Not accepting new friends. Need to... vent? Im not angry.

binkxo3

My point is obviously being proven here by some of the responses being left by other members.

Saying “I have too many friends to care about you” makes you look like a douche.. why not just NOT accept the friend request?

_SusieQ_

I can't speak for the person whose profile you looked at, but I can tell you why I think some people do this.

When I started on MFP I went in search of people like me, who could maybe relate to the rough road I was looking at ahead. Then I started adding people who I thought would help motivate or support. And then I found some funny ones, who made me laugh and realize I didn't have to take everything so seriously.

Now that I have been here a while I have established a very good rapport with most on my list. Even something I would call friendship with a few. And some I couldn't live without now. So I am more selective about who I let into my life only b/c I am more open and honest with my life and I want to know I can trust those who I have around me.

I use MFP to get fit and healthy, mind, body and soul. It's not just about the weight anymore for me, so I don't let anyone and everyone in. It's not about cliques or being a snob, it's about keeping myself happy and healthy.

ilookthetype

Risk it, tell them you read their blog and were motivated. It won't hurt and it might work.

MattGetsMad

Excuse me? Some people get a lot of friend requests and so they feel they have to limit who they accept. Some people may prefer to have only a few friends on MFP, so they feel closer to them. Whatever the reason, not wanting to accept a strangers "friend" invite has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with a persons interest in their own health.

I also get requests from people with no pic, no msg, and a private profile. I'm not sure why somebody would do that. I definitely only like to add people who are following similar nutrition plans as we can be better resources for one another.

Not sure how many friends is too many, but I've found staying right around 40 makes it easier to keep track of everybody.

I think if anyone is really, really concerned with their friend count, or how many people denied their friend request, they may not be here for the right reason. (The right reason IMO, is internal and personal)

I guess I needed to vent too.

wigglelee

add me, i will be your friend, and yuo will be a "insider " to me!!!!!!

CoryIda

I have that note on my profile, but I answer messages if people who aren't on my friends list have specific questions or need a particular piece of advice or encouragement.
I can't speak for everyone, but at least that's what I do.

CoryIda actually didn't accept my friend request a few days ago. So.....?

(she posted on this thread so i'm using her as an example)

Maybe i don't understand, is this a vent about being upset because someone wouldn't accept their friend request? Am I understanding this correctly?

It's true. I didn't accept his request and I also sent a message telling him why.

I think it's a polite thing to do and, although I do have a note saying I don't add people, I make occasional exceptions. If you "really" want to add someone, you can still try. It certainly doesn't hurt to send a request telling them why it's important to you but, if they don't add you, just move on.
There are lots of wonderful people on here to give you support.

MissFit0101

That's not MFP that's just life. I'm sure if you sent a request to those people telling them that yes you read their page but give them your reasons for wanting to befriend them, they would probably gladly accept the request. There's too many people on this site that send requests just to add numbers to their friends list, and that's why so many people put that they aren't accepting friend requests.

GetOnIT2012

LOL, cliques! Add me I am totally new and I love reading the blogs and friend support, No Worries here.

jackpotclown

I only ask two things of my mpf friends.....be here and be supportive....I drop friends that haven't logged in over a month, but otherwise feel free to add....I'm intrigued by everybody

onedayillbamilf

I don't accept very many friend requests because when I was on here before, I ended up friending a psycho and I ended up having to delete the account. This time around I am ONLY friends with the people I know aren't going to attempt to make my MFP life a living hell by talking friends into sending hate mail, and people who I've seen around who's comments and posts I like. That's it, that's all. Period. It's MY choice to decide who I want to be friends with. People don't have to like it.

xosmsox

In my terribly humble opinion, people with hundreds, even thousands of "friends" on social networking sites have very few, real life friends. People that you call and text on a daily or weekly basis. I love the resource that is this site but I have so many real life friends, an amazing boyfriend, clients I have to keep track of...haha I'm just not here to make "friends" to tell me good job. I never ever want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't accept friend requests because my real life is too full to support a online life with time and support as well. So never ever take an unaccepted friend request as a rejection! You're wonderful, but all of us have different ways if utilizing this website, and for me it is a tool. And only that, it is NOT social networking.

Faintgreeneyes

Somebody put "i'm not accepting any more friends" on their profile?!?!!? oh wow. How gloriously pompous. You don't want to be friends with them!!! It reminds me of a girl at my school who used to draw up a timetable of who got to sit next to her. I was slotted in (just) for RE. (one class a week).

I have more then a few friends who have this in their profile. and they are no where near being "gloriously pompous" as you have stated.

To the OP- There are some people on here who only want a close group of friends. While it sucks, at least you know up front about it. However, there are people who have said in their profile that they are not accepting friends, I have sent them a friend request anyways just stating why I thought we would be good friends, and if they would consider adding me. Sometimes people put that message, so they are not getting 20+ friend requests a day.

It really boils down to this- there is really no harm in sending a request- even if they have that message, you never know what could happen. If not, there are lots of other people on this site who are supportive and have open friends lists. I would try to not take it personally, or make it into some kind of MFP click. We all want and need different things, allow these people to chose how best to use this site for themselves, just like you.

Take Care.

mgpage

I didn't even know you could do that, not that I want to. My most supportive friends are the ones I have met through MFP. I would love to have you as a friend, the more support the better. Matter of fact I will send you a request.

ishallnotwant

I have that note on my profile, but I answer messages if people who aren't on my friends list have specific questions or need a particular piece of advice or encouragement.
I can't speak for everyone, but at least that's what I do.

CoryIda actually didn't accept my friend request a few days ago. So.....?

(her photo above, she posted on this thread on page 2 so i'm using her as an example)

Maybe i don't understand, is this a vent about being upset because someone wouldn't accept their friend request? Am I understanding this correctly?

Um, no offense, but this is just weird and kind of creepy. Does she know you posted her pic?

ETA: I saw that you do have permission. Sorry, carry on, people! :flowerforyou:

Qarol

Now that I have been here a while I have established a very good rapport with most on my list. Even something I would call friendship with a few. And some I couldn't live without now. So I am more selective about who I let into my life only b/c I am more open and honest with my life and I want to know I can trust those who I have around me.

THAT...I try to keep my friend list at a manageable level. I try to get to know and interact with each one. I have to be selective about whom I accept. Usually, if you don't include a message, I will decline. And sometimes, I even have to delete some people.

melvin0609

I only have 6 friends... you are welcome to join us!!

binkxo3

Im not saying that you have to add everyone.. Please don’t think that… as CoryIda just said, she sent a message back saying WHY she didn’t want to be his friend. He doesn’t seem too upset with it, (I could be wrong) so she obviously had a good enough reason for it, that he agreed with. THAT is acceptable.. and I am sure if this would have happened to the OP she would be fine with it, but just saying “No I don’t want to be your friend because I have too many already” is kinda snobby.

DeeJayTJ

wow very true!!

some very inspirational looking people on here are probably concerned that everyone is a creeper when in reality maybe they seek motivation and just seeing your posts or before and after photos help!

Shannon023

Don't take it personally. Different strokes for different folks.

kennethmgreen

My point is obviously being proven here by some of the responses being left by other members.

Saying “I have too many friends to care about you” makes you look like a douche.. why not just NOT accept the friend request?

Because some feel THAT is acting like a douche (not accepting). The notice is an attempt at pre-emptive douchiness.

To the OP: you should ask anyway. Or send a PM. You can still connect with people, even if you're not on their Friends List. Some may ignore you. Some might be rude. Some may see some common interests and you could start a positive online friendship. Just keep reaching out.

piezoeyjune

The great majority of you on this thread are newish and therefore welcome the concept of scads of new friends. It's a lovely concept...it is. BUT if you are serious about keeping up with said friends and being a true support system for each and every one of them, you'll find that this will take up a lot of your time.

Supporting say, 50-some friends vs. supporting upwards of 200 is like comparing apples to oranges. Or apples to cupcakes. Choose the analogy that you prefer.

Some of us want to be able to fully support our current friends and feel we don't have room for more. Nuttin' wrong with that.

As I mentioned earlier, I totally understand this and accept it. Kind of like a snowstorm. Its gonna snow and i have to deal. I dont have to like it. Its my problem.

so for everyone who is telling me to get a grip or stop collecting friends (which I dont do I only had 1 b/c left b/c the others moved on with their off MFP lives ) or whatever I was just disappointed that of the many blogs I found today none were open to me.

I dont expect you to support everyone. I understand keeping it small...ish. Like you said.

Nuttin' wrong with that.

For those of you new...ish folks. I really appreciate t he friend requests. I will be there for you with words of support... maybe not wisdom though. (Have to go to Google for that! :happy: )

scapez

My point is obviously being proven here by some of the responses being left by other members.

Saying “I have too many friends to care about you” makes you look like a douche.. why not just NOT accept the friend request?

Give yourself a number of months and more friends than the 27 you have now and you might feel differently. Being as new as you are you have no idea what it's like to have a lot of people in your support circle. When I was new I would have NEVER dreamed of putting 'no more friends' on my profile. But I've done it before because I know what having a lot of friends entails...and it doesn't entail being a douche. :flowerforyou:

AlSalzman

I'm not friends with everyone I meet in real life. I put up boundaries to appear unapproachable in real life (ex: no eye contact with slutty chicks at the bar). I tell people that their behavior/attitude/outlook/opinion is pissing me off and that I don't want to be around them in real life.

Are we so disconnected from real life once we sit down in front of a computer message board that these same behaviors are somehow shocking or unacceptable?

_SusieQ_

Um, no offense, but this is just weird and kind of creepy. Does she know you posted her pic?

ETA: I saw that you do have permission. Sorry, carry on, people! :flowerforyou:

Psst, I agree, I thought it was a little weird too. I'm glad she was ok with it though b/c she's lovely

AntShanny

I didn't realize that people were so overwhelmed, not to mention so important, that they feel the need to declare they are not accepting friends.

Really... seriously??? This is a fitness website.. get over yourself.

And, OF COURSE, I will be your friend.

I've seen that a couple of times and it cracks me up...very self-important!

iuangina

Stupid in my opinion! You can add me if you want.

YukonJoy

I'm not friends with everyone I meet in real life. I put up boundaries to appear unapproachable in real life (ex: no eye contact with slutty chicks at the bar).

Well duh... you can't make eye contact when you're staring at their boobs!

piezoeyjune

I have that note on my profile, but I answer messages if people who aren't on my friends list have specific questions or need a particular piece of advice or encouragement.
I can't speak for everyone, but at least that's what I do.

CoryIda actually didn't accept my friend request a few days ago. So.....?

(her photo above, she posted on this thread on page 2 so i'm using her as an example)

Maybe i don't understand, is this a vent about being upset because someone wouldn't accept their friend request? Am I understanding this correctly?

Um, no offense, but this is just weird and kind of creepy. Does she know you posted her pic?

ETA: I saw that you do have permission. Sorry, carry on, people! :flowerforyou:

No, I never sent the request. Why would I? It said not accepting. I took that at their word.

thor1god1of1awesome

I don't accept very many friend requests because when I was on here before, I ended up friending a psycho and I ended up having to delete the account. This time around I am ONLY friends with the people I know aren't going to attempt to make my MFP life a living hell by talking friends into sending hate mail, and people who I've seen around who's comments and posts I like. That's it, that's all. Period. It's MY choice to decide who I want to be friends with. People don't have to like it.

How many times I gotta say sorry for that lmao

piezoeyjune

My point is obviously being proven here by some of the responses being left by other members.

Saying “I have too many friends to care about you” makes you look like a douche.. why not just NOT accept the friend request?

Give yourself a number of months and more friends than the 27 you have now and you might feel differently. Being as new as you are you have no idea what it's like to have a lot of people in your support circle. When I was new I would have NEVER dreamed of putting 'no more friends' on my profile. But I've done it before because I know what having a lot of friends entails...and it doesn't entail being a douche. :flowerforyou:

I know. Im not really new. Ive been on the site for almost a year now.