How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet....

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  • wilkin777
    wilkin777 Posts: 73 Member
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    I understand how frustrated you must feel to consider popping a hole in this woman's bubble. However, please don't actually do it. Vent all you want here but don't "put her in her place." She is bipolar. That doesn't necessarily mean coddle her but something like her friend telling her she isn't nearly as attractive as she thinks she is can trigger a depression phase. The depression phase is no joke whatsoever and if she is already wobbly in the emotion department, just no. Please don't go there. Maybe do some research into bipolar disorder or manic depressive disorder. As a matter of fact, her thinking so highly of herself is in itself a symptom of bipolar disorder.

    If you must do anything at all encourage her to keep going. Try to work out with her (which also helps her disorder btw - and you'd be a pretty awesome friend if you did help with this). Try to encourage her to eat healthier foods. But please don't go about triggering her depression.Depression really can be deadly.

    AND THIS IS A VERY VALID AND IMPORTANT POINT> YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR A DEPRESSION EPISODE!!
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
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    She'll figure it out herself..Or she won't! lol Its no concern of yours, really. Let her think whatever she wants, if you know the truth, why does it matter what she says? I just laugh to myself at people when I'm in situations like yours :)
  • daniivdean
    daniivdean Posts: 105 Member
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    I have this coworker who after seeing me drop about 30 pounds decided to go on a diet and get back to the gym. So far, I think she's lost about 6 or 7 pounds, but she's not serious about it (example - eating Reese's peanut butter cups at her desk, chowing down on a salad that was mostly dressing - and not lowfat, going to the gym one day a week to flirt with her trainer and skipping it the other 6 days a week, etc.)

    Now, I'm not claiming to be a fitness or nutrition guru, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to weight loss. Also, I'm not a fashion expert, but I know when your clothes don't fit.

    Well... she's fully convinced that she doesn't have a stomach anymore and that she's the same size as me..... I weigh at least 50 pounds less and I promise you, her stomach hasn't changed at all except to expand outwards.

    How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

    If she is happy leave it. Focus on yourself
  • happystars82
    happystars82 Posts: 225 Member
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    If she's happy with herself, who cares?
    agreed
  • monkeymouse74
    monkeymouse74 Posts: 288
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    If someone came on here and complained that after working really hard and losing 6-7 pounds, one of her co-workers (who is close to her size) started lecturing her about "how she is doing everything right, while I am doing everything wrong", what would you say?

    Because in her eyes, this would be the situation.

    Just don't say anything.

    You won't open her eyes, you will only make her mad at you, and possibly feel bad about herself.

    No win.

    This^^
  • swilk627
    swilk627 Posts: 245 Member
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    I don't see how it's any of your business the method she chooses to lose weight. Unless she is doing something that is medically unsafe for her body, you kind of just need to mind your own business.

    I read most of the posts but didn't see anyone touch on this.....It honestly sounds to me like SHE is the jealous type. Like, she doesn't want her coworker to be successful and so she is wanting to put her down or put her in her place. The coworker IS obviously doing something right if she's lost some weight. And the fact that she's comparing herself to the OP would suggest to me that she's using the OP as as role model and trying to achieve what the OP has done. If that's the case, the harsh and hateful words the OP has spoken here would probably crush her.
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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    Who gives a ****? If she's a close friend then be encouraging. Otherwise, let her be another resolutioner.
  • SilverStrychnine
    SilverStrychnine Posts: 413 Member
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    Suggest MFP to her. Maybe with a "Oh I found this really cool fitness website, I love it" kind of line. She will soon see how she really is.
  • MelanieAG05
    MelanieAG05 Posts: 359 Member
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    I have this coworker who after seeing me drop about 30 pounds decided to go on a diet and get back to the gym. So far, I think she's lost about 6 or 7 pounds, but she's not serious about it (example - eating Reese's peanut butter cups at her desk, chowing down on a salad that was mostly dressing - and not lowfat, going to the gym one day a week to flirt with her trainer and skipping it the other 6 days a week, etc.)

    Now, I'm not claiming to be a fitness or nutrition guru, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to weight loss. Also, I'm not a fashion expert, but I know when your clothes don't fit.

    Well... she's fully convinced that she doesn't have a stomach anymore and that she's the same size as me..... I weigh at least 50 pounds less and I promise you, her stomach hasn't changed at all except to expand outwards.

    How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

    Thats an easy one - say absolutely nothing. It is not really your concern. As long as you know that you are doing the right thing for your weight loss that is the only thing that matters here. Her bi-polar condition may be what is causing her to think in this way and so you should just leave her to get on with it - she obviously feels better about herself regardless of what anyone else thinks.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    I get a feeling that this is more about ego than anything else.

    OP just leave her be, you continue what you are doing, let her enjoy her new-found exercise and dieting kick. If her doing what she is doing is making her feel better, why try and ruin it? She's hurting nobody and has gotton off her butt and into gear, why put a spanner in the works?
  • firesoforion
    firesoforion Posts: 1,017 Member
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    Other people's personal business are other people's personal business. Leave it unless she asks you. You never know what all is going on in someone else's life as much as they might lead you to believe, so it's best just to stay out of it, be nice, and not say anything.
  • godricshollow
    godricshollow Posts: 274 Member
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    I'd only say anything to her if she consults you. I know it's annoying seeing people do that, but each to their own. I am, however, a big fan of honesty. If she is asking you, then tell her straight.
  • fitnoflab
    fitnoflab Posts: 100
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    .
  • kateroot
    kateroot Posts: 435
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    No offense, OP, but it's none of your business. If I were that woman and you said something to me, I'd probably kick you in the shin. If she's not asking for your advice, leave her alone.
  • walkdmc
    walkdmc Posts: 529 Member
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    Only read the OP but seriously, you don't say anything. It's not your place to say anything and I suspect part of your desire to set her straight is jealousy. It's human nature, esp. for women to want to look better than their peers. If you feel good about how you look and she's acting like she looks as good as you, it can be annoying but really, there's nothing you can do without making yourself look petty, IMO. Anyone with vision can see if her belly is bigger than yours so let it go.
  • hanky1
    hanky1 Posts: 39
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    haven't read all the other posts and imagine others have said the same but other than generally encouraging her to carry on being healthy, there is nothing else you should do. her goals may be different to yours. she may be happy with the weight she's lost, even though she isn't as slim as you want to be. i will be happy when i can comfortably fit into a uk size 12 but know that others prefer to be slimmer. if someone told me i 'wasn't quite there yet' i would (politely) tell them where to go!
  • sunrise611
    sunrise611 Posts: 1,912 Member
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    How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

    I wouldn't.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    why do you HAVE to tell her anything?
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
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    I was really pleased when I lost my 20lb, I had people telling me how much better I looked. Then my uncle told me he could not see a change. It hurt for a moment but that is the comment that has stayed with me and helped me to lose another 12lb this month, and it's that comment that will keep me going. If she asks for honesty give her honesty but in a nice way "maybe we could step up our exercise together" etc, she'll thank you for it in the long run. :smile:
  • blissfuldrake
    blissfuldrake Posts: 128 Member
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    This situation reminds me of that old saw..."Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." She is trying to imitate you, in her own way. You say she is a co-worker and don't use the word friend, if I remember rightly. Maybe she is lonely and needs a friend. Do you want to befriend her? If so, bring her here and take her to the gym with you. Do the Disney World thing with the lap restraints if you can't tell her she is bigger than she thinks. If you don't want to deal with her drama, just ignore her hijinks. You can't be all things to all people.

    :ohwell:

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