body.

    I like your post.

    I don't think other's are more or less valuable for what "they" choose to do. Just for me, those are "my" values - and everyone's are different. If anyone wants to sleep with many people, that's up to them entirely, and as long as they're being safe, that's great! Just not something I'd choose to do.
    From my point of view and personal experience - I think having a long term relationship with someone that is not right for you, but you refrained from having sex with at the beginning and built up an emotional bond with, is much more detrimental to your mental health than having a few one night stands here or there.

    Also, I agree with you on this part, yet I don't think that someone who "is right for you" is determined mostly by sexual compatibility. I wouldn't have a LTR with someone who wasn't right for me, but my view of what's right for me, is probably completely different to others. Many people place sex quite high on the list so if they're missing that, then the person's not for them. For me, that just comes naturally when I love them in every other way (the emotional bond) Obviously physical attraction is important, but you can know if your physically attracted to somebody right from the start, you don't have to sleep with them to know that I don't think.
  • Charloo1990
    Charloo1990 Posts: 619 Member
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    Yes - and yes they seem to be the same wherever you are - and they are getting worse and more disgusting and disrespectful with it also.
    Im not a man hater or anything but i couldnt agree more with this. In my experience they are getting worse and its a shame cause i just feel like u have to get thru so many of the bad guys just to find that special one.

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